Thanksgiving
So a few weeks ago I got a "Thanksgiving Letter" from one of my relatives. It's the usual thing, I suppose, listing all the nice things that have happened over the year, and placing the not-so-nice things in a better light. Well, it was clear that the person who wrote the letter was not my relative, but my relative's spouse, because some of the cool things that I knew my relative had done (like visit New York, where I gave a guided tour and caught up after not seeing one another for YEARS) wasn't even mentioned.
But that was just the first thing that bothered me. As I looked over the letter again, it had that rote, supercilious kind of feel to it. Like that's the kind of stuff you're supposed to say. Like entertainers who thank God when they get an award (and very few of them actually mean it).
And that really bothered me. It made me think of those Calvinists who acted like arrogant superior prudes to prove they had Grace--because Grace was imparted on a predetermined basis--slots in heaven were already doled out before people were born--and only people with Grace would go to heaven.
It's all about focusing on the wrong things. A lot of bad things have happened to me this year. I got fired from a job. I lost an uncle who was very important to me. My boyfriend lives on the other side of the planet. I watch my parents get older and wish they could just freeze in time.
But a lot of good things happened, too. I got fired. It was a crappy job at a crappy place. It'd be perfect for someone else, but it was a match made in hell for me. I found my sweetie--no matter where he may be, he's there for me. I got to go home and see my folks, and we hung out and got a new kitten (an adorable little soot-smudge of a cat: all black, nose and footpads included, with a broken squeak of a meow and two great big green eyes). I can visit, share lunch, or chat with those people who are important to me every day if I like. I got a job. I got some personal wakey-wakey in the form of so many things it'd take another post just to get them all down. I've got unimaginably good friends who help keep me in line when I'm all messed up in the head.
But I don't go writing a letter saying that I'm all pseudopiously thankful for them. And maybe that's what bothers me about the letter--it was an underhanded way of attracting attention, egocentricity sheathed in ostensibly good intention. I've got theories about why society is sucking the great big one right now, and this is one of those reasons--self-importance, arrogance at the cost of others.
Anywa, the upshot of all of this is that I actually sat down and thought long and hard about what there was to be thankful for, and why, and to whom it was owed. So, with that said:
I am grateful, in part and in whole, for those things and people in my life that sustain me and keep me going, and keep me rooted to the ground when I threaten to go floating away on a geyser of panic or self-importance. I am not necessarily grateful to a higher being, or to random chance, or to anything in particular. I don't necessarily believe that gratefulness must be transitive. But I'm mindful of these things, moreso now than I have been in the past. And though I feel I'm at a crossroads right now, that I've got some serious things to parse through right now, it's not so bad. Good will come of it. Not without hard work from me, but that's only to be expected.
So, er, thanks. Yeah. See y'all tomorrow.
But that was just the first thing that bothered me. As I looked over the letter again, it had that rote, supercilious kind of feel to it. Like that's the kind of stuff you're supposed to say. Like entertainers who thank God when they get an award (and very few of them actually mean it).
And that really bothered me. It made me think of those Calvinists who acted like arrogant superior prudes to prove they had Grace--because Grace was imparted on a predetermined basis--slots in heaven were already doled out before people were born--and only people with Grace would go to heaven.
It's all about focusing on the wrong things. A lot of bad things have happened to me this year. I got fired from a job. I lost an uncle who was very important to me. My boyfriend lives on the other side of the planet. I watch my parents get older and wish they could just freeze in time.
But a lot of good things happened, too. I got fired. It was a crappy job at a crappy place. It'd be perfect for someone else, but it was a match made in hell for me. I found my sweetie--no matter where he may be, he's there for me. I got to go home and see my folks, and we hung out and got a new kitten (an adorable little soot-smudge of a cat: all black, nose and footpads included, with a broken squeak of a meow and two great big green eyes). I can visit, share lunch, or chat with those people who are important to me every day if I like. I got a job. I got some personal wakey-wakey in the form of so many things it'd take another post just to get them all down. I've got unimaginably good friends who help keep me in line when I'm all messed up in the head.
But I don't go writing a letter saying that I'm all pseudopiously thankful for them. And maybe that's what bothers me about the letter--it was an underhanded way of attracting attention, egocentricity sheathed in ostensibly good intention. I've got theories about why society is sucking the great big one right now, and this is one of those reasons--self-importance, arrogance at the cost of others.
Anywa, the upshot of all of this is that I actually sat down and thought long and hard about what there was to be thankful for, and why, and to whom it was owed. So, with that said:
I am grateful, in part and in whole, for those things and people in my life that sustain me and keep me going, and keep me rooted to the ground when I threaten to go floating away on a geyser of panic or self-importance. I am not necessarily grateful to a higher being, or to random chance, or to anything in particular. I don't necessarily believe that gratefulness must be transitive. But I'm mindful of these things, moreso now than I have been in the past. And though I feel I'm at a crossroads right now, that I've got some serious things to parse through right now, it's not so bad. Good will come of it. Not without hard work from me, but that's only to be expected.
So, er, thanks. Yeah. See y'all tomorrow.