The Lowdown
The Lowdown (1/1)
Pairing: chensoo
Genre: Angst
Summary: Jongdae wasn’t sure what it was all about this time, but because he was currently trying to console his best friend, he sure as hell knew that everything was fucking Kim Jongin’s fault. Kyungsoo knew, he knew, but he chose not to care. He chose to be hurt repeatedly over and over again. And he just didn't see. Jongdae knew, though. He fucking knew it all and it made him sick. He hated Jongin. He fucking hated it all and he couldn't do a thing about it.
The only warning to give is for excessive swearing. Feel free to drop a comment at the end. Enjoy.
Jongdae wasn’t sure what it was all about this time, but because he was currently trying to console his best friend, he sure as hell knew that everything was fucking Kim Jongin’s fault. Everything was always fucking Kim fucking Jongin’s fucking fault and Jongdae wanted nothing more than to beat the living shit out of that fucker.
“Shh, Kyungsoo, it’s okay. I’m here, now tell me what’s wrong,” he said trying to calm his friend down who was sobbing hysterically while trembling in Jongdae’s protective embrace.
“H-He, J-Jong-in w-with-w-with-J-Jongdae, it-it h-hurts,” Kyungsoo gasped in between sobs as he tried to catch his breath. He was feeling dizzy and tired and damn it he just wanted to lay down and rest. He just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up ever again. But then again, he didn’t want to face the nightmares he knew were waiting for him. Nothing was going to make anything okay for him.
“Kyungsoo, calm down-Kyungsoo! Listen to me, you’re going to make yourself sick!” Jongdae exclaimed as he tried to lead his distraught friend to his beat up couch. They nearly tripped over the coffee table, but they made it and Jongdae sat Kyungsoo in his lap as he tried to rock them in a soothing rhythm much like a mother would do with her child.
Jongdae tried to wipe away the tears that were falling but gave up when Kyungsoo hit his face in his shoulder, Jongdae’s sweater catching his new wave of tears.
“Soo, please tell me what happened….”
“I-It h-hurts!”
Jongdae clenched his fist. “Did he hurt you, Soo?” he asked, voice hard and body stiffened.
“Y-Yeah,” Kyungsoo cried, pointing a weak finger to his chest. “I-In here.”
Jongdae kissed the top of the other’s head, rubbing circles on his back. “What did he do?” he asked softly, trying to keep his anger for the mutiny in check as he tried to help his friend.
Kyungsoo sniffled, grabbing a fistful of Jongdae’s old sweater in his hand. “H-He never-he-doesn’t l-love me, Jongdae!” Kyungsoo sobbed, voice cracking. He sounded so broken it was killing Jongdae. “H-He never l-love m-me! He u-used me!”
Jongdae clenched his jaw, but remained silent for his friend’s sake.
“He only…H-He only wa-wanted my bo-body! He only really wanted S-Sehun!” Kyungsoo told him, clinging to Jongdae more than either thought was possible. “J-Jongin…He d-doesn’t care about me…”
Jongdae didn’t know what to really do other than continue to rock Kyungsoo in his lap and whisper that everything was going to be okay despite everything being anything but okay right now.
“He hurt me, Jongdae. I-I h-hate him.”
“You’re better off without him, Soo,” Jongdae told him. “He doesn’t deserve you.”
“B-But I need him!” Kyungsoo argued, more tears falling. “I hate him so much, but-but I still love him!”
Jongdae shook his head. That’s what Kyungsoo said every time he caught Jongin cheating on him, and every time Jongin gave him some bullshit apology, Kyungsoo went back. He always went back despite all of Jongdae’s reasoning to him.
“Why do you let him keep doing this to you, Kyung?” Jongdae asked in, feeling exasperated. “He doesn’t make you happy. He’s an asshole and you don’t need him. He’s not good for you, Soo.”
Kyungsoo shook his head, sobs wracking at him once more. “H-he just-I don’t know, Jongdae! I j-just n-need him! I do-don’t want to b-be without h-him!”
