frustrated
well, i am frustrated as all hell. i needed to write in here to get some fucking frustrations out. sorry to bitch but oh fucking well, you always have the option of NOT reading it if you don't want to hear it, so consider yourself informed.
i've been pulled out of school for the rest of the week making this week, two weeks that i've missed consecutivley of school. which i normally wouldn't complain about, but as a senior, there is only so much i can miss before it starts to be a problem. i just hope this doesn't jepordize my graduating.
and on top of that, i think i might just be PMSing (i always act all emotional like a few days before hand) because i've been extremley emotional over dave. i haven't seen him in two days nor have i heard much from him in those two days either. last night he called me at 2:30AM and tonight he called at 2:00AM. well, my mom said something to me which pissed me off earlier. she asked me if i had seen or heard much from him since i've been sick and i said no. she then proceeded to ask me if i thought he might be running around because i "give it up" to him. i couldn't even believe she'd say that to me. then she went on to explain what she meant by this comment... she said that what she meant was that things always change after you start having sex, and more then likley, the guy loses interest. that got me to thinking that maybe that was exactly what had been going on. i mentioned it to him earlier when he called me for a minute and he said it was the stupidiest thing he'd ever heard. then when he called me just now, he was trying to convince me that nothing bad is happening and that he's been working his ass off to give me everything i deserve. says he wants to work up the money so that we can go places and do things together and that he'd never do that to me. i don't know, maybe it's just my own insecurities getting the best of me. i want things to work between us but if he doesn't make more of an attempt of seeing me, then i don't see how this is going to work. i'm busting my ass trying to be patient and understanding, i just hope he appriciates that as much as he says he does.
ontop of this i have graduation coming up (like... SOON) and i'm still not SURE as to what it is i want to do with my life. i have ideas but ideas don't pay the bills and i need to get my ass in gear. danielle said that her and tom had been talking about it and they both agree that i should be put on full time and trained to be a manager which would be wonderful only i don't want to get stuck in this job for the rest of my life. i'd LIKE to go to nursing school and become a pediatric nurse. i don't know.
then, as if i needed any MORE stress in my life... i found out yesterday that my step-dad is going in for surgery either tuesday (later TODAY) or wednesday to have his leg AMPUTATED. grantid i haven't always seen eye to eye with the man, i still love him like a dad and to see him have to go through that is just going to make things worse.
senior ball is coming up, and i have no paychecks coming to me for the next two weeks so how i am going to pay for everything, i have NO fucking clue! i guess i'll have to lay at my mother's mercy... kiss her feet or something. whatever i have to do, i want to go to this dance and have a good time with my man and my friends. i want it to be memorable.
oh and then to top off the fucking cake, my birthday is coming up wooh-hooh (note the sarcasim). i've come to realize it's just another fucking day, another year older, nothing special. so what, i'm going to be 18 and considered an "adult" in the eyes of the world... who fucking cares.
i can't sleep but i wish to god i could! i am done now bitching. bye.
i've been pulled out of school for the rest of the week making this week, two weeks that i've missed consecutivley of school. which i normally wouldn't complain about, but as a senior, there is only so much i can miss before it starts to be a problem. i just hope this doesn't jepordize my graduating.
and on top of that, i think i might just be PMSing (i always act all emotional like a few days before hand) because i've been extremley emotional over dave. i haven't seen him in two days nor have i heard much from him in those two days either. last night he called me at 2:30AM and tonight he called at 2:00AM. well, my mom said something to me which pissed me off earlier. she asked me if i had seen or heard much from him since i've been sick and i said no. she then proceeded to ask me if i thought he might be running around because i "give it up" to him. i couldn't even believe she'd say that to me. then she went on to explain what she meant by this comment... she said that what she meant was that things always change after you start having sex, and more then likley, the guy loses interest. that got me to thinking that maybe that was exactly what had been going on. i mentioned it to him earlier when he called me for a minute and he said it was the stupidiest thing he'd ever heard. then when he called me just now, he was trying to convince me that nothing bad is happening and that he's been working his ass off to give me everything i deserve. says he wants to work up the money so that we can go places and do things together and that he'd never do that to me. i don't know, maybe it's just my own insecurities getting the best of me. i want things to work between us but if he doesn't make more of an attempt of seeing me, then i don't see how this is going to work. i'm busting my ass trying to be patient and understanding, i just hope he appriciates that as much as he says he does.
ontop of this i have graduation coming up (like... SOON) and i'm still not SURE as to what it is i want to do with my life. i have ideas but ideas don't pay the bills and i need to get my ass in gear. danielle said that her and tom had been talking about it and they both agree that i should be put on full time and trained to be a manager which would be wonderful only i don't want to get stuck in this job for the rest of my life. i'd LIKE to go to nursing school and become a pediatric nurse. i don't know.
then, as if i needed any MORE stress in my life... i found out yesterday that my step-dad is going in for surgery either tuesday (later TODAY) or wednesday to have his leg AMPUTATED. grantid i haven't always seen eye to eye with the man, i still love him like a dad and to see him have to go through that is just going to make things worse.
senior ball is coming up, and i have no paychecks coming to me for the next two weeks so how i am going to pay for everything, i have NO fucking clue! i guess i'll have to lay at my mother's mercy... kiss her feet or something. whatever i have to do, i want to go to this dance and have a good time with my man and my friends. i want it to be memorable.
oh and then to top off the fucking cake, my birthday is coming up wooh-hooh (note the sarcasim). i've come to realize it's just another fucking day, another year older, nothing special. so what, i'm going to be 18 and considered an "adult" in the eyes of the world... who fucking cares.
i can't sleep but i wish to god i could! i am done now bitching. bye.