dannnnnng this is weird
once again its been decadddes since ive written in here. My friend randomly brought livejournal up for some reason and how she used to love it so it compelled me to log on for ol' times sake. What a trip it is reading stuff I wrote when i was like 14!! I used to vent on here hardcore! I do miss it , I sorta still write/vent but in an unorganized messy notebook. This thing is a lot more confusing than i remember it being...like i cant find my old photos, and i dont know how to search for friends on here. Everytime I do it thinks Im looking for that name as an interest. Oh well, Ill figure it out
Anyway, lets see... life has been crazy since ive last updated thats for sure. I dont even know exactly how to catch you up in a nutshell. I still work at Unruh Chiropractic, not for too much longer though. I truly love working there and I love the people I work with, but things have just gotten messier and messier for me there. Hard to explain, but just take it for what it is. Im applying for this private school daycare thing, annd (dont laugh!) im applying for a retirement home. haha, i think it would be a cool place to work! rewarding too so shut up.
School is going really well. I love my classes, cept one of em drags on a bit sometimes. The teacher basically just talks to us in a conversation format for the entire period. Not even a lecture , just talks about issues like suicide , rape, homosexuality, etc. Its super interesting, but the dude needs to give us something to do! I did this thing for my sociology class this past weekend called SIMSOC..it was actually really cool. There was about 45 of us all split in to different groups or classes of society, (I was placed in the ghetto lol the lowest lower class.) Its hard to explain ,but basically we all have to function as a society and make things run smoothly so that everyone survives. My team did pretty well seeing as we were the only group who literally started out with NOTHING..no money no jobs no housing...you guys are prob lost haha anyway , it was chill.
Apparently my mom is for sure breaking things off with kelly soon, she just doesnt know when. I need to buy some time cuz when she does decide to do it, I think shes going to stay with her mom for a while up in Torrence! soooo that means i either go there too or i figure something else out asap! Im still looking to move out by January, Alex and I need to look at our options up in Seal Beach. Otherwise Robin n I have been looking at places too...we are thinking either Northridge or San Diego...black n white i know hahah.
My friendships and relationships as of lately have kinda been downers...Well not entirely but yea. Steven n I broke up a couple months ago =/ It sucks because I am trying so so SO hard to not be selfish and force him into being in my life just because I miss him, but its really friggin hard. I am supposed to wait to talk to him or contact him until he contacts me and tells me he's ready, bums me out though cuz I have a feeling it's going to be a really long time. I know I need to give him his space and respect what he wants, it's just easier said than done. I can't help feeling like he's mad at me , I dont even see or talk to him and I feel anger from him....well not to mention im in his phone as Satan. I mean cmmon...I guess I understand the concept and I dont really take it personaly but ...cmmon. Sighhh anyway, more on that later. In other news, Hanna wont talk to me. Here's yet another situation that would take forever to explain haha basically she thinks im fake to her and ungenuine and a horrible friend...I never meant to keep anything about my lifestyle from her, I guess I just didn't always see the point in bringing up things I do that I know she doesnt approve of. Why would I randomly say "hey hanna I smoked last night and it was so fun!!" Thats stupid...but I guess by me not "trusting her enough" to tell her , made her feel like less of a friend and so on. I see where she's coming from with that and i told her a long time ago that i felt bad and that although i screwed up on my way of approaching the situation, my intentions were never bad. Shes making me out to be this monster of a person, and wont even meet up to talk with me. Ive known her since 7th freaking grade, you'd think the least we could do is not end our friendship over damn texting. Theres a lot more to it, but thats the gyst.
My bros seem to be doing better. It's weird cuz they seem to want me to invite them to come hang out with me n my friends now. The norm is usually me hanging out with them and theirs, so its kinda cool to switch it up a bit.I had lunch with Antwon the other day,we actually had a lot to talk about. He talked to this life coach person that Brent has talked to before as well, apparently I need to get this chicks number cuz shes changing lives one phone call at a time. I told Anthony to give steven the number, from the way he talked about her I really think she could help. The more I think about it, everyone should call her lol...with all the struggles n stuff we all go through, anyone could use some advice from someone who has A) been there before, and B) is completely unbiased about everything you tell her.It's weird when it comes to my brothers, I kinda feel like they dont really 'know know' me. Like I wish they knew my personality better, my characteristics and opinions and mannerisms. I dunno I guess I've kinda always wondered what they thought of me as a person...I know they know how i feel about them, i cant count how many stupid corny things I written or told them, but they are dudes and never express too much of what they feel haha. I love that we can all talk about deep stuff and all that, but sometimes i feel like when we hang out thats all we talk about. the new struggles the old struggles etc. I truly love it, I just wish we could just hang out more and get to know eachother as more than just people with struggles lol. anyway wutevs, we'll get there.
