the summary is misleading
by rotatingcookie and intoxecated
Title: the summary is misleading
Pairing: kai/sehun + side baekhyun/luhan
Rating: pg-13
Genre: college au and hover
Length: 6200
Summary: Blank whiteness and rolling hills constitute a large part of Jongin's life.
Warnings: swearing, images(?)
Notes: a GIANT HIGH FIVE to my beautiful coauthor intoxecated because we !!!! are DONE!!!!!!!!!!! Happy one-year anniversary, xoxocamp! enjoy, everybody. -rc
"Okay, then, what about Joonmyun?"
"No."
"Chanyeol?"
"No."
If there's a world record for the most number of times someone has ever sighed in fifteen minutes, Jongin's just broken it. Not even half the day is gone and Jongin's already exhausted from trying to name every guy in the student body. Thanks a whole damn lot, Byun Baekhyun.
"Too flat," the devil before him tuts. "You have to find the best. The roundest. The perkiest. The most wonderful -"
"Come on, guys, why are you doing this -"
"- juiciest -"
"Okay, Baek, no, that's just gross," Jongdae grimaces, and Baekhyun finally shuts up. "Jongin, you lost the bet, man. Can't go easy on you. That would go against our bro code."
"Screw the bro code,” Jongin mutters.
Baekhyun gives a dramatic gasp.
Jongin shoves Jongdae's hand off his shoulder. "The only reason I lost is because you two cheated."
"You can't prove that."
"I don't need to prove something we already know is true."
"Oh, just stop being a bitch and find us the best pair of badonkadonks in the school, already," Luhan chimes in, making it a point to smack Baekhyun's behind at the word badonkadonks. Jongin gags as Baekhyun tugs Luhan by the collar and kisses him in response.
"You're just jealous," Baekhyun sneers once he's unglued himself off of Luhan, voice just a tiny bit louder than Jongdae's ringing laugh. There really is nothing amusing about watching your best friend and his boyfriend make out; Jongin's certain that Jongdae needs a brain scan, stat.
"Someday, someone's going to swoop in and you're gonna stop being so bitter all the time." Luhan pulls Baekhyun closer to him and adds, "You might even be less bearable than we are."
Jongin doubts it with a passion.
(*＾▽＾)
"Oh - oh my god. Baekkie, look at his butt."
"Now that is worthy of a picture."
"It is so big."
"Yeah, you might need to take two shots. One for each cheek."
"I can't believe it's just so round, it's like, out there, I mean - gross."
"Sure, gross," Baekhyun scoffs. "Which is why you can't stop staring."
Jongin narrows his eyes. He can stop, if he wants, but when a guy walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in his face, how can he not stare? When Jongin was told to find someone with a bubble butt and take at least two photos of their trunk, he had showered his friends with curses, and he's been whining about it everyday since.
Now all he wants to do is walk over to the pasty-looking dude and tell him to shake that healthy butt.
"I've seen him, working at the school café with Luhan."
Jongin, with difficulty, pries his eyes away from the stranger's ass and looks at Baekhyun. "You have to find out when his next shift is."
"What are you going to do, order a coffee and his buns?" When Jongin doesn't answer, Baekhyun raises an eyebrow. "Oh god, you were thinking of saying that, weren't you?"
"Just shut up and make yourself useful. I have a plan."
(*＾▽＾)
"Break a leg, best of luck, follow your heart, blah blah blah. Go get 'em, tiger." Baekhyun pats his back and shoves him in the direction of the cashier.
Jongin walks with a newfound sense of bravado towards the counter, adding a swing in his step for that extra unf. He even manages to ram his side into a few chairs and knock a stack of magazines off a table. Nothing can stop him now. Nothing.
Except Hot Cashier Guy asking him what drink he'd like to order and - what is coffee again?
Jongin sees an empty cup on the counter and oh, right. Coffee. Bitter brown bean water made from water and bitter brown beans. Jongdae smells like he bathes in the stuff sometimes. Luhan preaches its wonders to him every other morning, but that's probably only because Luhan is half-human-half-coffee-bean, seeing how he spends so much of his time doing extra shifts at the café.
He remembers now. But although the newly remembered information is useful, Jongin still has no order and the cashier's just kind of staring at him expectantly.
"Sir?"
He needs to find something to say. Brain, search.
Keyword: COFFEE
Thank you, please hurry, xoxo Jongin.
He stares directly at Hot Cashier Guy and waits for the words to come out.
"I'd like a capp-cino, please, preferably with a you in the middle."
Why. Brain, why.
"We... We have it in tall, grande or venti?"
"Venti. I like it big."
Luhan, at the back, makes a choked snorting noise and spills coffee all over his sleeve. Now is the perfect time to run, Jongin thinks, when Hot Cashier Guy turns to look at his colleague, doubled over in front of the coffee machine. But his legs won't budge and his mouth, apparently, can't stay shut.
"I can take it."
Hot Cashier Guy faces him again, and Jongin's mouth definitely does not go dry when he licks his lips and smirks. "Are you hitting on me?"
"Why, do you want me to hit on you?"
"Not really. I just want you to pay the 4000₩ for your, uh, capp-cino," he says, and Jongin briefly wonders if there are enough coffee beans within his reach to bury himself in. "And I hope it's To-Go, so we can continue this conversation somewhere else."
(*＾▽＾)
"PDA is not allowed in public transportation" is a phrase Jongin quickly becomes familiar with, not only because the taxi driver mentions it six times over the course of the ride to Sehun's - formerly known as Hot Cashier Guy's - apartment, but also because they got stuck in traffic for nearly an hour and he's pretty sure Sehun's hand kept inching up his thigh. He almost decides not to follow the saying on the elevator, but past trauma involving him, Baekhyun, Luhan, and an elevator with mirrored walls has him doing otherwise.
Sehun drags him into his apartment and Jongin’s pretty sure they’re heading straight for the bedroom, but there’s exactly one phrase that resounds in his head:
Jongin, you’re completely vanilla, bro. Don’t deny it.
Jongin does admit that among their group of four, Jongdae tends to be correct the most (the current record between them is thirty-one percent of the time), but that phrase is just dead wrong. Jongin is not vanilla, he is smooth chocolate liqueur, which is, like, the farthest thing from vanilla ever, and Jongdae needs to apologize for his blatant disrespect of Jongin’s not-vanilla-ism.
Incoming request: Prove Jongdae wrong.
Accept request?
If there was a fuck yes button, Jongin would be mashing it right now.
Jongin looks around for a more appropriate surface for Sehun-worshipping.
Observe: Countertop
Another example of a place that Baekhyun and Luhan have ruined for Jongin forever. Sehun probably cooks here.
Observe: Couch
Years of experience of crying over furniture he can't afford tells Jongin that that black couch is made of extremely high quality leather. Jongin can only hope to afford it in the best of his dreams.
Observe: Bathroom
A ceramic sink attached to the wall that looks incredibly chair-like and sittable. A mirror above the sink ideal for self-observation.
Ah, yes. The sink. The perfect place to layer on the mnh. In theory. As for the actual execution-
Jongin tries not to squeal like a little girl when Sehun finally puts his lips to Jongin's. Well, a part of him tries not to squeal, anyway. The other part is trying not to yell things like fucking finally and hurry up and take my pants off. What he does end up saying, though, is a pitchy "hmmuhuhmuh."
Do anticipate his upcoming book- How to Turn Someone On: A Guide by King Jongin.
He likes the sound of King Jongin. He is a king and this ceramic sink is his throne. And, on his throne, he has Oh Sehun straddled by the waist, panting his name in between kisses because it's the polite thing to do when you're kissing the king, obviously. Jongin's hands slip past Sehun's waistband and are ready to give his glorious ass a royal inspection-
A sickening crack resounds in the bathroom before they both tumble to the ground.
After bracing himself, Jongin looks up from the rubble on the floor to the surging mess of water coming from a noticeably dented pipe.
“Oh, Jesus.”
“My sink!”
Jongin turns from the pipe to Sehun and- "Oh my god, you're bleeding."
"Huh?"
Jongin's never been more glad that he got picked third at the grocery store lottery draw and won enough medical supplies to fill a first aid kit as he pulls out three band-aids and a tiny pack of vanilla-scented sanitizing wipes from his wallet.
"Thanks, but, really, that's not necessary, it doesn't even hurt-"
"Shh." Jongin puts a finger over Sehun's lips and Sehun shuts up. Sehun intently watches Jongin's face as Jongin dresses each wound.
