nothing rhymes with 'circus'. chapter 12.
Title: Nothing Rhymes with Circus. Chapter 12.
Author: xonthefloor
Pairing: Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel.
Rating: PG for this chapter.
Warnings: None.
Beta: Ella Greggs.
Word Count: 82oo this chapter.
Genre: Supernatural/Superpowers/Romance/Angst/Drama.
Disclaimer: Pfht, if I owned Glee, Blaine wouldn't be on it.
Summary: Dave is just a humble young man whose only expectation from life is having somewhere to sleep at night. Everything changes when he's invited to join a very unique travelling circus where he'll meet a group of very peculiar people, discovering that he's not what you could call a regular guy.
A/N: This is a complete AU and time fic, that takes place in the late 30s. I’m trying to be as accurate as I can with things the way they were back then, but I apologize if something is not exactly the way it was back in the late 30s. Also, you'll notice that this is unbetaed, so I apologize in advance. English is not my first language. Any offers? I have to warn that the later chapters are quite long, since I can't never manage to write short chapters.
A/N: I’m happy to tell you that we have a new beta (Ella Greggs, you’re the world to me right now!), who’s also beta’ing the previous chapters of this fic, and also the previous chapters of About Trees and Empty Forests.
Chapter 12
Kurt blinks his eyes slow and lazily as he tries to focus them. He’s sleepy though, and warm and comfortable.
There’s sunlight coming through the window, but this window is not above his head as it usually is, but in front of him, several feet away from where he’s laying down. Kurt frowns at this awkward distance between the window and his bed. But then he notices that his pillow is firmer than usual, since it feels more solid against his cheek and that for some reason his head is moving up and down, because the pillow is doing so.
Kurt frowns even more, because then he realizes that there’s an arm wrapped around his waist, and that’s when the recent events become clearer in his mind.
He’s far from the circus, far from his trailer, in a hotel room, in the open, in public, and sleeping in the same bed with David.
Kurt’s too lethargic to freak out, or even to jump in his place since he’s so sleepy that he doesn’t feel like moving, but little by little he starts becoming more conscious of where he is and then he blushes furiously.
He can recall that David invited him into bed, and Kurt accepted the offer in spite of being mortified at sharing the bed with another boy (or girl, for that matter). Well, a man in David’s case, since he’s not precisely a boy.
Everyone in the circus is really accepting of homosexuality, but maybe not all boys would be very comfortable sharing their bed with another boy. Maybe. Kurt’s not sure. It sort of embarrasses Kurt to sleep with someone else.
It’s impossible not to realize that he’s draped all over David. David is just sleeping on his back, while Kurt’s head is resting on his chest and his arm is wrapped around the other man’s waist and his leg is crooked around David’s calve.
Kurt blushes even harder as his body grows hot with embarrassment.
He’s about to untangle himself from David to avoid a very awkward situation if David wakes up when he hears a loud noise coming from outside. His heartbeat suddenly picks up, his limbs clinging tighter to David’s body.
David tenses, stretching his neck like he’s uncomfortable, but in his scared state Kurt doesn’t give David more room.
“Kurt,” David breathes out, not even opening his eyes. Kurt looks at him, feeling terrified and guilty. “It’s just the elevator; go back to sleep.”
That said, David sighs and apparently goes back to sleep, since his breath turns steady again. Kurt cranes his neck, trying to hear something more and he realizes David’s right, it was just the elevator, and he slowly eases off, although he still doesn’t completely let go.
Then Kurt notices that in spite of being asleep, David has his arm wrapped around Kurt's waist tightly. Feeling safer, Kurt lets himself fall back into sleep.
*
When Kurt wakes up again, he stretches around comfortably and that’s when he realizes he’s alone in the bed.
His blood turns cold in one second; he sits up straight and, seeing that he’s all alone in the room, fear overtakes him and he screams in panic: “DAVID!”
Kurt hears steps coming from the bathroom, and he suffers a second wave of terror because he's in a strange place and people, strangers, could be coming towards him, which means someone's future will surely strike his mind. He’s not in the circus anymore, he’s outside, unprotected and David’s not around.
Yet it is only David who rushes into the room; as soon as Kurt sees him, he jumps off the bed, launching into David.
“Jesus, Kurt!” David breathes out, wrapping his arms around Kurt, who’s hanging from his neck.
Kurt's soul returns to his body at the knowledge that David is still there with him.
“Calm down,” David tells him with a soothing voice. “I was just brushing my teeth. I’m not going to leave you; I was just in the bathroom.”
But Kurt’s still shaken up; he can’t process a coherent thought, only hold tight to David, assuring himself that David’s very much there, protecting him from the future.
He doesn’t even realize that David has led him to the bed and sat him down until David is kneeling on the floor in front of him, trying to push him off. Kurt eases up and lets go, but not completely, keeping his hands resting on David’s shoulders.
“Kurt, you need to stop this,” David tells him with a calm voice. “I understand this whole new environment is difficult for you to cope with, but you must remember that I’m not going to leave you.”
Kurt’s eyes fills with tears; he’s such a mess… and he’s obviously exhausting David, who’s the only person he can rely on. Kurt mustn't annoy David, or he might get sick of him and leave. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t cry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”
“It’s alright,” Kurt cuts him off, doing his best to hold back his tears. “You’re right. I’m being stupid, I don’t want to be a bother to you-”
“You’re not a bother,” David states firmly, holding Kurt’s face with both of his hands, forcing their gazes to meet. “You’re not. But Kurt, you need to believe me when I say that I’m not leaving you. I was just in the bathroom and you thought I'd left you here, all by yourself, and I’d never do that.”
“It’s not so easy.”
“I know it’s not, but you can't keep getting scared if I'm out of your sight for even a few minutes. You need to trust me.”
It’s not a matter of trust and that’s actually the problem. David might not leave him willingly, but there are a gazillion things that could happen that are out of their control.
Like yesterday, during those horrible moments when they were on the street. How could Kurt be sure that some car wouldn’t run over David, or that David wouldn't suddenly develop some new ability, an ability like Santana’s, and vanished into the thin air? Kurt doesn't know, David could have more than one ability. Or what if they got stuck in the middle of a robbery and someone shot David, or maybe some guy stole something from them on the street and David instinctively ran after him?
What if the elevator doors closed between them, leaving Kurt inside and David in the lobby? What if -
“Kurt?”
David’s voice forces him out of his trance. “I’m sorry. I got lost in my thoughts.”
“Listen, why don’t you wash up and then we should go buy something to eat.”
Kurt’s world is suddenly falling apart, but he remains stoically still. His friends in the circus are used to the mess he is, but it must be really hard for David to deal with him, so Kurt resolves to stay calm. He’ll freak out about the prospect of going outside when they have to go outside.
“Alright.”
They both stand up, and when David takes him to the bathroom the first thing Kurt notices is the bathtub. It was surely there yesterday, but apparently Kurt was too panicked about being alone in the bathroom, away from David, to even notice.
He hasn’t had a real bath since he joined the circus over four years ago. Unlike his friends, Kurt can’t use the showers when they’re available in the towns where they perform, for obvious reasons. Kurt is very keen on grooming so he’s constantly washing himself and his clothes because he likes to look nice. Yet he can only wash with just a bucket of water that’s usually cold.
Kurt turns around to face David. “We can take baths,” he says, and David smiles.
“Amazing, uh?”
Kurt laughs, clapping his hands together and he grabs David's hand, dragging him to the bathtub and turning the faucets on. Kurt laughs again, looking at David. “Plumbing! Did you bathe already?”
He can’t believe how incredible it is to see water coming from the faucet. He feels like he’s discovering a whole new world, even if he knows this world from before.
“I was just brushing my teeth. I didn’t want to leave you alone for too long. But you go first.”
Kurt’s feeling more relaxed and happier now. They both leave the bathroom while the tub fills, and everything would be perfect if only Kurt could get dressed in his own clothes after a nice hot bath. He looks in the bag that David brings him and it’s very disheartening having to wear Artie’s clothes.
“They’re not so bad.”
Kurt looks up at David, and the man is obviously trying not to laugh. “Yeah? You seem amused though.”
“You’re face is amusing,” David retorts, pointing at him. “You’re looking at those clothes as if they’re horrible. They’re just regular clothes, you know?”
“I don’t wear regular clothes.”
“I know, believe me.”
His excitement starts fading when the bath is ready and, of course, he needs to enter the bathroom and leave David on the other side of the door. David seems to notice his distress when he’s about to close the door.
“Be careful not to get your bandages wet or your cut could open again. We’ll change your bandages when you finish taking your bath.”
Kurt looks down at his wounded hand; he keeps forgetting about the cut, but that’s probably because ever since he got hurt he’s been sleeping, drugged, or too terribly scared to notice it.
The bath won’t be as comfortable as he thought it would be…
“You go inside now,” David tells him and apparently fear shows in Kurt’s eyes because the other boy adds: “I’ll be right here. You just talk to me.”
Kurt nods and David closes the bathroom door. It’s a strange feeling and far from comfortable. He always loved loneliness because that meant he was vision-free. Kurt always liked being alone in his trailer, he was sure that his friends wouldn’t let any strangers get close to him. There was no paranoia or fear of unexpected things. But Kurt is far from his trailer now and it seems he can’t bear being alone; actually, he can’t bear not being able to see or touch to David.
He tries to focus in his bath, undressing and stepping in the tub of hot water and it does feel incredible.
“Are you in?” David asks from the other side of the door.
“Yes! It’s great! I haven’t had a real bath in years!” Kurt calls back.
It’s surreal to be surrounded by hot water; the last time he was under water was in a vision of Rachel’s future when their friends pushed her into a lake, and that wasn't a great experience for him. This instead reminds him of the days when he used to live with his father in their house back in Ohio, back when his life was normal.
It would be perfect if he wasn’t constantly aware of the fact that he cannot see where David is. Even though David is talking through the door, Kurt can’t really make out what he’s saying because he’s growing nervous and the fear starts making him dizzy.
