(no subject)
Some days I just want to learn everything. I want to see everything. I want to read every book.
and other days I just want to stay in bed.
The last 2-3 months have made me realize so many things.
I was hurt a lot, but for some reason I found it so empowering.
I guess these are kind of like new years resolutions, but I didn't realize it until after I wrote them.
Now all I want to do is garden for some reason. I feel like I need to learn how to grow most of my own food. I feel like this will "fulfill" me somehow.
I want to be less materialistic. I do not want my life to revolve around dumb things anymore, like wanting a new cell phone, or new video games, or new clothes. When I was 18 I was given more money than anyone 18 years old should ever be given, and now that it is almost 2 years later it is mostly all gone and where did it all go? I don't even know. I have a nice car, I have a nice apartment, and I appreciate those things, but I think I I could be just as happy living with out them. These things did not make me feel any better. The "designer" things and the GPS system in my car do not make me feel any better. What did make me feel better was feeling like i belonged to things, improving myself, completing goals, meeting new people and getting to know them. I think I was the most happy in the last year when I was sitting in a swimming pool outside with my 4 "new" best friends around me. I would like to spend this next year trying to not buy things that I do not need. I would like to recycle and re use as many of my things as possible. I would like to de clutter my life and get rid of things that I do not use frequently. A part of me wants to get rid of everything I own and just live without.
I want to learn how to spend time outside in the winter. I want to not feel so miserable in the PNW. If this can not happen I need to move to some place else.
I want to figure out my "religion" I was raised Mormon which I decided to no longer practice when I was 14. Now I just feel trapped by it, like I was brainwashed almost. This last year especially I found myself doing everything ever possible to be away from Mormonism. I basically did everything the opposite of what I would have been "expected" to do. I drank a lot, did a lot of drugs, had sex with some people who I shouldn't have. I want to find moderation. I want to find what I think is right, and what I think is wrong. I want to find my own morals, because I do not think I am actually okay with the way I have been living my life, but maybe I am and I am just feeling guilt. I think for the most part I just need to put more moderation into my life.
I want to find more hobbies, I want to learn more things, I want to read a ton, I want to meet a million new friends that are actually friends, I want to learn more about people.
and other days I just want to stay in bed.
The last 2-3 months have made me realize so many things.
I was hurt a lot, but for some reason I found it so empowering.
I guess these are kind of like new years resolutions, but I didn't realize it until after I wrote them.
Now all I want to do is garden for some reason. I feel like I need to learn how to grow most of my own food. I feel like this will "fulfill" me somehow.
I want to be less materialistic. I do not want my life to revolve around dumb things anymore, like wanting a new cell phone, or new video games, or new clothes. When I was 18 I was given more money than anyone 18 years old should ever be given, and now that it is almost 2 years later it is mostly all gone and where did it all go? I don't even know. I have a nice car, I have a nice apartment, and I appreciate those things, but I think I I could be just as happy living with out them. These things did not make me feel any better. The "designer" things and the GPS system in my car do not make me feel any better. What did make me feel better was feeling like i belonged to things, improving myself, completing goals, meeting new people and getting to know them. I think I was the most happy in the last year when I was sitting in a swimming pool outside with my 4 "new" best friends around me. I would like to spend this next year trying to not buy things that I do not need. I would like to recycle and re use as many of my things as possible. I would like to de clutter my life and get rid of things that I do not use frequently. A part of me wants to get rid of everything I own and just live without.
I want to learn how to spend time outside in the winter. I want to not feel so miserable in the PNW. If this can not happen I need to move to some place else.
I want to figure out my "religion" I was raised Mormon which I decided to no longer practice when I was 14. Now I just feel trapped by it, like I was brainwashed almost. This last year especially I found myself doing everything ever possible to be away from Mormonism. I basically did everything the opposite of what I would have been "expected" to do. I drank a lot, did a lot of drugs, had sex with some people who I shouldn't have. I want to find moderation. I want to find what I think is right, and what I think is wrong. I want to find my own morals, because I do not think I am actually okay with the way I have been living my life, but maybe I am and I am just feeling guilt. I think for the most part I just need to put more moderation into my life.
I want to find more hobbies, I want to learn more things, I want to read a ton, I want to meet a million new friends that are actually friends, I want to learn more about people.