Whenever I Go
A few years ago, I thought it would be nice: Brooklyn Bridge closed off, records blasting. Friends, family, and me -- the corpse in the cutest 20's dress you've seen, decked out in cement shoes, ready to be thrown into the icy river at the stroke of midnight.
That funeral is never going to happen.
It's okay that it's not ever taking place. I will, after all, be dead. The execution of wills are a comfort to the living, really (one of the reasons I'm pretty damn happy when someone gets their way in the days following their death, not so much for myself, but for other mourners). Sure, some fish are going to miss out on an extra meal, but NYC's water treatment facilities won't have to work overtime on my account.
The other nice bonus is that my organs suitable for reuse can be distributed to those who can really use them. In a way, I will actually continue to live on in other bodies, while giving people a new lease on life. Deliciously creepy and helpful, no (especially if the recipients donate their organs when they go)?
It used to be that the idea of getting sliced up made my blood run a little cold (it still does, the teeniest bit). But I know that this is a totally illogical way of looking at things. I won't be able to feel it. So please, take everything that is of use. If there's enough left for a viewing (you can dress me in a toga, it's simple), sure, have one, but I want the rest donated to science.
In the slightest chance that there's anything left, throw it to the flames then sprinkle my ashes from atop Mount Fuji (bonus points if you also manage to sneak some of my dusty self into Active Surplus). Consider it my last great joke if my executor has already climbed Fuji-san.
If I can go back to viewings for a second (assuming there are any)... If you want to go, and you're not going to be a dick, you get to go. Let me reiterate these two things:
1. The doors are open.
2. Do not be a dick if you attend.
This, of course, doesn't mean you can't make fun of me. Everyone is totally allowed to make fun of me in good spirits, especially if it makes you feel a bit better about me not being there to make fun of you.
Do what makes you happiest for a funeral, if you want to have one. I suppose you should probably have one, if only for whatever closure it can bring you. Just don't go all fancypants on me, or feel that anything *has* to go a certain way.
I suppose the Accordionator gets first dibs on my stuff, but I expect almost everything will go to those who can get the most use (or in the case of things such as books or music, pleasure) out of it.
Wagamancer, you're writing my dirges.
Not that I'm planning to go anytime soon (I doubt I'll plan to go ever, but I think you know what I mean).
Oh, and by the way, the term "last wishes"? Doesn't seem quite right to me. I imagine my last wish will either be "I wish I hadn't grabbed that electrical cable" or "I wish I had a soda... wait a minute... I wish I hadn't eaten that spinach."
Next time, how does a post that doesn't seem so morbid sound? 'Cause I think I've got just the thing up my sleeve.
That funeral is never going to happen.
It's okay that it's not ever taking place. I will, after all, be dead. The execution of wills are a comfort to the living, really (one of the reasons I'm pretty damn happy when someone gets their way in the days following their death, not so much for myself, but for other mourners). Sure, some fish are going to miss out on an extra meal, but NYC's water treatment facilities won't have to work overtime on my account.
The other nice bonus is that my organs suitable for reuse can be distributed to those who can really use them. In a way, I will actually continue to live on in other bodies, while giving people a new lease on life. Deliciously creepy and helpful, no (especially if the recipients donate their organs when they go)?
It used to be that the idea of getting sliced up made my blood run a little cold (it still does, the teeniest bit). But I know that this is a totally illogical way of looking at things. I won't be able to feel it. So please, take everything that is of use. If there's enough left for a viewing (you can dress me in a toga, it's simple), sure, have one, but I want the rest donated to science.
In the slightest chance that there's anything left, throw it to the flames then sprinkle my ashes from atop Mount Fuji (bonus points if you also manage to sneak some of my dusty self into Active Surplus). Consider it my last great joke if my executor has already climbed Fuji-san.
If I can go back to viewings for a second (assuming there are any)... If you want to go, and you're not going to be a dick, you get to go. Let me reiterate these two things:
1. The doors are open.
2. Do not be a dick if you attend.
This, of course, doesn't mean you can't make fun of me. Everyone is totally allowed to make fun of me in good spirits, especially if it makes you feel a bit better about me not being there to make fun of you.
Do what makes you happiest for a funeral, if you want to have one. I suppose you should probably have one, if only for whatever closure it can bring you. Just don't go all fancypants on me, or feel that anything *has* to go a certain way.
I suppose the Accordionator gets first dibs on my stuff, but I expect almost everything will go to those who can get the most use (or in the case of things such as books or music, pleasure) out of it.
Wagamancer, you're writing my dirges.
Not that I'm planning to go anytime soon (I doubt I'll plan to go ever, but I think you know what I mean).
Oh, and by the way, the term "last wishes"? Doesn't seem quite right to me. I imagine my last wish will either be "I wish I hadn't grabbed that electrical cable" or "I wish I had a soda... wait a minute... I wish I hadn't eaten that spinach."
Next time, how does a post that doesn't seem so morbid sound? 'Cause I think I've got just the thing up my sleeve.