He’s not going to be able to do this.
“Kurt! Are you alright? You’re all quiet,” David asks, concerned.
David is in the adjoining room and Kurt cannot see what’s going on in there.
What if someone breaks in and takes David away? What if David gets ill and… dies or something? Kurt needs to check on him, to make sure everything is alright.
“I… I really can’t do this.”
“Close the curtain, I’m coming in,” David says, and the curtain was closed already so he just peeks out, watching David enter the bathroom. Kurt exhales, relieved.
It’s always so good to see him. David turns around, his back to the curtain, and Kurt smiles at that gesture. “So what’s going on?”
Kurt feels horrible putting David through so much trouble. “The usual.”
“We were fine doing this yesterday.”
“We weren't separated for so long. And I'm nowhere near done. I haven't even started to soap myself,” Kurt replies remorsefully.
David sighs. “Would you feel more comfortable if I stayed?”
It’s weird because Kurt’s naked, all naked, and there’s another man in the same room with him and it’s really embarrassing, but at the same time David is not looking at him, while Kurt can see that he's there.
“Will you stay with your back to me?”
David lets out a short laugh. “I promise.”
“Then yes, please stay.”
Kurt watches David sit on the floor, back to him, and he smiles. “We need bathtubs in camp,” Kurt tells him, more chipper. “This is really good.”
“I’m taking one after you.”
As Kurt soaps his body and checks on David every ten or twenty seconds just to be sure that the young man is still there, he looks around and God, he’s inside a real bathroom, and that means that he’s far from his trailer, which also means that he’s far from the camp.
Kurt’s far from his friends, the only familiar faces he’s seen for the last four years. He's uneasy, not because of his horrible 'gift' and the visions of the future he might get. For the first time in years, the present is the cause of his fears.
During the past four years, Kurt has been living with a steady routine. Every day was the same: he slept in the same bed, had his meals with the same people, sewed some costumes, wrote some letters, and everything was perfectly monotonous. Kurt and all his friends worked hard to adapt his environment in a way that gave Kurt control of his life and his surroundings for the sake of his mental stability.
All that is gone now.
He’s on the run with David. Kurt cannot build a new routine in this new room, because David said they can’t stay in the same hotel - not even in the same city - for more than two or three days. Tomorrow he’s probably going to be in a different place, far from here, on a different bed, with different walls surrounding him.
Kurt’s not very eager to talk about what they should do next, because that only reminds him of the current situation. Instead he thinks about his friends and his beloved circus… what if the circus is gone forever? What if the Dalton people never stop pursuing them? They can’t run forever and Kurt doesn’t think the Dalton people will suddenly give up and leave them alone.
When is he even going to see his friends again?
“Do you think they’re safe?” Kurt asks quietly.
“Emma said they were,” David replies, getting right away that he’s talking about their friends. “You shouldn't worry about that.”
“It’s hard not to.”
“They’re probably more worried about you than you are about them.”
Kurt frowns, not welcoming David’s words. “I worry a lot about them!”
“I didn’t mean that you don’t. I mean that everyone has more reason to worry about you. We’ll have to call Emma today or tomorrow to let them know you’re still safe.”
David has a point; his friends do care a lot about him, and Kurt’s is more than sure running away is not as difficult for them as it is for him. It doesn’t relax Kurt though, because once again, the uncertainty is there; actually, it’s all over the place and Kurt doesn’t have anything to hold onto. The circus is gone, his friends are gone, and so are his routines.
But David’s there. It would be easier for both of them if they knew each other a little better. There wouldn’t be so much awkwardness, at least. All of his friends are used to his weirdness, so much that Kurt has stopped feeling guilty and embarrassed when he acts all strange in front of them, and that happens quite often.
David has always seen him at his worst; Lord, all the times they’ve been together David only sees him in bizarre situations.
Kurt soaps his arms and legs and checks on David once again. David’s still there and Kurt nods at this reaffirmation.
He needs to stop acting like this in front of David. If he just behaves in a crazy way all the time, David will think he’s actually crazy and Kurt hates people thinking he’s crazy.
Kurt decides he needs to give David a break, or at least to try to. David is making a remarkable effort to deal with him, showing the patience of a saint, and they don’t even know each other that much. He owes it to David to act as normally as he can.
It takes a lot of effort to wash his hair without getting his hurt hand wet, but somehow he manages. He blushes and gets embarrassed all over again when he’s done and needs to get out of the tub.
Kurt’s naked and David’s there.
“I’m done,” Kurt announces with a small voice.
He listens to David getting up from the floor and Kurt quickly sticks his head out from behind the curtain, keeping his body covered by it. David’s still there, facing away from him, and that’s good on both counts.
“Do you think you can manage a few minutes on your own so you can dress?” David asks, almost as if he’s reading his mind.
Kurt is not sure, but he must make the effort. “Will you talk to me through the door?”
David shows a small smile Kurt can't see. “Of course.”
“I can try,” Kurt offers.
“I’ll wait for you outside.”
Kurt watches David exit and as soon as the other man leaves the room Kurt practically jumps out of the tub, reaching for the towel and drying himself quickly. The bandages on his hand loosen up as he hastily dress.
“You know,” David says from the other side of the door. “I don’t want to upset you, but I was thinking we should go get some food now.”
Kurt tenses, looking at the door even though he can’t see David. “You think?” he inquires with a faltering voice.
He really doesn’t want to go out; not now, not ever. But he’s not dumb and he’s aware that they will have to leave their room eventually.
“Yes. I mean, the sooner we do it, the sooner we’ll be done. Otherwise you’ll be anxious all day long, knowing that we still have to go out. But if we do it now, we can get enough food so we can stay in here until tomorrow.”
Kurt knows what David says makes sense. Yet a shiver runs down Kurt’s spine. He’s only got on pants and a white undershirt, but considering himself decent enough, he leaves the bathroom, almost knocking over David, who was standing just outside the door. Kurt lets out a relieved sigh and smiles at David.
“You’re here.”
David nods with a knowing smile. “I was just talking to you, so yes, I’m here.”
In moments like this one - and there has been plenty of them - Kurt feels incredibly stupid. David is right, it’s impossible that he wouldn’t be there if they were just talking to each other. Kurt can’t really explain why he keeps being so scared and tense, even when he’s sure that David is there. He just can’t help it.
“So we leave now?”
“If you feel up to it. We should fix those bandages and you should finish dressing.”
Kurt will never feel like going out, but he does his best to gather some courage. He has to face the inevitable eventually. And David is right. The knowledge that they have to go into the street has been tingling in the back of his head ever since David mentioned it. If they get rid of this task now, at least Kurt will be able to spend the rest of the day in peace.
So Kurt gets properly dressed - or not so properly, since there’s nothing proper about the clothes he’s wearing. David gets ready himself, grabbing a jacket, the money and the white cane. Kurt combs his hair and lets David change the bandages on his hand. Kurt takes a look and the wound is there, deep and red, but it’s not bleeding so he believes it’s healing.
Yet as soon as David starts covering his eyes with the other bandage, Kurt starts growing anxious. He tries to reign in his fear since this is just the beginning; they haven’t even left their room.
“Easy, Kurt,” David tells him with a soothing voice. “This is going to be hard. But you did it once, right? I won’t leave you alone. Ever.”
Kurt nods as he lets David cover his eyes. When David’s done, Kurt immediately grabs hold of him because he can’t see him anymore. David puts the white cane in Kurt’s hand and they lock their arms together as he lets himself be guided to the door.
It’s ridiculous but the cane actually helps him find his way. Kurt takes a deep breath, holding onto David even tighter when he hears the man open the door.
It’s horrible.
Kurt feels the ground beneath his feet with the white cane, trying to abstract himself from the surrounding that in spite of being unable to see , he can feel everywhere. Kurt hates how the atmosphere changes when he’s not indoors, secluded behind walls. But this is much worse than stepping out to pick up something from the costumes trailer.
Kurt tries though. His arm is locked with David's and David is whispering things to him, but Kurt’s concentrating so hard on trying not to faint or die that he can’t make out the words he’s hearing.
They get into the elevator. David speaks louder this time: “I’m going to ask the receptionist where can we get some take-out food. Alright?”
Kurt nods because he can’t even speak. His head starts hurting as he feels his heart beating faster. The bell of the elevator rings, indicating that they’ve reached the ground floor and Kurt tries not to think about how far he is from their room, and how if something bad happens, he’ll have great difficulty finding his way back to it, since Kurt has never actually seen the place.
He follows David to what Kurt assumes is the reception desk. When David starts talking to the receptionist, Kurt holds tighter to David. There’s another person close to him, and Kurt’s able to be with up to two people. It’s his first thought, even if he knows he won't see any futures while David’s there. Yet in case David stops being there, it will be just this girl, himself and his fear. Kurt might handle it.
Since he’s so busy thinking about what he would do if David vanished into the thin air, he jerks in place when David pulls him from his arm, leading him. Kurt follows of course.
“Did you hear that?”
Kurt shakes his head no.
“There’s a dining room in this hotel,” David whispers, sounding excited. “We won’t have to go out.”
Kurt’s lips twitch into a small smile. He looks up, as if he was trying to meet David’s eyes. “How big is this hotel?”
“Pretty big,” David replies as they walk by somewhere Kurt doesn’t know.
“Expensive, right? I can’t remember how much it cost. A hotel with a restaurant?”
“It is, but William said crowded places right? The Dalton people won’t approach us if there are people around.”
That’s as upsetting as it is true. He keeps walking as David tells his step by step where they’re going, something Kurt appreciates because he won’t be able to handle surprises. ‘The dining is in the ground floor,’ ‘we’re going through a large hallway,’ ‘there’s no one around,’ etc.
