you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be (1/1)
title: you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be
pairing: zayn malik/liam payne
rating: pg i guess? maybe a light pg-13?
word count: ~1600
summary: it would be a shot in the dark, because liam has no idea how zayn feels. so it either goes really well, or he loses his best friend. and honestly, liam would take a lifetime of being friendzoned with zayn than lose him as a best friend.
notes: i honestly don't even know. i wrote the beginning and my brain took off. this is my first time ever writing for the 1d fandom and i really hope it's ok. it's unbeta'd, kinda short and i apologize for the lack of capitalization. i hope you like it!
disclaimer: if i owned one direction or anything in the fic, i wouldn't be writing it, lets be real.
liam loves zayn. zayn doesn't know.
zayn loves liam. liam doesn't know.
they're probably the two most obvious people on the planet, because harry knows and louis knows and niall knows.
everyone knows that liam and zayn are too touchy for whatever they have to be just a friendship.
everyone knows but zayn and liam and that's the problem.
♥
zayn lays awake and he tosses and he turns and he just can't fall asleep. they're in some city; he doesn't even know where, he's lost track by now, but he just wants to be home. home in england. home in his own bed.
the boy looks to his left at the bed next to his. liam lies there, peacefully sleeping, and zayn can't help but feel a little jealous; he just wants to sleep.
he must've turned at least twenty times before he hears liam speak up softly from his side of the room.
"zayn, you alright, mate?" is what he says. it's all he says.
"can't sleep, that's all." zayn sits up in the bed and faces liam.
"i have an idea, get up. we're going outside."
"i--what?"
"we'll go jogging. then you'll be tired."
zayn doesn't understand why liam is going out of his way to make him sleep. it doesn't make sense, but it's time with liam so zayn doesn't say no.
he gets up and puts on a sweatshirt that's on the floor of his and liam's room. he's not sure who the actual owner of the sweatshirt is; they've been sharing it since they lived in the x factor house. liam was the last to wear it though, and zayn can still smell him on it.
♥
it's weird running through this city. twelve hours ago, this would've been different. twelve hours ago they would've been chased through the city by hundreds of girls. now they're just zayn and liam, two teenagers jogging at three a.m. most people that are awake now would probably think they're insane for jogging.
liam's always been fast, and tonight is no exception even though he's tired. zayn's trying to keep up with him and not succeeding.
"you're too fast," zayn laughs, stopping for a second to catch his breath.
"maybe you're just too slow." liam stops too, walking back to zayn. "ready to go back to the hotel? are you tired enough yet?" he teases.
"not really. i, um, do you want to go to that park?" zayn points in the general direction of the park.
"are we even allowed to be in the park? remember, that park in new york we were in; they had a one a.m. curfew." liam explains. so they're not in new york, zayn notes.
"what makes you think i know? i don't even know what city we're in. lets just go anyway, please?" the darker boy begs.
liam sighs, thinking about what zayn asked him. there was no way they weren't breaking at least one rule by doing this, but the word 'no' isn't in liam's vocabulary when it comes to zayn, so he agrees.
"i knew you'd say yes," zayn smiles, "well, let's go." he leads the way through this unfamiliar city. zayn thinks about reaching over and holding liam's hand and how amazing that would feel. and he doesn't know it, but liam is thinking the exact same thing. liam's thinking about holding zayn's hand and that what if. 'what if zayn actually felt the same way?'
they take a longer way to the park, not talking once on the walk, and just enjoying eachother's company in a big town at three in the morning.
"peaceful, isn't it," liam comments.
"yeah, it's quiet. i like it," zayn says, walking through the grass and eventually laying down.
"what are you doing?" liam laughs, "if you're going to fall asleep in a park, then we should just go to the hotel, right?"
