never been so deep inside a shadow.
The truth:
it's so over we need another word for over.
While you slept I cried.
Mostly because I was unhappy,
even with the presence.
That's how I knew.
You don't get me going,
at all.
It's not my fault,
at all.
I know better.
For once,
I'm thinking about me.
Fucking boys only want a piece of ass.
I go crazy and get mad because I don't trust you,
and that will never change.
I get mean because I think it's what you deserve.
For those things,
I am sincerely sorry,
I was wrong,
you deserve nothing.
Moving on.
Right now,
more than anything,
I just want to lay on the couch with my best friend from back home.
It's snowing,
and it's beautiful.
I love when it snows late at night,
and it seems like the whole world is silent,
and all you can hear is the snow hitting the ground.
In those moments everything is at peace.
It's not okay what you do,
ever.
I see what they see.
I can't wait to go home and see my house all christmasy.
My house is gorgeous with all the decorations,
I love it.
Oops you're ugly.
Inside and out.
I hate to say it,
but too good,
people would say things.
Haha.
I AM: Janelle.
I WANT: clarity.
I HAVE: no sanity.
I WISH: upon stars.
I HATE: dishonesty.
I MISS: innocence.
I FEAR: fear itself.
I HEAR: Erin McCarely.
I SEARCH: and search and search.
I REGRET: regrets.
I LOVE: the sound of silence.
I ACHE: for better.
I ALWAYS: I don't always do anything.
I AM NOT: a quitter.
I DANCE: like no one is watching, mostly because those that are laugh.
I SING: like no one is listening, because those who are wish they weren't.
I CRY: just like everyone else.
I WIN: hearts.
I LOSE: minds.
I CONFUSE: myself more than anyone else.
I NEED TO LEARN: to put me first.
I SHOULD: sleep soon.
[YES OR NO]
You keep a diary: If you consider this a diary.
You have a secret journal: Not so secret.
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: No.
You bite your fingernails: No.
You believe in love: Yes.
[DO YOU]
Have a(any) crush(es): Yes.
Have any tattoos/where?: No.
Piercings/where?: Ears & cartilege.
Think you're a health freak: Not really.
[WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF?]
Ryan: Todd.
Doug: Major.
Will: Smith.
John: Smith.
Alex: Creeper.
Victor: Guoming.
Meghan: Meg han.
[FAVORITE]
NUMBER: Eight.
COLOR: Grey.
DAY: Sunday.
MONTH: July.
SONG: Picture Perfect.
FOOD: Stroganoff.
SEASON: Summer.
DRINK: Chocolate milk.
VEGGIE: Carrots.
FRUIT : Apply.
FAST FOOD: Double Cheeseburger from Culvers.
[IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU]
CRIED? Yes.
HELPED SOMEONE? I hope so.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? Pie.
GOTTEN SICK? Felt sick.
GONE TO THE MOVIES? Watched a movie.
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? Went out for pie.
SAID "I LOVE YOU"? Yes.
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? No.
TALKED TO AN EX? No.
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? This one.
MISSED SOMEONE? Yeah.
HUGGED SOMEONE? Yeah, more than I would have liked, haha.
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? No.
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? No.
[WOULD YOU EVER]
1. Eat a bug? Yeah.
2. Bungee jump? Yes.
3. Hang glide? Yes.
4. Kill someone? No.
5. Have sex with someone you don't love? No.
7. Parachute from a plane? Yes.
8. Walk on hot coals? Yes.
9. Go out with someone for their looks? No.
10. For their reputation? No.
11. Be a vegetarian? Never.
12. Wear plaid with stripes? Not seriously.
13. IM a stranger? Ironic, yes.
14. Sing karaoke? Yes.
16. Shoplift? No.
17. Run a red light? Not on purpose.
18. Dye your hair blue? Not completely.
19. Be on Survivor? Sure.
22. Make someone cry? Happy tears.
23. Kick a baby? Never.
24. Date someone more than ten years older than you? I don't think so.
25. Stay up all through the night? Yes.
Dancing for the world to see.
It's
a relief.
I write in here how I think,
or how I would read it.
I'm oddly excited to go back to work back home.