Yet when David announces that they’re about to walk into the dining room, Kurt listens to him muttering ‘Shit,’ as he opens the door for the both of them, and the curse is redundant since at the same moment the sound of a large group in one place reaches Kurt’s ears.
“It’s crowded,” David whispers as Kurt feels his soul abandoning his body. “Not a lot, but there must be at least thirty people.”
The little moment of ease Kurt felt having about not having to go out on the streets quickly fades. His heart suddenly starts pounding so hard he thinks it's going to leap right out of his chest; he’s dizzy, unsteady on his feet and generally shaky; the world around him is spinning out of control and he can't get a grip. Every muscle of his body tenses, so much so that he has trouble at walking.
“I’m here, Kurt. I’m not going to leave you,” David mutters, rubbing his arm and Kurt only presses himself against David the most he can. “We’re heading to the counter. There’s a small line.”
Kurt can barely hear him; he’s more focused at the chatting around him. There are way too many people for his liking. As they walk between the different tables, he can heart parts of different conversations and it's unbearable.
Cold sweat runs down the back of his neck; he’s incredibly cold and Kurt keeps growing more and more scared. The noise, the knowledge of the amount of people around him, it’s too much for him to take.
Suddenly, they stop still. “We’re in the line,” David whispers at him.
Kurt can’t process his words; he feels like he’s dying; he’s about to die and he can’t even move to say something or to do something to prevent that from happening. Kurt can only hear himself thinking repeatedly ‘I’m dying. I’m dying. I’m dying. He can’t remember the last time he felt this frightened, and the feeling does not allow him to conceive anything else. He’s trapped in a turmoil of fear and desperation.
Kurt starts growing dizzy and numb, as if he had popped several sleeping pills and was about to fall asleep. He loses all ability to speak or formulate any coherent though. In spite of the rigidity of his body, he holds tight to David, realizing in horror that it’s not enough.
He can feel that David is there and he's even able to hear his voice. Yet Kurt can’t listen to him very well; David’s voice is faint, as if Kurt were hearing him from a far distance, even though David must actually be right there, because Kurt is touching him.
But the noise of the people talking is louder, and his mind is almost screaming because even if his body can’t respond, he knows he’s going to die. The fear paralyzes him; he wants to cry but he can’t manage to make even a sound. There are too many people around him and it’s horrible. A part of him wishes that the future would just take him already, so this feeling of death would stop.
Ever since his ability kicked in, Kurt has never experienced this - being in crowded places - at least not in a conscious way. When he started seeing people’s futures, he was quickly admitted to the asylum, but he was too far deep into his visions to realize what was happening. There hasn’t been a point when Kurt actually saw himself about to lose the present, because the future was suddenly his present.
The second crowded place he’s been at was the hospital, where his friends took him when he overdosed with chloroform. Once again, he simply woke up in the future of the doctors, patients, nurses and everyone else there. Luckily, William 'persuaded' the doctors not to hold him for a psychiatric examination.
And then it was the big lunch with his circus friends shortly after David joined them. That has been a horrible experience, too, but he knew he could count on his friends to never let something bad happening to him. He could get lost in the future, but it would have been his friends’ future, people that Kurt knew. He would still have been in the circus, a place he was familiar with.
Now David is here, but in a strange place, in a strange city and there are at least twice as many people as in the circus. There are a billion things that could go wrong, and Kurt thinks about each and every one of those things, growing ever more scared, if that’s possible.
Then everything turns very weird.
Kurt can feel that he’s falling, but he never falls. The noise is there, at some point he can hear David speaking right to him, but Kurt is incapable of responding. He’s trapped in his own panic and he doesn’t even know how he’s managing to stay on his feet.
He’s aware that he’s walking, that David is pulling him from here to there but he’s not really conscious of what’s happening. He loses track of space and time, at some point he can’t hear anything but his own voice in his head, telling him over and over that he’s going to die.
“Kurt. Kurt!”
It’s David’s voice, Kurt knows that much. He can hear it somewhere in the back of his mind. But Kurt can’t move, he can’t feel David anymore, and even though he desperately tries to reach David, his body just doesn’t respond.
Then he feels it; he feels David everywhere. Kurt’s pressed against the other boy, who’s holding him hard against his chest, and Kurt’s muscles begin to ease. With every second that passes, he regains more of his senses and all he can do is cry.
Kurt wants to hold David, but he’s too tired to even move. Instead, he sobs uncontrollably.
“We’re back. You’re safe now,” David tells him calmly, still not letting him go and for that Kurt’s glad. He thought he had lost David.
The bandages are gone and Kurt blinks repeatedly with his eyes full of tears and he can see that they’re back in their room. There are some bags of food on the floor, and he realizes he’s actually kneeling on the floor, back against the wall. His head is resting on David’s shoulder, and David is right in front of him, hugging him. He has no idea how this happened; he doesn’t know how he managed to get back to their room; he really thought he was dying.
“God, David. I’m so scared,” Kurt cries out.
“I know. I know,” David replies, sounding pained.
“I’m so tired. Everything hurts.”
Before he knows what’s happening, he’s being lifted up. Out of fear, he manages to move for the first time, wrapping his arms around David’s neck; every muscle in his body hurts. David carries him bridal style to the bed and deposits him on the mattress. Kurt doesn’t let him pull away, so David lays down next to him. Kurt throws an arm around David’s chest, and a leg over his thigh, pressing himself close with every inch of his body so he can feel David as much as he can.
“You rest a bit, alright? I’ll stay right here.”
Kurt nods tiredly and all the tension starts leaving his body, until he ends up completely exhausted.
*
When Kurt wakes up, he has déjà vu. Once again, he find himself in bed, wrapped in David arms, but he’s not scared or tense like he was in the morning. Or confused, since he recalls the recent events, well aware of where he is and who he’s with.
David’s awake; Kurt can feel David’s hand rubbing his back in a comforting way.
“I’m sorry,” Kurt mumbles.
David stills. “You’re awake?”
Kurt looks up and he tries not to blush at being just a few inches from David’s face. David, the same boy he’s pressed against. God, he needs to stop thinking about David as a boy; Kurt is used to thinking of himself as a boy even if he’s nineteen, but David must be older, and in any case he definitely doesn’t look like a boy.
“Yes.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry,” David tells him quietly. “Are you hungry?” In that very moment, Kurt’s stomach growls loudly and he blushes deeper, while David just laughs. “I feel the same way.”
When David tries to pull away Kurt instinctively holds him back; David gives him a soft look and Kurt feels a little embarrassed with himself. He lets David go.
David gets up and walks towards the bags on the floor. Kurt realizes there’s a gap in his memory that he cannot fill, so when David brings the bags over to the bed and starts taking food out, Kurt can’t help asking,
“What happened? I don’t remember us coming back here. I was so afraid, I couldn't even move,” Kurt tells him, as David hands him a wrapped plate with roasted meet. “Did I do something? Oh, God. Did I give us away?”
Kurt’s heart starts beating faster at the prospect of having jeopardized everything.
David sighs like he doesn’t know what to say. “You didn’t give us away. Or at least I didn’t notice anyone paying attention, other than to give you pitying looks due your supposed blindness.”
Kurt frowns. “So what happened? I just remember… well, being afraid.”
“I don’t know. I noticed you were trembling and you were incredibly cold under my touch. I talked to you, you never answered,” David continues. “I don’t really know, Kurt. I was really scared, so I got us breakfast as fast as I could. But even when we left the dining room, and were alone in the hallways or the elevator, you remained cold and rigid… unresponsive. It wasn’t until we got here that you finally reacted to something and broke into tears.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that!”
Kurt flinches and David gives him an apologetic look. “It’s just… I’m really giving you the hardest time. I’m sure that running away wouldn’t be so difficult for you if you were with, I don’t know, some of our other friends.”
“It doesn’t matter. I was scared for you but nothing else happened. Now eat; it’s cold but I think it will still be tasty.”
They both eat the food in silence, and as his stomach starts filling his mood starts improving as well. Kurt had the scare of his life, but somehow he managed not to make a scene. David is still with him and their identities are safe.
“It’s good, you know?” Kurt tells him.
“What thing?”
“That I got some practice today at being in public without making a scene. We’ll have to face this more than once in the future.” Even if that doesn’t make him happy in the slightest he has to deal with the truth.
David looks at him with sad eyes. “I don’t want you to go through so much. Tomorrow we’ll have to leave to some other city, we’ll have to buy food again and call Emma.”
Kurt smiles at him; David is really nice, he notices. It’s not like Kurt didn’t know that, since without even knowing him, David always helped him. Like when he got stuck in the crowd the first time they met, or when David brought him food after that disastrous lunch with his friends, or when he saw the future about the Dalton people. In fact, David has stayed with him every day ever since those visions.
And now David is here with him, in the middle of nowhere and away from everything and everyone they know, looking after him.
If David can do so much for them both, Kurt can deal with his own fear.
“We’ll manage, David,” Kurt tells him tenderly, and much more optimistically. “We did today, right?”
David smiles. “Maybe you’ll get used to it, and with time you won’t be so scared.”
Kurt doesn’t think that will ever happen, but still. “Maybe.”
His chest grows warm though, in spite of their dark future. After all, he got this far and he’s still safe and future free in spite of everything and that’s because David has been there for him all this time.
So he drops his plate and moves in front of David. “Can I hug you?”
David stares at him quietly, and Kurt blushes. He’s been way too touchy with David already, but that was just product of his fear. But David nods slowly and Kurt wraps his arms around David’s neck. “Thank you. For everything you’re done for me,” he says truthfully.
David hugs him back. “It’s no trouble,” he says and then he laughs. “Actually, we’re having lots of troubles, but we’re handling them just fine, right?”
They break the embrace and Kurt feels like laughing. “We’re dealing, yes.”
*
It’s been only two nights since the circus had to split up and Dave’s head is about to explode. This running away never gives him a break, and he’s constantly facing new challenges with Kurt. Dave doesn’t know how he’s going to manage.