It would look almost romantic if it wasn't for the dented pipe spraying water everywhere.
(*＾▽＾)
"So what did you two do?" Baekhyun asks Jongin as soon as he walks through the front door of their shared apartment. “Did the two of you, you know, bow chika wow wow?”
Jongin just walks past him and flops onto his bed with a grunt. Though Baekhyun seems to love hearing about Jongin's extremely below average love life, Jongin doesn't really feel like indulging him right now. He'd rather swim in the pool of self-pity made from the tears he cried on the inside because yesterday. For the love of all good band-aids, why.
Honestly though, he should really go to the store and buy sanitizing wipes that don’t smell like vanilla, because:
1) Even though Jongin really really likes them because they make him smell like he’s a baking god or something, pretty much the only thing he can make consistently is charcoal-flavored ash.
2) Actually, number 1 is a lie because he does bake some pretty badass instant brownies. Betty Crocker would be proud.
3) It’s kind of weird when it smells like the baking fairy just vomited all over when people are dripping their vital organ lifewater everywhere.
Which reminds Jongin that Sehun was also probably the type of person who liked to bake, too. Sometimes, Jongin comes home to Sehun focused on making a caramel flan or some chocolate cake. Sehun only breaks out of his focus when Jongin hugs him from the back, pressing kisses against his neck. Jongin drags him to the bathroom, pressing him up against the sink, and-
Oh, right. The sink doesn’t exist anymore.
Because it broke.
The sink.
Jongin broke the sink.
Yeah.
He cries into his pillow.
“Jongin, I’m going to be a good friend and not pry about what happened to you because you don’t seem to want to talk about it, but someone has been calling you for the past ten minutes and I swear to god that if you don’t pick your phone up right now, I am going to throw this nice, sharp lead pencil at your ass.”
Jongin rolls over and picks up his phone because Baekhyun has dangerously good aim and because his butt is kind of precious to him? It’s a pretty good butt, he thinks. Kind of a little round and pretty pattable. Not quite as nice as, say, Sehun’s butt, which Jongin can easily classify as the best butt ever, and is the same butt that crashed onto the cold, hard, unforgiving ground because Jongin broke the sink-
“Jongin, are you okay?” his phone says.
Jongin screams and drops it on the floor.
“Baekhyun. Baekhyun, oh my god. My phone just talked to me? Oh my god, phones aren’t supposed to talk. Baekhyun. Baekhyun, I’m scared.”
Jongin hardly notices the dip in his bed as he tries to scoot as far away as possible from the evil black phone writhing on his apartment floor. He screams when he feels a hand on his back, again when he realizes that Baekhyun just teleported, and once more, just for good measure.
“Jongin, please stop screaming,” Baekhyun says.
“I’m sorry.”
“We’re going to get through this together, okay? Just listen to me."
Jongin looks up at him, eyes shining.
“Firstly, you’re going to calm down. Then, you’re going to pick up your phone, answer your call, and we can both pretend that you didn’t just think that your phone got possessed, hmm? It's okay. I forgive you.”
It takes Jongin a few seconds to understand what Baekhyun’s talking about, but then it finally dawns on him. It’s a call. That explains everything. The voice. Baekhyun teleporting. The sink breaking. Sehun’s butt. Everything finally makes sense.
Jongin crosses his legs and shuts his eyes. Nothing like good old meditation to make sure he sounds cool, calm and collected.
"Yes, hello, you've reached the cell of one very handsome Kim Jongin," he starts.
"Hi, Kim Jongin. This is Oh Sehun, calling from Ghostbusters: Mobile Edition. Tell me, sir, do you think that your phone is haunting you?"
Ignoring it. Moving past it. Kim Jongin will not fluster. "Ah, you're the one with the nice bu- bathroom. The nice bathroom. With the... the nice sink. God damn it."
"Right, yeah. It looked real nice when you broke it."
Jongin considers telling the other to shut up, but then Sehun starts laughing, and the sound of it is just too ridiculous that he has to laugh, too. And it's really all very nice but Jongin looks crazy right now, eyes wide open, laughing uncontrollably into the phone, and he knows this because it's only seconds later that Baekhyun shows him the photo he took.
"BYUN BAEKHYUN, DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW!" Jongin makes a swipe for Baekhyun's phone with his other hand and gloriously misses.
"No way! I think Luhan needs to see this."
"He does not need to see that!"
"Oh, come on, Jongin. If there’s a bad photo of you lying around somewhere, I’d want to see it, too.” Sehun laughs.
Jongin's jaw drops. "Wow. Wow. You're on the phone with me and you're taking Baekhyun's side?"
"Awesome," Baekhyun chimes in.
"I can just hang up on you, you know," Jongin threatens.
"Go ahead. I'll find your friend Baekhyun’s number and call him instead, then. Maybe plan Operation Embarrass Jongin Further..."
"No," Jongin whines, "keep talking to me."
"Okay, Jongin."
(*＾▽＾)
Help, Jongin types, I have to write a poem for tomorrow's lesson.
✉ did i miss something or did we really go back in time
I'm serious. Apparently I have to write about what I love and show my ~vulnerability~, Jongin replies.
✉ so write about what you love
✉ like fried chicken
✉ or milk
✉ from school
✉ top grade milk
✉ when you drink the milk, it has a rich taste
✉ in the winter the milk is aromatic
✉ milk with calcium
✉ double the times better than normal milk
✉ milk with 8g of fats
✉ jongin maybe i should take your class instead
✉ i'm a natural at this
"What are you cackling about at this goddamn hour?"
Jongin's laughter dies as he looks up from his phone, making out the silhouette of a messy-haired Baekhyun sitting up on his bed. "I - I forgot you were here..."
"Are you... chatting with Bubble Butt Guy?"
"His name is Oh Sehun."
"Oh," Baekhyun rasps. "Sehun. You remind me of when I first started dating Lu -"
"Jesus, no. Don't compare what I have with Sehun to your gross love story. We're nothing like you two."
"You're right, you're right," Baekhyun sighs, and crawls back under the sheets. "You're so much worse~"
(*＾▽＾)
"What's up?"
"Hey. Think you can come over and paint my walls?"
The phone slips out of his hands and Jongin barely manages to catch it before it drops onto the floor. "I - you want me to - paint your - what."
"Come over. My apartment. Now."
"Um. Hey, look, don't take this the wrong way. I mean, I like you and we have a lot of fun, but... Isn't it kind of early for this? Besides, Baek and I are working on some stuff."
"Oh, Baekhyun's there? Great! Think you can ask him to come over, too?"
Jongin takes approximately five seconds to process whatever the hell it is that Sehun's saying.
"You want to have a threesome with Baekhyun!?" Jongin sputters into the phone.
Baekhyun raises his eyebrows at this and Jongin doesn't look him straight in the eyes because he's ninety-five percent sure he'll die of embarrassment if he does that.
"Whoa, whoa. What threesome, what," Sehun replies.
Except Jongin doesn't hear that, because he's just staring at the phone in his hands, hyperventilating, because threesome? With Baekhyun!? He knows he wants to get into some pretty kinky shit with Sehun sometimes, but he's not sure if he really wants to get into that kind of kinky shit, because Baekhyun is one of his best friends, and sexual Baekhyun thoughts are pretty gross, which is why they're permabanned and, and - where is his phone. His phone is gone. What. How. Where -
"Mind explaining what this business involving a threesome with me is?" Baekhyun says into a very familiar black phone. He's twirling a pen between his fingers, gaze fixed on Jongin and it's really, really freaking him out.
“Paint your walls white? Okay, got it. At the same time? Wow, I didn’t know you were into that. I guess you try- sorry, learn something new every day. We’ll be right over, don’t worry. See you in, say, ten minutes? Of course. We’re looking forward to it. Bye~”
Baekhyun licks his lips and Jongin blacks out.
(*＾▽＾)
“You know what?”
“What?”
“Fuck them.”
Sehun shakes his head. “I really don’t want to.”
"No, I mean, fuck them," Jongin rephrases. Wait, nevermind. He just repeated the same words. "We don't have to go. I don't think I want to spend my Saturday watching them groping each other instead of actually talking to us."
"I dunno. Could be fun."
Jongin gapes at him. "Fun?"
Sehun just shrugs.
"Do you not know Baekhyun and Luhan at all? I really don't think it's a good idea to go on a double date with them."
"So why'd you suggest it in the first place?"
"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that."
