make it stop.
part of my birthday/christmas gift from erica was season one of the adventures of pete and pete. i cant explain in words my love for pete and pete. i couldnt even make an interpretive dance to show how much i love them. its that profound. anyway. i got home today and popped in the first dvd and snuggled up with my blanket on the couch and watched the same episodes that had entranced me 10 or so years ago. and thats when i realized how much i miss being a kid.
i miss sitting and watching the classics like pete and pete, clarissa explains it all, all that (the good one), kenan and kel, double dare, legends of the hidden temple.
i miss spending 3 hours on becky's swing set pretendng it was an island and we had to survive by making mud pies.
i miss pruning up in katie's pool as swam around and imagined we were mermaids.
i miss when my mom used to clean the old house and move all of the kitchen chair and stools into the living room and i would climb on them and make a fortress.
i miss when it snowed and my dad would shovel the driveway and toss all the snow onto the side and me and my brother would dig under the pile and make a tunnel. and my mom would yell the it was going to collapse and we would suffocate. but we never stopped.
i miss playing with barbies or making drawings of clothes at beckys house which could very well take up to 6 hours.
i miss being naive i miss being innocent. i miss having an imagination. i miss the simple friendships. i miss not caring.
i guess its all this talk of college. and the reality of getting into my first choice college that has made me realize that i am growing up. i am 18 years old. technically an adult. do i feel like an adult? hell no. i cant imagine leaving my parents' house. i cant imagine getting a REAL job and making it in the REAL world.
and that leads me to what has really been bothering me lately. what if i dont make it? i dont fail at much, granted, i fail, but not at much. but what if i do fail? what if i cant make it on my own? what if i dont understand all of this stuff about mortgages and retirement plans and insurance? whos going to be there to make sure i dont fuck up? no one most likely. and sure, a lot of you will comment this and say you'll be there for me, but how many of you actually will? i am probably going to be alone because, let's face it, i'm used up. i dont really have anything else to give to anyone, undatable, that's me. but whatever. the point is. i'm terrified. and i really dont want to go through it alone.
i'm growing up and i can't stop it.
and my music was on random. and of course this song comes on now. coincidence? i think not. just goes to show how my life always plays out.
i miss sitting and watching the classics like pete and pete, clarissa explains it all, all that (the good one), kenan and kel, double dare, legends of the hidden temple.
i miss spending 3 hours on becky's swing set pretendng it was an island and we had to survive by making mud pies.
i miss pruning up in katie's pool as swam around and imagined we were mermaids.
i miss when my mom used to clean the old house and move all of the kitchen chair and stools into the living room and i would climb on them and make a fortress.
i miss when it snowed and my dad would shovel the driveway and toss all the snow onto the side and me and my brother would dig under the pile and make a tunnel. and my mom would yell the it was going to collapse and we would suffocate. but we never stopped.
i miss playing with barbies or making drawings of clothes at beckys house which could very well take up to 6 hours.
i miss being naive i miss being innocent. i miss having an imagination. i miss the simple friendships. i miss not caring.
i guess its all this talk of college. and the reality of getting into my first choice college that has made me realize that i am growing up. i am 18 years old. technically an adult. do i feel like an adult? hell no. i cant imagine leaving my parents' house. i cant imagine getting a REAL job and making it in the REAL world.
and that leads me to what has really been bothering me lately. what if i dont make it? i dont fail at much, granted, i fail, but not at much. but what if i do fail? what if i cant make it on my own? what if i dont understand all of this stuff about mortgages and retirement plans and insurance? whos going to be there to make sure i dont fuck up? no one most likely. and sure, a lot of you will comment this and say you'll be there for me, but how many of you actually will? i am probably going to be alone because, let's face it, i'm used up. i dont really have anything else to give to anyone, undatable, that's me. but whatever. the point is. i'm terrified. and i really dont want to go through it alone.
i'm growing up and i can't stop it.
and my music was on random. and of course this song comes on now. coincidence? i think not. just goes to show how my life always plays out.