That trip to the dining room was... God, Dave has never been so scared in his life. He didn’t know what was happening with Kurt and he still doesn’t, but when he recalls how tense, cold, sweaty and unresponsive Kurt was, a shiver runs down his spine. Dave even got to thinking that Kurt had died and somehow kept on walking, and it drove him crazy because he was as desperate to make Kurt better as he was desperate to pass unnoticed. Both things were related, since they must pass unnoticed to keep Kurt safe.
It was relieving and heart-breaking when Kurt broke down once they got back to their room. Dave can only guess how frightening it was for Kurt to be in a room filled with people, because even if Kurt couldn’t see that crowded place, he could sense and hear it.
And the horrible part is that they’ll have to do it again, and again, who knows how many times, until the situation with the Dalton people gets resolved.
It’s over for now, though. Ever since Kurt woke up several hours ago, he’s been acting like what Dave believes is Kurt’s normal self, and Dave has never been around a normal Kurt for so long.
It’s still not normal, since normal people don’t cling to other people constantly. But even if Kurt still needs to touch him, see him or listen to him constantly, Dave nevertheless is getting to see another side of Kurt.
“I really love Ethel Waters. I think she’s my favorite of all.”
They are just getting to know each other, and music seems to be a common ground between them. Kurt talks about music a lot and while Dave doesn’t mind, since he loves music, it makes him sad. For Kurt mostly, because it’s obvious that being secluded in his trailer, alone for so long, music has almost became Kurt’s best friend.
“I saw you have some of her records.”
He’s currently in the bathtub, since he promised himself a long bath, and Kurt is on the other side of the curtain, sitting on the floor leaning back against the tub. Kurt is talking freely about the music he likes, and Dave pays close attention to answer in time so Kurt won’t think that he has suddenly disappeared.
“I could never relate to the lyrics of Stormy Weather but it’s definitely the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard.”
Dave nods, feeling a bit sad for Kurt. The song is about the hurt a woman is feeling because she has her love no more, and it’s obvious that with Kurt’s history, he’s never been in love or even had a crush, as Santana once said.
“Yeah, it’s a good song.”
Dave likes this Kurt, and that makes him a bit uncomfortable, not to say a lot.
He always wondered about the Kurt all his friends talked so much about, because there is not even one single person in the circus who doesn't adore Kurt. At first Dave assumed it was just sympathy; after all, Kurt is one of them and he’s very fragile. Dave himself, not knowing Kurt much, had always done his best to comfort the boy.
Their circus is a pretty tight family, but it’s only reasonable that people get along better with some than with others. Tina and Mercedes are always joined to the hip; Noah and Santana spend a lot of time together and Sam, Finn and Artie always gather around to play some music.
Dave himself likes everyone in the circus, but he's grown very close to Santana and Brittany, and when he’s bored, he usually goes to Artie’s trailer to hang out with him.
But among their friends, everyone spends time with Kurt.
The girls seemed more fond of him, but Dave is not sure if it’s because they’re girls and are more fuzzy about it. But then, Kurt sews their clothing and girls love that stuff and Dave thought it could be because of that; they had that interest in common. And that thought only made him wonder what Kurt and the guys could have in common; after all, Kurt’s world is very narrow, and Dave wondered a lot of times what Kurt and, say Noah, Finn or Mike could talk about while they shared meals or just hung out for hours in the boy’s trailer.
Yet the guys visited Kurt almost as often as the girls did.
Dave could never understand it as an outsider. He’s starting to get it now. Kurt is beyond likable. In spite of being confined to a small trailer, the boy is pretty aware of the world outside; maybe the guys buy newspapers for him. He’s also very witty and even funny, and to Dave it’s just pleasant to be able to talk with Kurt about things like books and music, or even the weather. It’s a novelty to listen to Kurt just talk without jumping constantly in place at every little noise.
Dave has been attracted to Kurt ever since the first time he saw him because, in spite of his unavoidable weirdness (which is not Kurt’s fault), the boy is indeed really gorgeous. He always tried not to think much about how beautiful Kurt is, because that leads to nowhere. It helped that the only expressions Dave ever saw in Kurt’s face were fear, dizziness and despair. Kurt’s eyes were either filled with tears, or dopey from drugs, or just terrified. Until today, Kurt was tragically beautiful.
But as the boy started becoming more comfortable, or maybe less conscious of their surroundings, Kurt’s fear-filled eyes became just piercing blue, the frown on his forehead disappeared and he started showing a smile that takes Dave’s breath away. Now Kurt is just plain beautiful. And intelligent, and incredibly charming.
And here's Dave, naked in a damn bathtub just inches away from a boy he finds more attractive with every second that passes, and there’s no way to escape. Dave strictly forbids himself to grow aroused because it would be wrong on several levels. First of all, they have more important things to worry about, and second, he doesn’t want to make Kurt uncomfortable; the boy is dealing with enough already.
Dave knows he can do it. After all, he has been doing a remarkable job of ignoring Kurt’s attractiveness for weeks, but to be honest it didn't take much effort since they were barely together.
Now Kurt’s practically glued to him.
Oh, God! Dave thinks to himself, growing exhausted at his own inner debate. The water is also getting cold, but Dave actually welcomes that.
“If there’s something I always wanted to do if I was normal, it’s to listen to some live music,” Kurt’s voice breaks his train of thought.
“I’ve never done that, either,” Dave replies. “I mean, I’ve been at some bars where there were musician playing songs, but nothing like a show or a concert.”
“Sebastian saw Billie Holiday several times at some clubs in New York. I was so jealous when he told me,” Kurt tells him and Dave feels a little jealous of Sebastian, too. “His family is from there, you know.”
The mention of Sebastian makes his stomach ache a little; he's still not sure how he feels about Sebastian joining the Dalton people. But Dave knows he shouldn’t mention it to Kurt, since he doesn’t want to upset the kid any more than necessary.
“Well, no singer like that ever performed in the clubs I’ve been at, that’s for sure,” Dave says. The water has gotten downright cold and he decides he can't put off ending the bath any longer. “Can you wait for me outside? I’m coming out.”
“Um… sure,” Kurt says and Dave hears him getting up.
“I’ll be quick, I promise.”
Dave practically jumps out of the tub when the door closes, and snatches the towel to dry himself quickly. He grabs his clothes and moves closer to the door, just to be able to talk to Kurt.
“Are you hungry? We still have some food left,” Dave offers.
“Actually, I’m pretty tired. It’s like… wow, half past eleven!”
“What?!”
The day really flew by and Dave didn’t even notice.
“What time do we check out tomorrow?”
“Around ten. I don’t really know where we should head though,” Dave replies as he puts his pants on. “William said we should go to the East coast.”
“Well, yes. You have plenty of populated cities over there. Maybe we should aim for New York?”
Dave starts sensing a glimpse of distress in Kurt’s voice and he’s not sure it’s caused by the idea of going to New York under these conditions or because Kurt can’t see him.
So having his pants on, Dave considers himself dressed enough and opens the door only to find Kurt standing right in front of him. The boy opens his mouth and then closes it again, blushing and turning around. Dave curses to himself and hurriedly pulls an undershirt over his head.
“Maybe, yes,” Dave continues. “Tomorrow we’ll see, alright? Now let’s get some rest.”
Kurt nods and moves towards his bag to take out some pajamas. It’s obvious that Kurt won’t get fully naked to change his clothes, but Dave turns around anyway, just like Kurt does, busing himself in packing all their stuff. They don’t have much unpacked actually, but Dave doesn't want to have to take care of that tomorrow, since he’ll probably have to focus on getting Kurt into the car.
“Done,” Kurt speaks up, walking towards the bed and getting under the covers.
The bed they shared last night and earlier in the day: Dave’s bed. Now 'their' bed. What was formerly Kurt’s bed remained untouched.
Once again, Dave starts feeling a little anxious at their proximity. It’s not the first time they’ll share the bed, but all the other times Kurt was severely distressed and Dave didn’t even have time to think about how touchy they were being, since his main concern was to comfort the kid. This will be the first time they’ll sleep together when Kurt is calm and unperturbed. In addition, Kurt is much more appealing now that Dave knows him better.
Kurt doesn’t seem to realize any of this, and Dave is not going to point it out, either, because there’s no use. He knows that Kurt won’t be able to get through the night in peace if they sleep in separate beds.
So Dave gets in the bed, doing his best not to show Kurt that this arrangement affects him in a new way. Yet as soon as Dave lies down, Kurt moves in close, wrapping his arm around him. Dave takes a deep breath; this boy is not making things easy for him. Kurt just yawns, luckily not noticing how tense Dave is now.
“It’s been a long day,” Kurt says with a tired voice. “I guess we’ll have lots of long days.”
“I guess,” Dave replies, not feeling really eloquent. He’s more focused on thinking about a bunch of ugly things to distract himself from the fact that he really likes how Kurt’s body feels pressed against him.
“It’s the second day I'm going to sleep without taking any pills,” Kurt points out and that catches Dave’s attention. He actually turns to look Kurt in the eye.
“Is that good?”
Kurt shrugs. “It’s… different. Not bad, I guess. Falling asleep is better than passing out. It feels different; natural, if that makes any sense.”
Dave actually smiles at that; he never liked the idea of Kurt taking so many drugs. He’s aware that sometimes they were necessary, but Kurt seemed to depend on them almost constantly. If Dave thinks about it, Kurt has done a lot of stuff in the past two days without being under the influence of any drugs; he suspects back in the circus Kurt sniffed chloroform or popped pills under much less stressful situations than he’s in now.
Maybe this running away will be good for him. Kurt is for sure someone who breaks easily, and that will probably never change, but maybe he'll learn that he’s a bit stronger than he thinks.
“Good,” Dave says, turning around to turn off the lights.
“Good night, David.”
“Sleep well.”
Kurt snuggles into him some more, and Dave takes another deep breath, forcing himself to find some sleep instead of starting to enjoy his closeness to Kurt too much.