Sehun chuckles and shakes his head. The nerve of some people. "So how should we spend our Saturday, then? I didn't get all dressed up just to be sent back home, you know."
Jongin takes a step back and re-analyzes Sehun's outfit today. A t-shirt that looks soft to the touch and shows off the broadness of his shoulders, and skinny jeans that make Jongin worry about the health of (not so) little Sehun and gives him flashbacks of days and nights spent worshipping that bubble butt.
It's plain, it's boring, but it makes Sehun look like a sex god and Jongin's not sure if he can insult a deity.
So they stay there, in the apartment, rewatching as many episodes of One Piece as they can. They order pizzas and steal each other's toppings, then huddle together like penguins desperate for warmth.
Jongin tries to ignore the fact that it's the most time they've spent alone and that they're not at all having sex. He tries.
“Hey, Jongin,” Sehun says into his hair on the seventh episode. “Remember that one time I asked you guys to help me recolor my kitchen and you thought I wanted Baek to have a threes- ”
“Nope.”
“But - ”
“Never happened.”
“Baekhyun said - ”
He pulls away and presses a finger to Sehun’s lips. “Sshhhh.”
Sehun glances at his finger once, then maintains eye contact when he parts his lips and moves his head down. Jongin watches his finger disappear into Sehun's mouth and it feels warm in there and Sehun's tongue feels good when it swirls around but Jongin has only one coherent thought:
Do I look like finger food to you?
Sadly, his brilliant joke is left unsaid because Sehun starts bobbing his head and somehow now he's on top of Jongin? Not that Jongin’s complaining. He pulls his finger out with a wet pop and nearly breaks his nose going in for a rough kiss.
"Are you kidding me right now?"
Oops. Baekhyun is backhyun.
"You ditched us on your double date idea just so I can come home to you eating each other's faces?"
Firstly, they're not cannibals. Secondly, that reminds Jongin of his oh-so-brilliant joke. "It's funny you should say that, Baek, because Sehun had my finger in his mouth earlier - "
"Um, Jongin -"
"- and he was sucking on it and - "
"- I don't think he wants to hear about - "
" - licking - "
The door shuts and Baekhyun is gone.
Jongin looks at Sehun. "What'd I do?"
(*＾▽＾)
fr: YOUR SUPREME LORD BAEKHYUN
✉ did you receive my present yet
is it the tacky looking red box, Jongin replies.
✉ wow rude
✉ but yes it is
✉ I gotta go tho
✉ enjoy your present ☺☺☺
✉ actually you better do that shit was pretty fucking expensive to make
Jongin eyes the box sitting on his coffee table suspiciously. He feels a sense of dread just looking at it. He should probably shove it somewhere into the black hole that is the space under his bed, but that box is taunting him. Taunting him. But he won’t open it. He will use his pure, raw, burning self-control and he. Will. Not. Open. That. Box... And... Wow, empowerment is really tiring.
He walks to the fridge to get a glass of water. He rips the box open right afterwards.
Inside is a book.
Jongin looks over the front and back.
You’re Fucking Dating: A Photobook
^-v-^-v-^
Lost in their own world- but when will they admit it?
“Jongin please stop being in denial already this is fucking ridiculous”
- Bae Kyun, You are Giving Me a Migraine News
“Congratulations! I still can’t believe you became less
bearable than us. Our baby is growing up :’)”
- HanLu, nowgogetthatass.kr
Jongin has literally zero idea what he’s supposedly “in denial” about, and he’s not too sure he’s comfortable with being called Luhan’s “baby” either so he decides that maybe he should just ignore the entire review section instead.
He flips to the first page.
“Jesus Christ.”
^-v-^-v-^
“I have never seen two people more in love.”
- Hyun Kaebbyun, world-renowned love expert
“They look like they just caught the bouquets at someone’s wedding and can’t wait to start planning.”
- Lulu Han, fabulous wedding planner
In retrospect, it's probably a sign that Jongin shouldn't go on any further when he almost chokes on his kit kat bar, but he looks at the next page instead.
“Jongin fell asleep on the floor. He can fall asleep anywhere. One time he fell asleep on the toilet.
“Anyway, Sehun (his boyfriend) decided to take this photo instead of waking him up.”
second
- Byun Baekhyun, ^ best person alive
wtf lu you’re ruining the book what u did isnt any better
but why am i second best?
because im first
no arguments there , ‘ | ` l
~ - ,
Something about the marks and random lines tells Jongin they had started making out in the middle of the page, and his stomach does an impressive 360 spin. Too bad neither Baekhyun nor Luhan are there to witness it. Jongin really wishes to spew sick all over them right now.
”The person who took this photo - the boyfriend in this case,
obviously found Jongin’s narcolepsy endearing. How sweet.
- Lu Hansome, relationship blogger
Jongin groans through the rest of the photobook.
(*＾▽＾)
"Well, you're up early."
"So noisy," Jongin whines. Baekhyun's voice is so not one of the first things he wants to hear in the morning. "Can't I listen to my alarm in peace?"
"You know you're supposed to wake up when your alarm rings, right?"
Jongin turns his alarm off and opens his eyes to squint at Baekhyun. He probably looks ridiculous with his face still puffy from sleep, but it's the best murderous look he can muster.
"I thought you didn't have classes on Thursday morning."
"I don't." Jongin stretches and scratches his tummy. "Neither does Sehun, so we decided - "
"Ohhhh," Baekhyun interrupts, resembling a chicken when he nods. "You're up early because you're going on a date. A real date."
Jongin stops his luxurious stretching and belly-scratching and widens his eyes, sputtering various coherent sounds like "psh" and "pffuh" and the occasional "wha?"
"About time. When Lu and I made that book we were worried that you'd still stay in denial and all our efforts would be wasted."
"I'm not in denial."
"Anymore, I know." Baekhyun grins. "Congrats."
Jongin wants to glare at Baekhyun and remind him that he's full of shit, but then his phone starts convulsing next to his face and Jongin almost freaks out because it might actually be possessed this time, but he spots Sehun's name appearing on the screen once. And then again. And again. And again and again and again an-
✉ jongin are you awake??
✉ tell me you're still sleeping
✉ but how would you tell me if you're sleeping
✉ ignore the last few messages
✉ jongin i can't meet you!!!
✉ don't wake up yet. go back to sleep!
✉ someone took up a new class
✉ so i have to work today!! !!!!
✉ i'm being bullied ㅠㅠ
✉ i hope you're not angry with me ☹
"What time are you leaving?"
Jongin pulls the comforter over his face. "Never. I am never leaving this room, ever."
"What happened to your boyfriend?"
"Sehun has to worrrkkk." It's nice and dark under the comforter, and Jongin wants to stay there always, for the good, the bad, and the ugly, in sickness and in health, but he tosses the thick blanket aside and sits up. "Damn it, he's not my boyfriend!"
Baekhyun stops lining his eyes and smirks at him. "Too late~"
Jongin throws his fattest pillow and aims it at Baekhyun's hand, suspended in midair and holding his precious eyeliner. If there's anything that Jongin takes pride in, it's his perfect aim and expert throwing skills. No, really, he could make any professional thrower cry out of envy, before they bowed down to his excellence, that is.
The pillow flops onto the floor just inches away from his target.
"Wow, for a moment there I was actually scared for my life."
"Shut up. I'm just sleepy, that's all."
"Right, right." Baekhyun goes back to lining his eyes. "Like how you're just friends with Sehun."
"With benefits," he adds.
"Right, friends with benefits," Baekhyun repeats, stuffing his portable charger into his bag. "Which is why you're so upset that he has to work today."
"I am not upset."
Jongin is disappointed. There is a difference.
"Go visit him while he's at work, then."
"I'm thinking no."
"But your heart sings yes." Baekhyun grins at him.
"LEAVE. NOW."
"See you at the café~"
When Baekhyun closes the door Jongin lets out a groan and it honestly just sounds like he's impersonating a donkey. Donkey, otherwise known as ass. Sehun has a great ass. Jongin wonders how many words can lead to Sehun. Jongin wonders if everything can remind him of Sehun. And his ass.
Jongin forces himself off the bed and makes his way into the bathroom, spotting an open bottle of tomato sauce on the way there. He should probably put it away before it gets moldy or something, but he probably won’t.
Test: Tomato sauce
Tomato sauce is often used in pasta dishes, as well as on pizzas. They had pizzas just the other day, and Sehun tasted a bit like it when they made out on the couch. And it's made from tomatoes, which are smooth and round. Sehun's ass is also smooth and round.
