(( So yeah ))
today started out great. like u have no idea. i was as happy as i could ever be. i spent ALL DAY like that! i was so proud. but then i hit a speed bump. i was outside talking to sara and i go inside and i felt really sad. i have no idea why. i think something hit me that didnt hit me before that im not allowed to say on here. and that made me pretty sad. but i was telling myself, andrea u are happy, u are happy. (kinda corny) but no...so i went to the bathroom bc i felt like i wanted to cry and i didnt want to in front of everyone bc i didnt want to make a big deal. specially since 1. i wasnt sure why i was crying. 2. the reason i thought i was crying i couldnt tell anyone in there (i think not anyone). so yeah i went to the bathroom and many things went through my head. so i just sat on the counter and cried. and i felt better. so i am ready to go out and i run into someone ( i dont remember her name ) and shes like are u ok? and im like yeah. so i walk into the drama room and sit down and keep on watching rehersal. but then i get another urge to cry after several other thoughts have gone through my head. so i go back to the bathroom and dont even make it to the bathroom bc the same girl sees me again. shes like ok there is deff something wrong. we talk but i dont really tell her anything. ( i mean i barely no her. no offense ) so she leaves and i sit outside the door ( i have no idea why i didnt go in ) and cry. for like 5 min i am there. and i clean my eyes wash my face and go back out. and go to watch the play. still thinking all this crap. but i hold everything back and just stay there bc rehersal was almost over. so i just sit there. and as soon as they say the word cypress apperantly my eyes got teared up again (no thats not why i was crying) but i pulled it off. lol. and i felt fine. you know what i was thinking. no1 knows what goes thro anyones mind. like, i thought about that and i thought it was a good thing bc that way no1 knows what i think. u know? i really let it all out in front of my brother tho. like wow! i was doing my monologue to him (im not using it to audition tho... my brother says i should use it for districts next year bc apperantly i did really good : ) ) and its a really sad one...and i just baweled and baweled. but it didnt feel like me, like i was really in character! it was so amazing. and it felt so good when i was done. like, i felt PROUD of what i did! ill have to practice so i can do an AMAZING job and maybe take it to districts. but then i get home, and i get some bad news. like i know no1 will understand bc there gonna be like omg wtf its just a damn dog. but still...i love that dog...to death. and i feel really bad, kinda like its my fault. and i trust that dog...and i love her more than anything that ever existed. but i might have to put her to sleep tho. and it just makes me so sad! like, her sesiures are becoming more common. she used to have one like once a year but i think this is her 2nd or 3rd since like may last year or something like that. and my mom told me we would have to put her to sleep bc she would be suffering. and i feel so bad! and i dont want her to go. not at all. but i guess maybe i will have to let go. i do wwant whats best for her...but w/e. shell be fine hopefully and she wont have any more seizures. and they are horrible bc i have seen them. and they get u so sad. and idk. but im gonna go to sleep now. hopefully tomorrow i wont even remember ANTYHING that happened today and everything will be normal again and ill be happy again. hopefully mr. lopez will be back tomorrow.