It keeps piling up!
I'm realizing that this shit will always haunt me! I try to keep out of it, but it keeps coming back and slapping me in the face and the things that are said can hurt. I am protective of my father just as he is protective of me. It hurts when people trash talk him like they have done since I was very young and I truly don't want to hear it. They never give him the benefit of the doubt. He has a job right now, but he can't get there because he doesn't have a license because he is a victim of identify theft, which he doesn't have the money to go to court to take care of. The person that did drive him to his job got hurt and is now on workman's comp.
My father is again out of work and again shit falls on me! You must get your dad a job and no one seems to be able to meet me 1/2 way. He won't call his past employer to get dates or even make sure his number is current. They won't drive out to my house and sit down for a bit because they can't afford the gas, but I cannot go there because I don't have Internet there anymore! It's not like he hasn't tried to find work, he sat down with me on three different occasions to fill out applications for Lowe's and Home Depot and it's not my fault they won't call him back! I also begin to feel that if I did have Internet there and went out there and completed the applications with him again they will only stay off his back for a few days.
My mom is complaining that she cannot pay the bills, but she would be unable to do so whether he was there or not. I moved out knowing that this would happen and I feel guilty in sense but I cannot live at home forever. I want to help out my parents, but I really need to go out and START my life.
If I won the lottery today I would give it all to them because they helped me survive till this point, but I can only do so much. Seriously I often sit and day dream about winning millions of dollars and how I would split it all up and I think of buying my mom's trailer and putting it on property up north for my dad to hunt and for me to just get away from it all. Then buying her a log cabin, which is something she always wanted. I wouldn't want her to worry about bills ever again so I would pay off her car as well so that she only had to pay the insurance and the utilities in the house. I would give a chunk of money to both of my sisters so they can do whatever they wish with it. I would give Jeff money for all of the times he's helped me out. Everytime one of my pets got sick out of the blue he would forward me that cash and let me pay him back little by little so I wouldn't go broke. I would I would I would...but in reality I can't! I just wish that my parents were able to sustain themselves, but in this society that is hard for anyone to do anymore! I currently have about $100 in my account because of my bills, but that is life and I know it.
My sister is now trying to help out too, but she will get tired of it just as I have...and she needs to realize that it is not ALL his fault. He's not a lazy man, when he's not working he's doing stuff around the house...right now he's painting the house! I wish that people would stop talking about my father in a negative way, because it hurts me! I don't think anyone would like to hear negative talk about someone they love, especially when there is nothing positive to follow...EVER. Just as if someone talked about my mother or one of my sisters in a negative way I would defend them just as hard regardless of any thing they might have done to deserve it. Yea I know he's not the greatest dad in the whole world, but I would like to meet any man that thinks he is.
It seriously seems to be a road block every way I turn right now. I feed off peoples emotions and everyone is just down in the dumps right now and it is making me fall hard. My job sucks. My mom is having troubles paying her bills and she should really sell her car because that is what is breaking her. My dad is drinking himself to death and he could give a fuck. My dog needs a surgery that could possibly kill him and I am called and reminded of that! My cats birthday would've been next Saturday...she would've been 10! Jeff's dad isn't doing so good and he doesn't deserve the crap that he's going through.
I really would like to see the light at the end of this tunnel! Seriously it seems that everything turns to shit all at once, then there is just one thing that ends up being the breaking point and I just need to vent before I explode. I feel like all I do is vent lately. Things are either good or they are all bad! I know this will pass, but the time couldn't come any sooner!
My father is again out of work and again shit falls on me! You must get your dad a job and no one seems to be able to meet me 1/2 way. He won't call his past employer to get dates or even make sure his number is current. They won't drive out to my house and sit down for a bit because they can't afford the gas, but I cannot go there because I don't have Internet there anymore! It's not like he hasn't tried to find work, he sat down with me on three different occasions to fill out applications for Lowe's and Home Depot and it's not my fault they won't call him back! I also begin to feel that if I did have Internet there and went out there and completed the applications with him again they will only stay off his back for a few days.
My mom is complaining that she cannot pay the bills, but she would be unable to do so whether he was there or not. I moved out knowing that this would happen and I feel guilty in sense but I cannot live at home forever. I want to help out my parents, but I really need to go out and START my life.
If I won the lottery today I would give it all to them because they helped me survive till this point, but I can only do so much. Seriously I often sit and day dream about winning millions of dollars and how I would split it all up and I think of buying my mom's trailer and putting it on property up north for my dad to hunt and for me to just get away from it all. Then buying her a log cabin, which is something she always wanted. I wouldn't want her to worry about bills ever again so I would pay off her car as well so that she only had to pay the insurance and the utilities in the house. I would give a chunk of money to both of my sisters so they can do whatever they wish with it. I would give Jeff money for all of the times he's helped me out. Everytime one of my pets got sick out of the blue he would forward me that cash and let me pay him back little by little so I wouldn't go broke. I would I would I would...but in reality I can't! I just wish that my parents were able to sustain themselves, but in this society that is hard for anyone to do anymore! I currently have about $100 in my account because of my bills, but that is life and I know it.
My sister is now trying to help out too, but she will get tired of it just as I have...and she needs to realize that it is not ALL his fault. He's not a lazy man, when he's not working he's doing stuff around the house...right now he's painting the house! I wish that people would stop talking about my father in a negative way, because it hurts me! I don't think anyone would like to hear negative talk about someone they love, especially when there is nothing positive to follow...EVER. Just as if someone talked about my mother or one of my sisters in a negative way I would defend them just as hard regardless of any thing they might have done to deserve it. Yea I know he's not the greatest dad in the whole world, but I would like to meet any man that thinks he is.
It seriously seems to be a road block every way I turn right now. I feed off peoples emotions and everyone is just down in the dumps right now and it is making me fall hard. My job sucks. My mom is having troubles paying her bills and she should really sell her car because that is what is breaking her. My dad is drinking himself to death and he could give a fuck. My dog needs a surgery that could possibly kill him and I am called and reminded of that! My cats birthday would've been next Saturday...she would've been 10! Jeff's dad isn't doing so good and he doesn't deserve the crap that he's going through.
I really would like to see the light at the end of this tunnel! Seriously it seems that everything turns to shit all at once, then there is just one thing that ends up being the breaking point and I just need to vent before I explode. I feel like all I do is vent lately. Things are either good or they are all bad! I know this will pass, but the time couldn't come any sooner!