Sleepless Nights
Sleepless Nights (1/1)
Pairing: joonew
Genre: Angst
Summary: Jinki hated nights like these. Not being able to sleep was the worse and the only thing he could do was bury himself beneath the covers in his bed as thoughts wracked his mind. Thinking wasn't what he liked to do. He felt lonely and cold.
Thinking.
Thinking was all one could do when at the mercy of a long and lonely sleepless night; Lying awake in the dark, cold room with nothing to occupy the brain other than seemingly endless hours thinking, and huddling the covers closer for warmth.
This just so happened to be one of those nights for none other than Lee Jinki. Oh how he cursed to be awake when he wanted nothing more than just to sleep, avoiding the vicious thoughts that wracked his brain-especially when he was expected to be awake in only a few hours for work. Instead, he lies in bed with a frown.
These wretched thoughts, he cursed that them for only making him feel lonely and depressed.
He dearly wished that his lover of six years was with him at that moment. The nights got terribly lonely without him. He wanted Lee Changsun.
It just wasn’t fair. Life itself just wasn’t fair and that was a reoccurring thought for Jinki as he lay awake. It just wasn’t fair that the man he loved so much couldn’t be with him then. Jinki in a way felt very sorry for the elder man and so sad for himself. As mentioned, life just wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair that he lay in a bed and had to wake up the next morning to work-to live. It wasn’t fair that Changsun lay several feet beneath the ground to never wake up.
It had been a year since the passing of Changsun. Jinki often tried not to think of the incident, however it was very difficult to avoid when he woke up to a made up side of the bed, and these dreaded nights when insomnia decided to be a bitch.
Life wasn’t fair-understatement of the year.
Jinki wished he could forget the pale face of Changsun as he lied on his deathbed in the hospital the night it happened. He wished that he was lying there instead of the only person in his life that brought him joy-his reason for living. He wished that Changsun could have a chance at living a full life. Jinki knew Changsun had a dream of opening a dance studio one day.
Instead, now that dream was gone-it was only a dream.
Throughout Jinki’s life, there were many hardships like his abusive past with his parents and his unhealthy relationships with food and sharp things. When Changsun had entered his life, Jinki could finally see the happiness in the world and truly believed that everything would be alright because he had the man of his dreams to save him and hold him.
Then after together for two years, Changsun was diagnosed with cancer. Fucking cancer. Jinki found the whole deal to be entirely cliché and he hated every bit of it. He knew he was being selfish thinking about himself, but hadn’t he been through enough shit in his life already? Apparently the universe thought differently.
Jinki wanted to feel sorry for himself a lot, but what would that accomplish. Instead, he stood by his lover every moment, giving support to Changsun who was fighting a losing battle. When the moment finally came to say a final farewell, Jinki was in denial the entire time which led to not handling the sound of his lover’s flat line very well. Not very well at all. Tears, screaming-Jinki never thought such horrible and heart wrenching sounds could come from his own mouth.
Now it had been a year, a very lonely year for him.
‘Why couldn’t it have been me?’
Jinki thought this a lot.
He still remembered the final words Changsun spoke to him.
Every time Jinki recited the words in his head he always felt a little strength. On good days he sometimes felt as if Changsun was still there with him.
Maybe someday when he got back on his feet, Jinki would do something for his lover in his memory. Maybe he would open up that dance studio like Changsun wanted to do.
Yeah. Maybe someday.
For now, Jinki just curled up into a little ball beneath the covers in his bed. It was really cold tonight. He grabbed Changsun’s old pillow and held it close to him. It didn’t smell like Changsun anymore and no longer provided him with the comforting smell of him, but pretending would do that job.
Jinki cursed sleepless nights as he tried to relax enough to fall asleep.
‘You’re strong-you’ll be okay, Jinki. You’ll be fine because I love you and always will.’
Pairing: joonew
Genre: Angst
Summary: Jinki hated nights like these. Not being able to sleep was the worse and the only thing he could do was bury himself beneath the covers in his bed as thoughts wracked his mind. Thinking wasn't what he liked to do. He felt lonely and cold.
Thinking.
Thinking was all one could do when at the mercy of a long and lonely sleepless night; Lying awake in the dark, cold room with nothing to occupy the brain other than seemingly endless hours thinking, and huddling the covers closer for warmth.
This just so happened to be one of those nights for none other than Lee Jinki. Oh how he cursed to be awake when he wanted nothing more than just to sleep, avoiding the vicious thoughts that wracked his brain-especially when he was expected to be awake in only a few hours for work. Instead, he lies in bed with a frown.
These wretched thoughts, he cursed that them for only making him feel lonely and depressed.
He dearly wished that his lover of six years was with him at that moment. The nights got terribly lonely without him. He wanted Lee Changsun.
It just wasn’t fair. Life itself just wasn’t fair and that was a reoccurring thought for Jinki as he lay awake. It just wasn’t fair that the man he loved so much couldn’t be with him then. Jinki in a way felt very sorry for the elder man and so sad for himself. As mentioned, life just wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair that he lay in a bed and had to wake up the next morning to work-to live. It wasn’t fair that Changsun lay several feet beneath the ground to never wake up.
It had been a year since the passing of Changsun. Jinki often tried not to think of the incident, however it was very difficult to avoid when he woke up to a made up side of the bed, and these dreaded nights when insomnia decided to be a bitch.
Life wasn’t fair-understatement of the year.
Jinki wished he could forget the pale face of Changsun as he lied on his deathbed in the hospital the night it happened. He wished that he was lying there instead of the only person in his life that brought him joy-his reason for living. He wished that Changsun could have a chance at living a full life. Jinki knew Changsun had a dream of opening a dance studio one day.
Instead, now that dream was gone-it was only a dream.
Throughout Jinki’s life, there were many hardships like his abusive past with his parents and his unhealthy relationships with food and sharp things. When Changsun had entered his life, Jinki could finally see the happiness in the world and truly believed that everything would be alright because he had the man of his dreams to save him and hold him.
Then after together for two years, Changsun was diagnosed with cancer. Fucking cancer. Jinki found the whole deal to be entirely cliché and he hated every bit of it. He knew he was being selfish thinking about himself, but hadn’t he been through enough shit in his life already? Apparently the universe thought differently.
Jinki wanted to feel sorry for himself a lot, but what would that accomplish. Instead, he stood by his lover every moment, giving support to Changsun who was fighting a losing battle. When the moment finally came to say a final farewell, Jinki was in denial the entire time which led to not handling the sound of his lover’s flat line very well. Not very well at all. Tears, screaming-Jinki never thought such horrible and heart wrenching sounds could come from his own mouth.
Now it had been a year, a very lonely year for him.
‘Why couldn’t it have been me?’
Jinki thought this a lot.
He still remembered the final words Changsun spoke to him.
Every time Jinki recited the words in his head he always felt a little strength. On good days he sometimes felt as if Changsun was still there with him.
Maybe someday when he got back on his feet, Jinki would do something for his lover in his memory. Maybe he would open up that dance studio like Changsun wanted to do.
Yeah. Maybe someday.
For now, Jinki just curled up into a little ball beneath the covers in his bed. It was really cold tonight. He grabbed Changsun’s old pillow and held it close to him. It didn’t smell like Changsun anymore and no longer provided him with the comforting smell of him, but pretending would do that job.
Jinki cursed sleepless nights as he tried to relax enough to fall asleep.
‘You’re strong-you’ll be okay, Jinki. You’ll be fine because I love you and always will.’