one day your name just stopped making me smile
so what a sweet lullaby its been.
what a childhood and what a life.
no one ever reads these anymore. i forgot about it. but katie hitzel reminded me tonight and was like "what if we all started writing again" and since i never really stopped writing. Just stopped writing on here. i thought why not. an entry for hitzel. and the rest.
we are about to seniors. im not excited at all. i dont know why. im just not. dont want school to start.
went out to northland tonight with jamie and jordan and david. had some good food at panera. came home early so my parents could get my sister at the airport cause shes been in costa rica for a week.
i feel like ive grown up too fast. i want to rewind to be carefree again. i want to rewind to not understanding adults. to be at the kids table again.
all the things that happen to other people. like im not suppose to be here with cancer and eating disorders and drugs and depression and death and stuff that was so far away when you were younger.
i think the past year and a half have been the worst thing.
i dont think i look back on junior or sophomore year for that matter fondly like it seems most people do.
it was home to a lot of hurt. i never knew brokeness. i never understood people who were sad all the time.
and its frustrating to not be through yet. its frustrating to not be out on the other side and be happy and look back.
im not looking back yet. i want to be looking back and remembering but im not.
no one really knows. except jamie maybe i suppose.
somehow somewhere along the way. we all grew up. or maybe its just me and im using the word we because its comforting to think maybe im not the only one. who knows.
i just want summer to stay. and sleeping in. i dont want school or any of that crap.
i guess this is a pretty depressing entry ha oh well.
i miss you katie since this entry was for you i suppose since your the one who inspired this livejournal rebirth for a night.
hope summer is good to everyone. loove you all - rachael
I'm so tired but I can't sleep,
standing on the edge of something
much too deep
funny how you feel so much
but can not say a word,
We are screaming inside but
can't be heard - Sarah McLachlan
what a childhood and what a life.
no one ever reads these anymore. i forgot about it. but katie hitzel reminded me tonight and was like "what if we all started writing again" and since i never really stopped writing. Just stopped writing on here. i thought why not. an entry for hitzel. and the rest.
we are about to seniors. im not excited at all. i dont know why. im just not. dont want school to start.
went out to northland tonight with jamie and jordan and david. had some good food at panera. came home early so my parents could get my sister at the airport cause shes been in costa rica for a week.
i feel like ive grown up too fast. i want to rewind to be carefree again. i want to rewind to not understanding adults. to be at the kids table again.
all the things that happen to other people. like im not suppose to be here with cancer and eating disorders and drugs and depression and death and stuff that was so far away when you were younger.
i think the past year and a half have been the worst thing.
i dont think i look back on junior or sophomore year for that matter fondly like it seems most people do.
it was home to a lot of hurt. i never knew brokeness. i never understood people who were sad all the time.
and its frustrating to not be through yet. its frustrating to not be out on the other side and be happy and look back.
im not looking back yet. i want to be looking back and remembering but im not.
no one really knows. except jamie maybe i suppose.
somehow somewhere along the way. we all grew up. or maybe its just me and im using the word we because its comforting to think maybe im not the only one. who knows.
i just want summer to stay. and sleeping in. i dont want school or any of that crap.
i guess this is a pretty depressing entry ha oh well.
i miss you katie since this entry was for you i suppose since your the one who inspired this livejournal rebirth for a night.
hope summer is good to everyone. loove you all - rachael
I'm so tired but I can't sleep,
standing on the edge of something
much too deep
funny how you feel so much
but can not say a word,
We are screaming inside but
can't be heard - Sarah McLachlan