nothing rhymes with 'circus'. chapter 5.
Title: Nothing Rhymes with Circus. Chapter 5.
Author: xonthefloor
Pairing: Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel.
Rating: PG for this chapter.
Warnings: None.
Beta: None for now :(
Word Count: 131oo this chapter.
Genre: Supernatural/Superpowers/Romance/Angst/Drama.
Disclaimer: Pfht, if I owned Glee, Blaine wouldn't be on it.
Summary: Dave is just a humble young man whose only expectation from life is having somewhere to sleep at night. Everything changes when he's invited to join a very unique travelling circus where he'll meet a group of very peculiar people, discovering that he's not what you could call a regular guy.
A/N: This is a complete AU and time fic, that takes place in the late 30s. I’m trying to be as accurate as I can with things the way they were back then, but I apologize if something is not exactly the way it was back in the late 30s. Also, you'll notice that this is unbetaed, so I apologize in advance. English is not my first language. Any offers? I have to warn that the later chapters are quite long, since I can't never manage to write short chapters.
Chapter 5
When Dave wakes up, there’s light coming through his window and for a second, he believes he just woke up after a little nap, until his eyes lay upon a tray with food that wasn’t there before he went to sleep. He frowns and gets up from his bed, poking a cold soup inside a red pot. There’s also a plate with a slice of green tomato pie and another one with roasted chicken. Everything is equally cold.
He lets out a loud yawn and scratches the back of his head, trying to fully wake up. Not really knowing what time is it, Dave opens the door of his trailer and steps outside. He shivers as a chilly breeze hits his face, and he notices that the camp seems to be completely deserted. He looks down, and he there’s dew in the grass so he resolves that it’s probably very early in the morning.
Dave can’t believe he slept so much.
He gets back to his trailer, and stretches his arms. He’s quite hungry, so he sits down at the table and he eats the cold food. Cold chicken and pie is alright, yet Dave doesn’t touch the soup. That’s something that won’t taste good being cold.
After having his dinner-breakfast, Dave wanders around his trailer. There’s not a lot to do since he can’t head to the camp in order to find someone awake to spend some time with, unless someone comes to pick him up first.
Dave never noticed how boring it could get to be alone. Back in the gas station, he was constantly alone with the radio to keep him some company. Yet, right now, it seems like the time goes by incredibly slowly. He’s been in the circus for a couple of days, and he got too used to be around people.
But after what seems to be forever, someone finally knocks at his door. Dave immediately stands up, and when he opens the door he finds William outside, carrying yet another tray with some toasts, butter, milk, boiled eggs and two mugs of coffee. Dave assumes that instead of being taken to have breakfast with the rest of the group, he’s going to share breakfast with William.
“Morning, David,” the older man greets him.
“Good morning. Want to come inside?”
William gets inside with Dave, and they both sit at the table. Dave pushes the half empty tray of yesterday’s dinner to one side and William says: “We came yesterday to have a few words with you. You know, regarding what happened. We kept on finding you asleep.”
Dave snorts. “I still can’t believe I slept so much. I woke up just some time ago; I didn’t know what to do to kill time.”
“Oh, do you want to hear something really impressive?”
Dave stares at William, curious. “What thing?”
William smiles. “Your ability works just the same when you’re asleep. Those are really hard to find, you know?”
Dave didn’t know that, since he doesn’t know much about abilities in general let alone his own. “Is it that bad?” he inquires, unsure.
“At all. It just proves you have a very powerful gift. Most abilities depend on our will so most of them shut down while we sleep since we’re not conscious. But when the girls came up last night to wake up to have dinner, they did see you were very much asleep and they still couldn’t do anything put their abilities in use.”
Dave thinks that’s bad news. Supposedly, he’s meant to learn how to focus and do all the stuff that Rachel said it’s necessary to control his ability. But he won’t be able to focus anything if he’s asleep.
“So even if I learn to control it, I’ll still have to sleep away from everyone else.”
William nods, apologetically. “About that, I was thinking you should have here one of our record players and some music.”
Dave quirks an eyebrow, grabbing one of the mugs of coffee. “Are you trying to make it up to me because of what happened yesterday?”
The older man lets out a small laugh. “I get your point, but no. Yesterday, while I was with Kurt and I saw his phonograph, I realized you should have one too. If there’s something you two have in common is that you get to spend a lot of time by your own. Music helps a lot. I’ll get some music for you today.”
Kurt.
Dave doesn’t even know where to start asking questions. Finally he gets a free pass to all explanations, and there are so many things that he’s completely clueless about that he can’t even figure out what to ask first.
Still, Dave likes the idea of having his own music. “That would be nice. Thank you.”
They both start drinking their respective coffees, not really saying anything and Dave can tell that William’s finding hard to start this conversation as well.
“So, David. Yesterday I promised I would explain to you anything you wanted to know,” finally William speaks up. “What would you like to know?”
That’s pretty much a hard question, or at least, Dave thinks so since there are so many things he wants to know that he finds difficult to pick one question. He presses his lips together, trying to come up with something.
He shrugs. “What’s the deal with Kurt? Why everyone is so secretive about him? Ever since I joined this place, all I’ve got was everyone talking in riddles while they spoke about him in my presence.”
William nods. “First of all, I want to tell you that no one has ever distrusted you,” he says firmly, and Dave gives him a skeptical glare. “No, I mean it. We’re all just… very protective of him.”
That doesn’t make Dave feel any less upset. “So you thought I could hurt him?”
Much to Dave’s surprise, William lets out a short laugh and Dave doesn’t get what’s so funny. Apparently, William notices this. “I’m sorry. It’s just… Kurt asked the same when I told him why we didn’t tell him about you.”
There, Dave has another question. “Why didn’t you tell him about me? I thought-”
“One at the time, Dave,” William cuts him off with his always kind tone of voice. “Everything is related anyway.”
“Alright.”
“As I said, we’re all very protective of each other. I can assure you that if someone wanted to harm you, all of my kids would jump in your defense, even if you’ve been here for just a few days,” William tells him firmly and for some reason, Dave’s chest grows warm at these words. “The thing with Kurt is that he’s… more vulnerable, than the rest of us.”
Dave understands that part pretty quickly. When he met Kurt yesterday, he noticed right away that there was something weird about him; he was far from normal, even if they’re all circus people with strange abilities. He doesn’t consider Kurt as someone vulnerable though; he does consider him a bit crazy.
So he asks: “How so?”
“Do you know what Kurt’s ability is?”
“He told me he sees the future,” he replies. “People’s future.”
“Good. Now, Kurt doesn’t have a lot of control on his visions of the future. Take yourself for example: you can’t decide yet, who to cancel or not. You just cancel everyone you have around,” William explains. “Kurt is the same. If there are ten people around him, he’s going to see those ten different futures all together. And just like you, his gift works up to certain distance. That’s why we keep his trailer far from the camp.”
Little by little, Dave starts understanding everything better. “So that way he won’t see all of your futures, just like I won’t cancel you all if I’m close to you.”
William smiles at him. “Exactly.”
“But Rachel said all abilities can be mastered,” Dave recalls, and suddenly feels a little worried about this. If Kurt can’t control what he does, then there’s a big chance that Dave won’t be able to control his own ability, complicating everyone’s lives.
“It doesn’t mean you won’t be able to train yourself, Dave,” William tells him as if he was reading his thoughts.
“Kurt can’t control his ability. So it’s not like all abilities can be trained, like Rachel assured.”
William shakes his head, looking slightly sad. “It’s different.”
“It sounds the same to me.”
“David, there are abilities that are just there, like Mercedes’; if she gets under water she’ll instantly breath normally. Quinn doesn’t have to think about walking through a wall; if she walks towards a wall, she’ll walk through it. Then there are abilities that require certain control, like yours, Rachel’s, Finn’s or Kurt’s. You all need to have some power on them, so you can decide when to use them or not.”
“See? We’re in the same-”
“Let me finish. Yes, the kind of ability you two have require the same control; concentration, attention, a lot of effort sometimes, you need to be focused and…” William trails off.
Dave raises a brow, leaning a bit forwards. “And?”
“And you can do that, Dave. Kurt can’t.”
Dave doesn’t get it so he frowns. “If he can’t, then maybe I can’t do it either.”
William sighs. “Abilities like Kurt’s need a lot of mental stability. If you’re relaxed, in peace, you can start focusing in his case, in the visions he gets, or in your case, in the people you’ll cancel. That’s at first, once you start training yourself, you do it naturally, like Rachel does.”
Dave narrows his eyes at William. “And Kurt is mentally unstable?”
William winces. “He’s not crazy,” he states right away. “Kurt had a very complicated life because of his visions, so he gets easily distressed. You’ve seen him yesterday when he saw the guys getting inside his trailer.”
Dave nods, recalling that moment. He still doesn’t know what happened, but he even got a little scared as well while seeing how much in panic Kurt seemed to be.
“He looked terrified,” Dave points out. “Why does he get so scared?”
William shrugs, like it’s something simple. “Because he loses control. He can’t handle people’s future, and… he gets lost in it.”
Dave frowns. “In the future?”
