(no subject)
It's 1:09 on a Saturday night and I'm home, but I'm okay with that.
Tonight for me was "normal" but anyone else would of been boring. I went to the grocery store, came home and played with toys, colored in a coloring book, and wathced "A Bugs Life".
I'm used to this now. This is what my weekends have turned into....and I am prefectly fine with that.
If this would of been about 2 1/2 years ago...right now I'd probably be out at some random party. Drinking or totally drunk by this time...or probably all fucked up on coke or doing some other drug.
I used to be so bad with partying/drinking/drugs. I was never home. No one ever knew where I was at. I stayed out all hours of the night.
All that changed tho when I found out I was pregnant with Cadence. I dropped everything. I made her my number one in my life, and still today she is still my number one. I am so thankful for her. She has completley changed my life 100% but all for the BETTER,
If it wasn't for her, right now I'd probably be dead. Yes, I said d-e-a-d. That's how awful I was on drugs and partying. I was always on something. I don't know why I did it, to be cool I guess. Even tho it never was cool, just the stupdiest thing I've ever done. But fuck I was young and didn't care. I was only thinking for the moment and not for the future.
Cadence is seriously the best thing to ever happen to me. I thank god for her everyday. That child is my life and soul. I wake up every morning just for her. She makes me happier then I have ever been. I am so grown up now and I don't regret it at all.
Things were hard at first but now everything is so much better. Her dad is even wanting to be in her life now! I am soooo happy about that. Even tho I give her all the love she could ever need in her life she does need a "dad" too, especially if he wants to be there. It only took him 15 months but he wants to be here now! he's coming to see her on Wensday and I am so excited. He's gonna be so shocked because she looks JUST freaking him him. My little "Miz Jr". Hell she's even got his love of music.....she lovessss her piano and plays it all the time.
But really you guys don't know how much I really love this child. I'd do anything in the world for her. No matter what it was.
And I am so proud of my self. Considering how bad I used to be on drugs and shit, everyone kept saying "Oh you'll quit for now, but I know as soon as you have her you'll be right back on it." Well guess what...she is 15 months old on the 3rd of Dec. and since she's been born I have NOT touched one single drug what-so-ever! So, for those of you who've doubted me...FUCK YOU! I knew I wouldn't get back on that shit. I knew I had a bigger and better priority in my life...my daughter! And as far as drinking goes, I think I've drank like 7 times in the past 15 months and only been drunk like 4 of those times....so that's pretty damn good! I don't even feel an urge to do anyhting.
So, if all my weekends for the rest of my life are going to be sitting at home, wathcing movies, playing peek-a-boo, and hanging out with Cade...that's FINE to me. I will do it till I die (or she gets tired of me one) lol. She is more important then ever going out again.
*Cadence Reagan Bailey*--I know you can't see this now or understand it, but your mommy loves you more then anything in the entire world. you mean EVERYTHING to her and she will always be here for you. You are my life and soul. I'd do anyhting for you. Your my sunshine....always and forever. I LOVE YOU! <3 <3 <3