It's been a while
So, it's officially been about a million years since I've updated with something meaningful...or at least partly meaningful.
Not a lot has really gone on I guess. Jacksonville has become home, and I've lost touch with a lot of people. I'm just in such a transition phase right now and reevaluating where my life is going. Part of me is broken hearted because I don't know that my future holds very much of my past. I don't want to elaborate on that right now because I don't know where my life is going. I am, however, finally working toward being happy again. I don't think I've reached happy, but I've hit satisfied. It's definately an improvement from where I was.
I've finally gotten my finances under control. I've gone from being hundreds of dollars overdrawn just a few months ago to having a few hundred in the bank. A few hundred is not TONS of money, I realize this, but it's a MASSIVE improvment, and that's what I'm going for. Like I said before, I'm just trying to get things figured out.
The next thing I'm going to work on is my weight. In the past year and a half I have gained almost 50 pounds...which is disgusting. It's becoming a health hazard and I've gotten SO SO SO out of shape. Not that I was in great shape before, but you know what I mean. I think I'm going to join Curves here soon, now that I can actually afford it. I'm excited about losing the weight...but I know it's going to be a lot of work.
One of my best friends, Veronica, got married..which is really awesome. I happy for her...wish I had known when she was getting married so that I could have been there..but that's ok. The most important thing is that she's happy, and she is.
Recently, I found out something about a friend, which confirms that they've lied about something. They don't know that I know, and I feel a little shiesty, but that's ok. It's not that the lie has any direct effect on me...but that's not the point. The point is that this person and I have always had a "policy" of brutal honesty. We both have been lied to and betrayed several times, therefore hate it. It's always been an understanding that we can tell each other anything, no strings attached, no judgement, nothing but support as long as we are truthful. I know there was one time when I didn't tell this person a huge event in my life. It was not that I was trying to hide it necessarily, but it hurt to bad to bring it up. Finally when I brought it up and this person was SO SO angry that I hadn't said anything because it was "lying by omission" because you should "share all with your friends". And in their defense, the way I brought it up wasn't the greatest way. But when I finally told everything, this person showed me so much support and compassion. I just wish they would be willing to give me the same opportunity.
I'm not angry at this person, at all. I'm just frustrated because I feel that they have been being distant anyway for the past month or so, which is irritating to say the least. I guess it makes a little more sense now though. I just feel like something is going on inside their head, that probably has NOTHING to do with me, and I'm almost hurt that for some reason they don't feel like they can talk to me about it. I want to be a person that they can turn to, just as I have turned to them for SO SO many things. I want to be their strength. I want them to be happy, it's all I've ever wanted. I can show them the same respect, support, understanding, and compassion that they showed me. I would NEVER judge this person, I love this person WAY too much. Maybe that's why I'm so hurt by this, because I do love him so much......... and I think I may have identified the problem...
Anyway, I think I've ranted enough about that. Hopefully it will all work out.
I really don't have anything else to say. So I'm going to go now, I'll try to do better about updating!!
Hope everything is going well for all of you! Until later, GOOD NIGHT!
Not a lot has really gone on I guess. Jacksonville has become home, and I've lost touch with a lot of people. I'm just in such a transition phase right now and reevaluating where my life is going. Part of me is broken hearted because I don't know that my future holds very much of my past. I don't want to elaborate on that right now because I don't know where my life is going. I am, however, finally working toward being happy again. I don't think I've reached happy, but I've hit satisfied. It's definately an improvement from where I was.
I've finally gotten my finances under control. I've gone from being hundreds of dollars overdrawn just a few months ago to having a few hundred in the bank. A few hundred is not TONS of money, I realize this, but it's a MASSIVE improvment, and that's what I'm going for. Like I said before, I'm just trying to get things figured out.
The next thing I'm going to work on is my weight. In the past year and a half I have gained almost 50 pounds...which is disgusting. It's becoming a health hazard and I've gotten SO SO SO out of shape. Not that I was in great shape before, but you know what I mean. I think I'm going to join Curves here soon, now that I can actually afford it. I'm excited about losing the weight...but I know it's going to be a lot of work.
One of my best friends, Veronica, got married..which is really awesome. I happy for her...wish I had known when she was getting married so that I could have been there..but that's ok. The most important thing is that she's happy, and she is.
Recently, I found out something about a friend, which confirms that they've lied about something. They don't know that I know, and I feel a little shiesty, but that's ok. It's not that the lie has any direct effect on me...but that's not the point. The point is that this person and I have always had a "policy" of brutal honesty. We both have been lied to and betrayed several times, therefore hate it. It's always been an understanding that we can tell each other anything, no strings attached, no judgement, nothing but support as long as we are truthful. I know there was one time when I didn't tell this person a huge event in my life. It was not that I was trying to hide it necessarily, but it hurt to bad to bring it up. Finally when I brought it up and this person was SO SO angry that I hadn't said anything because it was "lying by omission" because you should "share all with your friends". And in their defense, the way I brought it up wasn't the greatest way. But when I finally told everything, this person showed me so much support and compassion. I just wish they would be willing to give me the same opportunity.
I'm not angry at this person, at all. I'm just frustrated because I feel that they have been being distant anyway for the past month or so, which is irritating to say the least. I guess it makes a little more sense now though. I just feel like something is going on inside their head, that probably has NOTHING to do with me, and I'm almost hurt that for some reason they don't feel like they can talk to me about it. I want to be a person that they can turn to, just as I have turned to them for SO SO many things. I want to be their strength. I want them to be happy, it's all I've ever wanted. I can show them the same respect, support, understanding, and compassion that they showed me. I would NEVER judge this person, I love this person WAY too much. Maybe that's why I'm so hurt by this, because I do love him so much......... and I think I may have identified the problem...
Anyway, I think I've ranted enough about that. Hopefully it will all work out.
I really don't have anything else to say. So I'm going to go now, I'll try to do better about updating!!
Hope everything is going well for all of you! Until later, GOOD NIGHT!