Positive (Chapter 3)
Title: Positive
Author: xojemmaxo
Rating: Nc - 17 in coming chapters
Pairing: Ryan / Jon, possible Brencer later on
POV: Third
Summary: "Don't worry," Ryan says. "I'll just - I'll have the. Baby. And we'll be a family. And get married. Like you promised."
Warnings: Mpreg
Disclaimer: I don't own the Young Veins or Panic! at the Disco, or any of their respective members.
Beta: hooray4irony
Author Notes: Sorry this chapter is a little late :P
Ryan's quiet as Jon drives him home. Jon babbles about how beautiful their baby is and how he's going to show all his friends at work the ultrasound photos Dr. White printed out for them, but Ryan doesn't listen. He's too busy freaking out.
They get to his apartment and Ryan leaves the car, not waiting for Jon to kiss him goodbye. Jon looks, confused, after him, but Ryan just enters his apartment building without a backward glance.
Inside his apartment, Ryan goes through the Yellow Pages and looks up every doctor's practice he can find within a five mile radius. He crosses the ones that don't do abortions off the list he makes on a small notepad and ends up with seven choices.
The first practice picks up after the first ring.
"Hello?" The receptionist's voice sounds clipped and professional. Ryan tries hard not to cry, or picture Jon's face, as he asks her, "At what stage of the pregnancy do you stop doing abortions?"
"Oh." Her robot - like voice falters in surprise. "Um, after the sixth week at the very latest. How far long are you?"
"Six and a half," Ryan says sadly. He hangs up before she can say anything more.
The next five practices are the same. Most stop doing abortions at six weeks, though one receptionists tells him, like he's some kind of Devil, that they are a Christian organization and killing babies is wrong before hanging up.
Ryan cries. He hates the receptionist for not understanding, he hates the fetus inside him, and he hates Jon for breaking the fucking condom. He cries until his head hurts and his eyes feel swollen and hot, then picks up his notepad again.
There is one practice left. It's just on the outskirts of Summerlin. Ryan feels a flicker of hope. Maybe this will be the one that will be able to help him.
He picks up the phone and dials.
It rings once, twice, three times, four times, while Ryan fidgets nervously. Then a mechanical voice startles him by announcing, "Sorry. This number has been disconnected. Please check the number you have dialed and try again."
Ryan does, and he feels his hope die away as he hangs up on the mechanical voice again and again. Finally he gives up and puts the phone down. He moves to cross the last option off his list but instead picks the notepad up and throws it across the room. It hits the fridge and spins under the kitchen table. Ryan goes to his bedroom and hides under his covers and breathes.
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The next day is a Monday and Ryan has to go to work. He feels dizzy when he wakes up, even more so when he gets up to piss. It's 8:32 when he leaves his apartment and nearly 9:00 when he reaches the coffee shop where he works. Ryan is fifteen minutes late. When he walks through the door, the smell of coffee almost overwhelms him; he can't remember it smelling this powerful before. Ryan breathes through his mouth, though that doesn't really help, and goes behind the counter. His boss, Mr. Iero, is admonishing one of the newer workers for something. Mr. Iero is pretty cool and doesn't usually yell at anyone for anything; right now, he's speaking in a controlled tone to the teenage girl.
Ryan waits until his boss has stopped talking, then intercepts him on his way back to his little office. He glances inside and sees that Frank's boyfriend - known simply as Gee - who owns the dark little bookstore a few blocks away, is sitting on Frank's desk, swinging his legs. He has paper balanced on his knee, and it looks like he's drawing something.
"Mr. Iero. I'm sorry I'm late," says Ryan. He's out of breath from stumbling/running to the shop.
"What? Oh. Oh, that's okay. You're only, like fifteen minutes late. Just work a little longer on your shift. And don't call me Mr. Iero, I'm 25 for god's sake." Frank disappears into his office - Gee looks up when he enters and smiles - and closes the door.
Ryan's pretty sure he has the best boss ever, even though he's probably fucking Gee over his desk right now.
And that reminds him of the fetus. Ryan's mouth curves downwards as he cups the (pretty much non existent, at the moment) curve of his belly. Ryan tries to forget about it, even though that won't help anything, and attempts to smile at the customers he serves.
Jon's at Ryan's apartment when he gets home. Ryan ended up working for an extra 25 minutes, because a few of the younger employees left early and they were short - handed, and consequently is around 30 minutes late getting home.
"Hi," Jon says as soon as Ryan realises the door isn't locked and opens it. Jon engulfs him in a hug and Ryan hugs back weakly.
"Um. Hi?" he asks. Jon is breathing into his neck.
"You're okay," he says. "I thought - you're okay."
"Jon." Ryan pushes Jon off him. "I was, what, 30 minutes late? I work late all the time. What's wrong with you?"