William shrugs again. “Sometimes it’s all he sees. He stops being aware of the world around him; the future turns to be his present. But that happens when he’s close to several people for a certain time, since all futures get mixed up in his head, and he can’t come back to reality. Sadly, he had a lot of troubles in the past because of his powerful gift, so I can’t blame him for being… sensitive now. We take a lot of care not to let him go through anything that could hurt him.”
Dave blinks, for some reason he starts feeling terribly bad for Kurt. All the guys have really great abilities, and Dave thought he was the only one stuck with a bad one. Now Kurt… he’s stuck with a real bad one. The only thing that Dave has to do is staying away from everyone in certain moments, but Kurt… Jesus! Dave always thought that it would be great to be able to see the future. Now he’s not so sure about that.
“That’s terrible.”
“It is. Kurt gets easily distressed and you can’t concentrate very much when you’re so anxious, right? Yet, when Kurt first joined us, believe me, he was a mess,” William tells him and Dave gets even more curious but he lets the other man speak. “He did a lot of improvements. Back then, he could hardly follow a conversation since his visions were always there, distracting him. Now he can be in company of up to three people, and considering how bad he was before, that’s a lot.”
Dave starts feeling hopeful again. “So I can work on this thing I do. If Kurt did it being so…”
William nods. “Exactly. I think that if Kurt was in a better shape, he could master it. But in his case, the progress is very slow. Now, you’re not him and I believe you’ll be able to control your gift eventually.”
“But I don’t get it. I can cancel him,” Dave says, thinking about the whole situation. “I can make all his visions to go away. Shouldn’t I be something good for him? Instead, you were all secretive about him like, I don’t know… It was like I’m something bad.”
The older man sighs, drinking his coffee. “I think we all handled that pretty badly. Kurt was upset as well, since we didn’t tell you what you could do.”
For some reason, that makes Dave feel not so alone. At least Kurt was upset about the whole secret thing as well.
“We never thought you could hurt him,” William continues. “We just… Kurt has been struggling with his visions for years. We did believe that having you here was going to be a great thing for him, we still do. But you’re new in here, David. This whole new world could be overwhelming, and…”
“You thought I would take off?” Dave inquires, slightly seeing where William wants to get.
“Maybe. Until a few days ago, you were just an average person. And you don’t only have to cope with things you’ve never seen before, like interracial couples, or open homosexuality; you’re also with people with abilities that go far from comprehension, and you’re one of those people as well,” William tells him. “I wouldn’t blame you if you ever feel that this is too much for you to handle. So being all this so new to you, I didn’t want to introduce to you to Kurt yet. I have to take care of my kids, all of them and there’s nothing that Kurt could want more than some peace in his mind; it would mean everything to him. I just didn’t want to take the risk of introducing you to him, and then take that peace away if you left shortly after that.”
Dave feels a little insulted, but he can’t blame William for believing he could just walk away. He has to accept that he’s handling this whole new world quite well; he suddenly pictures Mr. Cameron, and how it would be for him if he was introduced to all the things that now Dave sees daily. The old man would have probably have a fit.
“I’m not-”
“I also have to take care of you, David,” William continues. “Because no matter how much we want to have you here, we can’t force you to stay with us. You’re the only person that can give Kurt some rest from the future; he wants that and we all want him to have that. I wouldn’t want you to feel pressured; I wouldn’t want you thinking that you have to stay because we hope that you’ll help Kurt somehow. I want you to stay with us because you want to, and not because you feel obligated to.”
Dave swallows hard and says nothing. William’s words make him feel warm in a strange way; he’s been part of the circus just for a few days, and it’s not just William; all of his friends make him feel very welcomed and cared about. And they don’t really know him, but they still look after him.
Dave has been taking care of himself for the most part of his life. He still can’t get used to the fact that there are people that seem to have his back now, but it’s alright because it feels nice to remind himself that he’s not alone anymore.
“I don’t know if this helps much, but I can assure you that I’m not leaving,” Dave tells William, being completely honest with him. “This is by far the best place I’ve been at in my life.”
He really means it. Not only he has a roof, a bed and a door, all at the same time; it goes beyond the accommodations and the food he gets daily. In the few days he’s been part of the circus, he truly enjoys the company of these great people he had the fortune to meet.
He’d have to be crazy to leave a place where he feels so accepted and where he can be part of something so incredible.
“I’m glad to hear that. We like having you with us as well,” William replies with a tender smile on his face.
Still, Dave has some more questions so this is not the end of their conversation.
“What’s the big deal about Kurt being outside? Not meeting other people? Yesterday, you all repeated over and over that it was impossible for him to be outside, even if he was very much there.”
William chuckles. “About that, yes. It’s not like he can’t be outside. We’re not going to forbid him to do anything he wants to do. But he actually fears the outside, because of people, yes. I can’t even remember when was the last time he’s been at the camp, since he can’t handle our company.”
“But he went outside,” Dave tries to recall what Kurt said. “Something about Rachel?”
The older man laughs, rolling his eyes. “Yes. Something about her. She stole a corset that belonged to Quinn, and it was not finished yet. Kurt wanted to prevent her from having public embarrassment. In fact, the guys said that Rachel was coming out with Finn, Noah and Mercedes when they noticed that you were around, but she ended up topless since the corset fell apart. It was embarrassing for her, I guess, but she was lucky. At least it happened in front of some of her friends and not in front of the sold out audience.”
Dave laughs out loud and William joined him. Who would have guessed that Rachel was so sneaky?
“I guess that happens when you take stuff that didn’t belong to you.”
“Tell me about it. She’s been crying all night, blaming herself for what happened,” William tells him and Dave can imagine that.
All this does explain a lot to Dave. He’s still curious about a lot of stuff, but he thinks it would be wise not to be so nosy yet. He knows what he needs to know and that’s enough for him, at least for now.
Yet, he can’t help asking. “Is Kurt alright? I mean, now, after what happened yesterday.”
“He is, and I appreciate your concern. He’s resting right now; Brittany’s going to wake him up to have breakfast with him in a little while.”
Dave notices that Kurt rests a lot. It doesn’t sound too suspicious now, knowing all the things the kid has to deal with when he’s with people. And it’s impossible for him not being concerned. Maybe he’s the new guy, and he doesn’t know Kurt as much as the rest of the guys, but the boy seems to have quite a hard time and Dave finds hard not to feel sorry for him.
It’s easier to understand now why everyone is so overprotective with Kurt. Dave has seen him just once, and he just got to know a bit more about him and for some reason, he’s feeling caring about him as well.
“Good,” Dave simply replies.
“So, anything else?”
For days, Dave has been wondering a lot about Kurt and now, he can’t even remember all the billions of questions he had about the kid. So Dave takes a few seconds to check with himself if his curiosity is gone.
And he’s about to shake his head no, since he has no more questions until a very vivid image of Kurt passing out in front of the circus tent hits his brain.
“He fainted,” Dave points out, trying to remember better the whole scene. “But, he did something. He just didn’t faint he-”
“About that,” William cuts him off. A glimpse of discomfort shows in his eyes. “He didn’t just faint, you’re right. He did that to himself.”
“He did that to himself? Fainting?”
William nods. “Do you know what chloroform is?” Dave shakes his head no. “It’s an anesthetic. A liquid that doctors use to sleep their patients when they need surgery.”
Dave narrows his eyes, because a part of him can see where William is trying to get, but he doesn’t want to jump into conclusions. “So…”
“When you inhale it, you lose conscience quickly.”
“You let him do that? Isn’t it dangerous?”
He can see in William’s face that this chloroform thing doesn’t make the older man happy in the slightest. Surely there’s a reason for this, but Dave doesn’t want to push it.
“It is dangerous. It’s toxic and inhaling too much of it could even kill someone, but we know, and what’s more important, Kurt knows how much he’s permitted to use.”
Dave blinks. Is this man out of his mind? From what Dave could gather the previous day, Kurt is a very disturbed kid. Sure, William assures that Kurt is not crazy, and maybe, yesterday’s events don’t happen often, so the boy was more upset than he usually is… but Dave wouldn’t leave that kid, who’s obviously unstable, with anything that could harm him.
But it’s not Dave’s call. He won’t know what’s best or worst for this kid. William and the rest of the guys have been dealing with Kurt’s forced craziness for longer than him.
Apparently, William reads Dave’s wary expression because he continues. “Sadly, Kurt’s forced to take drugs. The chloroform is just for his sever crises, since the effect is immediate. But he has to take drugs; pills to induce his sleep.”
Dave nods, remembering the small chat he eavesdropped between Brittany and Santana the day they arrived to Aurora. Knowing more about this whole thing, Dave understands that Kurt has to be asleep. If the boy’s trailer is so far away from the camp like Dave’s, must be because he could see everyone’s futures if they got nearer that distance. And people in town, did gather around them to welcome them.
He still doesn’t like that. He can’t explain why, but he’s not sure if the tactics they use to keep Kurt’s safe are that good. At the same time, it’s not like they have lots of options.
“And those pills are good?”
William doesn’t reply instantly, so Dave takes that as a ‘no.’ “It’s the best we have right now. He only takes them when we’re on the road, just in case.”
Dave doesn’t ask for further. There’s something about this that obviously bothers William, and William has been nothing but kind and open about everything so Dave won’t put the man in any more distress.
“Alright.”