Author: xonthefloor
Pairing: Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel.
Rating: PG for this chapter.
Warnings: None.
Beta: Ella Greggs.
Word Count: 82oo this chapter.
Genre: Supernatural/Superpowers/Romance/Angst/Drama.
Disclaimer: Pfht, if I owned Glee, Blaine wouldn't be on it.
Summary: Dave is just a humble young man whose only expectation from life is having somewhere to sleep at night. Everything changes when he's invited to join a very unique travelling circus where he'll meet a group of very peculiar people, discovering that he's not what you could call a regular guy.
A/N: This is a complete AU and time fic, that takes place in the late 30s. I’m trying to be as accurate as I can with things the way they were back then, but I apologize if something is not exactly the way it was back in the late 30s. Also, you'll notice that this is unbetaed, so I apologize in advance. English is not my first language. Any offers? I have to warn that the later chapters are quite long, since I can't never manage to write short chapters.
A/N: I’m happy to tell you that we have a new beta (Ella Greggs, you’re the world to me right now!), who’s also beta’ing the previous chapters of this fic, and also the previous chapters of About Trees and Empty Forests.
Chapter 12
Kurt blinks his eyes slow and lazily as he tries to focus them. He’s sleepy though, and warm and comfortable.
There’s sunlight coming through the window, but this window is not above his head as it usually is, but in front of him, several feet away from where he’s laying down. Kurt frowns at this awkward distance between the window and his bed. But then he notices that his pillow is firmer than usual, since it feels more solid against his cheek and that for some reason his head is moving up and down, because the pillow is doing so.
Kurt frowns even more, because then he realizes that there’s an arm wrapped around his waist, and that’s when the recent events become clearer in his mind.
He’s far from the circus, far from his trailer, in a hotel room, in the open, in public, and sleeping in the same bed with David.
Kurt’s too lethargic to freak out, or even to jump in his place since he’s so sleepy that he doesn’t feel like moving, but little by little he starts becoming more conscious of where he is and then he blushes furiously.
He can recall that David invited him into bed, and Kurt accepted the offer in spite of being mortified at sharing the bed with another boy (or girl, for that matter). Well, a man in David’s case, since he’s not precisely a boy.
Everyone in the circus is really accepting of homosexuality, but maybe not all boys would be very comfortable sharing their bed with another boy. Maybe. Kurt’s not sure. It sort of embarrasses Kurt to sleep with someone else.
It’s impossible not to realize that he’s draped all over David. David is just sleeping on his back, while Kurt’s head is resting on his chest and his arm is wrapped around the other man’s waist and his leg is crooked around David’s calve.
Kurt blushes even harder as his body grows hot with embarrassment.
He’s about to untangle himself from David to avoid a very awkward situation if David wakes up when he hears a loud noise coming from outside. His heartbeat suddenly picks up, his limbs clinging tighter to David’s body.
David tenses, stretching his neck like he’s uncomfortable, but in his scared state Kurt doesn’t give David more room.
“Kurt,” David breathes out, not even opening his eyes. Kurt looks at him, feeling terrified and guilty. “It’s just the elevator; go back to sleep.”
That said, David sighs and apparently goes back to sleep, since his breath turns steady again. Kurt cranes his neck, trying to hear something more and he realizes David’s right, it was just the elevator, and he slowly eases off, although he still doesn’t completely let go.
Then Kurt notices that in spite of being asleep, David has his arm wrapped around Kurt's waist tightly. Feeling safer, Kurt lets himself fall back into sleep.
*
When Kurt wakes up again, he stretches around comfortably and that’s when he realizes he’s alone in the bed.
His blood turns cold in one second; he sits up straight and, seeing that he’s all alone in the room, fear overtakes him and he screams in panic: “DAVID!”
Kurt hears steps coming from the bathroom, and he suffers a second wave of terror because he's in a strange place and people, strangers, could be coming towards him, which means someone's future will surely strike his mind. He’s not in the circus anymore, he’s outside, unprotected and David’s not around.
Yet it is only David who rushes into the room; as soon as Kurt sees him, he jumps off the bed, launching into David.
“Jesus, Kurt!” David breathes out, wrapping his arms around Kurt, who’s hanging from his neck.
Kurt's soul returns to his body at the knowledge that David is still there with him.
“Calm down,” David tells him with a soothing voice. “I was just brushing my teeth. I’m not going to leave you; I was just in the bathroom.”
But Kurt’s still shaken up; he can’t process a coherent thought, only hold tight to David, assuring himself that David’s very much there, protecting him from the future.
He doesn’t even realize that David has led him to the bed and sat him down until David is kneeling on the floor in front of him, trying to push him off. Kurt eases up and lets go, but not completely, keeping his hands resting on David’s shoulders.
“Kurt, you need to stop this,” David tells him with a calm voice. “I understand this whole new environment is difficult for you to cope with, but you must remember that I’m not going to leave you.”
Kurt’s eyes fills with tears; he’s such a mess… and he’s obviously exhausting David, who’s the only person he can rely on. Kurt mustn't annoy David, or he might get sick of him and leave. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t cry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”
“It’s alright,” Kurt cuts him off, doing his best to hold back his tears. “You’re right. I’m being stupid, I don’t want to be a bother to you-”
“You’re not a bother,” David states firmly, holding Kurt’s face with both of his hands, forcing their gazes to meet. “You’re not. But Kurt, you need to believe me when I say that I’m not leaving you. I was just in the bathroom and you thought I'd left you here, all by yourself, and I’d never do that.”
“It’s not so easy.”
“I know it’s not, but you can't keep getting scared if I'm out of your sight for even a few minutes. You need to trust me.”
It’s not a matter of trust and that’s actually the problem. David might not leave him willingly, but there are a gazillion things that could happen that are out of their control.
Like yesterday, during those horrible moments when they were on the street. How could Kurt be sure that some car wouldn’t run over David, or that David wouldn't suddenly develop some new ability, an ability like Santana’s, and vanished into the thin air? Kurt doesn't know, David could have more than one ability. Or what if they got stuck in the middle of a robbery and someone shot David, or maybe some guy stole something from them on the street and David instinctively ran after him?
What if the elevator doors closed between them, leaving Kurt inside and David in the lobby? What if -
“Kurt?”
David’s voice forces him out of his trance. “I’m sorry. I got lost in my thoughts.”
“Listen, why don’t you wash up and then we should go buy something to eat.”
Kurt’s world is suddenly falling apart, but he remains stoically still. His friends in the circus are used to the mess he is, but it must be really hard for David to deal with him, so Kurt resolves to stay calm. He’ll freak out about the prospect of going outside when they have to go outside.
“Alright.”
They both stand up, and when David takes him to the bathroom the first thing Kurt notices is the bathtub. It was surely there yesterday, but apparently Kurt was too panicked about being alone in the bathroom, away from David, to even notice.
He hasn’t had a real bath since he joined the circus over four years ago. Unlike his friends, Kurt can’t use the showers when they’re available in the towns where they perform, for obvious reasons. Kurt is very keen on grooming so he’s constantly washing himself and his clothes because he likes to look nice. Yet he can only wash with just a bucket of water that’s usually cold.
Kurt turns around to face David. “We can take baths,” he says, and David smiles.
“Amazing, uh?”
Kurt laughs, clapping his hands together and he grabs David's hand, dragging him to the bathtub and turning the faucets on. Kurt laughs again, looking at David. “Plumbing! Did you bathe already?”
He can’t believe how incredible it is to see water coming from the faucet. He feels like he’s discovering a whole new world, even if he knows this world from before.
“I was just brushing my teeth. I didn’t want to leave you alone for too long. But you go first.”
Kurt’s feeling more relaxed and happier now. They both leave the bathroom while the tub fills, and everything would be perfect if only Kurt could get dressed in his own clothes after a nice hot bath. He looks in the bag that David brings him and it’s very disheartening having to wear Artie’s clothes.
“They’re not so bad.”
Kurt looks up at David, and the man is obviously trying not to laugh. “Yeah? You seem amused though.”
“You’re face is amusing,” David retorts, pointing at him. “You’re looking at those clothes as if they’re horrible. They’re just regular clothes, you know?”
“I don’t wear regular clothes.”
“I know, believe me.”
His excitement starts fading when the bath is ready and, of course, he needs to enter the bathroom and leave David on the other side of the door. David seems to notice his distress when he’s about to close the door.
“Be careful not to get your bandages wet or your cut could open again. We’ll change your bandages when you finish taking your bath.”
Kurt looks down at his wounded hand; he keeps forgetting about the cut, but that’s probably because ever since he got hurt he’s been sleeping, drugged, or too terribly scared to notice it.
The bath won’t be as comfortable as he thought it would be…
“You go inside now,” David tells him and apparently fear shows in Kurt’s eyes because the other boy adds: “I’ll be right here. You just talk to me.”
Kurt nods and David closes the bathroom door. It’s a strange feeling and far from comfortable. He always loved loneliness because that meant he was vision-free. Kurt always liked being alone in his trailer, he was sure that his friends wouldn’t let any strangers get close to him. There was no paranoia or fear of unexpected things. But Kurt is far from his trailer now and it seems he can’t bear being alone; actually, he can’t bear not being able to see or touch to David.
He tries to focus in his bath, undressing and stepping in the tub of hot water and it does feel incredible.
“Are you in?” David asks from the other side of the door.
“Yes! It’s great! I haven’t had a real bath in years!” Kurt calls back.
It’s surreal to be surrounded by hot water; the last time he was under water was in a vision of Rachel’s future when their friends pushed her into a lake, and that wasn't a great experience for him. This instead reminds him of the days when he used to live with his father in their house back in Ohio, back when his life was normal.
It would be perfect if he wasn’t constantly aware of the fact that he cannot see where David is. Even though David is talking through the door, Kurt can’t really make out what he’s saying because he’s growing nervous and the fear starts making him dizzy.