Jongdae wanted to cry, but now wasn’t the time. He would when Kyungsoo went to sleep. “Please, Soo,” he pleaded weakly. “Don’t do this to yourself again. Don’t let him hurt you anymore.”
Kyungsoo said nothing else and just continued to cry into Jongdae’s shoulder, not wanting to talk anymore.
Jongdae wasn’t sure how long they were like that, but it was well into the night when Kyungsoo finally cried himself to sleep and Jongdae carried him to his room. He tucked Kyungsoo under the covers of his small bed, making sure he was plenty warm before trudging back to the living room and collapsing on the couch, covering his face with his arm.
He didn’t know why Kyungsoo tortured himself all the time by staying with that fucker Jongin. The only thing that bastard ever did was put Kyungsoo down and break his heart over and over again. He didn’t know fucking why Kyungsoo wasn’t smart enough to just fucking leave that asshole despite being miserable. Jongdae just didn’t fucking know-it was baffling how anyone could stand that sort of treatment all the time.
Kyungsoo didn’t do anything to deserve such horrible treatment. He didn’t do anything to deserve to get his heart broken. He didn’t deserve some lowlife asshole to put him down all the time and cheat on him.
Kyungsoo deserved someone who would treat him right and to take care of him. He needed someone to shower with all sort of attention and give him nice gifts just for the heck of it. He deserved to live happily with someone’s care and to not be burdened with bullshit he didn’t need. He needed someone to love him unconditionally and to always be faithful to him.
Kyungsoo needed Jongdae, goddamn it.
Jongdae could treat him so much better than that fucking Jongin who didn’t give a shit. Jongdae could love him and take care of him. Jongdae would never hurt him or never yell at him or ever make him feel inadequate. Jongdae could never possibly hurt him ever.
Jongdae angrily wiped his tears away as he curled into the couch, seeking some sort of comfort.
It was like this all the time. Every few months for the past three years, Kyungsoo would arrive at his place in tears blubbering about something that fucker did to hurt him. And Jongdae was always there for him no matter what, always whipped his tears and snot and gave him tea and took care for him. He would tried to reason with Kyungsoo, but the other didn’t want to hear it. He was under Jongin’s spell. Kyungsoo would always go back to Jongin for the sake of trying to better their relationship. It would be fine for a few weeks before the cycle repeated itself over and over and over again. And Jongdae always hated watching it happen, but there was nothing he could do.
It wasn’t always like this though. When Kyungsoo met Jongin, Jongdae was genuinely happy for him despite the jealousy and hurt he felt from his best friend falling for someone other than him. At the time, Jongin seemed like a genuinely nice kid, fresh out of college with a bright future ahead of him. He seemed like the ideal person to make anyone happy.
However, things aren’t always what they appear to be. After the honeymoon phase, Jongdae could see the type of person Jongin really was. He’d seen Jongin with another man on the street one time and immediately told Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was devastated of course and confronted his boyfriend, but his lies were convincing. It was about ten months into their relationship when Kyungsoo finally believed Jongdae when he’d caught his boyfriend in their bed with a man and woman. He grabbed a backpack, shoving random stuff into it, before storming off to spend the night at Jongdae’s. The two were certain Jongin was cut from their lives, but the following morning, Jongin showed up with a bouquet of flowers and a convincing bullshit apology-Kyungsoo wasn’t strong enough to let him go. He loved Jongin too much and went back.
It kept happening and each time it did, Jongdae was always there for his best friend, the love of his life.
He and Kyungsoo had been close forever-since they were children-and they agreed on everything together. They were two peas in a pod, just so right together, but the only thing they just couldn’t agree on was Jongin. Jongin fucking ruined everything.
“Fuck, Kyungsoo, you’re so smart and perfect, but why can’t you leave him?” Jongdae asked himself in a raspy voice, rubbing at his tired eyes. He could only think about the beautiful person in his bed dreaming about a man who would never love him.