“Want to join me to the camp? Everything is alright over there, but I just thought we should have a few words in private.”
Dave nods, standing up and picking up the trays. On their way, William informs him that some of the kids -Dave still doesn’t know why William calls them all kids since they are all in their early twenties- are going to promenade in the town before the show. They did the same the day they arrived to Aurora, but Dave stayed in the camp. This time, he decides to join them.
He catches some of the guys, already dressed up and ready to go sightseeing and Dave can’t help getting surprised. They are all dressed in very nice clothes; no one would guess that they’re part of a travelling circus. Santana, Rachel and Quinn are wearing very fine dresses, gloves and hats, and even their shoes are polished. Dave remembers the time he met Rachel at the station; he thought she could be a girl from the city. Now all of them look like they are from some big city. Sam and Sebastian are also wearing fine trousers and clean shirts, along with vests. Dave looks down at himself, and… lord, his trousers are way too old and worn out and he’s still wearing yesterday’s shirt; a shirt that stopped being white some years ago and now it’s beige. While standing next to his friends side, Dave believes he looks like a beggar.
“Can you give me some time to take a shower at least?”
“Man, hurry up. Finn was heading to the showers,” Sam tells him, and Dave nods quickly.
He hurries back to his trailer to pick some decent clothes -or something, his clothes are not in their best shape- and runs towards the showers. He has showered already at the baseball pitch so knowing where it is, he speeds up and he ends up running into a very sleepy Finn who’s crossing the streets, wearing some clean clothes and a towel in his hands.
“Hey, man,” Finn greets him sleepily. “I don’t know why they have to go sightseeing so early.”
Dave shrugs. “I had to hurry up. William told me you were going to promenade in town, but I didn’t think it was going to be now.”
They go in different directions when they reach the stalls, but they keep on talking about yesterday’s show. It seems that in spite of the little inconvenient with Kurt, everything went smoothly.
It relaxes Dave to see while they are getting dressed that Finn has more normal clothes like him. It’s not like Dave looks like the homeless he used to be, but it’s been -probably- years since the last time he bought new clothes.
After dropping their belongings in the camp, the guys start walking towards downtown since they are not far from the stores and else. Dave smiles when Santana surprises him by locking her arm with his.
“So how are you doing, Karofsky?” She inquires, casually.
If Dave has to choose between women and men, he’d probably choose men. Still, he’s been with women plenty of times, and he can appreciate the beauty in them, even if they are not Dave’s first choice. Dave likes women, but he doesn’t really like them in his bed.
Santana really looks gorgeous though. She’s wearing make up, her lips are bright red, and she’s wearing a dark blue dress with small white dots. The dress ends right below her knees, revealing part of her long legs. There’s also white bow above her chest that matches her white gloves.
“You look pretty,” Dave blurts out, not really answering her question.
Santana snorts. “I know, but thanks for pointing it out. I like better my outfits for the show. I’m not a tramp, but our performances are a great excuse to show more skin without scandalizing people.”
Dave laughs out loud. You never get to meet women with attitude, who would proudly admit their desire to be able to show more skin. Women nowadays are usually more submissive, quiet and prudish.
“I can’t remember your outfit, sorry. Yesterday I saw you all together. All I remember is William’s top hat.”
Santana nods, with a smile pressed on her lips. “So you didn’t answer my question. How are you doing? Ready to run to the hills?”
Dave chuckles and wonders if they have had several new members who decided to take off after joining the circus. “I don’t know why you think that way. I get to see all crazy and fun things here, you don’t treat black people like servants, homosexuality is allowed and that guy can fly,” he points at Sam, who’s walking few feet ahead since Dave and Santana fell a little behind from the rest.
Santana glares at him, as if she was trying not to laugh. Dave bets she’s not the kind of girl who smiles politely at everything. “I don’t think you’ll want to take Sam’s girlfriend, so I rule out the possibility of you being happy for our acceptance with black people. Now, homosexuality-”
“What about the guys who can fly?” Dave tries to avoid the subject. He realizes that so far, he never told anyone much about himself.
He’s usually quite reserved, mostly because he never got the time to bond with anyone, since he was constantly changing jobs, moving from town to town…
The brunette girl rolls her eyes at him. “Abilities don’t count for you, considering you didn’t know they existed, let alone that you had one as well,” she states, almost annoyed. “But tell me, you like men?”
Santana is staring at him with eyes that seem almost teasing him, and Dave can’t believe that he’s talking about this, out loud with someone. And the weirdest thing is that he doesn’t particularly mind, even if he has lived all his life being secretive about his not so occasional attraction towards men. This is also something that men don’t usually talk with women but right now, Dave doesn’t mind to have this conversation with Santana.
In addition, Santana is in a relationship with another girl and they all are part of a very small group of people who accepts homosexuality. Dave doesn’t consider himself a queer, at least not fully, since he has slept with women plenty of times. Yet, deep inside he knows he should start considering himself as a queer, because no matter how many women he has slept with, he always preferred to be with men.
And maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad to tell Santana. It’s not like he’s going to get beaten for saying out loud that, from time to time, he likes men. Or most of the times, not to say all of them.
So Dave nods. “Sometimes.”
“Sometimes?”
Dave shrugs. “Men are not always available, and when they are, they are not always my type,” he admits quietly since even if he’s comfortable enough to tell this to Santana, he doesn’t want to have a meeting with everyone to discuss his sexual orientation.
“I see,” Santana replies, in an equal low voice. Obviously she’s getting that he wants to keep this between them. “I get you though. It used to happen the same to me. I like guys enough, and you’re not bad yourself.”
Lord, this girl is really straight forwards. “Thanks,” Dave says, amused.
“But I like girls. And I love Brittany,” she says, and Dave can almost see her blushing. Apparently, Santana’s is also not the kind of girl who likes to admit her feelings either. Dave can relate to that.
“That’s good. I guess she’s lucky to have you.”
Santana looks up at him, pressing a soft smile. “Thanks. But back to you, big boy. Seen someone you like? We’re a group of young people, and we’re quite attractive as well, so I’m sure you’ve seen something you liked.”
That’s indeed true; Dave has to admit that they were all quite good looking, and being young it’s a plus. The girls are indeed pretty, the guys are quite handsome and Dave has found someone he likes but it’s not like he’s going to try to do anything about it.
In fact, he prefers to stay away from complications, even more now that he’s aware about all the complications that Kurt implies.
But he takes a few long seconds to reply and nothing came out from his mouth but an awkward. “Er…”
“I knew it,” Santana mutters achieved. Dave wants to kick himself. “Is it a guy or a girl? The sometimes I like men doesn’t apply right here, does it?”
“Hum…”
“A guy,” the girl whispers, sounding suddenly very interested. Dave’s really being very sloppy in here. “Sebastian is not a ‘sometimes’ guy, he’s all queer as they come. Is it him?”
Lord, the mess he’s got himself into. “No, he’s not,” he replies, because even if he’s aware that Sebastian is really attractive, Dave is not attracted to him.
Santana chuckles. “Well, that’s fine. I don’t think he would have gone after you. He’s still hung up for his dumb ex,” she says, remorsefully. “But then all the other guys are into girls, so wrong luck I guess.”
Dave shrugs since it’s not a big deal. He wasn’t going to try anything with anyone anyways. “It’s fine. I’m-”
“Except Kurt,” she cuts him off, and she seems to be talking more to herself than to him. “I bet that if he could, he would be a queer as well,” Dave can’t help it, and he quickly looks at Santana showing an obvious interest. “Oh, Lord. It’s him?”
Dave swallows hard, and shakes his head quickly. “Of course not,” he hurries to reply, but Santana’s giving him an inquisitive look.
“Be careful with that one, boy,” she tells him, with a threatening tone of voice.
Dave sighs, resolving that it’s better to come out clean, at least with her. The last thing Dave wants is people distrusting him for wanting to play with the fragile boy from the circus. He wouldn’t do that, even if he finds the boy incredibly gorgeous.
He stops in his place, forcing Santana to stop walking as well. “Look, yes, I did find him attractive and if we were at some dark or secret club, I’d definitely go after him,” he states, seriously, staring at her right into her eyes. “But I’m aware about who he is, and I’m not going to play around with him. And if he wasn’t so messed up, I probably wouldn’t do it anyways. As I said, this is not some secret club; we all live here, together; this is almost like a family. I’m going to have to see you, him and everyone every day. I wouldn’t compromise everything just because a random nightstand.”
And he really means it. Thankfully, Santana nods quietly; she believes him. The girl locks her arm with Dave’s again, and they resume their walk.
“I’m glad you take so serious our life in the circus,” Santana tells him. “Couples among us don’t usually compromise our lives. I’m perfect with Britt, Sam and Mercedes hardly ever give us trouble, and Mike and Tina are one of those couples people call ‘a match made in heaven,’” she says, not very amused. “Playing around it’s something different though, so we’re careful about not doing that. It would be awkward if I slept with Mike, and then Finn, and then Sebastian… well, not Sebastian, obviously. But some others do like to turn our living lives in hell due their romantic issues,” she says, bitterly.
Dave frowns. “What do you mean?”
Santana rolls her eyes, and points at Rachel and Finn. Dave gapes. He didn’t see that coming. “What?!”