There are roses by the pavement just outside the building. Who knew.
Test: Roses
A rose is a type of flower. There were flowers in the bouquets in that damn picture in that photobook of him and Sehun. Oh, and roses have thorns, which are sharp. Sehun's chin is really sharp, too.
When Jongin sits down at one of the tables and opens up his laptop, the first thing that greets him is the calculus homework he's been putting off for weeks. Wonderful.
Test: Math
Math class makes Jongin a very sleepy boy. And sleepy boys need their caffeine fix. Coffee has high levels of caffeine. A café serves coffee. Sehun works at a café.
Great, now even math makes Jongin think of Sehun. Then again, he is staring at his math assignment in the café where Sehun works at, so of course it'd remind Jongin of him. Of course. If it wasn't for the fact that Jongin actually listened to Baekhyun and showed up in the café, there'd be no way that math would make him think of -
A wild Baekhyun appears.
"Hello there. Enjoying the view?"
Jongin chokes on his cappuccino, which effectively snaps him out of his reverie, and turns to Baekhyun. "I wasn't staring at his butt."
"Really? Because I was. Me and Lu also happen to have proof that you were doing otherwise." Baekhyun taps his phone and Jongin has never feared a neon yellow anything that much in his life.
Jongin looks (back) at Sehun, bent over to pick up a few fallen coins, and shrugs. It's not like the thought of Baekhyun, or anyone else, looking at his two favorite globes bother Jongin in any way. Nope.
"I think he's doing it on purpose, you know."
"Doing what on purpose?"
"Haven't you noticed? He keeps dropping things and doing that right in front of you."
Sehun stops showcasing his ass and gets up, dropping the coins back into the donation box he had knocked over, and now Jongin wonders if he had done it on purpose. Yeah, thanks a lot, Byun Baekhyun.
Jongin clears his throat. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Okay, but Luhan - " he points to the far corner, where Luhan sits, raising his cup to them, "- and I have been here for over an hour and, just so you know, Sehun keeps stealing glances at you."
What.
"What?"
"Yeah, he'd look whenever you weren't looking at him. It was pretty gross, actually. We should've recorded it and put some sad romantic music in the background, maybe make a vomit-inducing YouTube video..."
"You're bullshitting."
Baekhyun has to be, because if Sehun looks at Jongin whenever he isn't looking, that'd mean Sehun was looking at him a lot because Jongin didn't even look at Sehun that much.. did he? But the thought of Sehun even looking at him, though, and probably quite possibly reminding Jongin of that great trunk of his... Nah, it can't be true.
And yet, Jongin finds himself wanting it to be true.
"Holy fucking shit."
"Oh my, was that an admission I just heard?"
"I..." Jongin sighs. "I like him. And his butt."
" ’Atta boy."
(*＾▽＾)
"You got a new book?"
Jongin tries to wriggle around to see what exactly Sehun's pointing at, but admittedly it's a little hard to do that when the aforementioned person has decided to permaglue himself to your lap. Which is sort of really nice except for the occasional your-face-is-really-close-to-my-crotch incidents, but Jongin doesn't mind those that much either, so. Yeah. This is bliss.
"The shiny pink one with the glittery gold print?" Sehun says, rolling off of Jongin's lap and landing on the fleece carpet with a thump. Jongin whines from the heat loss, but also because shiny pink book with glittery gold print oh my god that's Baekhyun and Luhan's book oh my god no.
He's never realized that it was possible to watch real life events in slow motion, either, until he ends up watching Sehun walk over and pick up You're Fucking Dating from the shelf.
It's probably useless to try to stop anything from happening at this point, so Jongin decides to become one with his inner jellyfish and flops down onto the sofa. He also buries his face into Sehun's jacket, communicating using his inner whale.
"Oh, wow, Baekhyun and Luhan gave you a photobook?"
Agitated whale noise.
"Why are you in denial?"
Constipated whale noise.
"... Oh."
Dying whale noise.
“Does this mean…?”
//”Are we dating???”//
- is what Jongin should be thinking, but the light of the sun filtering through the drawn blinds gives Sehun an ethereal, heavenly glow and this is a completely appropriate time for music to start blasting through Jongin’s paper-thin apartment walls.
“Why is Careless Whisper playing in the background?” Sehun asks.
“When we unite into one perfect root, a new world shall open up,” Jongin whispers in awe.
“What? That… makes no sense?”
“What I mean is, I think we should... date? I - ”
Sehun is staring at him.
“I’m sorry, this is probably a bad idea - ”
“Hey - ”
“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, and - ”
“Jongin - ”
“If you never - ”
“Jongin - ”
“If you never want to talk to me again I completely understand - ”
“Jongin, if you keep apologizing like you did when you broke my sink I swear to god I will stuff you with instant noodles until you can't breathe. Not breathing means you’ll die. From noodles. And I don't want you to die from... Noodles... And... Dying is bad...? So... Uh."
Sehun trails off and Jongin decides that confused Sehun is definitely one of the cutest Sehuns in his book. Too bad he just reduced his relationship chances with Sehun to, like, negative zero.
"You're wrong. That's not a number, you know. Negative zero."
Jongin doesn't even know how Sehun managed to read his mind, but it only adds to the list of 101 Reasons Why Oh Sehun is Totally Cute and Perfect and the Best Person Ever.
"That's only because you're talking out loud." Sehun blushes. Jongin wants to take a picture and save it to his heart, and also maybe his computer. He could even add it to the photobook? That would be kind of cute, and he could do the commentating instead of a certain gross PDA couple’s remarks that definitely did not do Sehun enough justice, but the harsh reality of his negative-zero chances with Sehun is too much to bear, and all he can do is to use his trump card, Enamoured, Yet Despairing, Whale Noise.
Sehun sighs again and pats Jongin’s hair. "My point is, do you think I would’ve talked to you again after the sink thing if I wasn’t even remotely interested? You're pretty cool and I like you, so if you think we should date, then yeah, we could do tha- oof."
A happy Jongin is a clingy Jongin, and his happiness meter has just smashed past the charts, so he entangles his limbs with Sehun's. There is no escape.
He hears a long, drawn out mmmh.
"Oh, so that's why they were playing Careless Whisper," Sehun grimaces.
"Oh god, Lu-”
“Jongin, I, uh- I think we should leave.”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
“My place?”
“Okay.”
(*＾▽＾)
“So, me and Lu, or these two?”
“Equally gross.”
Baekhyun slides Jongdae a five-dollar bill. Jongdae puts it in his wallet.
“Jongin and Sehun are more gross.”
“Oh come on, you’re not even trying to hide the fact that you’re cheating anymore,” Jongin sighs.
“Well, to be fair, you really are equally gross,” Jongdae says. “But in your own special ways. Like, Baekhyun and Luhan are the public foreplay couple-”
“I’m sorry you’re so bitter-”
“Would you like us to skip the foreplay altogether?” Luhan winks.
“Oh god, yes please. Do us all a favor,” Jongin says.
A wave of silence washes over the table. Jongdae looks like he’s trying really hard not to laugh and it kind of looks like he’s about to have an aneurysm. Baekhyun is in the middle of cleaning up the strawberry smoothie he just regurgitated on the table, and Luhan has, oddly enough, stopped his ongoing public-Baekhyun-groping mating ritual.
Oh. Oh. “Wait, wait - no, god no, that’s not what I meant, I thought you meant the other thing, like, the thing where you would stop doing the thing and-”
“Mm-hmm.” Jongdae rolls his eyes.
Jongin came here to have a good time and he’s honestly feeling so attacked right now.
“Hi, guys.” Sehun walks over to the group and ruffles Jongin’s hair before sitting down beside him and placing a box of donuts on the table. Jongin makes a really pathetic whining noise that says thanks for saving me!, which makes Luhan snicker. Baekhyun just gags a little.
“My friend went overkill for a bake sale,” Sehun continues. “Feel free to have as much as you want. ”
“Oooh, donuts! Thanks, man. What brings you here, though?” Jongdae asks.
“Maybe he heard Jongin’s mating call,” Baekhyun says. “I heard that whale noises are all the rage nowadays.”
“Excuse me, I happen to have a very good mating call!”
"Still not good enough to get me," Baekhyun huffs.
"The only mating call that'd get you would have to sound like Careless Whisper," Sehun mutters, linking his hand with Jongin’s under the table.
