day 344.... with you
todays been one of those days when you realize whose exactly there for you and whose not.. its hard for me to think that i've lost yet another friend just because of the way i feel?... humm thats kind of stupid...i talked to like no one all day.. all i did was think.. and i couldn't think of any good reasons to leave this life i have that is so great...
i feel like my life can not be on boosted up... and my life can't be changed.. i feel like my insecurities, and all of my questions are turning my life upside down and in an uproar.. should i not ask questions should i not wonder? should i not try and figure out whats going on... you know as much as i want things to be okay they aren't... because of all of this... everything in my world is upturned crazy and hectic...idk if this is just me in hysteria...
last night may i say was the worse of them all sitting there in my ice cold bed with no sheets to comfort me or no one to really listen... and crying for no reason other than to cry... maybe crying over tapangoa and coris what seems to be a perfect relationship from boy meets world at 2:30 in the brisky freezing cold morning... and finally i let my soul rest.. and i would astonish my self and freak out in my dreams and wake up in a scare... and have no control over my self... i'd say in all reality i got maybe 2 hours of sleep at the most...
why must i be like this? why must i feel like no ones there in my life.. why must there always be something going on.. why is my life so repetitive... why must i always have to work... on homework, school, family, chores.. actually at work...i have no time for fun.. where is my hs... i mean i'm only in hs once... i wish i could have all those fun times once again... and not have all this responsibility to think about anymore.. like having a tea party w/ grass and hose water... such an innocent person.. and kid... not needing to worry about anything...
i just want to give up... one person made my black clouds have a lil sun shining.. thanks hun.. i appreciate it... you helped me out some... i wish that i had more of you.. but i'm glad its you... <3