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*LONG UPDATE*LONG UPDATE*LONG UPDATE*
Hey bitchy lovers! Today was another one of those mixed up days. Got up way to fuckin early and then got to school way to fuckin early for basketball games. Watched the first game a little bit. Then Kelvin and Dean got there and shit and so I hung-around w/ them a lot. Jamie, Carly, Dean, Kelvin, Megan, Kerstin, Nick, Derik, kinda Jackie, kinda Amanda, and kinda Emily and I were all chillin b4 the game that was fun. I named Emily's hot dog Tony and gotta pic a her w/ it =p Kelvin kept on hittin my legs w/ his foot because i couldn't put my feet down cauza the water that somebody tracked in =( Kelvin gotta technical =p Shame on him =O ::gasps:: it was kinda funny he boucned the ball down and it hit the rim so yeah. They went to the championships. Got lotsa pics a Kelvin "sleeping" lol. Was gonna go on ova and sit on his stomach but I dint. I told Jamie she shoulda tho =) Finally got the elevator down the 3rd try. It so rocked the bitch boat. Rachel was bein a bitch tho and got me yelled at and right infronta Jay, Hollie, and Nick. Embaressin =\ Got lotsa pics w/ Dean and of Dean. Specially the toppa hiz head cauz he's got like pink, blue, purple, and magenta all in hiz hair it all rocked! Got flowers from Chelle and Steph so that waz cool. Steve was only there 4 a lil bit/. Mrs.Moreau waz gonna go and get John but she dint and so idk wattup there =\ Got some pics w/ Cameron but I think I deleted em cauz I look ugly in em =p But yeah lotsa pics gotta get em saved on a disk and 2 jenna so we can get em in these journals of ours! I wish John would been there...then I coulda gotten some pics w/ him./ I liked gettin pics w/ Dean because we gotta put our arms around each other. That rocked the bitch boat there 2. Gonna see em next weekend prolly and so that'll b cool. Hollie gave me Mt.Dew and I went crazy. Nessa couldn't find the camera case...lol..prolly cauz it was hidden up my sleeve =) Then I handed it to Nick and it was funny cauz then Nick kept tellin Nessa to go and get it =p It was crazy. And of course my school got 3rd so yeah but then i wanted 2 stay 4 kelvin n dean's game and my dad is all NO and god he waz all kindas pissed off and made me come home and he started yellin and that sucked b*cauz i waz gonna go to the movies w/ Jackie and alotta other ppl 2 c 'Boogeyman' But yeah...everythings suckiness afta that. Kept on singing 'Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer' it was gr8 =! I miss Dean a lot...lol. I wish I woulda got my pic w/ Kelvin but I dint but hey there's always next weekend. Then again my dad may want hiz camera back soon. Sam waz like all pissed off b*cauz kerstin waz callin cheers and kerstin copied em 1 fuckin time and sam came up 2 me and waz all "STOP COPYING US...BLAHBLAHBLAH...It's OLD BLAH BLAH BLAH!" I'm like dude...kerstin was the one who waz calling..go chew her butt out. And yeah it waz all gay anywayz. Hated seeing Andrew. Prolly gonna b inna pissed off mood 4 a while. The 'rents are like not lettin my outta the house at all...and that's gay. I wish they'd give me a fuckin chance 2 prove myself. They're so fuckin retarted anymore. My dad's sayin hez gonna give us 'attitude adjustments...' ooo I'm so fuckin scared I'm shakin...=\ god such a*holes anymore. They go and act like Rachel's a perfect fuckin angel but she iznt. I got hit 4 swearin by my mom..Rachel does the same fuckin thing and my mom laughs about it? See why I hate my home life...maybe you'll never get it unless you've heard halfa the shit that my 'rnets(mostly mom) have done 2 me. She's the one who fuckin messed me up and made me why I'm like this anymore. Seeing Kelvin waz alotta fun. I was supposed 2 give him a hug but I forgot. Gave lots 2 Dean tho =) Nessa piggytailed and then braided my hair =p It was SCARY! She's sucha crackload =) I hated doin the slut dance but I can tell the guyz luv it =D LOL. Anywayz...I'm a lil mixed up on wats goin on anymore in my life. Sometimes I don't even know who I am.
**************************
I find myself lost in regrets...
In memories I can't forget.
The late night talks on the phone-
The times when we were all alone...
The sweet I love yous and the misses...
All the hugs, x's, o's and kisses.
You used to be the world to me...
The only reason why I breathed...
And yet we're drifting far apart...
The void is growing in my heart.
I can't seem to concentrate...
These feelings won't evaluate.
Won't equal out to what we say...
Not wanting to drift farther away.
I don't want to be forced to cry...
I don't want to say our good-bye.
I want to stop all this pretending...
Forget about our so old ending.
From the beginning will we start...
You'll walk by and steal my heart.
We'll never have to let it go...
Our love will prosper; It'll grow.
Without you I can't see clear...
So bring me close and hold me near.
Give my hands it's urging grip..
Catch me if I start to slip.
I miss your smile, I miss you hair..
I miss the way you used to care.
I find myself lost in regrets...
In memories I can't forget.
*****************************
That's kinda what I'm feeling right now. Idk anymore everythings all fucked around in a world that no one can even control. Sometimes it's so scary knowing that you miss him and knowing that he'll never feel the same way about you. James, you know what I'm talking about...and you're like the only fuckin 1 to..
I hate home right now. Prolly run away soon. Then I can hear the familiar "you have it so good..." lecture outta botha them/. Oh well tho. Prolly go and get slapped around some more but it's an ongoing problem but hey, who gives a flyin fuck anymore. Everything's all messed up anymore. But hey..thing's have gotta get better soon..right?
I'm done updating this shit. I'm just sick of everything anymore. I wish thing's would go back to the way they used to be...