He’s not going to be able to do this.
“Kurt! Are you alright? You’re all quiet,” David asks, concerned.
David is in the adjoining room and Kurt cannot see what’s going on in there.
What if someone breaks in and takes David away? What if David gets ill and… dies or something? Kurt needs to check on him, to make sure everything is alright.
“I… I really can’t do this.”
“Close the curtain, I’m coming in,” David says, and the curtain was closed already so he just peeks out, watching David enter the bathroom. Kurt exhales, relieved.
It’s always so good to see him. David turns around, his back to the curtain, and Kurt smiles at that gesture. “So what’s going on?”
Kurt feels horrible putting David through so much trouble. “The usual.”
“We were fine doing this yesterday.”
“We weren't separated for so long. And I'm nowhere near done. I haven't even started to soap myself,” Kurt replies remorsefully.
David sighs. “Would you feel more comfortable if I stayed?”
It’s weird because Kurt’s naked, all naked, and there’s another man in the same room with him and it’s really embarrassing, but at the same time David is not looking at him, while Kurt can see that he's there.
“Will you stay with your back to me?”
David lets out a short laugh. “I promise.”
“Then yes, please stay.”
Kurt watches David sit on the floor, back to him, and he smiles. “We need bathtubs in camp,” Kurt tells him, more chipper. “This is really good.”
“I’m taking one after you.”
As Kurt soaps his body and checks on David every ten or twenty seconds just to be sure that the young man is still there, he looks around and God, he’s inside a real bathroom, and that means that he’s far from his trailer, which also means that he’s far from the camp.
Kurt’s far from his friends, the only familiar faces he’s seen for the last four years. He's uneasy, not because of his horrible 'gift' and the visions of the future he might get. For the first time in years, the present is the cause of his fears.
During the past four years, Kurt has been living with a steady routine. Every day was the same: he slept in the same bed, had his meals with the same people, sewed some costumes, wrote some letters, and everything was perfectly monotonous. Kurt and all his friends worked hard to adapt his environment in a way that gave Kurt control of his life and his surroundings for the sake of his mental stability.
All that is gone now.
He’s on the run with David. Kurt cannot build a new routine in this new room, because David said they can’t stay in the same hotel - not even in the same city - for more than two or three days. Tomorrow he’s probably going to be in a different place, far from here, on a different bed, with different walls surrounding him.
Kurt’s not very eager to talk about what they should do next, because that only reminds him of the current situation. Instead he thinks about his friends and his beloved circus… what if the circus is gone forever? What if the Dalton people never stop pursuing them? They can’t run forever and Kurt doesn’t think the Dalton people will suddenly give up and leave them alone.
When is he even going to see his friends again?
“Do you think they’re safe?” Kurt asks quietly.
“Emma said they were,” David replies, getting right away that he’s talking about their friends. “You shouldn't worry about that.”
“It’s hard not to.”
“They’re probably more worried about you than you are about them.”
Kurt frowns, not welcoming David’s words. “I worry a lot about them!”
“I didn’t mean that you don’t. I mean that everyone has more reason to worry about you. We’ll have to call Emma today or tomorrow to let them know you’re still safe.”
David has a point; his friends do care a lot about him, and Kurt’s is more than sure running away is not as difficult for them as it is for him. It doesn’t relax Kurt though, because once again, the uncertainty is there; actually, it’s all over the place and Kurt doesn’t have anything to hold onto. The circus is gone, his friends are gone, and so are his routines.
But David’s there. It would be easier for both of them if they knew each other a little better. There wouldn’t be so much awkwardness, at least. All of his friends are used to his weirdness, so much that Kurt has stopped feeling guilty and embarrassed when he acts all strange in front of them, and that happens quite often.
David has always seen him at his worst; Lord, all the times they’ve been together David only sees him in bizarre situations.
Kurt soaps his arms and legs and checks on David once again. David’s still there and Kurt nods at this reaffirmation.
He needs to stop acting like this in front of David. If he just behaves in a crazy way all the time, David will think he’s actually crazy and Kurt hates people thinking he’s crazy.
Kurt decides he needs to give David a break, or at least to try to. David is making a remarkable effort to deal with him, showing the patience of a saint, and they don’t even know each other that much. He owes it to David to act as normally as he can.
It takes a lot of effort to wash his hair without getting his hurt hand wet, but somehow he manages. He blushes and gets embarrassed all over again when he’s done and needs to get out of the tub.
Kurt’s naked and David’s there.
“I’m done,” Kurt announces with a small voice.
He listens to David getting up from the floor and Kurt quickly sticks his head out from behind the curtain, keeping his body covered by it. David’s still there, facing away from him, and that’s good on both counts.
“Do you think you can manage a few minutes on your own so you can dress?” David asks, almost as if he’s reading his mind.
Kurt is not sure, but he must make the effort. “Will you talk to me through the door?”
David shows a small smile Kurt can't see. “Of course.”
“I can try,” Kurt offers.
“I’ll wait for you outside.”
Kurt watches David exit and as soon as the other man leaves the room Kurt practically jumps out of the tub, reaching for the towel and drying himself quickly. The bandages on his hand loosen up as he hastily dress.
“You know,” David says from the other side of the door. “I don’t want to upset you, but I was thinking we should go get some food now.”
Kurt tenses, looking at the door even though he can’t see David. “You think?” he inquires with a faltering voice.
He really doesn’t want to go out; not now, not ever. But he’s not dumb and he’s aware that they will have to leave their room eventually.
“Yes. I mean, the sooner we do it, the sooner we’ll be done. Otherwise you’ll be anxious all day long, knowing that we still have to go out. But if we do it now, we can get enough food so we can stay in here until tomorrow.”
Kurt knows what David says makes sense. Yet a shiver runs down Kurt’s spine. He’s only got on pants and a white undershirt, but considering himself decent enough, he leaves the bathroom, almost knocking over David, who was standing just outside the door. Kurt lets out a relieved sigh and smiles at David.
“You’re here.”
David nods with a knowing smile. “I was just talking to you, so yes, I’m here.”
In moments like this one - and there has been plenty of them - Kurt feels incredibly stupid. David is right, it’s impossible that he wouldn’t be there if they were just talking to each other. Kurt can’t really explain why he keeps being so scared and tense, even when he’s sure that David is there. He just can’t help it.
“So we leave now?”
“If you feel up to it. We should fix those bandages and you should finish dressing.”
Kurt will never feel like going out, but he does his best to gather some courage. He has to face the inevitable eventually. And David is right. The knowledge that they have to go into the street has been tingling in the back of his head ever since David mentioned it. If they get rid of this task now, at least Kurt will be able to spend the rest of the day in peace.
So Kurt gets properly dressed - or not so properly, since there’s nothing proper about the clothes he’s wearing. David gets ready himself, grabbing a jacket, the money and the white cane. Kurt combs his hair and lets David change the bandages on his hand. Kurt takes a look and the wound is there, deep and red, but it’s not bleeding so he believes it’s healing.
Yet as soon as David starts covering his eyes with the other bandage, Kurt starts growing anxious. He tries to reign in his fear since this is just the beginning; they haven’t even left their room.
“Easy, Kurt,” David tells him with a soothing voice. “This is going to be hard. But you did it once, right? I won’t leave you alone. Ever.”
Kurt nods as he lets David cover his eyes. When David’s done, Kurt immediately grabs hold of him because he can’t see him anymore. David puts the white cane in Kurt’s hand and they lock their arms together as he lets himself be guided to the door.
It’s ridiculous but the cane actually helps him find his way. Kurt takes a deep breath, holding onto David even tighter when he hears the man open the door.
It’s horrible.
Kurt feels the ground beneath his feet with the white cane, trying to abstract himself from the surrounding that in spite of being unable to see , he can feel everywhere. Kurt hates how the atmosphere changes when he’s not indoors, secluded behind walls. But this is much worse than stepping out to pick up something from the costumes trailer.
Kurt tries though. His arm is locked with David's and David is whispering things to him, but Kurt’s concentrating so hard on trying not to faint or die that he can’t make out the words he’s hearing.
They get into the elevator. David speaks louder this time: “I’m going to ask the receptionist where can we get some take-out food. Alright?”
Kurt nods because he can’t even speak. His head starts hurting as he feels his heart beating faster. The bell of the elevator rings, indicating that they’ve reached the ground floor and Kurt tries not to think about how far he is from their room, and how if something bad happens, he’ll have great difficulty finding his way back to it, since Kurt has never actually seen the place.
He follows David to what Kurt assumes is the reception desk. When David starts talking to the receptionist, Kurt holds tighter to David. There’s another person close to him, and Kurt’s able to be with up to two people. It’s his first thought, even if he knows he won't see any futures while David’s there. Yet in case David stops being there, it will be just this girl, himself and his fear. Kurt might handle it.
Since he’s so busy thinking about what he would do if David vanished into the thin air, he jerks in place when David pulls him from his arm, leading him. Kurt follows of course.
“Did you hear that?”
Kurt shakes his head no.
“There’s a dining room in this hotel,” David whispers, sounding excited. “We won’t have to go out.”
Kurt’s lips twitch into a small smile. He looks up, as if he was trying to meet David’s eyes. “How big is this hotel?”
“Pretty big,” David replies as they walk by somewhere Kurt doesn’t know.
“Expensive, right? I can’t remember how much it cost. A hotel with a restaurant?”
“It is, but William said crowded places right? The Dalton people won’t approach us if there are people around.”
That’s as upsetting as it is true. He keeps walking as David tells his step by step where they’re going, something Kurt appreciates because he won’t be able to handle surprises. ‘The dining is in the ground floor,’ ‘we’re going through a large hallway,’ ‘there’s no one around,’ etc.
Yet when David announces that they’re about to walk into the dining room, Kurt listens to him muttering ‘Shit,’ as he opens the door for the both of them, and the curse is redundant since at the same moment the sound of a large group in one place reaches Kurt’s ears.
