.................................... i really dont know what to do
if im to be 100% honest i WANT to go to cali........
i dont want to stay here anymore.........
if im to be 100% honest ...id leave TONIGHT if i could..........
.....i honestly hate this place soooo much..........
u cant imagine how often i just randonmly break down into tears of wanting to go back to cali soooo bad
...............but what a terrible person i would be for just leaving her like that
............what a terrible person id be to let her down
but to be 100% honest once again...... part of me wants to be selfish
and the other part of me CANT be selfish....i cant just leave and know she would be hurt by that
........................but i wish u could understand..... in california i had Urgency.............i LOVED urgency!! urgency made me sooo happy!!!!
in california i had KIMMIE.... ((i honestly adore you sooo much kimmie))...i had MIDGET...she was my midget and iw as her sagady! and dang it we fit good together!!! i had my pheebs!! ...........i had Ted ... my FAILURE!! my FAVORITE FAILURE!!...RObert... YEDU!!! the dance team.... Katie... irvington...even now i woudlnt have irvington..but i looked at up and Fremont High school looks SUPER nice!!! it looks beautiful! .............in cali i had EVERYTHING
here..... i have nothing BUT stephanie.......and yea that sounds mean... and i dont mean to lessen her... cuz shes realyl an awesome friend and person ........ but 1 or 20?? ...i mean really.... if u love snickers do u want ONE bar or do u want more?
but part of me knows if i go she'll be mad...she wont ever admitt it, but deep down inside she'll feel ike i left her...like i didnt really care......
but if i stay..... as much as i hate to say it...i really feel like i wont exactly "resent her" but i just kno ((especialyl living together))..one day we'll get in a fight...and itll just comeout "U MADE ME GIVE UP EVERYTHING I LOVED!!" ............and i dont even mean it like that..i dont mean it now... but i justknow it would come out... thru anger....like over time it would boil up inside me that i couldnt go.....everyday realizin im STILL here...
and here we are both tryin to make the right choice to look out for the other person...yet both wishin we coudl just be selfish....
i wanan go...she wants me to stay...i dont wanna hurt her....she wants me to be happy.....
what do u do?????????
i dont want to stay here anymore.........
if im to be 100% honest ...id leave TONIGHT if i could..........
.....i honestly hate this place soooo much..........
u cant imagine how often i just randonmly break down into tears of wanting to go back to cali soooo bad
...............but what a terrible person i would be for just leaving her like that
............what a terrible person id be to let her down
but to be 100% honest once again...... part of me wants to be selfish
and the other part of me CANT be selfish....i cant just leave and know she would be hurt by that
........................but i wish u could understand..... in california i had Urgency.............i LOVED urgency!! urgency made me sooo happy!!!!
in california i had KIMMIE.... ((i honestly adore you sooo much kimmie))...i had MIDGET...she was my midget and iw as her sagady! and dang it we fit good together!!! i had my pheebs!! ...........i had Ted ... my FAILURE!! my FAVORITE FAILURE!!...RObert... YEDU!!! the dance team.... Katie... irvington...even now i woudlnt have irvington..but i looked at up and Fremont High school looks SUPER nice!!! it looks beautiful! .............in cali i had EVERYTHING
here..... i have nothing BUT stephanie.......and yea that sounds mean... and i dont mean to lessen her... cuz shes realyl an awesome friend and person ........ but 1 or 20?? ...i mean really.... if u love snickers do u want ONE bar or do u want more?
but part of me knows if i go she'll be mad...she wont ever admitt it, but deep down inside she'll feel ike i left her...like i didnt really care......
but if i stay..... as much as i hate to say it...i really feel like i wont exactly "resent her" but i just kno ((especialyl living together))..one day we'll get in a fight...and itll just comeout "U MADE ME GIVE UP EVERYTHING I LOVED!!" ............and i dont even mean it like that..i dont mean it now... but i justknow it would come out... thru anger....like over time it would boil up inside me that i couldnt go.....everyday realizin im STILL here...
and here we are both tryin to make the right choice to look out for the other person...yet both wishin we coudl just be selfish....
i wanan go...she wants me to stay...i dont wanna hurt her....she wants me to be happy.....
what do u do?????????