black man on fire.

[xorestesx]

infatuation.
euphoria.
unsettled.
discoursing.
midnight.
like a blank sheet of college-ruled paper.
in a tin foil hurricane of DDT and nuclear death.
an all-encompassing hailstorm of activity and supressed apathy.
peak.
the insects look like stars from up here.
you and me.
in the corner.
looks of concern on our faces.
concern for one another.
i can feel my cancerous tumor trembling inside of me like a black rabbit outside a resturant would on a cold night.
at least i can feel.
i can feel the oxygen enter my lungs and leave in a cloud.
little things you never notice.
keen observation.
then i saw you.
its painful to think of.
like a thousand razors dragging across my back, over and over.

in the midst of your facination with the moon and clouds.
you realize.
youve made the final cut.
no turning back now.
i can see the thought as it passes through your mind.
you gave me a look of apology.
i tell you its alright to be afraid.
youve never done this before.
you wished so hard and so many times.
but this time it all fell apart.
you feel cold.
it hurts.
but youre relaxed.
just as you find the perfect words to describe it, its over.
everything is black.
feels familiar but strange all at the same time.
maybe it doesnt hurt anymore.
no way to be sure.
all you can think of are some stupid lyrics that you used to love, but now you hate.
oh, the irony.
so you sing.
in your head.
to yourself.
humming along to the words.

'im happy, i hope youre happy too.'

-jrl