“Quiet!” Santana grits between her teeth. “We’re all sick tired of those two. They’ve been breaking up and getting together since they’ve met. Sadly, we’re the ones who have to deal with their drama. We stopped taking them seriously long ago.”
Dave stares at Rachel and Finn, who are walking ahead from them, with their arms locked together as well, and honestly, he can’t believe they are… well, something.
“I didn’t think they were something else than friends,” Dave admits.
“That’s because they are in their break,” Santana informs him flatly. “But don’t you worry. You’ll see them together by next weekend. And breaking up in the following one.”
Dave laughs, not being able to believe it. Is he blind or something? Maybe he wasn’t paying much attention and that wouldn’t be surprising, since Dave is not the kind of guy who spends time thinking about other people’s love life.
“As for Kurt…”
“Santana, drop it,” Dave warns her. “I don’t want anything with him.”
“It’s a shame you know?”
Dave sighs; will she ever forget about this?
“It’s not like I want to marry him. I don’t even know him; I just find him…”
“Arousing?”
“Attractive. It’s not a big deal,” he states, but then he grows curious, remembering what Santana said earlier. “What do mean that, he would be a queer if he could? Not that I’m interested, I just didn’t get you.”
Santana shrugs. “Well, it’s just a though. He has that vibe, you know? He seems to be the kind of boy that likes guys,” she explains quietly, as they cross the street. They’re getting closer to downtown. “But we couldn’t know. Maybe he doesn’t even know what he likes. He’s been seeing people’s future since he’s fourteen, and his life has been a mess ever since. I don’t think he ever had the time to even have a crush on someone, being his head so full of future crap all the time.”
Dave hasn’t considered that, and that’s alright since he just got to find out how Kurt’s life is not even an hour ago. But Jesus, poor kid. The boy’s got to have the loneliest life ever. Yet, that’s a new reason to stay away from Kurt. Everything would be even more complicated. Still, Santana’s making a big deal about something that Dave didn’t make a big deal. The boy is attractive; very attractive. Period.
“I didn’t think about that.”
Santana sighs. “Sad, I know.”
“Hey, guys! Why so distant?” Finn inquires, turning around and motioning to move closer to them. They start walking faster to catch up with their friends.
“I’m talking to Karofsky,” Santana states, sounding irritated. “Maybe, we don’t want our conversation to reach your ears.”
Dave rolls his eyes. Is she always this difficult? He notices that they are standing in the main avenue of Aurora. He’s got so caught into his conversation with Santana that he hardly paid any attention to where they were going or where they were getting.
“So, we are here,” Rachel says, clapping her hands together. “Were do we all want to go?”
“Music store,” Sam replies right away. “Noah and I need some guitar strings. And I need to find a watchmaker.”
“We also have to find a post office to deliver some letters,” Quinn intercedes.
“Why don’t we go to have breakfast?” Sebastian suggests. “We don’t even know if there’s a music store, or a watchmaker in this town. We could ask for directions.”
Dave already had breakfast, and a little of yesterday’s dinner but everyone agrees, so he says nothing and follows his friends.
They end up at a dinner that’s just a few couple of blocks from where they were. In spite of their regular clothing, everyone in there seems to recognize them as soon as they walk in and they get plenty of smiles. Some people approach them to tell them that they really enjoyed yesterday’s show, and some others let them know they’re going to attend to today’s show.
The seven of them thank everyone, showing polite smiles; even Santana.
When they order their breakfast, Dave feel uncomfortable yet again, since he realizes he has no money to pay for anything. Yet, everyone is busy staring at their menus to notice and it’s not until they start sharing their choices for breakfast that Dave can admit about his little inconvenience.
“I don’t have any money,” Dave blurts out, when they ask him what he’s going to order.
“None of us have,” Sam tells him, casually and Dave stares at him, puzzled.
Rachel chuckles. “We do have money. It’s not like we’re going to eat for free,” she explains. “What Sam means, is that usually we don’t have money, like for ourselves. Yet, when we go sightseeing, William always gives us as much money as he can so we can at least eat out.”
“Unless we’re doing well with the shows,” Sebastian intercedes. “Usually we first separate the money for the gas, and the food for the trips. What’s left we use it like this. But when we’re doing several shows, after separating the money for all the circus’ stuff, we split the rest and we all get some money for ourselves. Not today’s case though.”
Dave thinks that’s quite a good deal. Yet, he has a bed, a roof and food every day so Dave can’t really ask for more; he doesn’t think he needs money for anything else. Still, everyone expects him to have breakfast now, even if he tells them repeatedly that he had breakfast already. Apparently, they think it’s just an excuse not to order something because of the money he doesn’t have to pay for his food.
His new friends don’t five up, so Dave ends up ordering some sliced oranges, prepared cereal, fluffy omelet, toast, marmalade, coffee and milk; he’s having what Finn will have.
During breakfast, Dave is asked about the previous’ day events and whether William talked to him about Kurt or not. Once again, his new friends look slightly guilty about the whole thing, and Dave discovers that talking about Kurt makes him feel sort of uncomfortable.
There are some aspects about Kurt that Dave’s still curious about, but unlike before, he’s not very willing to find more about him. Everything about Kurt seems to be complicated, dark and even sad. Dave doesn’t want to be heartless, but he just found a place where he feels content, and who knew? He might get even happy; really happy. But so far, he’s comfortable; Dave’s surrounded by really good people he enjoys to spend time with, he travels around, and things, for the first time in a long time, life’s good.
He wants to keep this for as long as he can. Until yesterday, it seemed vital for him to find out about Kurt. Now that Dave knows a bit more about the boy, he prefers to stay away from all that matter. After all, Dave can easily continue his life in the circus without being too attached to the whole deal with Kurt.
“He did. He explained to me everything or so I think,” Dave says, trying to keep it short and simple. “I’m fine with it.”
“I’m sorry we had to keep this from you,” Quinn hurries to say. “We didn’t want you-”
“It’s alright,” Dave assures her. “I understand now why you did it.”
Thankfully, the topic of conversation ends right there.
Breakfast goes on smoothly. Dave has eaten already, but much to his surprise, he has no issues to swallow that entire breakfast. Suddenly, he remembers one night he ate at a shelter, that a fellow homeless told him: “Eat as much as you can. We are like stray dogs; we never know when we’ll get to eat again, so never pass any chance to feed yourself.”
That happened almost two years ago, when Dave told this man that he was full and almost rejected a third refill of his soup. Those words have never had much significance in the past, since Dave used to skip meals quite often. But by being part of this travelling circus, Dave has the chance to eat four times a day and it’s the very first time in years that he even gets to feed himself quite well between meals.
Apparently, that old man’s words really got Dave.
Dave still finds a bit hard to join the conversations that his friends start, even if they mostly talk about their every day life; things like everyone being happy at the people of Aurora that kept on cooking for them so they wouldn’t have to cook, Finn doing the dishes poorly and leaving them always with grease -Finn looks away in that particular moment- when they are going to be able to do the laundry, and other things related to their life together, that even if Dave is part of this now, it still feels a little rude to intercede, even if he actually agrees and Finn does the dishes like hell.
When they are done with breakfast, the waitress tells them that the boss said that their meals are on the house. Yet, everyone refuses to eat for free. After a little playful quarrel, Rachel gets to hand the money of their breakfast to the waitress.
Dave believes that’s quite noble. He’s aware that the circus doesn’t always have much money, and still they won’t take stuff for free.
They do ask for directions, and the waitress happily provides them with. Sadly, they won’t find a watchmaker, but the music store is only three blocks away, and the post office is closed since it’s Sunday.
“Oh, right,” Rachel tells the waitress, feeling a bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry. Since we’re constantly travelling around, we tend to forget what day is today.”
The seven of them march towards the music store. Citizens keep on recognizing them on the streets and politely greet them. Dave believes he’s never been part of anything so great; strangers usually are never this friendly with him. A little girl who walks hand to hand with her mom, even recognizes Quinn as they are entering to the music store and confronts Quinn, telling her that when she grows up, she wants to trapeze artist like her.
“Aw, thank you, sweetheart,” Quinn tells the little girl, with a bright smile on her face.
Dave has never seen anything as adorable.
They buy several sets of guitar strings before heading back to the camp.
During the afternoon, Dave doesn’t do much. His mates dress up before the show in the back of the circus tent, so once again, Dave doesn’t get to see them in their circus outfits. He stays in the camp during the show, listening to some music and every now and then, his gaze lies upon Kurt’s trailer. Dave doesn’t see any movement coming from there.
For a little while, Dave wonders when they are going to invite Kurt to join them for lunch, or dinner or something. Dave will surely have to be there.
He shrugs. It will happen when it happens.
He starts finding harder to spend time by his own. Back in the gas station, he didn’t have another choice but staying all by himself between customer and customer; Dave could spend days without seeing another human’s face. And now, it’s not like he has a choice either; he needs to stay away from the guys at certain moments, being the shows one of those moments.
And in the station, he did fine being alone. Now it seems harder. Maybe it’s because unlike in his old job, this time he actually gets to be surrounded by a lot of people, and Dave is starting to like that.
You don’t get to miss what you never got, and now that Dave gets to be in the middle of a bunch of people, Dave doesn’t do so well at being all by himself.
next part.