“It’s crowded,” David whispers as Kurt feels his soul abandoning his body. “Not a lot, but there must be at least thirty people.”
The little moment of ease Kurt felt having about not having to go out on the streets quickly fades. His heart suddenly starts pounding so hard he thinks it's going to leap right out of his chest; he’s dizzy, unsteady on his feet and generally shaky; the world around him is spinning out of control and he can't get a grip. Every muscle of his body tenses, so much so that he has trouble at walking.
“I’m here, Kurt. I’m not going to leave you,” David mutters, rubbing his arm and Kurt only presses himself against David the most he can. “We’re heading to the counter. There’s a small line.”
Kurt can barely hear him; he’s more focused at the chatting around him. There are way too many people for his liking. As they walk between the different tables, he can heart parts of different conversations and it's unbearable.
Cold sweat runs down the back of his neck; he’s incredibly cold and Kurt keeps growing more and more scared. The noise, the knowledge of the amount of people around him, it’s too much for him to take.
Suddenly, they stop still. “We’re in the line,” David whispers at him.
Kurt can’t process his words; he feels like he’s dying; he’s about to die and he can’t even move to say something or to do something to prevent that from happening. Kurt can only hear himself thinking repeatedly ‘I’m dying. I’m dying. I’m dying. He can’t remember the last time he felt this frightened, and the feeling does not allow him to conceive anything else. He’s trapped in a turmoil of fear and desperation.
Kurt starts growing dizzy and numb, as if he had popped several sleeping pills and was about to fall asleep. He loses all ability to speak or formulate any coherent though. In spite of the rigidity of his body, he holds tight to David, realizing in horror that it’s not enough.
He can feel that David is there and he's even able to hear his voice. Yet Kurt can’t listen to him very well; David’s voice is faint, as if Kurt were hearing him from a far distance, even though David must actually be right there, because Kurt is touching him.
But the noise of the people talking is louder, and his mind is almost screaming because even if his body can’t respond, he knows he’s going to die. The fear paralyzes him; he wants to cry but he can’t manage to make even a sound. There are too many people around him and it’s horrible. A part of him wishes that the future would just take him already, so this feeling of death would stop.
Ever since his ability kicked in, Kurt has never experienced this - being in crowded places - at least not in a conscious way. When he started seeing people’s futures, he was quickly admitted to the asylum, but he was too far deep into his visions to realize what was happening. There hasn’t been a point when Kurt actually saw himself about to lose the present, because the future was suddenly his present.
The second crowded place he’s been at was the hospital, where his friends took him when he overdosed with chloroform. Once again, he simply woke up in the future of the doctors, patients, nurses and everyone else there. Luckily, William 'persuaded' the doctors not to hold him for a psychiatric examination.
And then it was the big lunch with his circus friends shortly after David joined them. That has been a horrible experience, too, but he knew he could count on his friends to never let something bad happening to him. He could get lost in the future, but it would have been his friends’ future, people that Kurt knew. He would still have been in the circus, a place he was familiar with.
Now David is here, but in a strange place, in a strange city and there are at least twice as many people as in the circus. There are a billion things that could go wrong, and Kurt thinks about each and every one of those things, growing ever more scared, if that’s possible.
Then everything turns very weird.
Kurt can feel that he’s falling, but he never falls. The noise is there, at some point he can hear David speaking right to him, but Kurt is incapable of responding. He’s trapped in his own panic and he doesn’t even know how he’s managing to stay on his feet.
He’s aware that he’s walking, that David is pulling him from here to there but he’s not really conscious of what’s happening. He loses track of space and time, at some point he can’t hear anything but his own voice in his head, telling him over and over that he’s going to die.
“Kurt. Kurt!”
It’s David’s voice, Kurt knows that much. He can hear it somewhere in the back of his mind. But Kurt can’t move, he can’t feel David anymore, and even though he desperately tries to reach David, his body just doesn’t respond.
Then he feels it; he feels David everywhere. Kurt’s pressed against the other boy, who’s holding him hard against his chest, and Kurt’s muscles begin to ease. With every second that passes, he regains more of his senses and all he can do is cry.
Kurt wants to hold David, but he’s too tired to even move. Instead, he sobs uncontrollably.
“We’re back. You’re safe now,” David tells him calmly, still not letting him go and for that Kurt’s glad. He thought he had lost David.
The bandages are gone and Kurt blinks repeatedly with his eyes full of tears and he can see that they’re back in their room. There are some bags of food on the floor, and he realizes he’s actually kneeling on the floor, back against the wall. His head is resting on David’s shoulder, and David is right in front of him, hugging him. He has no idea how this happened; he doesn’t know how he managed to get back to their room; he really thought he was dying.
“God, David. I’m so scared,” Kurt cries out.
“I know. I know,” David replies, sounding pained.
“I’m so tired. Everything hurts.”
Before he knows what’s happening, he’s being lifted up. Out of fear, he manages to move for the first time, wrapping his arms around David’s neck; every muscle in his body hurts. David carries him bridal style to the bed and deposits him on the mattress. Kurt doesn’t let him pull away, so David lays down next to him. Kurt throws an arm around David’s chest, and a leg over his thigh, pressing himself close with every inch of his body so he can feel David as much as he can.
“You rest a bit, alright? I’ll stay right here.”
Kurt nods tiredly and all the tension starts leaving his body, until he ends up completely exhausted.
*
When Kurt wakes up, he has déjà vu. Once again, he find himself in bed, wrapped in David arms, but he’s not scared or tense like he was in the morning. Or confused, since he recalls the recent events, well aware of where he is and who he’s with.
David’s awake; Kurt can feel David’s hand rubbing his back in a comforting way.
“I’m sorry,” Kurt mumbles.
David stills. “You’re awake?”
Kurt looks up and he tries not to blush at being just a few inches from David’s face. David, the same boy he’s pressed against. God, he needs to stop thinking about David as a boy; Kurt is used to thinking of himself as a boy even if he’s nineteen, but David must be older, and in any case he definitely doesn’t look like a boy.
“Yes.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry,” David tells him quietly. “Are you hungry?” In that very moment, Kurt’s stomach growls loudly and he blushes deeper, while David just laughs. “I feel the same way.”
When David tries to pull away Kurt instinctively holds him back; David gives him a soft look and Kurt feels a little embarrassed with himself. He lets David go.
David gets up and walks towards the bags on the floor. Kurt realizes there’s a gap in his memory that he cannot fill, so when David brings the bags over to the bed and starts taking food out, Kurt can’t help asking,
“What happened? I don’t remember us coming back here. I was so afraid, I couldn't even move,” Kurt tells him, as David hands him a wrapped plate with roasted meet. “Did I do something? Oh, God. Did I give us away?”
Kurt’s heart starts beating faster at the prospect of having jeopardized everything.
David sighs like he doesn’t know what to say. “You didn’t give us away. Or at least I didn’t notice anyone paying attention, other than to give you pitying looks due your supposed blindness.”
Kurt frowns. “So what happened? I just remember… well, being afraid.”
“I don’t know. I noticed you were trembling and you were incredibly cold under my touch. I talked to you, you never answered,” David continues. “I don’t really know, Kurt. I was really scared, so I got us breakfast as fast as I could. But even when we left the dining room, and were alone in the hallways or the elevator, you remained cold and rigid… unresponsive. It wasn’t until we got here that you finally reacted to something and broke into tears.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that!”
Kurt flinches and David gives him an apologetic look. “It’s just… I’m really giving you the hardest time. I’m sure that running away wouldn’t be so difficult for you if you were with, I don’t know, some of our other friends.”
“It doesn’t matter. I was scared for you but nothing else happened. Now eat; it’s cold but I think it will still be tasty.”
They both eat the food in silence, and as his stomach starts filling his mood starts improving as well. Kurt had the scare of his life, but somehow he managed not to make a scene. David is still with him and their identities are safe.
“It’s good, you know?” Kurt tells him.
“What thing?”
“That I got some practice today at being in public without making a scene. We’ll have to face this more than once in the future.” Even if that doesn’t make him happy in the slightest he has to deal with the truth.
David looks at him with sad eyes. “I don’t want you to go through so much. Tomorrow we’ll have to leave to some other city, we’ll have to buy food again and call Emma.”
Kurt smiles at him; David is really nice, he notices. It’s not like Kurt didn’t know that, since without even knowing him, David always helped him. Like when he got stuck in the crowd the first time they met, or when David brought him food after that disastrous lunch with his friends, or when he saw the future about the Dalton people. In fact, David has stayed with him every day ever since those visions.
And now David is here with him, in the middle of nowhere and away from everything and everyone they know, looking after him.
If David can do so much for them both, Kurt can deal with his own fear.
“We’ll manage, David,” Kurt tells him tenderly, and much more optimistically. “We did today, right?”
David smiles. “Maybe you’ll get used to it, and with time you won’t be so scared.”
Kurt doesn’t think that will ever happen, but still. “Maybe.”
His chest grows warm though, in spite of their dark future. After all, he got this far and he’s still safe and future free in spite of everything and that’s because David has been there for him all this time.
So he drops his plate and moves in front of David. “Can I hug you?”
David stares at him quietly, and Kurt blushes. He’s been way too touchy with David already, but that was just product of his fear. But David nods slowly and Kurt wraps his arms around David’s neck. “Thank you. For everything you’re done for me,” he says truthfully.
David hugs him back. “It’s no trouble,” he says and then he laughs. “Actually, we’re having lots of troubles, but we’re handling them just fine, right?”
They break the embrace and Kurt feels like laughing. “We’re dealing, yes.”
*
It’s been only two nights since the circus had to split up and Dave’s head is about to explode. This running away never gives him a break, and he’s constantly facing new challenges with Kurt. Dave doesn’t know how he’s going to manage.
