Shadows through the night
The weather is making my mood lift. Rain pouring down and I feel better once it fall. It's harder this time. Not because I don't look forward to the means of my sufferings but because I suffer more now than I did the last time. I suffer more because I know the joy of being far away from here. I suffer more because time is moving slower this time. I suffer more because I work at an even less satisfying place.
Last time I had Linda. She suffered along with me. Not at the same place but we could talk over our pain, this time is different, because I'm pushing myself all on my own. I want it more this time, so the time it takes to get to my sweet goal seem to take forever. I've got around 76 days left, more or less. I haven't bought the ticket yet, so I can't tell you for sure.
He haunts my dreams. He's there and when I wake up despair hits me. I'm alone in my bed. It's cold and empty. It's hard.
Even harder is to eat right, when I'm here. Because food is my only comfort or because it's easy to go back to old patterns. I've never been a workout freak, but just by eating right I lost 30 pounds (15 kg) in Thailand and I feel like I'm gaining it all back in one stroke. Still I can't stop myself. I feel like such a miserable fool.
My job's got a gym. Used it for the first time yesterday. Intend on getting there earlier for my 12 hour shift tomorrow to use it again. I so desperetly want to come back to Thailand 15 kg lighter than I was when I left, not the same size as I was when I arrived (30 kg heavier than my goal). Everyone with weightloss plans seems to have easier goals than me... I just need to lose those 5 extra kg's I've been carrying around. I would be so happy if 5 kg was all I had to worry about.
Does anyone have any good ideas on how to lose atleast 20 pounds in 2 months? Or how about just 2 pounds? Any ideas?
I'm obsessed, but with the weakest willpower. My mum always credit me for my willpower but for some reason my willpower never applies for my weight...
screaming please no more
Last time I had Linda. She suffered along with me. Not at the same place but we could talk over our pain, this time is different, because I'm pushing myself all on my own. I want it more this time, so the time it takes to get to my sweet goal seem to take forever. I've got around 76 days left, more or less. I haven't bought the ticket yet, so I can't tell you for sure.
He haunts my dreams. He's there and when I wake up despair hits me. I'm alone in my bed. It's cold and empty. It's hard.
Even harder is to eat right, when I'm here. Because food is my only comfort or because it's easy to go back to old patterns. I've never been a workout freak, but just by eating right I lost 30 pounds (15 kg) in Thailand and I feel like I'm gaining it all back in one stroke. Still I can't stop myself. I feel like such a miserable fool.
My job's got a gym. Used it for the first time yesterday. Intend on getting there earlier for my 12 hour shift tomorrow to use it again. I so desperetly want to come back to Thailand 15 kg lighter than I was when I left, not the same size as I was when I arrived (30 kg heavier than my goal). Everyone with weightloss plans seems to have easier goals than me... I just need to lose those 5 extra kg's I've been carrying around. I would be so happy if 5 kg was all I had to worry about.
Does anyone have any good ideas on how to lose atleast 20 pounds in 2 months? Or how about just 2 pounds? Any ideas?
I'm obsessed, but with the weakest willpower. My mum always credit me for my willpower but for some reason my willpower never applies for my weight...
screaming please no more