Author: xonthefloor
Pairing: Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel.
Rating: PG for this chapter.
Warnings: None.
Beta: None for now :(
Word Count: 131oo this chapter.
Genre: Supernatural/Superpowers/Romance/Angst/Drama.
Disclaimer: Pfht, if I owned Glee, Blaine wouldn't be on it.
Summary: Dave is just a humble young man whose only expectation from life is having somewhere to sleep at night. Everything changes when he's invited to join a very unique travelling circus where he'll meet a group of very peculiar people, discovering that he's not what you could call a regular guy.
A/N: This is a complete AU and time fic, that takes place in the late 30s. I’m trying to be as accurate as I can with things the way they were back then, but I apologize if something is not exactly the way it was back in the late 30s. Also, you'll notice that this is unbetaed, so I apologize in advance. English is not my first language. Any offers? I have to warn that the later chapters are quite long, since I can't never manage to write short chapters.
Chapter 5
When Dave wakes up, there’s light coming through his window and for a second, he believes he just woke up after a little nap, until his eyes lay upon a tray with food that wasn’t there before he went to sleep. He frowns and gets up from his bed, poking a cold soup inside a red pot. There’s also a plate with a slice of green tomato pie and another one with roasted chicken. Everything is equally cold.
He lets out a loud yawn and scratches the back of his head, trying to fully wake up. Not really knowing what time is it, Dave opens the door of his trailer and steps outside. He shivers as a chilly breeze hits his face, and he notices that the camp seems to be completely deserted. He looks down, and he there’s dew in the grass so he resolves that it’s probably very early in the morning.
Dave can’t believe he slept so much.
He gets back to his trailer, and stretches his arms. He’s quite hungry, so he sits down at the table and he eats the cold food. Cold chicken and pie is alright, yet Dave doesn’t touch the soup. That’s something that won’t taste good being cold.
After having his dinner-breakfast, Dave wanders around his trailer. There’s not a lot to do since he can’t head to the camp in order to find someone awake to spend some time with, unless someone comes to pick him up first.
Dave never noticed how boring it could get to be alone. Back in the gas station, he was constantly alone with the radio to keep him some company. Yet, right now, it seems like the time goes by incredibly slowly. He’s been in the circus for a couple of days, and he got too used to be around people.
But after what seems to be forever, someone finally knocks at his door. Dave immediately stands up, and when he opens the door he finds William outside, carrying yet another tray with some toasts, butter, milk, boiled eggs and two mugs of coffee. Dave assumes that instead of being taken to have breakfast with the rest of the group, he’s going to share breakfast with William.
“Morning, David,” the older man greets him.
“Good morning. Want to come inside?”
William gets inside with Dave, and they both sit at the table. Dave pushes the half empty tray of yesterday’s dinner to one side and William says: “We came yesterday to have a few words with you. You know, regarding what happened. We kept on finding you asleep.”
Dave snorts. “I still can’t believe I slept so much. I woke up just some time ago; I didn’t know what to do to kill time.”
“Oh, do you want to hear something really impressive?”
Dave stares at William, curious. “What thing?”
William smiles. “Your ability works just the same when you’re asleep. Those are really hard to find, you know?”
Dave didn’t know that, since he doesn’t know much about abilities in general let alone his own. “Is it that bad?” he inquires, unsure.
“At all. It just proves you have a very powerful gift. Most abilities depend on our will so most of them shut down while we sleep since we’re not conscious. But when the girls came up last night to wake up to have dinner, they did see you were very much asleep and they still couldn’t do anything put their abilities in use.”
Dave thinks that’s bad news. Supposedly, he’s meant to learn how to focus and do all the stuff that Rachel said it’s necessary to control his ability. But he won’t be able to focus anything if he’s asleep.
“So even if I learn to control it, I’ll still have to sleep away from everyone else.”
William nods, apologetically. “About that, I was thinking you should have here one of our record players and some music.”
Dave quirks an eyebrow, grabbing one of the mugs of coffee. “Are you trying to make it up to me because of what happened yesterday?”
The older man lets out a small laugh. “I get your point, but no. Yesterday, while I was with Kurt and I saw his phonograph, I realized you should have one too. If there’s something you two have in common is that you get to spend a lot of time by your own. Music helps a lot. I’ll get some music for you today.”
Kurt.
Dave doesn’t even know where to start asking questions. Finally he gets a free pass to all explanations, and there are so many things that he’s completely clueless about that he can’t even figure out what to ask first.
Still, Dave likes the idea of having his own music. “That would be nice. Thank you.”
They both start drinking their respective coffees, not really saying anything and Dave can tell that William’s finding hard to start this conversation as well.
“So, David. Yesterday I promised I would explain to you anything you wanted to know,” finally William speaks up. “What would you like to know?”
That’s pretty much a hard question, or at least, Dave thinks so since there are so many things he wants to know that he finds difficult to pick one question. He presses his lips together, trying to come up with something.
He shrugs. “What’s the deal with Kurt? Why everyone is so secretive about him? Ever since I joined this place, all I’ve got was everyone talking in riddles while they spoke about him in my presence.”
William nods. “First of all, I want to tell you that no one has ever distrusted you,” he says firmly, and Dave gives him a skeptical glare. “No, I mean it. We’re all just… very protective of him.”
That doesn’t make Dave feel any less upset. “So you thought I could hurt him?”
Much to Dave’s surprise, William lets out a short laugh and Dave doesn’t get what’s so funny. Apparently, William notices this. “I’m sorry. It’s just… Kurt asked the same when I told him why we didn’t tell him about you.”
There, Dave has another question. “Why didn’t you tell him about me? I thought-”
“One at the time, Dave,” William cuts him off with his always kind tone of voice. “Everything is related anyway.”
“Alright.”
“As I said, we’re all very protective of each other. I can assure you that if someone wanted to harm you, all of my kids would jump in your defense, even if you’ve been here for just a few days,” William tells him firmly and for some reason, Dave’s chest grows warm at these words. “The thing with Kurt is that he’s… more vulnerable, than the rest of us.”
Dave understands that part pretty quickly. When he met Kurt yesterday, he noticed right away that there was something weird about him; he was far from normal, even if they’re all circus people with strange abilities. He doesn’t consider Kurt as someone vulnerable though; he does consider him a bit crazy.
So he asks: “How so?”
“Do you know what Kurt’s ability is?”
“He told me he sees the future,” he replies. “People’s future.”
“Good. Now, Kurt doesn’t have a lot of control on his visions of the future. Take yourself for example: you can’t decide yet, who to cancel or not. You just cancel everyone you have around,” William explains. “Kurt is the same. If there are ten people around him, he’s going to see those ten different futures all together. And just like you, his gift works up to certain distance. That’s why we keep his trailer far from the camp.”
Little by little, Dave starts understanding everything better. “So that way he won’t see all of your futures, just like I won’t cancel you all if I’m close to you.”
William smiles at him. “Exactly.”
“But Rachel said all abilities can be mastered,” Dave recalls, and suddenly feels a little worried about this. If Kurt can’t control what he does, then there’s a big chance that Dave won’t be able to control his own ability, complicating everyone’s lives.
“It doesn’t mean you won’t be able to train yourself, Dave,” William tells him as if he was reading his thoughts.
“Kurt can’t control his ability. So it’s not like all abilities can be trained, like Rachel assured.”
William shakes his head, looking slightly sad. “It’s different.”
“It sounds the same to me.”
“David, there are abilities that are just there, like Mercedes’; if she gets under water she’ll instantly breath normally. Quinn doesn’t have to think about walking through a wall; if she walks towards a wall, she’ll walk through it. Then there are abilities that require certain control, like yours, Rachel’s, Finn’s or Kurt’s. You all need to have some power on them, so you can decide when to use them or not.”
“See? We’re in the same-”
“Let me finish. Yes, the kind of ability you two have require the same control; concentration, attention, a lot of effort sometimes, you need to be focused and…” William trails off.
Dave raises a brow, leaning a bit forwards. “And?”
“And you can do that, Dave. Kurt can’t.”
Dave doesn’t get it so he frowns. “If he can’t, then maybe I can’t do it either.”
William sighs. “Abilities like Kurt’s need a lot of mental stability. If you’re relaxed, in peace, you can start focusing in his case, in the visions he gets, or in your case, in the people you’ll cancel. That’s at first, once you start training yourself, you do it naturally, like Rachel does.”
Dave narrows his eyes at William. “And Kurt is mentally unstable?”
William winces. “He’s not crazy,” he states right away. “Kurt had a very complicated life because of his visions, so he gets easily distressed. You’ve seen him yesterday when he saw the guys getting inside his trailer.”
Dave nods, recalling that moment. He still doesn’t know what happened, but he even got a little scared as well while seeing how much in panic Kurt seemed to be.
“He looked terrified,” Dave points out. “Why does he get so scared?”
William shrugs, like it’s something simple. “Because he loses control. He can’t handle people’s future, and… he gets lost in it.”
Dave frowns. “In the future?”
