If you don't mind my asking, what triggered this? A conversation or something you read or saw? Which reminds me -- the other day on campus I saw a white woman salute one of the totem poles, and then rub her palms briskly in the bush of white sage planted at its base. It really aggravated me and I've been considering and re-considering putting it in my lj, and now I have vented all over you instead! Muahahahaah.
I've been thinking about it for a while, but it was talking to a guy on the phone a few days ago that pushed it over. One of the places we answer for is a funeral home that does pet services. A man called to say that a family of Mexicans came to bring him the remains of his dog, which had been accidentally delivered to their home instead of his. He said, "I'm glad I got him when I did...God knows what they would've done to him. God knows." And something about his tone just got me. So pathetic, so frightened. I couldn't feel the hate and dismissal I would have normally. I felt pity instead. I mean, how sad is that, that this grown man is so frightened of The Other that he thinks it's going to reach out and eat up his pet?
For some reason, I can see more clearly when I'm feeling compassionate than when I'm feeling hateful. *grin* So I stopped rejecting the qualities I hate about myself and started looking at them, and...well, that's a crappy activity that leads to soul-searching and apologies. And now I've vented at you!
There's really nothing I can add to this and I don't really know what to say, except that I completely agree with your sentiment and I really respect you for putting it out there. It's a really hard concept for me to accept, the fact that not all racism is a decision. If that were the case, then just having the belief that racism is wrong would be enough. But it's not. Even with all the progress we've made, some racism is still ingrained in us through socialization and, unfortunately, sometimes experience. Because of that, sometimes no matter what we think or believe, we often instinctually act or thing against what we have come to believe and it feels awful.
I don't want to just sit here and repeat everything you said, with different phrasing. So I won't. But just...thank you. Like I said, I think this was a bold and sincere post to make and I really adore you for saying everything you did.
It's privilege just to be able to sit here going, "Dude...there's like, still racism! It's everywhere yet! I thought we, like, did something about that. Bummer." I don't know whether I should feel lucky or just really dumb.
First of all, I want to simply say that posts like this always make my heart swell up because the more people realize it (and talk about realizing it), the more they get other people to reflect upon this type of stuff. So, I guess it would be smart of me to say thank you, and perhaps parrot stubbleglitter's 'preach on'.
Out of curiousity, though, what brought this on? Was there anything in particular or was it the kinda stuff that's been going on in meta?
I've been making mental excuses for why I can't talk about it and why it's such a touchy subject and why I'm not a racist really and why this and why that, but a combination of the story I told above (about the guy and his dog), a RPG I've been playing with clumsygyrl, a few fan posts about CoCs, and a fanfic I've read brought things to a head. I absolutely have shit to apologize for, and I feel much better for having done it. And, of course, motivated to make sure I'll have less to apologize for as time goes along. :)
Well done. It's often hardest to confront the discrimination we harbor within ourselves and face up to it. It's a lifetime battle to confront the attitudes you hold but I think it's well worth it or at least it has been for me.
It sucks, but it's far, far better than the alternative--being an ignorant, cruel asshole who doesn't see three-quarters of the world. (I have a cousin like that. I was collecting cash last Christmas for tsunami victims and he said "Why should I help those people? When I have problems, I help myself." I said, "Well, I hope if you get in a wreck and are trapped in your burning truck, the doctor driving past you on the road feels the same way." I would hate to be like that in any way.)
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If you don't mind my asking, what triggered this? A conversation or something you read or saw? Which reminds me -- the other day on campus I saw a white woman salute one of the totem poles, and then rub her palms briskly in the bush of white sage planted at its base. It really aggravated me and I've been considering and re-considering putting it in my lj, and now I have vented all over you instead! Muahahahaah.
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For some reason, I can see more clearly when I'm feeling compassionate than when I'm feeling hateful. *grin* So I stopped rejecting the qualities I hate about myself and started looking at them, and...well, that's a crappy activity that leads to soul-searching and apologies. And now I've vented at you!
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I don't want to just sit here and repeat everything you said, with different phrasing. So I won't. But just...thank you. Like I said, I think this was a bold and sincere post to make and I really adore you for saying everything you did.
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Out of curiousity, though, what brought this on? Was there anything in particular or was it the kinda stuff that's been going on in meta?
*smooch*
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