Jongin couldn’t be any happier.
Title: the summary is misleading
Pairing: kai/sehun + side baekhyun/luhan
Rating: pg-13
Genre: college au and hover
Length: 6200
Summary: Blank whiteness and rolling hills constitute a large part of Jongin's life.
Warnings: swearing, images(?)
Notes: a GIANT HIGH FIVE to my beautiful coauthor intoxecated because we !!!! are DONE!!!!!!!!!!! Happy one-year anniversary, xoxocamp! enjoy, everybody. -rc
"Okay, then, what about Joonmyun?"
"No."
"Chanyeol?"
"No."
If there's a world record for the most number of times someone has ever sighed in fifteen minutes, Jongin's just broken it. Not even half the day is gone and Jongin's already exhausted from trying to name every guy in the student body. Thanks a whole damn lot, Byun Baekhyun.
"Too flat," the devil before him tuts. "You have to find the best. The roundest. The perkiest. The most wonderful -"
"Come on, guys, why are you doing this -"
"- juiciest -"
"Okay, Baek, no, that's just gross," Jongdae grimaces, and Baekhyun finally shuts up. "Jongin, you lost the bet, man. Can't go easy on you. That would go against our bro code."
"Screw the bro code,” Jongin mutters.
Baekhyun gives a dramatic gasp.
Jongin shoves Jongdae's hand off his shoulder. "The only reason I lost is because you two cheated."
"You can't prove that."
"I don't need to prove something we already know is true."
"Oh, just stop being a bitch and find us the best pair of badonkadonks in the school, already," Luhan chimes in, making it a point to smack Baekhyun's behind at the word badonkadonks. Jongin gags as Baekhyun tugs Luhan by the collar and kisses him in response.
"You're just jealous," Baekhyun sneers once he's unglued himself off of Luhan, voice just a tiny bit louder than Jongdae's ringing laugh. There really is nothing amusing about watching your best friend and his boyfriend make out; Jongin's certain that Jongdae needs a brain scan, stat.
"Someday, someone's going to swoop in and you're gonna stop being so bitter all the time." Luhan pulls Baekhyun closer to him and adds, "You might even be less bearable than we are."
Jongin doubts it with a passion.
(*＾▽＾)
"Oh - oh my god. Baekkie, look at his butt."
"Now that is worthy of a picture."
"It is so big."
"Yeah, you might need to take two shots. One for each cheek."
"I can't believe it's just so round, it's like, out there, I mean - gross."
"Sure, gross," Baekhyun scoffs. "Which is why you can't stop staring."
Jongin narrows his eyes. He can stop, if he wants, but when a guy walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in his face, how can he not stare? When Jongin was told to find someone with a bubble butt and take at least two photos of their trunk, he had showered his friends with curses, and he's been whining about it everyday since.
Now all he wants to do is walk over to the pasty-looking dude and tell him to shake that healthy butt.
"I've seen him, working at the school café with Luhan."
Jongin, with difficulty, pries his eyes away from the stranger's ass and looks at Baekhyun. "You have to find out when his next shift is."
"What are you going to do, order a coffee and his buns?" When Jongin doesn't answer, Baekhyun raises an eyebrow. "Oh god, you were thinking of saying that, weren't you?"
"Just shut up and make yourself useful. I have a plan."
(*＾▽＾)
"Break a leg, best of luck, follow your heart, blah blah blah. Go get 'em, tiger." Baekhyun pats his back and shoves him in the direction of the cashier.
Jongin walks with a newfound sense of bravado towards the counter, adding a swing in his step for that extra unf. He even manages to ram his side into a few chairs and knock a stack of magazines off a table. Nothing can stop him now. Nothing.
Except Hot Cashier Guy asking him what drink he'd like to order and - what is coffee again?
Jongin sees an empty cup on the counter and oh, right. Coffee. Bitter brown bean water made from water and bitter brown beans. Jongdae smells like he bathes in the stuff sometimes. Luhan preaches its wonders to him every other morning, but that's probably only because Luhan is half-human-half-coffee-bean, seeing how he spends so much of his time doing extra shifts at the café.
He remembers now. But although the newly remembered information is useful, Jongin still has no order and the cashier's just kind of staring at him expectantly.
"Sir?"
He needs to find something to say. Brain, search.
Keyword: COFFEE
Thank you, please hurry, xoxo Jongin.
He stares directly at Hot Cashier Guy and waits for the words to come out.
"I'd like a capp-cino, please, preferably with a you in the middle."
Why. Brain, why.
"We... We have it in tall, grande or venti?"
"Venti. I like it big."
Luhan, at the back, makes a choked snorting noise and spills coffee all over his sleeve. Now is the perfect time to run, Jongin thinks, when Hot Cashier Guy turns to look at his colleague, doubled over in front of the coffee machine. But his legs won't budge and his mouth, apparently, can't stay shut.
"I can take it."
Hot Cashier Guy faces him again, and Jongin's mouth definitely does not go dry when he licks his lips and smirks. "Are you hitting on me?"
"Why, do you want me to hit on you?"
"Not really. I just want you to pay the 4000₩ for your, uh, capp-cino," he says, and Jongin briefly wonders if there are enough coffee beans within his reach to bury himself in. "And I hope it's To-Go, so we can continue this conversation somewhere else."
(*＾▽＾)
"PDA is not allowed in public transportation" is a phrase Jongin quickly becomes familiar with, not only because the taxi driver mentions it six times over the course of the ride to Sehun's - formerly known as Hot Cashier Guy's - apartment, but also because they got stuck in traffic for nearly an hour and he's pretty sure Sehun's hand kept inching up his thigh. He almost decides not to follow the saying on the elevator, but past trauma involving him, Baekhyun, Luhan, and an elevator with mirrored walls has him doing otherwise.
Sehun drags him into his apartment and Jongin’s pretty sure they’re heading straight for the bedroom, but there’s exactly one phrase that resounds in his head:
Jongin, you’re completely vanilla, bro. Don’t deny it.
Jongin does admit that among their group of four, Jongdae tends to be correct the most (the current record between them is thirty-one percent of the time), but that phrase is just dead wrong. Jongin is not vanilla, he is smooth chocolate liqueur, which is, like, the farthest thing from vanilla ever, and Jongdae needs to apologize for his blatant disrespect of Jongin’s not-vanilla-ism.
Incoming request: Prove Jongdae wrong.
Accept request?
If there was a fuck yes button, Jongin would be mashing it right now.
Jongin looks around for a more appropriate surface for Sehun-worshipping.
Observe: Countertop
Another example of a place that Baekhyun and Luhan have ruined for Jongin forever. Sehun probably cooks here.
Observe: Couch
Years of experience of crying over furniture he can't afford tells Jongin that that black couch is made of extremely high quality leather. Jongin can only hope to afford it in the best of his dreams.
Observe: Bathroom
A ceramic sink attached to the wall that looks incredibly chair-like and sittable. A mirror above the sink ideal for self-observation.
Ah, yes. The sink. The perfect place to layer on the mnh. In theory. As for the actual execution-
Jongin tries not to squeal like a little girl when Sehun finally puts his lips to Jongin's. Well, a part of him tries not to squeal, anyway. The other part is trying not to yell things like fucking finally and hurry up and take my pants off. What he does end up saying, though, is a pitchy "hmmuhuhmuh."
Do anticipate his upcoming book- How to Turn Someone On: A Guide by King Jongin.
He likes the sound of King Jongin. He is a king and this ceramic sink is his throne. And, on his throne, he has Oh Sehun straddled by the waist, panting his name in between kisses because it's the polite thing to do when you're kissing the king, obviously. Jongin's hands slip past Sehun's waistband and are ready to give his glorious ass a royal inspection-
A sickening crack resounds in the bathroom before they both tumble to the ground.
After bracing himself, Jongin looks up from the rubble on the floor to the surging mess of water coming from a noticeably dented pipe.
“Oh, Jesus.”
“My sink!”
Jongin turns from the pipe to Sehun and- "Oh my god, you're bleeding."
"Huh?"
Jongin's never been more glad that he got picked third at the grocery store lottery draw and won enough medical supplies to fill a first aid kit as he pulls out three band-aids and a tiny pack of vanilla-scented sanitizing wipes from his wallet.
"Thanks, but, really, that's not necessary, it doesn't even hurt-"
"Shh." Jongin puts a finger over Sehun's lips and Sehun shuts up. Sehun intently watches Jongin's face as Jongin dresses each wound.
