(no subject)
soo today was my first therepy meeting...
and considaring im not 18 yet my paretns still have complete access to my files soo i cant rele say shit till legal and thats in 23 more days!!!!! but the appointment went ok.. im kinda scared to go back cuz im afraid of what the outcome on shit might turn out to be...
but on a happier note.. i got to see one of my good friends amanda today who i havnt seen in god i dunno how long but i was rele glad that i got to see her and catch up on stuff... and then i met one of her friends.... he seems super nice its kinda nice meeting other ppl when ur down.... but i guess thats it..
next appointment is tuesday next week soo who knows how thats gonna go..
to the one.
Here's to all those times i used to be your number one.
The times i waited all night for you to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. Ive made it through your bitter break up, the time i dried my own tears, and moved on with my life, only to have you walk back in it a few weeks later like nothing ever happened. that time i cried on the first day we talked again because i knew exactly where the phone call was going. That time i listened to you say you only wanted to be friends and then the next day, I listened to you say how much you loved me and missed me . i deserve something, and this is my tribute.Here's to the times i took you back, hoping that maybe that time, you would be different, hoping that maybe people really do change. ive listened to my friends tell me that i was stupid for even thinking about giving you another chance, but i did and yeaa,, we went through the great stage with no fights all over again., and i ended up falling in love with you again. i wanted nothing more in the world than to hear you tell me you loved me more than i loved you and, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. Here's to the times i believed what you said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's to the tears cried and dried all over again. i wanted so desperately to believe that you was really busy, and couldn't possibly call at that moment, its like i trained myself to believe the lies because i wanted to believe i had found the one for me. i learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat me the way i should be treated. The times i never believed it when people told me you wasnt going to change i just couldn't believe that you would do that to me again. This is for me, i loved you more than words could say, and always took you back no matter what happened last time because i thought that i couldn't bear to look back on my life one day and wonder "what if" The times i hoped you would realize that i deserved better, Here's to me . the girl who couldn't cry to her friends because of how stupid she felt. the girl who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. the girl who couldn't bear to even tell her mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." the girl who could just TELL that she had made a mistake ever allowing you into her heart, and dreams again. i knew that i deserved better the entire time, that i deserved a guy who would come see me whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about me and want nuthing more than to make me happy . i just wanted you to be that guy . Here's to me the girl that FINALLY realized that you never REALLY wanted a realtionship. Here's for the times you've broke my heart . This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the times the tears turned into anger, then disappointment. This is for those confusing days, when i really missed you and want nothing more than to hear your voice, or feel your arms around my waist again .but this time im going to Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. ill remember the times i cried, and how long it took me to even be able to look at another guy without wishing i was with you . When a song comes on the radio that reminds me of you , ill remember to turn the station. When the day comes that you realize you really did treat me wrong and try to call , i might not always be there to answer , when i really feel like i want to be with you again i just think of the broken promises, and all the times you never changed , the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering what the crap was wrong with us all the times you tryed to trun everything around and make the way you was treating me my fault . ill think of how my heart used to jump when the phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it felt to my stomach when i saw it wasn't you , and then realized that once again, you broke my heart .