(no subject)
ah, livejournal, there you are! sorry i have been gone for so long, but you remained loyal & patiently waited for my return! thank you! considering that everything has changed 110% since i have last written, of course it would, i mean it has been 3 years! on top of the past changes, i am in the current state of pursuing a few more changes- rather bad habits to get out of, i.e. smoking & biting my nails, fully dedicated time for my very well being: both physically & mentally. i have complete faith in myself that i can get it done since i have come so far already. the positive attitude i keep, does falter from time to time. i just need to keep my head on straight and stay in the game. i've let so many things around me create a negative influence on my behavior and confidence. with the help & strength of my friends and family, i know i can conquer them. it's hard to take positive advice from those who care when you aren't in the right state of mind to comprehend the meaning of their words, not by definition either, but by exploring the depth of their words. of his words. he has always been there, sacrificed what he could to help me get back on my feet, for that i am greatly appreciative. i wonder if he has any idea? do my words even mean anything to him anymore? or do they sound like excuses over and over again? i'm going to go with the ladder. i haven't been a very good person to myself, and that had taken a toll on our friendship, with all the changes i was going through, the emotions & new experiences, i shouldn't have let them overrule my world. he has told me time & time again. i just want to apologize to him for not understanding sooner, for creating the negativity that surrounded him, from keeping him from shooting towards his dreams. i have said it before, i mean, this isn't the first time i have come across this realization. at the end, when i thought i had done everything and anything for him, he had done more. he gave a part of himself and i was too blind & naive, that i allowed the world to cloud my judgement. there are two things i have learned this week: 1) no matter what people say or do, never allow it to affect the person you are and 2) be a little less selfish & more selfless.