Robin, Gricel, and I have been getting closer which is cool. Im hoping that if one or all of us does quit that we wont stop hanging out. We went to "Oktoberfest" on Saturday and it was way fun. At first I was kinda disapointed with the whole set up, it was just a ton of people and picnic tables and a stage with a german band performing lol but as the night went on and the huge ass mug of german beer sank in, it became a lot more fun . Everyone is just singing and dancin and cheersing haha its a lot like beerfest , good times. I think Robin wants to go this weekend again, I havent decided yet. sometimes i have to wait and see what kind of weekend i want it to be lol sometimes im so down to just chill at someones house and watch a movie with popcorn and other times i wanna go out and dress up and all that jazz. I cant believe Holloween is already coming up! I dunno what Im doing yet but im sure ill find something. I was supposed to be going to a Jason Mraz concert the day after H-ween but that situation got all jacked up. Robin n I were going to buy the tickets for Terry's birthday and Justin was going to give us his money so he could go too...wellll someoneeee who shall remain nameless procrastonated and by the time we went to get the tickets it was sold out! So we went on ebay and there was a lady selling 4! butttt she split them up for whatever reason so we had to be bidding on two seperate thingamabobs, well we won....but we only won a single pair. So now either terry n justin can go or me n robin or we are just gunna sell em again haha so lammme. Anyway, if you're wondering, Terry n Justin are friends of Robins that we've been hanging out with lately. Robin n Terry have some weird love affair waiting to happen but I guess their timing has always been bad. Either one is single while the other is taken kind of thing, so now that they are both single neither of them will make the move! Justin n I on the other hand are sorta dating , I don't even know what to really call it. It's like when we hang out things are always great but when we're not hanging out he sends mixed messages like no other! I have a gut feeling he's not over his ex yet, but i dunno we'll see what happens. Im not really looking to get into anything too serious anyway seeing as my breakup is still really fresh too..im telling you timing is a bitchhhh, but whatevs everything happens for a reason right? Either way, if things dont ever amount to anything between us, I just have alot of fun hanging out with him n his friends so id be chill with just being friends..i already laid the law for him too, he knows flat out i dont wanna be fucked with so this mixed message crap isnt gunna cut it for me. Plus being in this weird half dating stage is annoying ..it reminds me of when steve n i were in this stage last summer. Its stupid cuz you basically have a mini relationship going on but since its not official no one knows the rules. I dont know if I have the right to be mad about certain things or if he should be aloud to hook up with other girls and me with other guys, what are the bounderies you know?
Well as of now that's gunna have to do it for updates. I will probably remember other stuff later but whatevs. Im gunna try to be good about this thing again! I think it's healthy to vent on here even if no one reads it haha feels good..my mom actually suggested i do this regularly haha so we'll see if i can keep up. Anyway hope everyone is doing good !
-Shay
Anyway, lets see... life has been crazy since ive last updated thats for sure. I dont even know exactly how to catch you up in a nutshell. I still work at Unruh Chiropractic, not for too much longer though. I truly love working there and I love the people I work with, but things have just gotten messier and messier for me there. Hard to explain, but just take it for what it is. Im applying for this private school daycare thing, annd (dont laugh!) im applying for a retirement home. haha, i think it would be a cool place to work! rewarding too so shut up.
School is going really well. I love my classes, cept one of em drags on a bit sometimes. The teacher basically just talks to us in a conversation format for the entire period. Not even a lecture , just talks about issues like suicide , rape, homosexuality, etc. Its super interesting, but the dude needs to give us something to do! I did this thing for my sociology class this past weekend called SIMSOC..it was actually really cool. There was about 45 of us all split in to different groups or classes of society, (I was placed in the ghetto lol the lowest lower class.) Its hard to explain ,but basically we all have to function as a society and make things run smoothly so that everyone survives. My team did pretty well seeing as we were the only group who literally started out with NOTHING..no money no jobs no housing...you guys are prob lost haha anyway , it was chill.
Apparently my mom is for sure breaking things off with kelly soon, she just doesnt know when. I need to buy some time cuz when she does decide to do it, I think shes going to stay with her mom for a while up in Torrence! soooo that means i either go there too or i figure something else out asap! Im still looking to move out by January, Alex and I need to look at our options up in Seal Beach. Otherwise Robin n I have been looking at places too...we are thinking either Northridge or San Diego...black n white i know hahah.