William shrugs again. “Sometimes it’s all he sees. He stops being aware of the world around him; the future turns to be his present. But that happens when he’s close to several people for a certain time, since all futures get mixed up in his head, and he can’t come back to reality. Sadly, he had a lot of troubles in the past because of his powerful gift, so I can’t blame him for being… sensitive now. We take a lot of care not to let him go through anything that could hurt him.”
Dave blinks, for some reason he starts feeling terribly bad for Kurt. All the guys have really great abilities, and Dave thought he was the only one stuck with a bad one. Now Kurt… he’s stuck with a real bad one. The only thing that Dave has to do is staying away from everyone in certain moments, but Kurt… Jesus! Dave always thought that it would be great to be able to see the future. Now he’s not so sure about that.
“That’s terrible.”
“It is. Kurt gets easily distressed and you can’t concentrate very much when you’re so anxious, right? Yet, when Kurt first joined us, believe me, he was a mess,” William tells him and Dave gets even more curious but he lets the other man speak. “He did a lot of improvements. Back then, he could hardly follow a conversation since his visions were always there, distracting him. Now he can be in company of up to three people, and considering how bad he was before, that’s a lot.”
Dave starts feeling hopeful again. “So I can work on this thing I do. If Kurt did it being so…”
William nods. “Exactly. I think that if Kurt was in a better shape, he could master it. But in his case, the progress is very slow. Now, you’re not him and I believe you’ll be able to control your gift eventually.”
“But I don’t get it. I can cancel him,” Dave says, thinking about the whole situation. “I can make all his visions to go away. Shouldn’t I be something good for him? Instead, you were all secretive about him like, I don’t know… It was like I’m something bad.”
The older man sighs, drinking his coffee. “I think we all handled that pretty badly. Kurt was upset as well, since we didn’t tell you what you could do.”
For some reason, that makes Dave feel not so alone. At least Kurt was upset about the whole secret thing as well.
“We never thought you could hurt him,” William continues. “We just… Kurt has been struggling with his visions for years. We did believe that having you here was going to be a great thing for him, we still do. But you’re new in here, David. This whole new world could be overwhelming, and…”
“You thought I would take off?” Dave inquires, slightly seeing where William wants to get.
“Maybe. Until a few days ago, you were just an average person. And you don’t only have to cope with things you’ve never seen before, like interracial couples, or open homosexuality; you’re also with people with abilities that go far from comprehension, and you’re one of those people as well,” William tells him. “I wouldn’t blame you if you ever feel that this is too much for you to handle. So being all this so new to you, I didn’t want to introduce to you to Kurt yet. I have to take care of my kids, all of them and there’s nothing that Kurt could want more than some peace in his mind; it would mean everything to him. I just didn’t want to take the risk of introducing you to him, and then take that peace away if you left shortly after that.”
Dave feels a little insulted, but he can’t blame William for believing he could just walk away. He has to accept that he’s handling this whole new world quite well; he suddenly pictures Mr. Cameron, and how it would be for him if he was introduced to all the things that now Dave sees daily. The old man would have probably have a fit.
“I’m not-”
“I also have to take care of you, David,” William continues. “Because no matter how much we want to have you here, we can’t force you to stay with us. You’re the only person that can give Kurt some rest from the future; he wants that and we all want him to have that. I wouldn’t want you to feel pressured; I wouldn’t want you thinking that you have to stay because we hope that you’ll help Kurt somehow. I want you to stay with us because you want to, and not because you feel obligated to.”
Dave swallows hard and says nothing. William’s words make him feel warm in a strange way; he’s been part of the circus just for a few days, and it’s not just William; all of his friends make him feel very welcomed and cared about. And they don’t really know him, but they still look after him.
Dave has been taking care of himself for the most part of his life. He still can’t get used to the fact that there are people that seem to have his back now, but it’s alright because it feels nice to remind himself that he’s not alone anymore.
“I don’t know if this helps much, but I can assure you that I’m not leaving,” Dave tells William, being completely honest with him. “This is by far the best place I’ve been at in my life.”
He really means it. Not only he has a roof, a bed and a door, all at the same time; it goes beyond the accommodations and the food he gets daily. In the few days he’s been part of the circus, he truly enjoys the company of these great people he had the fortune to meet.
He’d have to be crazy to leave a place where he feels so accepted and where he can be part of something so incredible.
“I’m glad to hear that. We like having you with us as well,” William replies with a tender smile on his face.
Still, Dave has some more questions so this is not the end of their conversation.
“What’s the big deal about Kurt being outside? Not meeting other people? Yesterday, you all repeated over and over that it was impossible for him to be outside, even if he was very much there.”
William chuckles. “About that, yes. It’s not like he can’t be outside. We’re not going to forbid him to do anything he wants to do. But he actually fears the outside, because of people, yes. I can’t even remember when was the last time he’s been at the camp, since he can’t handle our company.”
“But he went outside,” Dave tries to recall what Kurt said. “Something about Rachel?”
The older man laughs, rolling his eyes. “Yes. Something about her. She stole a corset that belonged to Quinn, and it was not finished yet. Kurt wanted to prevent her from having public embarrassment. In fact, the guys said that Rachel was coming out with Finn, Noah and Mercedes when they noticed that you were around, but she ended up topless since the corset fell apart. It was embarrassing for her, I guess, but she was lucky. At least it happened in front of some of her friends and not in front of the sold out audience.”
Dave laughs out loud and William joined him. Who would have guessed that Rachel was so sneaky?
“I guess that happens when you take stuff that didn’t belong to you.”
“Tell me about it. She’s been crying all night, blaming herself for what happened,” William tells him and Dave can imagine that.
All this does explain a lot to Dave. He’s still curious about a lot of stuff, but he thinks it would be wise not to be so nosy yet. He knows what he needs to know and that’s enough for him, at least for now.
Yet, he can’t help asking. “Is Kurt alright? I mean, now, after what happened yesterday.”
“He is, and I appreciate your concern. He’s resting right now; Brittany’s going to wake him up to have breakfast with him in a little while.”
Dave notices that Kurt rests a lot. It doesn’t sound too suspicious now, knowing all the things the kid has to deal with when he’s with people. And it’s impossible for him not being concerned. Maybe he’s the new guy, and he doesn’t know Kurt as much as the rest of the guys, but the boy seems to have quite a hard time and Dave finds hard not to feel sorry for him.
It’s easier to understand now why everyone is so overprotective with Kurt. Dave has seen him just once, and he just got to know a bit more about him and for some reason, he’s feeling caring about him as well.
“Good,” Dave simply replies.
“So, anything else?”
For days, Dave has been wondering a lot about Kurt and now, he can’t even remember all the billions of questions he had about the kid. So Dave takes a few seconds to check with himself if his curiosity is gone.
And he’s about to shake his head no, since he has no more questions until a very vivid image of Kurt passing out in front of the circus tent hits his brain.
“He fainted,” Dave points out, trying to remember better the whole scene. “But, he did something. He just didn’t faint he-”
“About that,” William cuts him off. A glimpse of discomfort shows in his eyes. “He didn’t just faint, you’re right. He did that to himself.”
“He did that to himself? Fainting?”
William nods. “Do you know what chloroform is?” Dave shakes his head no. “It’s an anesthetic. A liquid that doctors use to sleep their patients when they need surgery.”
Dave narrows his eyes, because a part of him can see where William is trying to get, but he doesn’t want to jump into conclusions. “So…”
“When you inhale it, you lose conscience quickly.”
“You let him do that? Isn’t it dangerous?”
He can see in William’s face that this chloroform thing doesn’t make the older man happy in the slightest. Surely there’s a reason for this, but Dave doesn’t want to push it.
“It is dangerous. It’s toxic and inhaling too much of it could even kill someone, but we know, and what’s more important, Kurt knows how much he’s permitted to use.”
Dave blinks. Is this man out of his mind? From what Dave could gather the previous day, Kurt is a very disturbed kid. Sure, William assures that Kurt is not crazy, and maybe, yesterday’s events don’t happen often, so the boy was more upset than he usually is… but Dave wouldn’t leave that kid, who’s obviously unstable, with anything that could harm him.
But it’s not Dave’s call. He won’t know what’s best or worst for this kid. William and the rest of the guys have been dealing with Kurt’s forced craziness for longer than him.
Apparently, William reads Dave’s wary expression because he continues. “Sadly, Kurt’s forced to take drugs. The chloroform is just for his sever crises, since the effect is immediate. But he has to take drugs; pills to induce his sleep.”
Dave nods, remembering the small chat he eavesdropped between Brittany and Santana the day they arrived to Aurora. Knowing more about this whole thing, Dave understands that Kurt has to be asleep. If the boy’s trailer is so far away from the camp like Dave’s, must be because he could see everyone’s futures if they got nearer that distance. And people in town, did gather around them to welcome them.
He still doesn’t like that. He can’t explain why, but he’s not sure if the tactics they use to keep Kurt’s safe are that good. At the same time, it’s not like they have lots of options.
“And those pills are good?”
William doesn’t reply instantly, so Dave takes that as a ‘no.’ “It’s the best we have right now. He only takes them when we’re on the road, just in case.”
Dave doesn’t ask for further. There’s something about this that obviously bothers William, and William has been nothing but kind and open about everything so Dave won’t put the man in any more distress.
“Alright.”
“Want to join me to the camp? Everything is alright over there, but I just thought we should have a few words in private.”