Sleep should probably happen now.
it's so over we need another word for over.
While you slept I cried.
Mostly because I was unhappy,
even with the presence.
That's how I knew.
You don't get me going,
at all.
It's not my fault,
at all.
I know better.
For once,
I'm thinking about me.
Fucking boys only want a piece of ass.
I go crazy and get mad because I don't trust you,
and that will never change.
I get mean because I think it's what you deserve.
For those things,
I am sincerely sorry,
I was wrong,
you deserve nothing.
Moving on.
Right now,
more than anything,
I just want to lay on the couch with my best friend from back home.
It's snowing,
and it's beautiful.
I love when it snows late at night,
and it seems like the whole world is silent,
and all you can hear is the snow hitting the ground.
In those moments everything is at peace.
It's not okay what you do,
ever.
I see what they see.
I can't wait to go home and see my house all christmasy.
My house is gorgeous with all the decorations,
I love it.
Oops you're ugly.
Inside and out.
I hate to say it,
but too good,
people would say things.
Haha.
I AM: Janelle.
I WANT: clarity.
I HAVE: no sanity.
I WISH: upon stars.
I HATE: dishonesty.
I MISS: innocence.
I FEAR: fear itself.
I HEAR: Erin McCarely.
I SEARCH: and search and search.
I REGRET: regrets.
I LOVE: the sound of silence.
I ACHE: for better.
I ALWAYS: I don't always do anything.
I AM NOT: a quitter.
I DANCE: like no one is watching, mostly because those that are laugh.
I SING: like no one is listening, because those who are wish they weren't.
I CRY: just like everyone else.
I WIN: hearts.
I LOSE: minds.
I CONFUSE: myself more than anyone else.
I NEED TO LEARN: to put me first.
I SHOULD: sleep soon.
[YES OR NO]
You keep a diary: If you consider this a diary.
You have a secret journal: Not so secret.
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: No.
You bite your fingernails: No.
You believe in love: Yes.
[DO YOU]
Have a(any) crush(es): Yes.
Have any tattoos/where?: No.
Piercings/where?: Ears & cartilege.
Think you're a health freak: Not really.
[WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF?]
Ryan: Todd.
Doug: Major.
Will: Smith.
John: Smith.
Alex: Creeper.
Victor: Guoming.
Meghan: Meg han.
[FAVORITE]
NUMBER: Eight.
COLOR: Grey.
DAY: Sunday.
MONTH: July.
SONG: Picture Perfect.
FOOD: Stroganoff.
SEASON: Summer.
DRINK: Chocolate milk.
VEGGIE: Carrots.
FRUIT : Apply.
FAST FOOD: Double Cheeseburger from Culvers.
[IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU]
CRIED? Yes.
HELPED SOMEONE? I hope so.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? Pie.
GOTTEN SICK? Felt sick.
GONE TO THE MOVIES? Watched a movie.
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? Went out for pie.
SAID "I LOVE YOU"? Yes.
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? No.
TALKED TO AN EX? No.
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? This one.
MISSED SOMEONE? Yeah.
HUGGED SOMEONE? Yeah, more than I would have liked, haha.
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? No.
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? No.
[WOULD YOU EVER]
1. Eat a bug? Yeah.
2. Bungee jump? Yes.
3. Hang glide? Yes.
4. Kill someone? No.
5. Have sex with someone you don't love? No.
7. Parachute from a plane? Yes.
8. Walk on hot coals? Yes.
9. Go out with someone for their looks? No.
10. For their reputation? No.
11. Be a vegetarian? Never.
12. Wear plaid with stripes? Not seriously.
13. IM a stranger? Ironic, yes.
14. Sing karaoke? Yes.
16. Shoplift? No.
17. Run a red light? Not on purpose.
18. Dye your hair blue? Not completely.
19. Be on Survivor? Sure.
22. Make someone cry? Happy tears.
23. Kick a baby? Never.
24. Date someone more than ten years older than you? I don't think so.
25. Stay up all through the night? Yes.
Dancing for the world to see.
It's
a relief.
I write in here how I think,
or how I would read it.
I'm oddly excited to go back to work back home.
Sleep should probably happen now.