i love the things that we should fear&i'm not afraid of being here you make me complete-ly miserable
but if you could give me just one love, just one life, just once chance to believe in mine.
----> i just had this really weird dream that there was like this cliff with rock formations on it and i was sitting on the edge listening to music with some people i knew and some i didnt and people were jumping off and some were dying but some wouldnt. and it was really confusing because the people who meant to die died and people who didnt die knew they werent going to. actually..i think i just figured it out. well, i dont know about the deaths but it kinda reminds me of my apparant longing to go to 'suicide hill' last night. keith called me at like 1030 to tell me that he was there looking at stars and how amazing it was, etc.
well, that was what started to set me off. then my sister got my computer taken away. like, she was on it and i told her to go to sleep or my mom would take it away. and yes, i'm always right and it happened right in front of me. then my mom starts screaming her usual stuff, but adding this time that my math review course for SAT's was at 9 in the morning and i had to go and stop being a failure, ruining my life, and pretty much anything else she could find to make me feel terrible.
so i break out into tears and run up to my room. i shut off all the lights upstairs and just cry for like ten minutes. then i start feeling really lonely so i call mary. she tells me not to cry but then apparantly has to get off the phone. i called jess who was on her way home with trisha and told her i just needed to sneak out so i would be at her house in like ten minutes. so i threw some sandals and the car keys in my purse and snuck out the usual way; through the backdoor and out the basement side door. at first i was just guna sit in the car for a while but then dennis called and told me the only way i was "allowed" to sneak out was if i took him with me. so I drove to woburn and got dennis then we went back to jess's and waited for sheila and jessbell to get there. hung out for a while then drove back to woburn. drove home and went up to my room and listened to music until like 5 when i was able to get to sleep for a couple hours or so. i think i'm guna go make dennis a cd to surprise him. because me and him have the best musical taste ever. duhhh.
----> i just had this really weird dream that there was like this cliff with rock formations on it and i was sitting on the edge listening to music with some people i knew and some i didnt and people were jumping off and some were dying but some wouldnt. and it was really confusing because the people who meant to die died and people who didnt die knew they werent going to. actually..i think i just figured it out. well, i dont know about the deaths but it kinda reminds me of my apparant longing to go to 'suicide hill' last night. keith called me at like 1030 to tell me that he was there looking at stars and how amazing it was, etc.
well, that was what started to set me off. then my sister got my computer taken away. like, she was on it and i told her to go to sleep or my mom would take it away. and yes, i'm always right and it happened right in front of me. then my mom starts screaming her usual stuff, but adding this time that my math review course for SAT's was at 9 in the morning and i had to go and stop being a failure, ruining my life, and pretty much anything else she could find to make me feel terrible.
so i break out into tears and run up to my room. i shut off all the lights upstairs and just cry for like ten minutes. then i start feeling really lonely so i call mary. she tells me not to cry but then apparantly has to get off the phone. i called jess who was on her way home with trisha and told her i just needed to sneak out so i would be at her house in like ten minutes. so i threw some sandals and the car keys in my purse and snuck out the usual way; through the backdoor and out the basement side door. at first i was just guna sit in the car for a while but then dennis called and told me the only way i was "allowed" to sneak out was if i took him with me. so I drove to woburn and got dennis then we went back to jess's and waited for sheila and jessbell to get there. hung out for a while then drove back to woburn. drove home and went up to my room and listened to music until like 5 when i was able to get to sleep for a couple hours or so. i think i'm guna go make dennis a cd to surprise him. because me and him have the best musical taste ever. duhhh.