i dont know
i guess i finally got what i deserved..? i don't know if anyone deserves that, actually. maybe the physical/mental pain inflicted on me was payback for emotional pain ive done to others? except that doesnt make sense because everytime i hurt someone, i am equally as hurt. i dont get it. i dont know. all i know is that was one hell of a wake up call. im scared, and i dont know what to do. i feel very alone, and very hated, and very loved, and very lucky, and very angry, and i just want to have joy and happiness. i AM tired of this fucking game, no matter what my actions portray. you may never understand. i hope that one day you do. that ANYone does. that SOMEone will. ive never, ever hurt anyone on purpose. i only wanted to hurt myself. and i didnt truly want to do that. i just wanted relief. thats what ive wanted for as long as i can remember. and yet all i do is leave a trail of broken hearts, houses, lives, and emotions in my wake. the least that mother fucker couldve done is shot me. bastard.