First entry ever=]

[xoxlilmuttxox]

So, this is my first time ever having an online journal type of thing, in truth  I didn't even know that they really existed, pathetic I know.  I think its cooler to know that if I type people can read it and it's not like I'm speaking to myself.  So  my life has calmed down a lot, I was going through a lot of animosity which I shouldn't complain abut since it was my fault that it happened. I look back at my life from where I am now and see this is definite not where I wanted to be at this age. I feel like a failure, seeing as I did not reach many of my goals I made for myself, but I cant give up yet, I need to get in to school and get a job and then maybe I will feel better. i want to be a perfect role model for my younger sisters and cousins, I want to be a person they really can look up to and want to be like. I have a lot of work I have to do on myself before I can consider myself worthy to be looked up to. I dont self loath a lot but it does come out rarely, this is one of those times, I want to be as strong as my parents say I am and my friends believe me to be.

There's so much I dont like about myself  so my first project from here on out is to fix myself, which is something I am definitely not good at. I want to feel proud to be the person I am.