"I thought -" Jon repeats. He presents a notepad to Ryan, who recognises the writing and the names of the hospitals he crossed out the day before. The hospital at the bottom of the page, the one with the mechanical voice, isn't crossed out.
"You thought I'd gone to get an abortion," accuses Ryan, his tone low but dangerous.
"No I - Well, yeah, Ryan, this is kind of convincing evidence!" Jon shakes the notepad slightly. "I just - it's not as if you want our baby!" he says, and his voice breaks a little on the our.
Ryan says nothing. If he denies the accusation, he'd be lying.
"Well I didn't get an abortion, okay. For your information, Jon, I was going to last night, but it's too fucking late to do anything about it now! And you - you want it. The... baby. And I could picture what your face would look like if I did get an abortion, and I just. I couldn't do that to you." Jon starts to say something, but Ryan's not done. "And you know what the worst part is? The most ironic, shitty part of this whole thing? If I'd gotten an abortion on that day I told you I was going to, I would've been able to! I'm three days past six weeks, and no one does abortions past six weeks. If you hadn't told me to get an ultrasound yesterday and cancel the abortion, we wouldn't have this problem!"
Jon's silent, staring at Ryan breathing shallowly and blinking back tears.
"I'm sorry," he says finally, in a small voice. "I didn't. Didn't know you didn't want the baby that much. I just thought - it'd be okay, after the ultrasound. But."
He doesn't finish the sentence, and now they're both blinking rather hard. Jon smooths a shaky hand over his beard. The apartment seems deathly silent after all the shouting.
"Don't worry," Ryan says. "I'll just - I'll have the. Baby. And we'll be a family. And get married. Like you promised." he tries to smile, but fails because that's not what he wants at 20 years old. He wishes he was still living with his parents; no adult problems. Ryan feels incredibly young.
"You don't want to," states Jon.
"No," says Ryan. "I don't. I want to go to art school, and get famous, and just - I can't do that with a kid."
"You could wait." Jon's tone is hopeful. "You could wait a few years to go to art school, and I'll look after the baby when it's independant. Somewhat."
"No," says Ryan. "I can't leave you here with it. It's my fault, too, this whole thing. I'm not going to abandon you just so I can follow my dream." he says dream like it's never going to happen, even though it very well could.
There's nothing left to say. Jon steps a little closer and Ryan shrinks back, ducking his head. That doesn't deter Jon, though, and he hugs Ryan hard. Ryan hugs back, a little, mainly just clings to Jon's solid warmth like he's the only thing that can anchor him to the ground.
Author: xojemmaxo
Rating: Nc - 17 in coming chapters
Pairing: Ryan / Jon, possible Brencer later on
POV: Third
Summary: "Don't worry," Ryan says. "I'll just - I'll have the. Baby. And we'll be a family. And get married. Like you promised."
Warnings: Mpreg
Disclaimer: I don't own the Young Veins or Panic! at the Disco, or any of their respective members.
Beta: hooray4irony
Author Notes: Sorry this chapter is a little late :P
Ryan's quiet as Jon drives him home. Jon babbles about how beautiful their baby is and how he's going to show all his friends at work the ultrasound photos Dr. White printed out for them, but Ryan doesn't listen. He's too busy freaking out.
They get to his apartment and Ryan leaves the car, not waiting for Jon to kiss him goodbye. Jon looks, confused, after him, but Ryan just enters his apartment building without a backward glance.
Inside his apartment, Ryan goes through the Yellow Pages and looks up every doctor's practice he can find within a five mile radius. He crosses the ones that don't do abortions off the list he makes on a small notepad and ends up with seven choices.
The first practice picks up after the first ring.
"Hello?" The receptionist's voice sounds clipped and professional. Ryan tries hard not to cry, or picture Jon's face, as he asks her, "At what stage of the pregnancy do you stop doing abortions?"
"Oh." Her robot - like voice falters in surprise. "Um, after the sixth week at the very latest. How far long are you?"
"Six and a half," Ryan says sadly. He hangs up before she can say anything more.
The next five practices are the same. Most stop doing abortions at six weeks, though one receptionists tells him, like he's some kind of Devil, that they are a Christian organization and killing babies is wrong before hanging up.
Ryan cries. He hates the receptionist for not understanding, he hates the fetus inside him, and he hates Jon for breaking the fucking condom. He cries until his head hurts and his eyes feel swollen and hot, then picks up his notepad again.
There is one practice left. It's just on the outskirts of Summerlin. Ryan feels a flicker of hope. Maybe this will be the one that will be able to help him.
He picks up the phone and dials.
It rings once, twice, three times, four times, while Ryan fidgets nervously. Then a mechanical voice startles him by announcing, "Sorry. This number has been disconnected. Please check the number you have dialed and try again."
Ryan does, and he feels his hope die away as he hangs up on the mechanical voice again and again. Finally he gives up and puts the phone down. He moves to cross the last option off his list but instead picks the notepad up and throws it across the room. It hits the fridge and spins under the kitchen table. Ryan goes to his bedroom and hides under his covers and breathes.