It was so much fucking bullshit it just made Jongdae was sick and angry. Jongin could never be the man Kyungsoo needed in his life, but he was such a good bullshitter that everyone wanted him. He didn’t deserve someone was beautiful and wonderful as Kyungsoo. That fucked only deserved pain and misery and to be alone for the rest of his life.
Jongdae loathed him.
Jongdae didn’t get a wink of sleep and much sooner than he’d liked, the sun peeked in through the curtains of his living room and soon he heard quiet shuffles of feet coming from the hall.
Kyungsoo hesitantly walked into the room, arms wrapped around his small frame as he made his way toward Jongdae on the couch. “T-Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed,” he thanked the other tiredly.
Jongdae rubbed his eyes and waved it off, saying it wasn’t a big deal.
“You look tired.”
“I am, but that’s okay,” Jongdae said, mustering up what energy he had left and pushed himself off the couch. “Do you want some tea? Coffee? Milk?”
“Coffee is fine, thanks.”
Jongdae set a mug of water to heat in the microwave before retrieving the instant coffee packets from a cabinet. “Want anything to eat?”
Kyungsoo shook his head, “No.”
Jongdae leaned against a counter and stared at his friend sitting in a chair looking so small and weak. He held so much sympathy for the other.
“Jongin should be here soon,” said Jongdae to him, his voice filled with bitterness. “Do you want to take a shower?”
Kyungsoo shook his head once, staring at the wood of the table top.
“I’m sorry for bothering you, Jongdae,” he apologized. “I kept you up all night and you have work today….Really, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” Jongdae demanded, feeling frustrated that Kyungsoo would in the first place. “Don’t you ever apologize to me. You know I’m always here for you no matter what. It doesn’t matter, you come first.”
Jongdae quickly went over to hug his friend when he heard Kyungsoo begin sniffling. He wrapped his arms around the other as he kissed his temple.
“I would drop everything for you, Soo. It doesn’t matter. I would do anything for you.”
“You do e-everything f-for me,” Kyungsoo whimpered, leaning into Jongdae’s hold. “You do so much for me and I can’t do anything to repay it all to you.”
“You don’t need to give me anything in return,” Jongdae told him. “You’re my best friend in the entire world. Through thick and thin, I’ll always be there for you and I’ll do anything for you. I just…wish you’d make decisions that made it a bit easier.”
“….I know you don’t like it, but I don’t want to leave him,” Kyungsoo said. They’ve gone over this hundreds of times. “I need him.”
“You need better-”
“I love him!”
“And he doesn’t love you!” Jongdae snapped, feeling tired of it all. He pulled away and gripped Kyungsoo’s shoulders, staring him in the eye. “You need someone who doesn’t hurt you!”
Kyungsoo shook his head in denial, tears already streaming down his face, not wanting to hear it again. He’d listened to this mantra before, but he hated it. He wanted Jongin-he was selfish for that and he knew it. He knew the other didn’t care about him, but that was okay. That was fine…that was okay…
“I-It’s okay….”
“Soo, it’s not okay.”
“N-No…”
“Why don’t you ever listen to me?” Jongdae badgered him, feeling overwhelmed. “I know you better than you know yourself. You say you love him, but you’re miserable! He’s an asshole, Soo, and you know it and you always go back! Why do you go back?”
“…I don’t know…”
“Yes, you do know!”
“I don’t-”
“Kyungsoo, stop it!”
“I don’t know, okay?!” Kyungsoo screamed, pushing his friend away angrily. “I don’t know why but I can’t live without him! I know Jongin has some issues, but he needs me!”
“He doesn’t need you, you said it yourself last night.”
“I was just upset!” Kyungsoo denied exasperated. “I just…I don’t know, Jongdae. I need him.”
The microwave timer beeped, but neither made a move to get it. Instead, Jongdae got up and went to the bathroom, silently closing the door behind him leaving Kyungsoo to cry where he sat.
