untitled

[rotatingcookie]

Title: draftdraftdraftdraft
Pairing: Kai/Sehun
Rating: R
Genre: Action(?)
Length:~2500
Summary/Warnings: kris, some gore at the end , swearing, character death, a character has suicidal thoughts, zombies

Comments

[anonymous]

ok before i start, i'd like to say that i'm always in a constant state of confusion when i don't know every single detail about the fic's universe. if i come off as .. like.. empty headed or dull, it's just because of that! the entire universe hasn't been revealed via the story yet, that's all :) plus also idk what a shiki is

something i really, really enjoyed about this little snippet is the relationships between the characters. the relationships (the friendships, etc.) were heavily believable and they made me feel for the characters, like especially that part where baekhyun was talking about how he had to kill his best friend.. like.. that was just so.. the feelings were all there and they were so tangible. i think that, even though the audience isn't told how the characters are right off the bat, their personalities are shown very well through your prose and how they interact with one another.

there were minor grammar issues here and there, like i think in the beginning, there's a tense error: "There's not much activity to see around this time of day, especially since it was around noon, when the day's heat was at its peak." like at the beginning of the sentence, it's present tense and for the rest of it, it's past..? also there are some dialogues that end in sentences when they should end in commas, but i'm more or less sure that they're just typos

in terms of pacing - i'm unsure whether or not you intend on expanding some of these vignettes, but your prose currently seems very barren, as opposed to your dialogue, which is heavy and rich with plot and characterization. currently, i don't think the imbalance takes away from the story and might even add to it! things are moving along very quickly, fast-paced, which is good for an action-esque story.

overall, i'm really excited for this fic in its completion and for all my reader questions to be answered! :> :>

[anonymous]

wait, same anon here, i also just wanted to let you know i really enjoyed the last little vignette thing! like the whole.. flashing.. thing.. like.. wow.. impact!!

[rotatingcookie]

Ahh thank you ^^ I’ll be expanding on the world some more, so hopefully it’ll make more sense soon!

Shiki is this one anime/manga series about, zombie/vampire/corpse people(?? idk) in a rural village. It was kinda dumb because people started receiving suspicious bite marks and dying right after the new foreign neighbors with COMPLETELY BLACK EYES moved in and no one suspected a thing >_>

I’ll try to fix all the grammar errors~ I tried to write in only present tense because I thought it sounded more impactful, but I seem to have slipped up woops ::

I’m confused about something though. What did you mean by “end in sentences instead of commas”…? Is it something like this error?

> “Blah blah ton otp n’existe plus blah blah”, someone said.

Or was it something else?

[anonymous]

dialogue should look like this

"i love parties," baekhyun said.
rather than
"i love parties." baekhyun said.