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The next day is a Monday and Ryan has to go to work. He feels dizzy when he wakes up, even more so when he gets up to piss. It's 8:32 when he leaves his apartment and nearly 9:00 when he reaches the coffee shop where he works. Ryan is fifteen minutes late. When he walks through the door, the smell of coffee almost overwhelms him; he can't remember it smelling this powerful before. Ryan breathes through his mouth, though that doesn't really help, and goes behind the counter. His boss, Mr. Iero, is admonishing one of the newer workers for something. Mr. Iero is pretty cool and doesn't usually yell at anyone for anything; right now, he's speaking in a controlled tone to the teenage girl.
Ryan waits until his boss has stopped talking, then intercepts him on his way back to his little office. He glances inside and sees that Frank's boyfriend - known simply as Gee - who owns the dark little bookstore a few blocks away, is sitting on Frank's desk, swinging his legs. He has paper balanced on his knee, and it looks like he's drawing something.
"Mr. Iero. I'm sorry I'm late," says Ryan. He's out of breath from stumbling/running to the shop.
"What? Oh. Oh, that's okay. You're only, like fifteen minutes late. Just work a little longer on your shift. And don't call me Mr. Iero, I'm 25 for god's sake." Frank disappears into his office - Gee looks up when he enters and smiles - and closes the door.
Ryan's pretty sure he has the best boss ever, even though he's probably fucking Gee over his desk right now.
And that reminds him of the fetus. Ryan's mouth curves downwards as he cups the (pretty much non existent, at the moment) curve of his belly. Ryan tries to forget about it, even though that won't help anything, and attempts to smile at the customers he serves.
Jon's at Ryan's apartment when he gets home. Ryan ended up working for an extra 25 minutes, because a few of the younger employees left early and they were short - handed, and consequently is around 30 minutes late getting home.
"Hi," Jon says as soon as Ryan realises the door isn't locked and opens it. Jon engulfs him in a hug and Ryan hugs back weakly.
"Um. Hi?" he asks. Jon is breathing into his neck.
"You're okay," he says. "I thought - you're okay."
"Jon." Ryan pushes Jon off him. "I was, what, 30 minutes late? I work late all the time. What's wrong with you?"
"I thought -" Jon repeats. He presents a notepad to Ryan, who recognises the writing and the names of the hospitals he crossed out the day before. The hospital at the bottom of the page, the one with the mechanical voice, isn't crossed out.
"You thought I'd gone to get an abortion," accuses Ryan, his tone low but dangerous.
"No I - Well, yeah, Ryan, this is kind of convincing evidence!" Jon shakes the notepad slightly. "I just - it's not as if you want our baby!" he says, and his voice breaks a little on the our.
Ryan says nothing. If he denies the accusation, he'd be lying.
"Well I didn't get an abortion, okay. For your information, Jon, I was going to last night, but it's too fucking late to do anything about it now! And you - you want it. The... baby. And I could picture what your face would look like if I did get an abortion, and I just. I couldn't do that to you." Jon starts to say something, but Ryan's not done. "And you know what the worst part is? The most ironic, shitty part of this whole thing? If I'd gotten an abortion on that day I told you I was going to, I would've been able to! I'm three days past six weeks, and no one does abortions past six weeks. If you hadn't told me to get an ultrasound yesterday and cancel the abortion, we wouldn't have this problem!"
Jon's silent, staring at Ryan breathing shallowly and blinking back tears.
"I'm sorry," he says finally, in a small voice. "I didn't. Didn't know you didn't want the baby that much. I just thought - it'd be okay, after the ultrasound. But."
He doesn't finish the sentence, and now they're both blinking rather hard. Jon smooths a shaky hand over his beard. The apartment seems deathly silent after all the shouting.
"Don't worry," Ryan says. "I'll just - I'll have the. Baby. And we'll be a family. And get married. Like you promised." he tries to smile, but fails because that's not what he wants at 20 years old. He wishes he was still living with his parents; no adult problems. Ryan feels incredibly young.
"You don't want to," states Jon.
"No," says Ryan. "I don't. I want to go to art school, and get famous, and just - I can't do that with a kid."
"You could wait." Jon's tone is hopeful. "You could wait a few years to go to art school, and I'll look after the baby when it's independant. Somewhat."
"No," says Ryan. "I can't leave you here with it. It's my fault, too, this whole thing. I'm not going to abandon you just so I can follow my dream." he says dream like it's never going to happen, even though it very well could.
There's nothing left to say. Jon steps a little closer and Ryan shrinks back, ducking his head. That doesn't deter Jon, though, and he hugs Ryan hard. Ryan hugs back, a little, mainly just clings to Jon's solid warmth like he's the only thing that can anchor him to the ground.