In the bathroom, Jongdae parked himself on the toilet seat, resting his head in his hands. He was so tired, so angry, so hurt. He was terribly baffled about his friend and goddamn it all, everything was shitty.
Jesus, why doesn’t Kyungsoo just listen to him when he knows he’s right? Kyungsoo fucking knows it, but won’t act on it. For a smart person, Kyungsoo was so fucking stupid.
Stupid Kyungsoo, stupid bastard Jongin, stupid sleep deprivation, stupid coffee, stupid feelings. Stupid everything!
It just wasn’t fucking fair! Jongin didn’t deserve Kyungsoo! He did! Why couldn’t Kyungsoo just fucking realize…Just why…How could he…Why?
It sucked. It all royally sucked and Kyungsoo was a fool and Jongdae was a sucker.
It’s not like he could take Kyungsoo away and lock him up to prevent him to being with Jongin ever again. It’s not like he could steal him away and have a happily ever after together. Kyungsoo was an adult who made it very clear he made his own decisions, but why are his decisions so stupid and difficult? Why can’t he just leave him?
Because he can’t stand being alone, Jongdae knows. Kyungsoo has always been that way. During their childhood together, Kyungsoo was always at his place because his parents weren’t ever there-granted his mother was up in heaven. His father on the other hand, didn’t fucking give a shit and always neglected him.
Kyungsoo had unresolved daddy issues and it was wrecking him.
It was all so terribly sad and Jongdae just didn’t know anymore. He didn’t know what to do to make it better.
Jongdae loved him so badly and it wasn’t like confessing had never crossed his mind. He’d thought about it so many times, but he knew Kyungsoo. He knew Kyungsoo would turn him down gently and say he couldn’t just leave Jongin. He knew they’d become awkward with each other and their friendship would dwindle down to nothing and they’d never see each other again after that.
He couldn’t afford to do that. Kyungsoo needed him, needed his care, and his friendship. And Jongdae couldn’t bear to lose him.
Jongdae’s thoughts were interrupted by the knock he’d heard at the front door. Right on time, Jongdae thought to himself bitterly as he exited the bathroom.
He entered the living room where he silently watched Jongin whispering his bullshit to Kyungsoo who only smiled back at him before wrapping his arms around the younger. He looked happy, but Jongdae knew he was anything but. Jongdae had seen enough, making his presence known with a clearing of this throat.
They two turned to look to him and Jongin smiled pleasantly at him. “Ah, good morning Jongdae. Thanks for letting Kyungsoo stay here for the night. We’ve settled our problem, so we’ll be leaving now,” Jongin said cheerfully, draping his arm over his boyfriend’s short frame.
If Jongin wasn’t so tall and muscular, and he was maybe a bit more physically built, Jongdae would probably beat the living shit out of his sorry little ass.
“It’s not a problem,” Jongdae replied instead, gritting his teeth and fist clenching behind his back. “Kyungsoo is welcome here anytime. He is my best friend after all.”
Jongin smirked back at him before replying, “Yes well, Kyungsoo is my boyfriend and it’s my job to take care of him.”
Take care of him, my ass. Jongdae wanted to wipe that smirk off his face right there and then, that little ass fucker. What the fuck did Kyungsoo see in him?
“Thanks again, Jongdae,” Kyungsoo said less than happily as he gave his friend an apologetic glance.
Jongdae shook his head.
“Anything for you.”
“We’ll be leaving now,” Jongin said before all but dragging Kyungsoo out of the small apartment and Jongdae was left alone once more.
He trudged back to the kitchen and reheated the cup of water in the microwave and grabbing the cereal from the pantry.
Another few weeks and Kyungsoo would be back in tears all because Jongin was a piece of shit. Another few weeks of limited time with his best friend and yearning feelings of unreciprocated love. Another few weeks of bullshit before it would happen all over again.
