What Should I do?

[xomammabearox]

My son is amazing
He is all I need to see to
make everything ok.
It was not always like that.
But after getting the strange
call from Ricky, his dad Sunday
night, I was so torn and screwed up in my
head. I didn't know how to think or feel or act
And had no idea what to do.
After seeing that beautiful precious lil boy
on Monday. I thought more about what is best for
Me and for my son. Me and him have been so unhealthy
together for so long that it would be so wrong of me to
allow that back in my life again. I love him and
always will share a special bond with him
But is that enough to go back to a situation
that made me so sad and so uncomfortable?
My son adores his father and his side of the family.
They have been so present in his life and so good
to him since his dad has been gone. I am so grateful to them.
I am the one that keeps running from the pain,
which ironically is causing so much more pain that
I have to deal with anyway.
I just wanna make the right decision and sometimes
I'm blinded and forget how bad it was and
truly forget how bad i felt about myself when
We were together
Heather