(no subject)
Dear Dan,
Today is Day 7. I stopped writing individual letters the past couple of days because I've spent so much time putting effort into my "script". The script that you may never see either. 7 days. A lot has changed in 7 days. I am so sorry it took me so long to realize how I've been treating you. It pains me more than you could ever know.
But I want to tell you, you have a lot of amazing people in your life. I had a really great talk with Mike last night. It was so validating to know that I had at least been able to identify the issues on my own and start working on them. I hope he can believe in the strength of my love for you, and not just love of what you do for me. I felt okay today until I just sat down to write this letter and suddenly I'm tearing up again. I'm listening to Matt Wertz...I spent all day listening to the Rob Thomas CD you bought me.
I'm trying to be brave and strong, but its really hard. Really hard. It shouldn't be this hard. Seven days...my appetite has at least returned for the most part and I don't think I'm emotionally harming myself anymore by being in a constant state of the fight or flight response. One day at a time.
I hope that you can find it in your heart to reach out to me. To recognize some shred of the girl you fell in love with and realize that she is worth fighting for and worth being in your life. I'll be here, the second you reach out. I love you more than you know and I'm sorry I've been so terrible at showing it.
Today is Day 7. I stopped writing individual letters the past couple of days because I've spent so much time putting effort into my "script". The script that you may never see either. 7 days. A lot has changed in 7 days. I am so sorry it took me so long to realize how I've been treating you. It pains me more than you could ever know.
But I want to tell you, you have a lot of amazing people in your life. I had a really great talk with Mike last night. It was so validating to know that I had at least been able to identify the issues on my own and start working on them. I hope he can believe in the strength of my love for you, and not just love of what you do for me. I felt okay today until I just sat down to write this letter and suddenly I'm tearing up again. I'm listening to Matt Wertz...I spent all day listening to the Rob Thomas CD you bought me.
I'm trying to be brave and strong, but its really hard. Really hard. It shouldn't be this hard. Seven days...my appetite has at least returned for the most part and I don't think I'm emotionally harming myself anymore by being in a constant state of the fight or flight response. One day at a time.
I hope that you can find it in your heart to reach out to me. To recognize some shred of the girl you fell in love with and realize that she is worth fighting for and worth being in your life. I'll be here, the second you reach out. I love you more than you know and I'm sorry I've been so terrible at showing it.