But right now, Jongdae needed to get ready for work.
Pairing: chensoo
Genre: Angst
Summary: Jongdae wasn’t sure what it was all about this time, but because he was currently trying to console his best friend, he sure as hell knew that everything was fucking Kim Jongin’s fault. Kyungsoo knew, he knew, but he chose not to care. He chose to be hurt repeatedly over and over again. And he just didn't see. Jongdae knew, though. He fucking knew it all and it made him sick. He hated Jongin. He fucking hated it all and he couldn't do a thing about it.
The only warning to give is for excessive swearing. Feel free to drop a comment at the end. Enjoy.
Jongdae wasn’t sure what it was all about this time, but because he was currently trying to console his best friend, he sure as hell knew that everything was fucking Kim Jongin’s fault. Everything was always fucking Kim fucking Jongin’s fucking fault and Jongdae wanted nothing more than to beat the living shit out of that fucker.
“Shh, Kyungsoo, it’s okay. I’m here, now tell me what’s wrong,” he said trying to calm his friend down who was sobbing hysterically while trembling in Jongdae’s protective embrace.
“H-He, J-Jong-in w-with-w-with-J-Jongdae, it-it h-hurts,” Kyungsoo gasped in between sobs as he tried to catch his breath. He was feeling dizzy and tired and damn it he just wanted to lay down and rest. He just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up ever again. But then again, he didn’t want to face the nightmares he knew were waiting for him. Nothing was going to make anything okay for him.
“Kyungsoo, calm down-Kyungsoo! Listen to me, you’re going to make yourself sick!” Jongdae exclaimed as he tried to lead his distraught friend to his beat up couch. They nearly tripped over the coffee table, but they made it and Jongdae sat Kyungsoo in his lap as he tried to rock them in a soothing rhythm much like a mother would do with her child.
Jongdae tried to wipe away the tears that were falling but gave up when Kyungsoo hit his face in his shoulder, Jongdae’s sweater catching his new wave of tears.
“Soo, please tell me what happened….”
“I-It h-hurts!”
Jongdae clenched his fist. “Did he hurt you, Soo?” he asked, voice hard and body stiffened.
“Y-Yeah,” Kyungsoo cried, pointing a weak finger to his chest. “I-In here.”
Jongdae kissed the top of the other’s head, rubbing circles on his back. “What did he do?” he asked softly, trying to keep his anger for the mutiny in check as he tried to help his friend.
Kyungsoo sniffled, grabbing a fistful of Jongdae’s old sweater in his hand. “H-He never-he-doesn’t l-love me, Jongdae!” Kyungsoo sobbed, voice cracking. He sounded so broken it was killing Jongdae. “H-He never l-love m-me! He u-used me!”
Jongdae clenched his jaw, but remained silent for his friend’s sake.
“He only…H-He only wa-wanted my bo-body! He only really wanted S-Sehun!” Kyungsoo told him, clinging to Jongdae more than either thought was possible. “J-Jongin…He d-doesn’t care about me…”
Jongdae didn’t know what to really do other than continue to rock Kyungsoo in his lap and whisper that everything was going to be okay despite everything being anything but okay right now.
“He hurt me, Jongdae. I-I h-hate him.”
“You’re better off without him, Soo,” Jongdae told him. “He doesn’t deserve you.”
“B-But I need him!” Kyungsoo argued, more tears falling. “I hate him so much, but-but I still love him!”
Jongdae shook his head. That’s what Kyungsoo said every time he caught Jongin cheating on him, and every time Jongin gave him some bullshit apology, Kyungsoo went back. He always went back despite all of Jongdae’s reasoning to him.
“Why do you let him keep doing this to you, Kyung?” Jongdae asked in, feeling exasperated. “He doesn’t make you happy. He’s an asshole and you don’t need him. He’s not good for you, Soo.”
Kyungsoo shook his head, sobs wracking at him once more. “H-he just-I don’t know, Jongdae! I j-just n-need him! I do-don’t want to b-be without h-him!”