It would look almost romantic if it wasn't for the dented pipe spraying water everywhere.
(*＾▽＾)
"So what did you two do?" Baekhyun asks Jongin as soon as he walks through the front door of their shared apartment. “Did the two of you, you know, bow chika wow wow?”
Jongin just walks past him and flops onto his bed with a grunt. Though Baekhyun seems to love hearing about Jongin's extremely below average love life, Jongin doesn't really feel like indulging him right now. He'd rather swim in the pool of self-pity made from the tears he cried on the inside because yesterday. For the love of all good band-aids, why.
Honestly though, he should really go to the store and buy sanitizing wipes that don’t smell like vanilla, because:
1) Even though Jongin really really likes them because they make him smell like he’s a baking god or something, pretty much the only thing he can make consistently is charcoal-flavored ash.
2) Actually, number 1 is a lie because he does bake some pretty badass instant brownies. Betty Crocker would be proud.
3) It’s kind of weird when it smells like the baking fairy just vomited all over when people are dripping their vital organ lifewater everywhere.
Which reminds Jongin that Sehun was also probably the type of person who liked to bake, too. Sometimes, Jongin comes home to Sehun focused on making a caramel flan or some chocolate cake. Sehun only breaks out of his focus when Jongin hugs him from the back, pressing kisses against his neck. Jongin drags him to the bathroom, pressing him up against the sink, and-
Oh, right. The sink doesn’t exist anymore.
Because it broke.
The sink.
Jongin broke the sink.
Yeah.
He cries into his pillow.
“Jongin, I’m going to be a good friend and not pry about what happened to you because you don’t seem to want to talk about it, but someone has been calling you for the past ten minutes and I swear to god that if you don’t pick your phone up right now, I am going to throw this nice, sharp lead pencil at your ass.”
Jongin rolls over and picks up his phone because Baekhyun has dangerously good aim and because his butt is kind of precious to him? It’s a pretty good butt, he thinks. Kind of a little round and pretty pattable. Not quite as nice as, say, Sehun’s butt, which Jongin can easily classify as the best butt ever, and is the same butt that crashed onto the cold, hard, unforgiving ground because Jongin broke the sink-
“Jongin, are you okay?” his phone says.
Jongin screams and drops it on the floor.
“Baekhyun. Baekhyun, oh my god. My phone just talked to me? Oh my god, phones aren’t supposed to talk. Baekhyun. Baekhyun, I’m scared.”
Jongin hardly notices the dip in his bed as he tries to scoot as far away as possible from the evil black phone writhing on his apartment floor. He screams when he feels a hand on his back, again when he realizes that Baekhyun just teleported, and once more, just for good measure.
“Jongin, please stop screaming,” Baekhyun says.
“I’m sorry.”
“We’re going to get through this together, okay? Just listen to me."
Jongin looks up at him, eyes shining.
“Firstly, you’re going to calm down. Then, you’re going to pick up your phone, answer your call, and we can both pretend that you didn’t just think that your phone got possessed, hmm? It's okay. I forgive you.”
It takes Jongin a few seconds to understand what Baekhyun’s talking about, but then it finally dawns on him. It’s a call. That explains everything. The voice. Baekhyun teleporting. The sink breaking. Sehun’s butt. Everything finally makes sense.
Jongin crosses his legs and shuts his eyes. Nothing like good old meditation to make sure he sounds cool, calm and collected.
"Yes, hello, you've reached the cell of one very handsome Kim Jongin," he starts.
"Hi, Kim Jongin. This is Oh Sehun, calling from Ghostbusters: Mobile Edition. Tell me, sir, do you think that your phone is haunting you?"
Ignoring it. Moving past it. Kim Jongin will not fluster. "Ah, you're the one with the nice bu- bathroom. The nice bathroom. With the... the nice sink. God damn it."
"Right, yeah. It looked real nice when you broke it."
Jongin considers telling the other to shut up, but then Sehun starts laughing, and the sound of it is just too ridiculous that he has to laugh, too. And it's really all very nice but Jongin looks crazy right now, eyes wide open, laughing uncontrollably into the phone, and he knows this because it's only seconds later that Baekhyun shows him the photo he took.
"BYUN BAEKHYUN, DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW!" Jongin makes a swipe for Baekhyun's phone with his other hand and gloriously misses.
"No way! I think Luhan needs to see this."
"He does not need to see that!"
"Oh, come on, Jongin. If there’s a bad photo of you lying around somewhere, I’d want to see it, too.” Sehun laughs.
Jongin's jaw drops. "Wow. Wow. You're on the phone with me and you're taking Baekhyun's side?"
"Awesome," Baekhyun chimes in.
"I can just hang up on you, you know," Jongin threatens.
"Go ahead. I'll find your friend Baekhyun’s number and call him instead, then. Maybe plan Operation Embarrass Jongin Further..."
"No," Jongin whines, "keep talking to me."
"Okay, Jongin."
(*＾▽＾)
Help, Jongin types, I have to write a poem for tomorrow's lesson.
✉ did i miss something or did we really go back in time
I'm serious. Apparently I have to write about what I love and show my ~vulnerability~, Jongin replies.
✉ so write about what you love
✉ like fried chicken
✉ or milk
✉ from school
✉ top grade milk
✉ when you drink the milk, it has a rich taste
✉ in the winter the milk is aromatic
✉ milk with calcium
✉ double the times better than normal milk
✉ milk with 8g of fats
✉ jongin maybe i should take your class instead
✉ i'm a natural at this
"What are you cackling about at this goddamn hour?"
Jongin's laughter dies as he looks up from his phone, making out the silhouette of a messy-haired Baekhyun sitting up on his bed. "I - I forgot you were here..."
"Are you... chatting with Bubble Butt Guy?"
"His name is Oh Sehun."
"Oh," Baekhyun rasps. "Sehun. You remind me of when I first started dating Lu -"
"Jesus, no. Don't compare what I have with Sehun to your gross love story. We're nothing like you two."
"You're right, you're right," Baekhyun sighs, and crawls back under the sheets. "You're so much worse~"
(*＾▽＾)
"What's up?"
"Hey. Think you can come over and paint my walls?"
The phone slips out of his hands and Jongin barely manages to catch it before it drops onto the floor. "I - you want me to - paint your - what."
"Come over. My apartment. Now."
"Um. Hey, look, don't take this the wrong way. I mean, I like you and we have a lot of fun, but... Isn't it kind of early for this? Besides, Baek and I are working on some stuff."
"Oh, Baekhyun's there? Great! Think you can ask him to come over, too?"
Jongin takes approximately five seconds to process whatever the hell it is that Sehun's saying.
"You want to have a threesome with Baekhyun!?" Jongin sputters into the phone.
Baekhyun raises his eyebrows at this and Jongin doesn't look him straight in the eyes because he's ninety-five percent sure he'll die of embarrassment if he does that.
"Whoa, whoa. What threesome, what," Sehun replies.
Except Jongin doesn't hear that, because he's just staring at the phone in his hands, hyperventilating, because threesome? With Baekhyun!? He knows he wants to get into some pretty kinky shit with Sehun sometimes, but he's not sure if he really wants to get into that kind of kinky shit, because Baekhyun is one of his best friends, and sexual Baekhyun thoughts are pretty gross, which is why they're permabanned and, and - where is his phone. His phone is gone. What. How. Where -
"Mind explaining what this business involving a threesome with me is?" Baekhyun says into a very familiar black phone. He's twirling a pen between his fingers, gaze fixed on Jongin and it's really, really freaking him out.
“Paint your walls white? Okay, got it. At the same time? Wow, I didn’t know you were into that. I guess you try- sorry, learn something new every day. We’ll be right over, don’t worry. See you in, say, ten minutes? Of course. We’re looking forward to it. Bye~”
Baekhyun licks his lips and Jongin blacks out.
(*＾▽＾)
“You know what?”
“What?”
“Fuck them.”
Sehun shakes his head. “I really don’t want to.”
"No, I mean, fuck them," Jongin rephrases. Wait, nevermind. He just repeated the same words. "We don't have to go. I don't think I want to spend my Saturday watching them groping each other instead of actually talking to us."
"I dunno. Could be fun."
Jongin gapes at him. "Fun?"
Sehun just shrugs.
"Do you not know Baekhyun and Luhan at all? I really don't think it's a good idea to go on a double date with them."
"So why'd you suggest it in the first place?"
"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that."