Dave nods, standing up and picking up the trays. On their way, William informs him that some of the kids -Dave still doesn’t know why William calls them all kids since they are all in their early twenties- are going to promenade in the town before the show. They did the same the day they arrived to Aurora, but Dave stayed in the camp. This time, he decides to join them.
He catches some of the guys, already dressed up and ready to go sightseeing and Dave can’t help getting surprised. They are all dressed in very nice clothes; no one would guess that they’re part of a travelling circus. Santana, Rachel and Quinn are wearing very fine dresses, gloves and hats, and even their shoes are polished. Dave remembers the time he met Rachel at the station; he thought she could be a girl from the city. Now all of them look like they are from some big city. Sam and Sebastian are also wearing fine trousers and clean shirts, along with vests. Dave looks down at himself, and… lord, his trousers are way too old and worn out and he’s still wearing yesterday’s shirt; a shirt that stopped being white some years ago and now it’s beige. While standing next to his friends side, Dave believes he looks like a beggar.
“Can you give me some time to take a shower at least?”
“Man, hurry up. Finn was heading to the showers,” Sam tells him, and Dave nods quickly.
He hurries back to his trailer to pick some decent clothes -or something, his clothes are not in their best shape- and runs towards the showers. He has showered already at the baseball pitch so knowing where it is, he speeds up and he ends up running into a very sleepy Finn who’s crossing the streets, wearing some clean clothes and a towel in his hands.
“Hey, man,” Finn greets him sleepily. “I don’t know why they have to go sightseeing so early.”
Dave shrugs. “I had to hurry up. William told me you were going to promenade in town, but I didn’t think it was going to be now.”
They go in different directions when they reach the stalls, but they keep on talking about yesterday’s show. It seems that in spite of the little inconvenient with Kurt, everything went smoothly.
It relaxes Dave to see while they are getting dressed that Finn has more normal clothes like him. It’s not like Dave looks like the homeless he used to be, but it’s been -probably- years since the last time he bought new clothes.
After dropping their belongings in the camp, the guys start walking towards downtown since they are not far from the stores and else. Dave smiles when Santana surprises him by locking her arm with his.
“So how are you doing, Karofsky?” She inquires, casually.
If Dave has to choose between women and men, he’d probably choose men. Still, he’s been with women plenty of times, and he can appreciate the beauty in them, even if they are not Dave’s first choice. Dave likes women, but he doesn’t really like them in his bed.
Santana really looks gorgeous though. She’s wearing make up, her lips are bright red, and she’s wearing a dark blue dress with small white dots. The dress ends right below her knees, revealing part of her long legs. There’s also white bow above her chest that matches her white gloves.
“You look pretty,” Dave blurts out, not really answering her question.
Santana snorts. “I know, but thanks for pointing it out. I like better my outfits for the show. I’m not a tramp, but our performances are a great excuse to show more skin without scandalizing people.”
Dave laughs out loud. You never get to meet women with attitude, who would proudly admit their desire to be able to show more skin. Women nowadays are usually more submissive, quiet and prudish.
“I can’t remember your outfit, sorry. Yesterday I saw you all together. All I remember is William’s top hat.”
Santana nods, with a smile pressed on her lips. “So you didn’t answer my question. How are you doing? Ready to run to the hills?”
Dave chuckles and wonders if they have had several new members who decided to take off after joining the circus. “I don’t know why you think that way. I get to see all crazy and fun things here, you don’t treat black people like servants, homosexuality is allowed and that guy can fly,” he points at Sam, who’s walking few feet ahead since Dave and Santana fell a little behind from the rest.
Santana glares at him, as if she was trying not to laugh. Dave bets she’s not the kind of girl who smiles politely at everything. “I don’t think you’ll want to take Sam’s girlfriend, so I rule out the possibility of you being happy for our acceptance with black people. Now, homosexuality-”
“What about the guys who can fly?” Dave tries to avoid the subject. He realizes that so far, he never told anyone much about himself.
He’s usually quite reserved, mostly because he never got the time to bond with anyone, since he was constantly changing jobs, moving from town to town…
The brunette girl rolls her eyes at him. “Abilities don’t count for you, considering you didn’t know they existed, let alone that you had one as well,” she states, almost annoyed. “But tell me, you like men?”
Santana is staring at him with eyes that seem almost teasing him, and Dave can’t believe that he’s talking about this, out loud with someone. And the weirdest thing is that he doesn’t particularly mind, even if he has lived all his life being secretive about his not so occasional attraction towards men. This is also something that men don’t usually talk with women but right now, Dave doesn’t mind to have this conversation with Santana.
In addition, Santana is in a relationship with another girl and they all are part of a very small group of people who accepts homosexuality. Dave doesn’t consider himself a queer, at least not fully, since he has slept with women plenty of times. Yet, deep inside he knows he should start considering himself as a queer, because no matter how many women he has slept with, he always preferred to be with men.
And maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad to tell Santana. It’s not like he’s going to get beaten for saying out loud that, from time to time, he likes men. Or most of the times, not to say all of them.
So Dave nods. “Sometimes.”
“Sometimes?”
Dave shrugs. “Men are not always available, and when they are, they are not always my type,” he admits quietly since even if he’s comfortable enough to tell this to Santana, he doesn’t want to have a meeting with everyone to discuss his sexual orientation.
“I see,” Santana replies, in an equal low voice. Obviously she’s getting that he wants to keep this between them. “I get you though. It used to happen the same to me. I like guys enough, and you’re not bad yourself.”
Lord, this girl is really straight forwards. “Thanks,” Dave says, amused.
“But I like girls. And I love Brittany,” she says, and Dave can almost see her blushing. Apparently, Santana’s is also not the kind of girl who likes to admit her feelings either. Dave can relate to that.
“That’s good. I guess she’s lucky to have you.”
Santana looks up at him, pressing a soft smile. “Thanks. But back to you, big boy. Seen someone you like? We’re a group of young people, and we’re quite attractive as well, so I’m sure you’ve seen something you liked.”
That’s indeed true; Dave has to admit that they were all quite good looking, and being young it’s a plus. The girls are indeed pretty, the guys are quite handsome and Dave has found someone he likes but it’s not like he’s going to try to do anything about it.
In fact, he prefers to stay away from complications, even more now that he’s aware about all the complications that Kurt implies.
But he takes a few long seconds to reply and nothing came out from his mouth but an awkward. “Er…”
“I knew it,” Santana mutters achieved. Dave wants to kick himself. “Is it a guy or a girl? The sometimes I like men doesn’t apply right here, does it?”
“Hum…”
“A guy,” the girl whispers, sounding suddenly very interested. Dave’s really being very sloppy in here. “Sebastian is not a ‘sometimes’ guy, he’s all queer as they come. Is it him?”
Lord, the mess he’s got himself into. “No, he’s not,” he replies, because even if he’s aware that Sebastian is really attractive, Dave is not attracted to him.
Santana chuckles. “Well, that’s fine. I don’t think he would have gone after you. He’s still hung up for his dumb ex,” she says, remorsefully. “But then all the other guys are into girls, so wrong luck I guess.”
Dave shrugs since it’s not a big deal. He wasn’t going to try anything with anyone anyways. “It’s fine. I’m-”
“Except Kurt,” she cuts him off, and she seems to be talking more to herself than to him. “I bet that if he could, he would be a queer as well,” Dave can’t help it, and he quickly looks at Santana showing an obvious interest. “Oh, Lord. It’s him?”
Dave swallows hard, and shakes his head quickly. “Of course not,” he hurries to reply, but Santana’s giving him an inquisitive look.
“Be careful with that one, boy,” she tells him, with a threatening tone of voice.
Dave sighs, resolving that it’s better to come out clean, at least with her. The last thing Dave wants is people distrusting him for wanting to play with the fragile boy from the circus. He wouldn’t do that, even if he finds the boy incredibly gorgeous.
He stops in his place, forcing Santana to stop walking as well. “Look, yes, I did find him attractive and if we were at some dark or secret club, I’d definitely go after him,” he states, seriously, staring at her right into her eyes. “But I’m aware about who he is, and I’m not going to play around with him. And if he wasn’t so messed up, I probably wouldn’t do it anyways. As I said, this is not some secret club; we all live here, together; this is almost like a family. I’m going to have to see you, him and everyone every day. I wouldn’t compromise everything just because a random nightstand.”
And he really means it. Thankfully, Santana nods quietly; she believes him. The girl locks her arm with Dave’s again, and they resume their walk.
“I’m glad you take so serious our life in the circus,” Santana tells him. “Couples among us don’t usually compromise our lives. I’m perfect with Britt, Sam and Mercedes hardly ever give us trouble, and Mike and Tina are one of those couples people call ‘a match made in heaven,’” she says, not very amused. “Playing around it’s something different though, so we’re careful about not doing that. It would be awkward if I slept with Mike, and then Finn, and then Sebastian… well, not Sebastian, obviously. But some others do like to turn our living lives in hell due their romantic issues,” she says, bitterly.
Dave frowns. “What do you mean?”
Santana rolls her eyes, and points at Rachel and Finn. Dave gapes. He didn’t see that coming. “What?!”