My friendships and relationships as of lately have kinda been downers...Well not entirely but yea. Steven n I broke up a couple months ago =/ It sucks because I am trying so so SO hard to not be selfish and force him into being in my life just because I miss him, but its really friggin hard. I am supposed to wait to talk to him or contact him until he contacts me and tells me he's ready, bums me out though cuz I have a feeling it's going to be a really long time. I know I need to give him his space and respect what he wants, it's just easier said than done. I can't help feeling like he's mad at me , I dont even see or talk to him and I feel anger from him....well not to mention im in his phone as Satan. I mean cmmon...I guess I understand the concept and I dont really take it personaly but ...cmmon. Sighhh anyway, more on that later. In other news, Hanna wont talk to me. Here's yet another situation that would take forever to explain haha basically she thinks im fake to her and ungenuine and a horrible friend...I never meant to keep anything about my lifestyle from her, I guess I just didn't always see the point in bringing up things I do that I know she doesnt approve of. Why would I randomly say "hey hanna I smoked last night and it was so fun!!" Thats stupid...but I guess by me not "trusting her enough" to tell her , made her feel like less of a friend and so on. I see where she's coming from with that and i told her a long time ago that i felt bad and that although i screwed up on my way of approaching the situation, my intentions were never bad. Shes making me out to be this monster of a person, and wont even meet up to talk with me. Ive known her since 7th freaking grade, you'd think the least we could do is not end our friendship over damn texting. Theres a lot more to it, but thats the gyst.
My bros seem to be doing better. It's weird cuz they seem to want me to invite them to come hang out with me n my friends now. The norm is usually me hanging out with them and theirs, so its kinda cool to switch it up a bit.I had lunch with Antwon the other day,we actually had a lot to talk about. He talked to this life coach person that Brent has talked to before as well, apparently I need to get this chicks number cuz shes changing lives one phone call at a time. I told Anthony to give steven the number, from the way he talked about her I really think she could help. The more I think about it, everyone should call her lol...with all the struggles n stuff we all go through, anyone could use some advice from someone who has A) been there before, and B) is completely unbiased about everything you tell her.It's weird when it comes to my brothers, I kinda feel like they dont really 'know know' me. Like I wish they knew my personality better, my characteristics and opinions and mannerisms. I dunno I guess I've kinda always wondered what they thought of me as a person...I know they know how i feel about them, i cant count how many stupid corny things I written or told them, but they are dudes and never express too much of what they feel haha. I love that we can all talk about deep stuff and all that, but sometimes i feel like when we hang out thats all we talk about. the new struggles the old struggles etc. I truly love it, I just wish we could just hang out more and get to know eachother as more than just people with struggles lol. anyway wutevs, we'll get there.
Robin, Gricel, and I have been getting closer which is cool. Im hoping that if one or all of us does quit that we wont stop hanging out. We went to "Oktoberfest" on Saturday and it was way fun. At first I was kinda disapointed with the whole set up, it was just a ton of people and picnic tables and a stage with a german band performing lol but as the night went on and the huge ass mug of german beer sank in, it became a lot more fun . Everyone is just singing and dancin and cheersing haha its a lot like beerfest , good times. I think Robin wants to go this weekend again, I havent decided yet. sometimes i have to wait and see what kind of weekend i want it to be lol sometimes im so down to just chill at someones house and watch a movie with popcorn and other times i wanna go out and dress up and all that jazz. I cant believe Holloween is already coming up! I dunno what Im doing yet but im sure ill find something. I was supposed to be going to a Jason Mraz concert the day after H-ween but that situation got all jacked up. Robin n I were going to buy the tickets for Terry's birthday and Justin was going to give us his money so he could go too...wellll someoneeee who shall remain nameless procrastonated and by the time we went to get the tickets it was sold out! So we went on ebay and there was a lady selling 4! butttt she split them up for whatever reason so we had to be bidding on two seperate thingamabobs, well we won....but we only won a single pair. So now either terry n justin can go or me n robin or we are just gunna sell em again haha so lammme. Anyway, if you're wondering, Terry n Justin are friends of Robins that we've been hanging out with lately. Robin n Terry have some weird love affair waiting to happen but I guess their timing has always been bad. Either one is single while the other is taken kind of thing, so now that they are both single neither of them will make the move! Justin n I on the other hand are sorta dating , I don't even know what to really call it. It's like when we hang out things are always great but when we're not hanging out he sends mixed messages like no other! I have a gut feeling he's not over his ex yet, but i dunno we'll see what happens. Im not really looking to get into anything too serious anyway seeing as my breakup is still really fresh too..im telling you timing is a bitchhhh, but whatevs everything happens for a reason right? Either way, if things dont ever amount to anything between us, I just have alot of fun hanging out with him n his friends so id be chill with just being friends..i already laid the law for him too, he knows flat out i dont wanna be fucked with so this mixed message crap isnt gunna cut it for me. Plus being in this weird half dating stage is annoying ..it reminds me of when steve n i were in this stage last summer. Its stupid cuz you basically have a mini relationship going on but since its not official no one knows the rules. I dont know if I have the right to be mad about certain things or if he should be aloud to hook up with other girls and me with other guys, what are the bounderies you know?
Well as of now that's gunna have to do it for updates. I will probably remember other stuff later but whatevs. Im gunna try to be good about this thing again! I think it's healthy to vent on here even if no one reads it haha feels good..my mom actually suggested i do this regularly haha so we'll see if i can keep up. Anyway hope everyone is doing good !
-Shay