(no subject)

[xokaren16]

i'm happy with the way things are going with mark, my friends, school, work, and my family. so why do i care so much about scott? i let it bother me way too much. he wrote on his profile that he had "never ever felt that way before" and i felt betrayed... i know we had a bad breakup and i can understand him having negative feelings but i don't understand how he can say she means more to him than his FIRST LOVE.... and the reasons he gave me didn't make much sense either.  i guess its just hard to know that things ended the way they did and i'll always want to go back and change it. it's not even that i want to be with him- given the choice i probably wouldn't date him again- i just want to be good friends again and not to feel so shitty inside. i just miss the way things were in the beginning of our relationship i guess. it's like i don't know where to go from here... the relationship i have with mark is amazing. i get along so well with his family, especially his sister. we all have so much fun just hanging out and being random. he's such a gentleman and i like that we are taking it somewhat slow. he's all the qualities i want in a long term boyfriend, but at the same time it's not what i had with scott.... is that normal? i guess because with scott everything was new and exciting since it was the first time i was in love. now that i've  "been there, done that" it only makes sense that future relationships will feel alittle different than your first.... ahh so much to think about

by next week i would have worked saturday, sunday, tuesday, thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday. all during the busiest week of the semester. i have so many final projects and essays to do and i have no idea when i'm gonna get them done. it sucks because all i need right now is to hang out with friends to get things off my mind, but i can't because i have rush to get my work done instead... :(