Hey bitchy lovers! Today was another one of those mixed up days. Got up way to fuckin early and then got to school way to fuckin early for basketball games. Watched the first game a little bit. Then Kelvin and Dean got there and shit and so I hung-around w/ them a lot. Jamie, Carly, Dean, Kelvin, Megan, Kerstin, Nick, Derik, kinda Jackie, kinda Amanda, and kinda Emily and I were all chillin b4 the game that was fun. I named Emily's hot dog Tony and gotta pic a her w/ it =p Kelvin kept on hittin my legs w/ his foot because i couldn't put my feet down cauza the water that somebody tracked in =( Kelvin gotta technical =p Shame on him =O ::gasps:: it was kinda funny he boucned the ball down and it hit the rim so yeah. They went to the championships. Got lotsa pics a Kelvin "sleeping" lol. Was gonna go on ova and sit on his stomach but I dint. I told Jamie she shoulda tho =) Finally got the elevator down the 3rd try. It so rocked the bitch boat. Rachel was bein a bitch tho and got me yelled at and right infronta Jay, Hollie, and Nick. Embaressin =\ Got lotsa pics w/ Dean and of Dean. Specially the toppa hiz head cauz he's got like pink, blue, purple, and magenta all in hiz hair it all rocked! Got flowers from Chelle and Steph so that waz cool. Steve was only there 4 a lil bit/. Mrs.Moreau waz gonna go and get John but she dint and so idk wattup there =\ Got some pics w/ Cameron but I think I deleted em cauz I look ugly in em =p But yeah lotsa pics gotta get em saved on a disk and 2 jenna so we can get em in these journals of ours! I wish John would been there...then I coulda gotten some pics w/ him./ I liked gettin pics w/ Dean because we gotta put our arms around each other. That rocked the bitch boat there 2. Gonna see em next weekend prolly and so that'll b cool. Hollie gave me Mt.Dew and I went crazy. Nessa couldn't find the camera case...lol..prolly cauz it was hidden up my sleeve =) Then I handed it to Nick and it was funny cauz then Nick kept tellin Nessa to go and get it =p It was crazy. And of course my school got 3rd so yeah but then i wanted 2 stay 4 kelvin n dean's game and my dad is all NO and god he waz all kindas pissed off and made me come home and he started yellin and that sucked b*cauz i waz gonna go to the movies w/ Jackie and alotta other ppl 2 c 'Boogeyman' But yeah...everythings suckiness afta that. Kept on singing 'Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer' it was gr8 =! I miss Dean a lot...lol. I wish I woulda got my pic w/ Kelvin but I dint but hey there's always next weekend. Then again my dad may want hiz camera back soon. Sam waz like all pissed off b*cauz kerstin waz callin cheers and kerstin copied em 1 fuckin time and sam came up 2 me and waz all "STOP COPYING US...BLAHBLAHBLAH...It's OLD BLAH BLAH BLAH!" I'm like dude...kerstin was the one who waz calling..go chew her butt out. And yeah it waz all gay anywayz. Hated seeing Andrew. Prolly gonna b inna pissed off mood 4 a while. The 'rents are like not lettin my outta the house at all...and that's gay. I wish they'd give me a fuckin chance 2 prove myself. They're so fuckin retarted anymore. My dad's sayin hez gonna give us 'attitude adjustments...' ooo I'm so fuckin scared I'm shakin...=\ god such a*holes anymore. They go and act like Rachel's a perfect fuckin angel but she iznt. I got hit 4 swearin by my mom..Rachel does the same fuckin thing and my mom laughs about it? See why I hate my home life...maybe you'll never get it unless you've heard halfa the shit that my 'rnets(mostly mom) have done 2 me. She's the one who fuckin messed me up and made me why I'm like this anymore. Seeing Kelvin waz alotta fun. I was supposed 2 give him a hug but I forgot. Gave lots 2 Dean tho =) Nessa piggytailed and then braided my hair =p It was SCARY! She's sucha crackload =) I hated doin the slut dance but I can tell the guyz luv it =D LOL. Anywayz...I'm a lil mixed up on wats goin on anymore in my life. Sometimes I don't even know who I am.
**************************
I find myself lost in regrets...
In memories I can't forget.
The late night talks on the phone-
The times when we were all alone...
The sweet I love yous and the misses...
All the hugs, x's, o's and kisses.
You used to be the world to me...
The only reason why I breathed...
And yet we're drifting far apart...
The void is growing in my heart.
I can't seem to concentrate...
These feelings won't evaluate.
Won't equal out to what we say...
Not wanting to drift farther away.
I don't want to be forced to cry...
I don't want to say our good-bye.
I want to stop all this pretending...
Forget about our so old ending.
From the beginning will we start...
You'll walk by and steal my heart.
We'll never have to let it go...
Our love will prosper; It'll grow.
Without you I can't see clear...
So bring me close and hold me near.
Give my hands it's urging grip..
Catch me if I start to slip.
I miss your smile, I miss you hair..
I miss the way you used to care.
I find myself lost in regrets...
In memories I can't forget.
*****************************
That's kinda what I'm feeling right now. Idk anymore everythings all fucked around in a world that no one can even control. Sometimes it's so scary knowing that you miss him and knowing that he'll never feel the same way about you. James, you know what I'm talking about...and you're like the only fuckin 1 to..
I hate home right now. Prolly run away soon. Then I can hear the familiar "you have it so good..." lecture outta botha them/. Oh well tho. Prolly go and get slapped around some more but it's an ongoing problem but hey, who gives a flyin fuck anymore. Everything's all messed up anymore. But hey..thing's have gotta get better soon..right?
I'm done updating this shit. I'm just sick of everything anymore. I wish thing's would go back to the way they used to be...