Jongdae wanted to cry, but now wasn’t the time. He would when Kyungsoo went to sleep. “Please, Soo,” he pleaded weakly. “Don’t do this to yourself again. Don’t let him hurt you anymore.”
Kyungsoo said nothing else and just continued to cry into Jongdae’s shoulder, not wanting to talk anymore.
Jongdae wasn’t sure how long they were like that, but it was well into the night when Kyungsoo finally cried himself to sleep and Jongdae carried him to his room. He tucked Kyungsoo under the covers of his small bed, making sure he was plenty warm before trudging back to the living room and collapsing on the couch, covering his face with his arm.
He didn’t know why Kyungsoo tortured himself all the time by staying with that fucker Jongin. The only thing that bastard ever did was put Kyungsoo down and break his heart over and over again. He didn’t know fucking why Kyungsoo wasn’t smart enough to just fucking leave that asshole despite being miserable. Jongdae just didn’t fucking know-it was baffling how anyone could stand that sort of treatment all the time.
Kyungsoo didn’t do anything to deserve such horrible treatment. He didn’t do anything to deserve to get his heart broken. He didn’t deserve some lowlife asshole to put him down all the time and cheat on him.
Kyungsoo deserved someone who would treat him right and to take care of him. He needed someone to shower with all sort of attention and give him nice gifts just for the heck of it. He deserved to live happily with someone’s care and to not be burdened with bullshit he didn’t need. He needed someone to love him unconditionally and to always be faithful to him.
Kyungsoo needed Jongdae, goddamn it.
Jongdae could treat him so much better than that fucking Jongin who didn’t give a shit. Jongdae could love him and take care of him. Jongdae would never hurt him or never yell at him or ever make him feel inadequate. Jongdae could never possibly hurt him ever.
Jongdae angrily wiped his tears away as he curled into the couch, seeking some sort of comfort.
It was like this all the time. Every few months for the past three years, Kyungsoo would arrive at his place in tears blubbering about something that fucker did to hurt him. And Jongdae was always there for him no matter what, always whipped his tears and snot and gave him tea and took care for him. He would tried to reason with Kyungsoo, but the other didn’t want to hear it. He was under Jongin’s spell. Kyungsoo would always go back to Jongin for the sake of trying to better their relationship. It would be fine for a few weeks before the cycle repeated itself over and over and over again. And Jongdae always hated watching it happen, but there was nothing he could do.
It wasn’t always like this though. When Kyungsoo met Jongin, Jongdae was genuinely happy for him despite the jealousy and hurt he felt from his best friend falling for someone other than him. At the time, Jongin seemed like a genuinely nice kid, fresh out of college with a bright future ahead of him. He seemed like the ideal person to make anyone happy.
However, things aren’t always what they appear to be. After the honeymoon phase, Jongdae could see the type of person Jongin really was. He’d seen Jongin with another man on the street one time and immediately told Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was devastated of course and confronted his boyfriend, but his lies were convincing. It was about ten months into their relationship when Kyungsoo finally believed Jongdae when he’d caught his boyfriend in their bed with a man and woman. He grabbed a backpack, shoving random stuff into it, before storming off to spend the night at Jongdae’s. The two were certain Jongin was cut from their lives, but the following morning, Jongin showed up with a bouquet of flowers and a convincing bullshit apology-Kyungsoo wasn’t strong enough to let him go. He loved Jongin too much and went back.
It kept happening and each time it did, Jongdae was always there for his best friend, the love of his life.
He and Kyungsoo had been close forever-since they were children-and they agreed on everything together. They were two peas in a pod, just so right together, but the only thing they just couldn’t agree on was Jongin. Jongin fucking ruined everything.
“Fuck, Kyungsoo, you’re so smart and perfect, but why can’t you leave him?” Jongdae asked himself in a raspy voice, rubbing at his tired eyes. He could only think about the beautiful person in his bed dreaming about a man who would never love him.