That trip to the dining room was... God, Dave has never been so scared in his life. He didn’t know what was happening with Kurt and he still doesn’t, but when he recalls how tense, cold, sweaty and unresponsive Kurt was, a shiver runs down his spine. Dave even got to thinking that Kurt had died and somehow kept on walking, and it drove him crazy because he was as desperate to make Kurt better as he was desperate to pass unnoticed. Both things were related, since they must pass unnoticed to keep Kurt safe.
It was relieving and heart-breaking when Kurt broke down once they got back to their room. Dave can only guess how frightening it was for Kurt to be in a room filled with people, because even if Kurt couldn’t see that crowded place, he could sense and hear it.
And the horrible part is that they’ll have to do it again, and again, who knows how many times, until the situation with the Dalton people gets resolved.
It’s over for now, though. Ever since Kurt woke up several hours ago, he’s been acting like what Dave believes is Kurt’s normal self, and Dave has never been around a normal Kurt for so long.
It’s still not normal, since normal people don’t cling to other people constantly. But even if Kurt still needs to touch him, see him or listen to him constantly, Dave nevertheless is getting to see another side of Kurt.
“I really love Ethel Waters. I think she’s my favorite of all.”
They are just getting to know each other, and music seems to be a common ground between them. Kurt talks about music a lot and while Dave doesn’t mind, since he loves music, it makes him sad. For Kurt mostly, because it’s obvious that being secluded in his trailer, alone for so long, music has almost became Kurt’s best friend.
“I saw you have some of her records.”
He’s currently in the bathtub, since he promised himself a long bath, and Kurt is on the other side of the curtain, sitting on the floor leaning back against the tub. Kurt is talking freely about the music he likes, and Dave pays close attention to answer in time so Kurt won’t think that he has suddenly disappeared.
“I could never relate to the lyrics of Stormy Weather but it’s definitely the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard.”
Dave nods, feeling a bit sad for Kurt. The song is about the hurt a woman is feeling because she has her love no more, and it’s obvious that with Kurt’s history, he’s never been in love or even had a crush, as Santana once said.
“Yeah, it’s a good song.”
Dave likes this Kurt, and that makes him a bit uncomfortable, not to say a lot.
He always wondered about the Kurt all his friends talked so much about, because there is not even one single person in the circus who doesn't adore Kurt. At first Dave assumed it was just sympathy; after all, Kurt is one of them and he’s very fragile. Dave himself, not knowing Kurt much, had always done his best to comfort the boy.
Their circus is a pretty tight family, but it’s only reasonable that people get along better with some than with others. Tina and Mercedes are always joined to the hip; Noah and Santana spend a lot of time together and Sam, Finn and Artie always gather around to play some music.
Dave himself likes everyone in the circus, but he's grown very close to Santana and Brittany, and when he’s bored, he usually goes to Artie’s trailer to hang out with him.
But among their friends, everyone spends time with Kurt.
The girls seemed more fond of him, but Dave is not sure if it’s because they’re girls and are more fuzzy about it. But then, Kurt sews their clothing and girls love that stuff and Dave thought it could be because of that; they had that interest in common. And that thought only made him wonder what Kurt and the guys could have in common; after all, Kurt’s world is very narrow, and Dave wondered a lot of times what Kurt and, say Noah, Finn or Mike could talk about while they shared meals or just hung out for hours in the boy’s trailer.
Yet the guys visited Kurt almost as often as the girls did.
Dave could never understand it as an outsider. He’s starting to get it now. Kurt is beyond likable. In spite of being confined to a small trailer, the boy is pretty aware of the world outside; maybe the guys buy newspapers for him. He’s also very witty and even funny, and to Dave it’s just pleasant to be able to talk with Kurt about things like books and music, or even the weather. It’s a novelty to listen to Kurt just talk without jumping constantly in place at every little noise.
Dave has been attracted to Kurt ever since the first time he saw him because, in spite of his unavoidable weirdness (which is not Kurt’s fault), the boy is indeed really gorgeous. He always tried not to think much about how beautiful Kurt is, because that leads to nowhere. It helped that the only expressions Dave ever saw in Kurt’s face were fear, dizziness and despair. Kurt’s eyes were either filled with tears, or dopey from drugs, or just terrified. Until today, Kurt was tragically beautiful.
But as the boy started becoming more comfortable, or maybe less conscious of their surroundings, Kurt’s fear-filled eyes became just piercing blue, the frown on his forehead disappeared and he started showing a smile that takes Dave’s breath away. Now Kurt is just plain beautiful. And intelligent, and incredibly charming.
And here's Dave, naked in a damn bathtub just inches away from a boy he finds more attractive with every second that passes, and there’s no way to escape. Dave strictly forbids himself to grow aroused because it would be wrong on several levels. First of all, they have more important things to worry about, and second, he doesn’t want to make Kurt uncomfortable; the boy is dealing with enough already.
Dave knows he can do it. After all, he has been doing a remarkable job of ignoring Kurt’s attractiveness for weeks, but to be honest it didn't take much effort since they were barely together.
Now Kurt’s practically glued to him.
Oh, God! Dave thinks to himself, growing exhausted at his own inner debate. The water is also getting cold, but Dave actually welcomes that.
“If there’s something I always wanted to do if I was normal, it’s to listen to some live music,” Kurt’s voice breaks his train of thought.
“I’ve never done that, either,” Dave replies. “I mean, I’ve been at some bars where there were musician playing songs, but nothing like a show or a concert.”
“Sebastian saw Billie Holiday several times at some clubs in New York. I was so jealous when he told me,” Kurt tells him and Dave feels a little jealous of Sebastian, too. “His family is from there, you know.”
The mention of Sebastian makes his stomach ache a little; he's still not sure how he feels about Sebastian joining the Dalton people. But Dave knows he shouldn’t mention it to Kurt, since he doesn’t want to upset the kid any more than necessary.
“Well, no singer like that ever performed in the clubs I’ve been at, that’s for sure,” Dave says. The water has gotten downright cold and he decides he can't put off ending the bath any longer. “Can you wait for me outside? I’m coming out.”
“Um… sure,” Kurt says and Dave hears him getting up.
“I’ll be quick, I promise.”
Dave practically jumps out of the tub when the door closes, and snatches the towel to dry himself quickly. He grabs his clothes and moves closer to the door, just to be able to talk to Kurt.
“Are you hungry? We still have some food left,” Dave offers.
“Actually, I’m pretty tired. It’s like… wow, half past eleven!”
“What?!”
The day really flew by and Dave didn’t even notice.
“What time do we check out tomorrow?”
“Around ten. I don’t really know where we should head though,” Dave replies as he puts his pants on. “William said we should go to the East coast.”
“Well, yes. You have plenty of populated cities over there. Maybe we should aim for New York?”
Dave starts sensing a glimpse of distress in Kurt’s voice and he’s not sure it’s caused by the idea of going to New York under these conditions or because Kurt can’t see him.
So having his pants on, Dave considers himself dressed enough and opens the door only to find Kurt standing right in front of him. The boy opens his mouth and then closes it again, blushing and turning around. Dave curses to himself and hurriedly pulls an undershirt over his head.
“Maybe, yes,” Dave continues. “Tomorrow we’ll see, alright? Now let’s get some rest.”
Kurt nods and moves towards his bag to take out some pajamas. It’s obvious that Kurt won’t get fully naked to change his clothes, but Dave turns around anyway, just like Kurt does, busing himself in packing all their stuff. They don’t have much unpacked actually, but Dave doesn't want to have to take care of that tomorrow, since he’ll probably have to focus on getting Kurt into the car.
“Done,” Kurt speaks up, walking towards the bed and getting under the covers.
The bed they shared last night and earlier in the day: Dave’s bed. Now 'their' bed. What was formerly Kurt’s bed remained untouched.
Once again, Dave starts feeling a little anxious at their proximity. It’s not the first time they’ll share the bed, but all the other times Kurt was severely distressed and Dave didn’t even have time to think about how touchy they were being, since his main concern was to comfort the kid. This will be the first time they’ll sleep together when Kurt is calm and unperturbed. In addition, Kurt is much more appealing now that Dave knows him better.
Kurt doesn’t seem to realize any of this, and Dave is not going to point it out, either, because there’s no use. He knows that Kurt won’t be able to get through the night in peace if they sleep in separate beds.
So Dave gets in the bed, doing his best not to show Kurt that this arrangement affects him in a new way. Yet as soon as Dave lies down, Kurt moves in close, wrapping his arm around him. Dave takes a deep breath; this boy is not making things easy for him. Kurt just yawns, luckily not noticing how tense Dave is now.
“It’s been a long day,” Kurt says with a tired voice. “I guess we’ll have lots of long days.”
“I guess,” Dave replies, not feeling really eloquent. He’s more focused on thinking about a bunch of ugly things to distract himself from the fact that he really likes how Kurt’s body feels pressed against him.
“It’s the second day I'm going to sleep without taking any pills,” Kurt points out and that catches Dave’s attention. He actually turns to look Kurt in the eye.
“Is that good?”
Kurt shrugs. “It’s… different. Not bad, I guess. Falling asleep is better than passing out. It feels different; natural, if that makes any sense.”
Dave actually smiles at that; he never liked the idea of Kurt taking so many drugs. He’s aware that sometimes they were necessary, but Kurt seemed to depend on them almost constantly. If Dave thinks about it, Kurt has done a lot of stuff in the past two days without being under the influence of any drugs; he suspects back in the circus Kurt sniffed chloroform or popped pills under much less stressful situations than he’s in now.
Maybe this running away will be good for him. Kurt is for sure someone who breaks easily, and that will probably never change, but maybe he'll learn that he’s a bit stronger than he thinks.
“Good,” Dave says, turning around to turn off the lights.
“Good night, David.”
“Sleep well.”
Kurt snuggles into him some more, and Dave takes another deep breath, forcing himself to find some sleep instead of starting to enjoy his closeness to Kurt too much.