I owe you an explaination.

[xotatithehottie]

When a phrase like 'Tatiana [insert term of endearment here], you have a tumor' is said to you, sheer terror is not even a proper way to describe what goes through your head. I went in for my MRI at 7:30 this morning, I got into the casket of hammering and half way through they pulled me out to tell me that I needed to get an IV in so that they could inject me with dye so they could see my nerves better. Very funny, I thought. My mom had to have been playing a joke on me since I'm terrified of needles and I HATE IVS damnit. So, I tell the nurselady that had no sense of humor at this moment that she had to be joking and that she could walk her little butt out of here because there was no way I was getting an IV. I didnt do anything, why do I have to get STABBED?! Anyway, they do the IV and I took it like a big girl, they stuck me back in that stupid hammering casket and did another 5 mins. Afterwards, I got dressed (on the way to the changing room my bra fell out of my stack of clothes and I didn't realize until I got in there and ran out there in my panties and my pregnant lady shirt all embarassed HAHA) I sat down next to Selena and realized they had taken my parents back without me knowing, I vaguely remember Selena telling me she thought something was really wrong, because why would they not wait for me? I shrugged it off because I'm 19 and immortal, right? Wrong. My dad came out and I saw a flash of his and my moms face from the corner of my eye and they were both crying. I walked through the double doors and my dad just shakes his head and tells me I have a tumor. I backed up into the wall and screamed 'what?!!!!' over and over as if it'd make anything better. The only way I can describe that horrifying emotion is, well, forget it, it's indescribable. I felt like I could escape it. Like it's right behind me and I could grab my parents and run away and it'd never get me but it was too late. So much for having a death sentence thrown in my face. I'm pretty loud when I'm happy, you can imagine how loud I get when I'm hurt and confused, everyone from the rooms heard me and came out to see who was screaming and they stuck me in some room to calm me down. My dad said he wouldn't have told me if it was that serious, but what the hell does that really mean? Why would he say 'it's bad oh well you're going to die' anyway? He wouldn't, so naturally, I don't believe him and keep saying RIGHT OKAY YEAH IM GOING TO BE OKAY UH HUH I HAVE A FREAKING TUMOR WHAT THE HELL!#)@%&@_. My dad drew a picture on my post-it note that I think I left at the office, he hugged Selena and said 'see, this is my living proof, don't worry' It's weird the way Selana and I are... soul sisters. We're both here for a reason and I can't help but think she was put here more for me than I was for her. I am so blessed and lucky to have anyone like her in my life, I just got the full deal. [thanks jeevis] . Since then I've walked a little slower, breathed a little deeper, and smiled every chance I've gotten. I think I'll continue on doing so, so long as I have my family.

We're still doing testing, two neurologists say I should leave it alone but we'll monitor it for a year. I still want it OUT, but I'm assuming the surgery is a lot more damaging than the growth itself is. Sure it hurts my hip, but I like walking, so I don't think I'll be doing that any time soon, unless instructed so. Thank God my mom works in a hospital and knows everyone needed, Thank God.

ps. We're not going to Florida. My mom took a leave of absence from work right away and my dad called off all of the realtors and the house is no longer for sale. Confirmation, people, The Cvetko house is here to stay. It's kind of funny how I pray for anything to happen, anything I seriously say in my prayers 'God, I don't care what happens, make it big enough for us to stay' and here we are, with a serious problem and STAYING. Hopefully I didn't do myself in too far. He's looking out for me, it'll be fine.