Sehun chuckles and shakes his head. The nerve of some people. "So how should we spend our Saturday, then? I didn't get all dressed up just to be sent back home, you know."
Jongin takes a step back and re-analyzes Sehun's outfit today. A t-shirt that looks soft to the touch and shows off the broadness of his shoulders, and skinny jeans that make Jongin worry about the health of (not so) little Sehun and gives him flashbacks of days and nights spent worshipping that bubble butt.
It's plain, it's boring, but it makes Sehun look like a sex god and Jongin's not sure if he can insult a deity.
So they stay there, in the apartment, rewatching as many episodes of One Piece as they can. They order pizzas and steal each other's toppings, then huddle together like penguins desperate for warmth.
Jongin tries to ignore the fact that it's the most time they've spent alone and that they're not at all having sex. He tries.
“Hey, Jongin,” Sehun says into his hair on the seventh episode. “Remember that one time I asked you guys to help me recolor my kitchen and you thought I wanted Baek to have a threes- ”
“Nope.”
“But - ”
“Never happened.”
“Baekhyun said - ”
He pulls away and presses a finger to Sehun’s lips. “Sshhhh.”
Sehun glances at his finger once, then maintains eye contact when he parts his lips and moves his head down. Jongin watches his finger disappear into Sehun's mouth and it feels warm in there and Sehun's tongue feels good when it swirls around but Jongin has only one coherent thought:
Do I look like finger food to you?
Sadly, his brilliant joke is left unsaid because Sehun starts bobbing his head and somehow now he's on top of Jongin? Not that Jongin’s complaining. He pulls his finger out with a wet pop and nearly breaks his nose going in for a rough kiss.
"Are you kidding me right now?"
Oops. Baekhyun is backhyun.
"You ditched us on your double date idea just so I can come home to you eating each other's faces?"
Firstly, they're not cannibals. Secondly, that reminds Jongin of his oh-so-brilliant joke. "It's funny you should say that, Baek, because Sehun had my finger in his mouth earlier - "
"Um, Jongin -"
"- and he was sucking on it and - "
"- I don't think he wants to hear about - "
" - licking - "
The door shuts and Baekhyun is gone.
Jongin looks at Sehun. "What'd I do?"
(*＾▽＾)
fr: YOUR SUPREME LORD BAEKHYUN
✉ did you receive my present yet
is it the tacky looking red box, Jongin replies.
✉ wow rude
✉ but yes it is
✉ I gotta go tho
✉ enjoy your present ☺☺☺
✉ actually you better do that shit was pretty fucking expensive to make
Jongin eyes the box sitting on his coffee table suspiciously. He feels a sense of dread just looking at it. He should probably shove it somewhere into the black hole that is the space under his bed, but that box is taunting him. Taunting him. But he won’t open it. He will use his pure, raw, burning self-control and he. Will. Not. Open. That. Box... And... Wow, empowerment is really tiring.
He walks to the fridge to get a glass of water. He rips the box open right afterwards.
Inside is a book.
Jongin looks over the front and back.
You’re Fucking Dating: A Photobook
^-v-^-v-^
Lost in their own world- but when will they admit it?
“Jongin please stop being in denial already this is fucking ridiculous”
- Bae Kyun, You are Giving Me a Migraine News
“Congratulations! I still can’t believe you became less
bearable than us. Our baby is growing up :’)”
- HanLu, nowgogetthatass.kr
Jongin has literally zero idea what he’s supposedly “in denial” about, and he’s not too sure he’s comfortable with being called Luhan’s “baby” either so he decides that maybe he should just ignore the entire review section instead.
He flips to the first page.
“Jesus Christ.”
^-v-^-v-^
“I have never seen two people more in love.”
- Hyun Kaebbyun, world-renowned love expert
“They look like they just caught the bouquets at someone’s wedding and can’t wait to start planning.”
- Lulu Han, fabulous wedding planner
In retrospect, it's probably a sign that Jongin shouldn't go on any further when he almost chokes on his kit kat bar, but he looks at the next page instead.
“Jongin fell asleep on the floor. He can fall asleep anywhere. One time he fell asleep on the toilet.
“Anyway, Sehun (his boyfriend) decided to take this photo instead of waking him up.”
second
- Byun Baekhyun, ^ best person alive
wtf lu you’re ruining the book what u did isnt any better
but why am i second best?
because im first
no arguments there , ‘ | ` l
~ - ,
Something about the marks and random lines tells Jongin they had started making out in the middle of the page, and his stomach does an impressive 360 spin. Too bad neither Baekhyun nor Luhan are there to witness it. Jongin really wishes to spew sick all over them right now.
”The person who took this photo - the boyfriend in this case,
obviously found Jongin’s narcolepsy endearing. How sweet.
- Lu Hansome, relationship blogger
Jongin groans through the rest of the photobook.
(*＾▽＾)
"Well, you're up early."
"So noisy," Jongin whines. Baekhyun's voice is so not one of the first things he wants to hear in the morning. "Can't I listen to my alarm in peace?"
"You know you're supposed to wake up when your alarm rings, right?"
Jongin turns his alarm off and opens his eyes to squint at Baekhyun. He probably looks ridiculous with his face still puffy from sleep, but it's the best murderous look he can muster.
"I thought you didn't have classes on Thursday morning."
"I don't." Jongin stretches and scratches his tummy. "Neither does Sehun, so we decided - "
"Ohhhh," Baekhyun interrupts, resembling a chicken when he nods. "You're up early because you're going on a date. A real date."
Jongin stops his luxurious stretching and belly-scratching and widens his eyes, sputtering various coherent sounds like "psh" and "pffuh" and the occasional "wha?"
"About time. When Lu and I made that book we were worried that you'd still stay in denial and all our efforts would be wasted."
"I'm not in denial."
"Anymore, I know." Baekhyun grins. "Congrats."
Jongin wants to glare at Baekhyun and remind him that he's full of shit, but then his phone starts convulsing next to his face and Jongin almost freaks out because it might actually be possessed this time, but he spots Sehun's name appearing on the screen once. And then again. And again. And again and again and again an-
✉ jongin are you awake??
✉ tell me you're still sleeping
✉ but how would you tell me if you're sleeping
✉ ignore the last few messages
✉ jongin i can't meet you!!!
✉ don't wake up yet. go back to sleep!
✉ someone took up a new class
✉ so i have to work today!! !!!!
✉ i'm being bullied ㅠㅠ
✉ i hope you're not angry with me ☹
"What time are you leaving?"
Jongin pulls the comforter over his face. "Never. I am never leaving this room, ever."
"What happened to your boyfriend?"
"Sehun has to worrrkkk." It's nice and dark under the comforter, and Jongin wants to stay there always, for the good, the bad, and the ugly, in sickness and in health, but he tosses the thick blanket aside and sits up. "Damn it, he's not my boyfriend!"
Baekhyun stops lining his eyes and smirks at him. "Too late~"
Jongin throws his fattest pillow and aims it at Baekhyun's hand, suspended in midair and holding his precious eyeliner. If there's anything that Jongin takes pride in, it's his perfect aim and expert throwing skills. No, really, he could make any professional thrower cry out of envy, before they bowed down to his excellence, that is.
The pillow flops onto the floor just inches away from his target.
"Wow, for a moment there I was actually scared for my life."
"Shut up. I'm just sleepy, that's all."
"Right, right." Baekhyun goes back to lining his eyes. "Like how you're just friends with Sehun."
"With benefits," he adds.
"Right, friends with benefits," Baekhyun repeats, stuffing his portable charger into his bag. "Which is why you're so upset that he has to work today."
"I am not upset."
Jongin is disappointed. There is a difference.
"Go visit him while he's at work, then."
"I'm thinking no."
"But your heart sings yes." Baekhyun grins at him.
"LEAVE. NOW."
"See you at the café~"
When Baekhyun closes the door Jongin lets out a groan and it honestly just sounds like he's impersonating a donkey. Donkey, otherwise known as ass. Sehun has a great ass. Jongin wonders how many words can lead to Sehun. Jongin wonders if everything can remind him of Sehun. And his ass.
Jongin forces himself off the bed and makes his way into the bathroom, spotting an open bottle of tomato sauce on the way there. He should probably put it away before it gets moldy or something, but he probably won’t.
Test: Tomato sauce
Tomato sauce is often used in pasta dishes, as well as on pizzas. They had pizzas just the other day, and Sehun tasted a bit like it when they made out on the couch. And it's made from tomatoes, which are smooth and round. Sehun's ass is also smooth and round.
