(no subject)
sigh. Living in light and dark. It's very frustrating. The days used to be more dark then light. Alcohol helped keep me sane. Love had given up on me. These days tho. There is so much pulling me away from the dark. Ian.. Ian is a light. His eyes are bright blue lights boreing holes into my own. Come back Angel.. Come back up they say. He is amazing. His mind. Spirit. We lay around and talk about music together. Shareing our favorite bands with eachother. "What do you mean you've never heard them? OH MY they are amazing.. I'm making you a CD" Last night me him and his sister went to the Olive Garden and then back to her house to watch Jeff Buckley live. We all fell in love with Jeff again last night. He's gorgeous. Oh that VOICE! I never could've done that with Pat. Pat Pat Pat.. he just wants to be friends again. Can't make up his mind. So I'm done. The ship has sailed. He wants me on his time. When he wants me. He said.. he was too tired to try to make a relationship work. Well why did you tell me that you wanted to again in the first place? I would have been fine being friends. Instead he built me up to let me fall again. I should be used to it by now. And so I awoke. And I relized. And then Ian came along. He opend my eyes up even more. There are people out there who love life.. want to make the best out of every moment.. see beauty in everything.. not just say they care about me but show me.. put the very little time it takes to make me smile. It hurts to bad to think that Pat seems to think it's exausting to be in a relationship. Sure it's work but when you really care about someone the work is few and far between. As long as you communicate and love and be honest it makes it go a lot easier. Ian is an amazing writer too. Not only a musician [drums] but he writes.. takes care of his mom and little sister Olivia. He asked me the other day that if we were in High School and it was 1952 would I wear his pin. So sweet. One of those few pulling me out, up and off the ground. I am so blessed to have such good people in my life.. Brennan.. Ian.. Tunie.. Leah.