It was so much fucking bullshit it just made Jongdae was sick and angry. Jongin could never be the man Kyungsoo needed in his life, but he was such a good bullshitter that everyone wanted him. He didn’t deserve someone was beautiful and wonderful as Kyungsoo. That fucked only deserved pain and misery and to be alone for the rest of his life.
Jongdae loathed him.
Jongdae didn’t get a wink of sleep and much sooner than he’d liked, the sun peeked in through the curtains of his living room and soon he heard quiet shuffles of feet coming from the hall.
Kyungsoo hesitantly walked into the room, arms wrapped around his small frame as he made his way toward Jongdae on the couch. “T-Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed,” he thanked the other tiredly.
Jongdae rubbed his eyes and waved it off, saying it wasn’t a big deal.
“You look tired.”
“I am, but that’s okay,” Jongdae said, mustering up what energy he had left and pushed himself off the couch. “Do you want some tea? Coffee? Milk?”
“Coffee is fine, thanks.”
Jongdae set a mug of water to heat in the microwave before retrieving the instant coffee packets from a cabinet. “Want anything to eat?”
Kyungsoo shook his head, “No.”
Jongdae leaned against a counter and stared at his friend sitting in a chair looking so small and weak. He held so much sympathy for the other.
“Jongin should be here soon,” said Jongdae to him, his voice filled with bitterness. “Do you want to take a shower?”
Kyungsoo shook his head once, staring at the wood of the table top.
“I’m sorry for bothering you, Jongdae,” he apologized. “I kept you up all night and you have work today….Really, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” Jongdae demanded, feeling frustrated that Kyungsoo would in the first place. “Don’t you ever apologize to me. You know I’m always here for you no matter what. It doesn’t matter, you come first.”
Jongdae quickly went over to hug his friend when he heard Kyungsoo begin sniffling. He wrapped his arms around the other as he kissed his temple.
“I would drop everything for you, Soo. It doesn’t matter. I would do anything for you.”
“You do e-everything f-for me,” Kyungsoo whimpered, leaning into Jongdae’s hold. “You do so much for me and I can’t do anything to repay it all to you.”
“You don’t need to give me anything in return,” Jongdae told him. “You’re my best friend in the entire world. Through thick and thin, I’ll always be there for you and I’ll do anything for you. I just…wish you’d make decisions that made it a bit easier.”
“….I know you don’t like it, but I don’t want to leave him,” Kyungsoo said. They’ve gone over this hundreds of times. “I need him.”
“You need better-”
“I love him!”
“And he doesn’t love you!” Jongdae snapped, feeling tired of it all. He pulled away and gripped Kyungsoo’s shoulders, staring him in the eye. “You need someone who doesn’t hurt you!”
Kyungsoo shook his head in denial, tears already streaming down his face, not wanting to hear it again. He’d listened to this mantra before, but he hated it. He wanted Jongin-he was selfish for that and he knew it. He knew the other didn’t care about him, but that was okay. That was fine…that was okay…
“I-It’s okay….”
“Soo, it’s not okay.”
“N-No…”
“Why don’t you ever listen to me?” Jongdae badgered him, feeling overwhelmed. “I know you better than you know yourself. You say you love him, but you’re miserable! He’s an asshole, Soo, and you know it and you always go back! Why do you go back?”
“…I don’t know…”
“Yes, you do know!”
“I don’t-”
“Kyungsoo, stop it!”
“I don’t know, okay?!” Kyungsoo screamed, pushing his friend away angrily. “I don’t know why but I can’t live without him! I know Jongin has some issues, but he needs me!”
“He doesn’t need you, you said it yourself last night.”
“I was just upset!” Kyungsoo denied exasperated. “I just…I don’t know, Jongdae. I need him.”
The microwave timer beeped, but neither made a move to get it. Instead, Jongdae got up and went to the bathroom, silently closing the door behind him leaving Kyungsoo to cry where he sat.