There are roses by the pavement just outside the building. Who knew.
Test: Roses
A rose is a type of flower. There were flowers in the bouquets in that damn picture in that photobook of him and Sehun. Oh, and roses have thorns, which are sharp. Sehun's chin is really sharp, too.
When Jongin sits down at one of the tables and opens up his laptop, the first thing that greets him is the calculus homework he's been putting off for weeks. Wonderful.
Test: Math
Math class makes Jongin a very sleepy boy. And sleepy boys need their caffeine fix. Coffee has high levels of caffeine. A café serves coffee. Sehun works at a café.
Great, now even math makes Jongin think of Sehun. Then again, he is staring at his math assignment in the café where Sehun works at, so of course it'd remind Jongin of him. Of course. If it wasn't for the fact that Jongin actually listened to Baekhyun and showed up in the café, there'd be no way that math would make him think of -
A wild Baekhyun appears.
"Hello there. Enjoying the view?"
Jongin chokes on his cappuccino, which effectively snaps him out of his reverie, and turns to Baekhyun. "I wasn't staring at his butt."
"Really? Because I was. Me and Lu also happen to have proof that you were doing otherwise." Baekhyun taps his phone and Jongin has never feared a neon yellow anything that much in his life.
Jongin looks (back) at Sehun, bent over to pick up a few fallen coins, and shrugs. It's not like the thought of Baekhyun, or anyone else, looking at his two favorite globes bother Jongin in any way. Nope.
"I think he's doing it on purpose, you know."
"Doing what on purpose?"
"Haven't you noticed? He keeps dropping things and doing that right in front of you."
Sehun stops showcasing his ass and gets up, dropping the coins back into the donation box he had knocked over, and now Jongin wonders if he had done it on purpose. Yeah, thanks a lot, Byun Baekhyun.
Jongin clears his throat. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Okay, but Luhan - " he points to the far corner, where Luhan sits, raising his cup to them, "- and I have been here for over an hour and, just so you know, Sehun keeps stealing glances at you."
What.
"What?"
"Yeah, he'd look whenever you weren't looking at him. It was pretty gross, actually. We should've recorded it and put some sad romantic music in the background, maybe make a vomit-inducing YouTube video..."
"You're bullshitting."
Baekhyun has to be, because if Sehun looks at Jongin whenever he isn't looking, that'd mean Sehun was looking at him a lot because Jongin didn't even look at Sehun that much.. did he? But the thought of Sehun even looking at him, though, and probably quite possibly reminding Jongin of that great trunk of his... Nah, it can't be true.
And yet, Jongin finds himself wanting it to be true.
"Holy fucking shit."
"Oh my, was that an admission I just heard?"
"I..." Jongin sighs. "I like him. And his butt."
" ’Atta boy."
(*＾▽＾)
"You got a new book?"
Jongin tries to wriggle around to see what exactly Sehun's pointing at, but admittedly it's a little hard to do that when the aforementioned person has decided to permaglue himself to your lap. Which is sort of really nice except for the occasional your-face-is-really-close-to-my-crotch incidents, but Jongin doesn't mind those that much either, so. Yeah. This is bliss.
"The shiny pink one with the glittery gold print?" Sehun says, rolling off of Jongin's lap and landing on the fleece carpet with a thump. Jongin whines from the heat loss, but also because shiny pink book with glittery gold print oh my god that's Baekhyun and Luhan's book oh my god no.
He's never realized that it was possible to watch real life events in slow motion, either, until he ends up watching Sehun walk over and pick up You're Fucking Dating from the shelf.
It's probably useless to try to stop anything from happening at this point, so Jongin decides to become one with his inner jellyfish and flops down onto the sofa. He also buries his face into Sehun's jacket, communicating using his inner whale.
"Oh, wow, Baekhyun and Luhan gave you a photobook?"
Agitated whale noise.
"Why are you in denial?"
Constipated whale noise.
"... Oh."
Dying whale noise.
“Does this mean…?”
//”Are we dating???”//
- is what Jongin should be thinking, but the light of the sun filtering through the drawn blinds gives Sehun an ethereal, heavenly glow and this is a completely appropriate time for music to start blasting through Jongin’s paper-thin apartment walls.
“Why is Careless Whisper playing in the background?” Sehun asks.
“When we unite into one perfect root, a new world shall open up,” Jongin whispers in awe.
“What? That… makes no sense?”
“What I mean is, I think we should... date? I - ”
Sehun is staring at him.
“I’m sorry, this is probably a bad idea - ”
“Hey - ”
“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, and - ”
“Jongin - ”
“If you never - ”
“Jongin - ”
“If you never want to talk to me again I completely understand - ”
“Jongin, if you keep apologizing like you did when you broke my sink I swear to god I will stuff you with instant noodles until you can't breathe. Not breathing means you’ll die. From noodles. And I don't want you to die from... Noodles... And... Dying is bad...? So... Uh."
Sehun trails off and Jongin decides that confused Sehun is definitely one of the cutest Sehuns in his book. Too bad he just reduced his relationship chances with Sehun to, like, negative zero.
"You're wrong. That's not a number, you know. Negative zero."
Jongin doesn't even know how Sehun managed to read his mind, but it only adds to the list of 101 Reasons Why Oh Sehun is Totally Cute and Perfect and the Best Person Ever.
"That's only because you're talking out loud." Sehun blushes. Jongin wants to take a picture and save it to his heart, and also maybe his computer. He could even add it to the photobook? That would be kind of cute, and he could do the commentating instead of a certain gross PDA couple’s remarks that definitely did not do Sehun enough justice, but the harsh reality of his negative-zero chances with Sehun is too much to bear, and all he can do is to use his trump card, Enamoured, Yet Despairing, Whale Noise.
Sehun sighs again and pats Jongin’s hair. "My point is, do you think I would’ve talked to you again after the sink thing if I wasn’t even remotely interested? You're pretty cool and I like you, so if you think we should date, then yeah, we could do tha- oof."
A happy Jongin is a clingy Jongin, and his happiness meter has just smashed past the charts, so he entangles his limbs with Sehun's. There is no escape.
He hears a long, drawn out mmmh.
"Oh, so that's why they were playing Careless Whisper," Sehun grimaces.
"Oh god, Lu-”
“Jongin, I, uh- I think we should leave.”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
“My place?”
“Okay.”
(*＾▽＾)
“So, me and Lu, or these two?”
“Equally gross.”
Baekhyun slides Jongdae a five-dollar bill. Jongdae puts it in his wallet.
“Jongin and Sehun are more gross.”
“Oh come on, you’re not even trying to hide the fact that you’re cheating anymore,” Jongin sighs.
“Well, to be fair, you really are equally gross,” Jongdae says. “But in your own special ways. Like, Baekhyun and Luhan are the public foreplay couple-”
“I’m sorry you’re so bitter-”
“Would you like us to skip the foreplay altogether?” Luhan winks.
“Oh god, yes please. Do us all a favor,” Jongin says.
A wave of silence washes over the table. Jongdae looks like he’s trying really hard not to laugh and it kind of looks like he’s about to have an aneurysm. Baekhyun is in the middle of cleaning up the strawberry smoothie he just regurgitated on the table, and Luhan has, oddly enough, stopped his ongoing public-Baekhyun-groping mating ritual.
Oh. Oh. “Wait, wait - no, god no, that’s not what I meant, I thought you meant the other thing, like, the thing where you would stop doing the thing and-”
“Mm-hmm.” Jongdae rolls his eyes.
Jongin came here to have a good time and he’s honestly feeling so attacked right now.
“Hi, guys.” Sehun walks over to the group and ruffles Jongin’s hair before sitting down beside him and placing a box of donuts on the table. Jongin makes a really pathetic whining noise that says thanks for saving me!, which makes Luhan snicker. Baekhyun just gags a little.
“My friend went overkill for a bake sale,” Sehun continues. “Feel free to have as much as you want. ”
“Oooh, donuts! Thanks, man. What brings you here, though?” Jongdae asks.
“Maybe he heard Jongin’s mating call,” Baekhyun says. “I heard that whale noises are all the rage nowadays.”
“Excuse me, I happen to have a very good mating call!”
"Still not good enough to get me," Baekhyun huffs.
"The only mating call that'd get you would have to sound like Careless Whisper," Sehun mutters, linking his hand with Jongin’s under the table.
Jongin couldn’t be any happier.