(no subject)
i'm a failure.
my friends are all going places and doing things with their lives - interning with parliament, working on the police force, doing anthropological digs, becoming bilingual - you know, the things that will actually make you successful in your life.
and what am i doing? oh, still working two minimum wage jobs to barely support myself and get me through school, although i'm doing a horrible job at it because i don't have time and i don't commit myself to studying. and i don't have time to work out anymore. i don't have time to have a social life. i get up earlier than i ever have in my life but somehow still manage to do absolutely nothing.
seriously, where does my day go?
and i refuse to think about my future. i have no idea what i want to be doing for a job, marriage makes me absolutely cringe, i don't even know if i want to have kids anymore and i certainly don't want to stay home with them if i do.
i'm recently lacking a sympathy and compassion gene. actually i'm missing any kind of emotion. i kind of just go through every day doing the exact some nothing with no passion. i'm just impartial to everything. and it sucks. i miss not having every single minute of my day scheduled. i miss being able to be an active part in my friends' daily lives instead of being so consumed in my own.
my friends are all going places and doing things with their lives - interning with parliament, working on the police force, doing anthropological digs, becoming bilingual - you know, the things that will actually make you successful in your life.
and what am i doing? oh, still working two minimum wage jobs to barely support myself and get me through school, although i'm doing a horrible job at it because i don't have time and i don't commit myself to studying. and i don't have time to work out anymore. i don't have time to have a social life. i get up earlier than i ever have in my life but somehow still manage to do absolutely nothing.
seriously, where does my day go?
and i refuse to think about my future. i have no idea what i want to be doing for a job, marriage makes me absolutely cringe, i don't even know if i want to have kids anymore and i certainly don't want to stay home with them if i do.
i'm recently lacking a sympathy and compassion gene. actually i'm missing any kind of emotion. i kind of just go through every day doing the exact some nothing with no passion. i'm just impartial to everything. and it sucks. i miss not having every single minute of my day scheduled. i miss being able to be an active part in my friends' daily lives instead of being so consumed in my own.