Bleh
I'm posting only because someone nudged me to do so.
Why haven't I posted in a while--a loooooong while? Well, procrastination, of sorts. Last time I sent anything out was before I went to Australia. And after I returned from Australia, well there was all kinds of good news, but you tell yourself "I need some good time to set aside to properly write this up" and of course you never get to it.
So, in summation: am engaged. Sapphire ring with a stone so blue it's nearly black. Got proposed to on the steps of the Sydney Opera House. HA!
Back in New York: coming to terms with the possibility of leaving the city I've clung to for the past almost 14 years. My childhood was a pastiche of new homes and towns every 2-3 years. Letting go of the continuity of one city, with places and friends I've had and known for over a decade. That's tricky.
Got a raise, which is a good thing, but now I feel even guiltier about the levels of slackitude I evince, and when I try to put nose to the grindstone, the mind-numbingness of my work overwhelms me and I drift off yet again.
Note that I'm writing this at work.
I'm also in the very deepest depths of world- and self-hate. I knew from the start that a "real wedding" would be impossible for me and Brad. Family is split so far apart it's brutal. We have come to the conclusion that the wedding itself will be in the US, because it's so much less of a red-tape hassle, but the plan was to have two parties. One in the US, and one in Australia. Whoever could attend both was welcome to do so.
Well, I was hoping I could wear a nice wedding dress for the party in NYC, and maybe in Australia. Probably not going to happen. I was hoping for a nice venue for the party--I thought (to my incredible naivete) that NYC parks might be affordable. Yeah, right.
I'm not looking for fucking ice sculptures and Luciano Pavarotti, people. I was hoping for a dance with my dad to "Surfer Girl" and a pretty wedding dress, with good people and good food.
Well, it looks like none of that can happen. I have NO MONEY. Never have had money, really. I was never good at saving, but in the last half a year, I've gotten significantly better. But my savings have been wiped out by circumstances beyond my control. Not that $500 would be a drop in the bucket.
Brad has some money, and would gladly give it to let me have what I'd really like to have, which if you ask me isn't overboard by any means. But that money needs to stay put to cover moving costs for whomever moves, and cover living expense for that person while work visas are put in order.
Which leaves my parents. And they'd put themselves in hock to give me what I want, which is precisely why I'm NOT telling them ANY OF THIS.
So. It looks like the only party I'll be having for my wedding is something hastily arranged at some restaurant, like a birthday get-together. And I know how well that went over this year, so my outlook's even more glum.
This is why I haven't posted to LJ. Because it's all bitching and whining. You people get enough gloom and doom as it is, I have no busniess piling on even more. And the stuff that's not B&W/G&D are random thoughts, which are never important enough to put up anyway. Any opinions I've voiced in other venues over the past few weeks have been torn apart and stomped into the ground, and I'm in no mood for any more of that. I'm just too tired to fight, and that feeling of being wrong no matter what is a tough one to throw off.
Anybody know of a venue that won't charge a multiple-thousand dollar flat fee for usage, food not included? No? Didn't think so. Thanks anyway, though. I do appreciate it.
--Oh, yeah, I'd be happy to do something outdoors, which would only cost the $25 service fee to the New York City Parks Department, but I am SICK AND TIRED of being on the OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET from the man I want to marry. I cannot wait any longer than March. No. I can't. I'm tired. I'm very, very tired.
That's all.
Why haven't I posted in a while--a loooooong while? Well, procrastination, of sorts. Last time I sent anything out was before I went to Australia. And after I returned from Australia, well there was all kinds of good news, but you tell yourself "I need some good time to set aside to properly write this up" and of course you never get to it.
So, in summation: am engaged. Sapphire ring with a stone so blue it's nearly black. Got proposed to on the steps of the Sydney Opera House. HA!
Back in New York: coming to terms with the possibility of leaving the city I've clung to for the past almost 14 years. My childhood was a pastiche of new homes and towns every 2-3 years. Letting go of the continuity of one city, with places and friends I've had and known for over a decade. That's tricky.
Got a raise, which is a good thing, but now I feel even guiltier about the levels of slackitude I evince, and when I try to put nose to the grindstone, the mind-numbingness of my work overwhelms me and I drift off yet again.
Note that I'm writing this at work.
I'm also in the very deepest depths of world- and self-hate. I knew from the start that a "real wedding" would be impossible for me and Brad. Family is split so far apart it's brutal. We have come to the conclusion that the wedding itself will be in the US, because it's so much less of a red-tape hassle, but the plan was to have two parties. One in the US, and one in Australia. Whoever could attend both was welcome to do so.
Well, I was hoping I could wear a nice wedding dress for the party in NYC, and maybe in Australia. Probably not going to happen. I was hoping for a nice venue for the party--I thought (to my incredible naivete) that NYC parks might be affordable. Yeah, right.
I'm not looking for fucking ice sculptures and Luciano Pavarotti, people. I was hoping for a dance with my dad to "Surfer Girl" and a pretty wedding dress, with good people and good food.
Well, it looks like none of that can happen. I have NO MONEY. Never have had money, really. I was never good at saving, but in the last half a year, I've gotten significantly better. But my savings have been wiped out by circumstances beyond my control. Not that $500 would be a drop in the bucket.
Brad has some money, and would gladly give it to let me have what I'd really like to have, which if you ask me isn't overboard by any means. But that money needs to stay put to cover moving costs for whomever moves, and cover living expense for that person while work visas are put in order.
Which leaves my parents. And they'd put themselves in hock to give me what I want, which is precisely why I'm NOT telling them ANY OF THIS.
So. It looks like the only party I'll be having for my wedding is something hastily arranged at some restaurant, like a birthday get-together. And I know how well that went over this year, so my outlook's even more glum.
This is why I haven't posted to LJ. Because it's all bitching and whining. You people get enough gloom and doom as it is, I have no busniess piling on even more. And the stuff that's not B&W/G&D are random thoughts, which are never important enough to put up anyway. Any opinions I've voiced in other venues over the past few weeks have been torn apart and stomped into the ground, and I'm in no mood for any more of that. I'm just too tired to fight, and that feeling of being wrong no matter what is a tough one to throw off.
Anybody know of a venue that won't charge a multiple-thousand dollar flat fee for usage, food not included? No? Didn't think so. Thanks anyway, though. I do appreciate it.
--Oh, yeah, I'd be happy to do something outdoors, which would only cost the $25 service fee to the New York City Parks Department, but I am SICK AND TIRED of being on the OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET from the man I want to marry. I cannot wait any longer than March. No. I can't. I'm tired. I'm very, very tired.
That's all.