"no, come lay with me, liam."
liam hesitates, again, to think about what zayn has asked him. he knows he won't be able to say no, but he thinks about what would happen if he makes a move tonight. it would be a shot in the dark, because liam has no idea how zayn feels. so it either goes really well, or he loses his best friend. and honestly, liam would take a lifetime of being friendzoned with zayn than lose him as a best friend.
he stops thinking about it, because the mere thought of not having zayn in his life quite frankly scares him (he won't admit it, but that's his biggest fear; losing zayn), and lays in the grass next to zayn.
"it's a nice night. lots of stars out." the younger boy points out. zayn doesn't really respond, he just mumbles 'yeah,' or something like that. he can't think straight now because everything is liamliamliamliamliam and this is weird and why can't he just make a move? (because nothing has changed since the x factor, that's why. zayn is still shy and zayn still doesn't like talking about feelings at all).
he doesn't think, he just does, and he moves his hand to liam's and lays it on top. he waits for liam to do something; to react or move his hand, or something. but he doesn't. so zayn keeps it there, and he swears he sees liam smile out of the corner of his eye.
“hey li,” zayn says softly.
“yeah,” liam replies, just as soft.
“have you ever thought about what your life would be like if none of this happened? like, what if bootcamp was the end?”
“no, not really,” liam pauses, because he really hadn't thought about that, other than the fact that he wouldn't have met zayn and he wouldn't have fallen in love with him, but how do you just say that? “i mean, i guess i'd be at uni. wouldn't have met you, though,”
zayn can feel the butterflies in his stomach because liam says he wouldn't have met him, not harry or louis or niall, him (maybe, he thinks, he's overthinking it, but he probably isn't).
“what about you, z? have you ever though about that?” liam adds.
“yeah, a lot. probably too much,” zayn laughs, “i would've went back to bradford and nothing would've changed. i mean, people would know who i was when i went back, but i still would've been shy, and i still would've been afraid to sing. i tried to avoid people and if i went back home i still would've avoided people. but they made us one direction and i got to meet you, and god, li, you're so great, you don't even know. i don't think you'll ever really know, to be honest. i almost feel like i'm not as shy when i'm around you and that sounds really stupid but it's true. i wouldn't be as confident if i didn't have you. the thought of a life without liam payne is so horrible. and i never would've fallen in love wi--” zayn stops. just like that, 6 words can fuck up everything. he never thought it would happen, never thought liam would actually find out, but he knows now and zayn can't take it back.
and liam's world stops for a second and his stomach is filled with butterflies and he feels like a schoolgirl who found out that her stupid crush was actually requited, because holy shit, zayn just said that.
“zayn,” liam starts.
“liam, fuck, i'm sorry,” is all zayn can say because liam's lips are on his and liam is kissing him and he's kissing back.
“hey, z,” liam whispers after pulling away. “don't apologize.”
“you meant that?” zayn asks. (that being the kiss)
“i love you, zayn malik.”
“i love you too, liam payne.”
“i always have. i was stupid for never telling you but i was scared, no, terrified, that you wouldn't feel the same way and that i'd just lose you forever instead,” liam moves closer to zayn and leans into him, so they're laying chest to chest. “i'm glad we ended up this way.”
“i am too. never been happier.”
♥
they lay in the grass like that for a while before they decide to go back to the hotel before one of them falls asleep.
it's during the walk back when they both realize that they're something now. not just zayn and liam; zaynandliam. and not just a “me” and “you”, they were an “us” now.
for a second, zayn thinks this is all a dream, and there is no way liam could love him, so he leans over and kisses liam's cheek; and, nope, it's not a dream.
“what was that for?” the younger boy laughs.
“don't know,” zayn replies, “i just really love you, that's all.”
♥
the next morning comes around very quickly, and as expected, zayn and liam oversleep.
it's louis who walks into the hotel room to wake them up, but finds them both in liam's bed; zayn curled up in liam's arms.
they're going to have to explain to the boys later, but for now louis doesn't even bother to wake them up, because they've finally figured it out.