Make way for the PAIN!
Ah, life. So full of mysteries to be solved, full of feelings and emotions to discover... everything coming at a person at a million miles an hour. ...Except concrete, which when LargeMan travels about 20 MPH into, breaks him into a very large pile of ow.
The story is this: On Friday (That's the 11th of July, '08 should this journal go that long) I rented a scooter from this Vespa dealer in Edwardsville so that I could use it to take my road test for my motorcycle endorsement. After tooling around on it for an hour or so, I thought I was good enough to attempt the test. I wasn't really expecting much since it was my first time driving one, but I figured my skill on motorcycles would help.
Yeah. No.
So I make a turn onto Troy Road from the Dairy Queen. (The road next to it. I don't remember the name.) Unfortunately, I was accelerating too quickly for the amount of turn I was giving the scooter. I thought I'd compensate by shifting my weight so that the scooter would turn that direction. No. They don't work like that. If you want to turn a scooter by God, you'd BETTER turn those handlebars GOOD. So with little response to my weight shift, it was too late for me to respond with the handles to correct the turn. I dropped the throttle with the intention of slowing the bike. I knew that I was going to run directly into the curb, but I didn't want to snag the brakes and skid; that would throw the scooter out from under me. Unfortunately, scooters use an electrostatic transmission (meaning automatic) so there was little engine braking when I dropped the throttle. Guess what?
OW.
I hit the curb at between 15 and 20 MPH. I was thrown hard to the left where I came down directly onto my shoulder. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had broken my collarbone cleanly. After a few seconds to gather my wits, I grabbed the bike and shoved it (and myself) onto the sidewalk. I was in tremendous pain for a good 20 minutes, and I just stood there next to the bike. While waiting for it to die down, I figured I'd take a tally of the damage:
Tom:
Helmet:
Heavy impact marks including scrapes in the plastic. My head came down solidly on the curb directly following my shoulder impact. That would have REALLY hurt.
Shirt:
Slight grass stains on the left arm. No fabric damage.
Pants:
Longer grass stain down the outside of the left leg. No fabric damage.
Shoes:
Rubber scrapes on outside of left sole.
Keys:
No damage. (But I fell right on the fuckers.)
Wallet:
Present.
Insurance card:
Present.
Injuries:
Blinding pain in left arm. Practically useless. Hand can grip lightly, but no movement from shoulder or elbow. No visible external damage.
Dignity:
Destroyed.
Scooter:
None.
That's right. Not a damn bit of damage to the scooter. Not one scratch, dent, or scuff mark anywhere. I have no idea how that was even possible. Well, after the initial shock wears off, I decide to do the frugal (read: not smart) thing and go take my road test anyway.
So after an hour of waiting for the test to begin, my pain subsides to a heavy throb. I can use my hand and elbow again with no problem, but shoulder movement is impossible. I end up moving my hand where I need it to be with my opposite arm.
So there are 4 tests for the road test: Wide turn, slolam (narrow turn), quick stop, and avoidance test. I actually manage to pass the wide turn test, but my arm simply cannot respond fast enough (when it does AT ALL) and I end up driving out of the course bounds. I thank the tester anyway, and head back. I managed to keep my composure well and no one at the Vespa dealership knew I had been hurt. That really was for the best anyway, since I had not damaged their vehicle and had signed a waiver that basically said "if you break your face on one of our vehicles, then too bad." I wanted to leave there with the illusion that I still had some dignity. The lady there said that since I was paid up, I could return and try again anytime.
Yeah. I'll probably give that a month or two.
-- Me.
The story is this: On Friday (That's the 11th of July, '08 should this journal go that long) I rented a scooter from this Vespa dealer in Edwardsville so that I could use it to take my road test for my motorcycle endorsement. After tooling around on it for an hour or so, I thought I was good enough to attempt the test. I wasn't really expecting much since it was my first time driving one, but I figured my skill on motorcycles would help.
Yeah. No.
So I make a turn onto Troy Road from the Dairy Queen. (The road next to it. I don't remember the name.) Unfortunately, I was accelerating too quickly for the amount of turn I was giving the scooter. I thought I'd compensate by shifting my weight so that the scooter would turn that direction. No. They don't work like that. If you want to turn a scooter by God, you'd BETTER turn those handlebars GOOD. So with little response to my weight shift, it was too late for me to respond with the handles to correct the turn. I dropped the throttle with the intention of slowing the bike. I knew that I was going to run directly into the curb, but I didn't want to snag the brakes and skid; that would throw the scooter out from under me. Unfortunately, scooters use an electrostatic transmission (meaning automatic) so there was little engine braking when I dropped the throttle. Guess what?
OW.
I hit the curb at between 15 and 20 MPH. I was thrown hard to the left where I came down directly onto my shoulder. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had broken my collarbone cleanly. After a few seconds to gather my wits, I grabbed the bike and shoved it (and myself) onto the sidewalk. I was in tremendous pain for a good 20 minutes, and I just stood there next to the bike. While waiting for it to die down, I figured I'd take a tally of the damage:
Tom:
Helmet:
Heavy impact marks including scrapes in the plastic. My head came down solidly on the curb directly following my shoulder impact. That would have REALLY hurt.
Shirt:
Slight grass stains on the left arm. No fabric damage.
Pants:
Longer grass stain down the outside of the left leg. No fabric damage.
Shoes:
Rubber scrapes on outside of left sole.
Keys:
No damage. (But I fell right on the fuckers.)
Wallet:
Present.
Insurance card:
Present.
Injuries:
Blinding pain in left arm. Practically useless. Hand can grip lightly, but no movement from shoulder or elbow. No visible external damage.
Dignity:
Destroyed.
Scooter:
None.
That's right. Not a damn bit of damage to the scooter. Not one scratch, dent, or scuff mark anywhere. I have no idea how that was even possible. Well, after the initial shock wears off, I decide to do the frugal (read: not smart) thing and go take my road test anyway.
So after an hour of waiting for the test to begin, my pain subsides to a heavy throb. I can use my hand and elbow again with no problem, but shoulder movement is impossible. I end up moving my hand where I need it to be with my opposite arm.
So there are 4 tests for the road test: Wide turn, slolam (narrow turn), quick stop, and avoidance test. I actually manage to pass the wide turn test, but my arm simply cannot respond fast enough (when it does AT ALL) and I end up driving out of the course bounds. I thank the tester anyway, and head back. I managed to keep my composure well and no one at the Vespa dealership knew I had been hurt. That really was for the best anyway, since I had not damaged their vehicle and had signed a waiver that basically said "if you break your face on one of our vehicles, then too bad." I wanted to leave there with the illusion that I still had some dignity. The lady there said that since I was paid up, I could return and try again anytime.
Yeah. I'll probably give that a month or two.
-- Me.