“Quiet!” Santana grits between her teeth. “We’re all sick tired of those two. They’ve been breaking up and getting together since they’ve met. Sadly, we’re the ones who have to deal with their drama. We stopped taking them seriously long ago.”
Dave stares at Rachel and Finn, who are walking ahead from them, with their arms locked together as well, and honestly, he can’t believe they are… well, something.
“I didn’t think they were something else than friends,” Dave admits.
“That’s because they are in their break,” Santana informs him flatly. “But don’t you worry. You’ll see them together by next weekend. And breaking up in the following one.”
Dave laughs, not being able to believe it. Is he blind or something? Maybe he wasn’t paying much attention and that wouldn’t be surprising, since Dave is not the kind of guy who spends time thinking about other people’s love life.
“As for Kurt…”
“Santana, drop it,” Dave warns her. “I don’t want anything with him.”
“It’s a shame you know?”
Dave sighs; will she ever forget about this?
“It’s not like I want to marry him. I don’t even know him; I just find him…”
“Arousing?”
“Attractive. It’s not a big deal,” he states, but then he grows curious, remembering what Santana said earlier. “What do mean that, he would be a queer if he could? Not that I’m interested, I just didn’t get you.”
Santana shrugs. “Well, it’s just a though. He has that vibe, you know? He seems to be the kind of boy that likes guys,” she explains quietly, as they cross the street. They’re getting closer to downtown. “But we couldn’t know. Maybe he doesn’t even know what he likes. He’s been seeing people’s future since he’s fourteen, and his life has been a mess ever since. I don’t think he ever had the time to even have a crush on someone, being his head so full of future crap all the time.”
Dave hasn’t considered that, and that’s alright since he just got to find out how Kurt’s life is not even an hour ago. But Jesus, poor kid. The boy’s got to have the loneliest life ever. Yet, that’s a new reason to stay away from Kurt. Everything would be even more complicated. Still, Santana’s making a big deal about something that Dave didn’t make a big deal. The boy is attractive; very attractive. Period.
“I didn’t think about that.”
Santana sighs. “Sad, I know.”
“Hey, guys! Why so distant?” Finn inquires, turning around and motioning to move closer to them. They start walking faster to catch up with their friends.
“I’m talking to Karofsky,” Santana states, sounding irritated. “Maybe, we don’t want our conversation to reach your ears.”
Dave rolls his eyes. Is she always this difficult? He notices that they are standing in the main avenue of Aurora. He’s got so caught into his conversation with Santana that he hardly paid any attention to where they were going or where they were getting.
“So, we are here,” Rachel says, clapping her hands together. “Were do we all want to go?”
“Music store,” Sam replies right away. “Noah and I need some guitar strings. And I need to find a watchmaker.”
“We also have to find a post office to deliver some letters,” Quinn intercedes.
“Why don’t we go to have breakfast?” Sebastian suggests. “We don’t even know if there’s a music store, or a watchmaker in this town. We could ask for directions.”
Dave already had breakfast, and a little of yesterday’s dinner but everyone agrees, so he says nothing and follows his friends.
They end up at a dinner that’s just a few couple of blocks from where they were. In spite of their regular clothing, everyone in there seems to recognize them as soon as they walk in and they get plenty of smiles. Some people approach them to tell them that they really enjoyed yesterday’s show, and some others let them know they’re going to attend to today’s show.
The seven of them thank everyone, showing polite smiles; even Santana.
When they order their breakfast, Dave feel uncomfortable yet again, since he realizes he has no money to pay for anything. Yet, everyone is busy staring at their menus to notice and it’s not until they start sharing their choices for breakfast that Dave can admit about his little inconvenience.
“I don’t have any money,” Dave blurts out, when they ask him what he’s going to order.
“None of us have,” Sam tells him, casually and Dave stares at him, puzzled.
Rachel chuckles. “We do have money. It’s not like we’re going to eat for free,” she explains. “What Sam means, is that usually we don’t have money, like for ourselves. Yet, when we go sightseeing, William always gives us as much money as he can so we can at least eat out.”
“Unless we’re doing well with the shows,” Sebastian intercedes. “Usually we first separate the money for the gas, and the food for the trips. What’s left we use it like this. But when we’re doing several shows, after separating the money for all the circus’ stuff, we split the rest and we all get some money for ourselves. Not today’s case though.”
Dave thinks that’s quite a good deal. Yet, he has a bed, a roof and food every day so Dave can’t really ask for more; he doesn’t think he needs money for anything else. Still, everyone expects him to have breakfast now, even if he tells them repeatedly that he had breakfast already. Apparently, they think it’s just an excuse not to order something because of the money he doesn’t have to pay for his food.
His new friends don’t five up, so Dave ends up ordering some sliced oranges, prepared cereal, fluffy omelet, toast, marmalade, coffee and milk; he’s having what Finn will have.
During breakfast, Dave is asked about the previous’ day events and whether William talked to him about Kurt or not. Once again, his new friends look slightly guilty about the whole thing, and Dave discovers that talking about Kurt makes him feel sort of uncomfortable.
There are some aspects about Kurt that Dave’s still curious about, but unlike before, he’s not very willing to find more about him. Everything about Kurt seems to be complicated, dark and even sad. Dave doesn’t want to be heartless, but he just found a place where he feels content, and who knew? He might get even happy; really happy. But so far, he’s comfortable; Dave’s surrounded by really good people he enjoys to spend time with, he travels around, and things, for the first time in a long time, life’s good.
He wants to keep this for as long as he can. Until yesterday, it seemed vital for him to find out about Kurt. Now that Dave knows a bit more about the boy, he prefers to stay away from all that matter. After all, Dave can easily continue his life in the circus without being too attached to the whole deal with Kurt.
“He did. He explained to me everything or so I think,” Dave says, trying to keep it short and simple. “I’m fine with it.”
“I’m sorry we had to keep this from you,” Quinn hurries to say. “We didn’t want you-”
“It’s alright,” Dave assures her. “I understand now why you did it.”
Thankfully, the topic of conversation ends right there.
Breakfast goes on smoothly. Dave has eaten already, but much to his surprise, he has no issues to swallow that entire breakfast. Suddenly, he remembers one night he ate at a shelter, that a fellow homeless told him: “Eat as much as you can. We are like stray dogs; we never know when we’ll get to eat again, so never pass any chance to feed yourself.”
That happened almost two years ago, when Dave told this man that he was full and almost rejected a third refill of his soup. Those words have never had much significance in the past, since Dave used to skip meals quite often. But by being part of this travelling circus, Dave has the chance to eat four times a day and it’s the very first time in years that he even gets to feed himself quite well between meals.
Apparently, that old man’s words really got Dave.
Dave still finds a bit hard to join the conversations that his friends start, even if they mostly talk about their every day life; things like everyone being happy at the people of Aurora that kept on cooking for them so they wouldn’t have to cook, Finn doing the dishes poorly and leaving them always with grease -Finn looks away in that particular moment- when they are going to be able to do the laundry, and other things related to their life together, that even if Dave is part of this now, it still feels a little rude to intercede, even if he actually agrees and Finn does the dishes like hell.
When they are done with breakfast, the waitress tells them that the boss said that their meals are on the house. Yet, everyone refuses to eat for free. After a little playful quarrel, Rachel gets to hand the money of their breakfast to the waitress.
Dave believes that’s quite noble. He’s aware that the circus doesn’t always have much money, and still they won’t take stuff for free.
They do ask for directions, and the waitress happily provides them with. Sadly, they won’t find a watchmaker, but the music store is only three blocks away, and the post office is closed since it’s Sunday.
“Oh, right,” Rachel tells the waitress, feeling a bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry. Since we’re constantly travelling around, we tend to forget what day is today.”
The seven of them march towards the music store. Citizens keep on recognizing them on the streets and politely greet them. Dave believes he’s never been part of anything so great; strangers usually are never this friendly with him. A little girl who walks hand to hand with her mom, even recognizes Quinn as they are entering to the music store and confronts Quinn, telling her that when she grows up, she wants to trapeze artist like her.
“Aw, thank you, sweetheart,” Quinn tells the little girl, with a bright smile on her face.
Dave has never seen anything as adorable.
They buy several sets of guitar strings before heading back to the camp.
During the afternoon, Dave doesn’t do much. His mates dress up before the show in the back of the circus tent, so once again, Dave doesn’t get to see them in their circus outfits. He stays in the camp during the show, listening to some music and every now and then, his gaze lies upon Kurt’s trailer. Dave doesn’t see any movement coming from there.
For a little while, Dave wonders when they are going to invite Kurt to join them for lunch, or dinner or something. Dave will surely have to be there.
He shrugs. It will happen when it happens.
He starts finding harder to spend time by his own. Back in the gas station, he didn’t have another choice but staying all by himself between customer and customer; Dave could spend days without seeing another human’s face. And now, it’s not like he has a choice either; he needs to stay away from the guys at certain moments, being the shows one of those moments.
And in the station, he did fine being alone. Now it seems harder. Maybe it’s because unlike in his old job, this time he actually gets to be surrounded by a lot of people, and Dave is starting to like that.
You don’t get to miss what you never got, and now that Dave gets to be in the middle of a bunch of people, Dave doesn’t do so well at being all by himself.
next part.