(no subject)
*a story that needs to spill from my tainted lips*
well i guess i can start from the begining..
well ever since this really fucked up relationship i had with this guy...i don't trust guys because the one time i really did...i had my heart..what felt like..ripped out of my chest and played around with a little then discarded like sour milk or something..i really thought i was in love ..true honest love...but once i looked deeper into and realized that no matter how much he confided in me and no matter how much i trusted him it was all fake...i was nieve and that was part of it...but the relationship ruined me..and i haven't been able to trust since..
and then when i talk to...to a new person in my life,i feel like i can try and trust again but i'm afriad. because having my heart broken like that, was the absolute hardest thing i ever lived through. half the time i felt like i was dieing. and no one was there to understand because he was always the one that was there to understand and now he was just gone POOF ... and i felt like a used piece of crap. and now he's "in love" again and i'm here alone because i'm too scared to trust
i know it's wierd and hard to understand but it's my past. and it was a really hard time in my life. i mean you could say in a big way i'm over it. but when something hurts that bad, there's still a part of you that is effected by it all. you could say i came out of it liek it was a learning experience. i learned that most guys don't see things on the same level as me. and that i should never think i'm in love. ever. because once you get to that point you loose all control of your emotions. you're not happy unless their happy. you're moods are effeted by whether or not you see them, hear them, touch them that day. it's all so intertwined and scary. and i just don't think i'll ever be able to feel that way again. it's too hard. especially when you end up alone in the end.
well i guess i can start from the begining..
well ever since this really fucked up relationship i had with this guy...i don't trust guys because the one time i really did...i had my heart..what felt like..ripped out of my chest and played around with a little then discarded like sour milk or something..i really thought i was in love ..true honest love...but once i looked deeper into and realized that no matter how much he confided in me and no matter how much i trusted him it was all fake...i was nieve and that was part of it...but the relationship ruined me..and i haven't been able to trust since..
and then when i talk to...to a new person in my life,i feel like i can try and trust again but i'm afriad. because having my heart broken like that, was the absolute hardest thing i ever lived through. half the time i felt like i was dieing. and no one was there to understand because he was always the one that was there to understand and now he was just gone POOF ... and i felt like a used piece of crap. and now he's "in love" again and i'm here alone because i'm too scared to trust
i know it's wierd and hard to understand but it's my past. and it was a really hard time in my life. i mean you could say in a big way i'm over it. but when something hurts that bad, there's still a part of you that is effected by it all. you could say i came out of it liek it was a learning experience. i learned that most guys don't see things on the same level as me. and that i should never think i'm in love. ever. because once you get to that point you loose all control of your emotions. you're not happy unless their happy. you're moods are effeted by whether or not you see them, hear them, touch them that day. it's all so intertwined and scary. and i just don't think i'll ever be able to feel that way again. it's too hard. especially when you end up alone in the end.