holding back now and forever sweetheart

Sep 22, 2004 23:44

the past few days have been no fun. im so unsatisfied at the end of the day... its wierd, i feel like im wasting time looking forward to something thats probably just going to leave me feeling so empty. im not afraid of being alone because ive prepared myself for it.. but i just dont want to know that i could have been happy and let it go. it's hard to see in a time like this what u have control over and what you dont. im going to lose austin...i can tell. how could he love me? especially now.. each day is harder and i feel him slipping and i cant fix it. i fucking hate that more than anything. i wanna grab him and shake him and say "please dont leave me".. but i could never be satisfied if i knew he really wanted something else. i wish that i could go back to when things werent so complicated and stay there with him.

dont lie anymore
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