In the bathroom, Jongdae parked himself on the toilet seat, resting his head in his hands. He was so tired, so angry, so hurt. He was terribly baffled about his friend and goddamn it all, everything was shitty.
Jesus, why doesn’t Kyungsoo just listen to him when he knows he’s right? Kyungsoo fucking knows it, but won’t act on it. For a smart person, Kyungsoo was so fucking stupid.
Stupid Kyungsoo, stupid bastard Jongin, stupid sleep deprivation, stupid coffee, stupid feelings. Stupid everything!
It just wasn’t fucking fair! Jongin didn’t deserve Kyungsoo! He did! Why couldn’t Kyungsoo just fucking realize…Just why…How could he…Why?
It sucked. It all royally sucked and Kyungsoo was a fool and Jongdae was a sucker.
It’s not like he could take Kyungsoo away and lock him up to prevent him to being with Jongin ever again. It’s not like he could steal him away and have a happily ever after together. Kyungsoo was an adult who made it very clear he made his own decisions, but why are his decisions so stupid and difficult? Why can’t he just leave him?
Because he can’t stand being alone, Jongdae knows. Kyungsoo has always been that way. During their childhood together, Kyungsoo was always at his place because his parents weren’t ever there-granted his mother was up in heaven. His father on the other hand, didn’t fucking give a shit and always neglected him.
Kyungsoo had unresolved daddy issues and it was wrecking him.
It was all so terribly sad and Jongdae just didn’t know anymore. He didn’t know what to do to make it better.
Jongdae loved him so badly and it wasn’t like confessing had never crossed his mind. He’d thought about it so many times, but he knew Kyungsoo. He knew Kyungsoo would turn him down gently and say he couldn’t just leave Jongin. He knew they’d become awkward with each other and their friendship would dwindle down to nothing and they’d never see each other again after that.
He couldn’t afford to do that. Kyungsoo needed him, needed his care, and his friendship. And Jongdae couldn’t bear to lose him.
Jongdae’s thoughts were interrupted by the knock he’d heard at the front door. Right on time, Jongdae thought to himself bitterly as he exited the bathroom.
He entered the living room where he silently watched Jongin whispering his bullshit to Kyungsoo who only smiled back at him before wrapping his arms around the younger. He looked happy, but Jongdae knew he was anything but. Jongdae had seen enough, making his presence known with a clearing of this throat.
They two turned to look to him and Jongin smiled pleasantly at him. “Ah, good morning Jongdae. Thanks for letting Kyungsoo stay here for the night. We’ve settled our problem, so we’ll be leaving now,” Jongin said cheerfully, draping his arm over his boyfriend’s short frame.
If Jongin wasn’t so tall and muscular, and he was maybe a bit more physically built, Jongdae would probably beat the living shit out of his sorry little ass.
“It’s not a problem,” Jongdae replied instead, gritting his teeth and fist clenching behind his back. “Kyungsoo is welcome here anytime. He is my best friend after all.”
Jongin smirked back at him before replying, “Yes well, Kyungsoo is my boyfriend and it’s my job to take care of him.”
Take care of him, my ass. Jongdae wanted to wipe that smirk off his face right there and then, that little ass fucker. What the fuck did Kyungsoo see in him?
“Thanks again, Jongdae,” Kyungsoo said less than happily as he gave his friend an apologetic glance.
Jongdae shook his head.
“Anything for you.”
“We’ll be leaving now,” Jongin said before all but dragging Kyungsoo out of the small apartment and Jongdae was left alone once more.
He trudged back to the kitchen and reheated the cup of water in the microwave and grabbing the cereal from the pantry.
Another few weeks and Kyungsoo would be back in tears all because Jongin was a piece of shit. Another few weeks of limited time with his best friend and yearning feelings of unreciprocated love. Another few weeks of bullshit before it would happen all over again.
But right now, Jongdae needed to get ready for work.