Hold You Close (1/1)
Title: Hold You Close (1/1)
Author:
xoangelanicole
Beta: Gina
Rating: K
Pairing: Showverse James/Carlos
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I don't now, and I never will
Word Count: 1104
Summary: In which Carlos can't sleep, and he talks to James. He says what he thinks is too much, and James knows what to say to make it better.
Notes: I really don't have much to say on this one... I wrote this because there is a serious lack of Jarlos, and I like it and I'm very proud of it. I hope you like it!!!
James loves Carlos, and Carlos loves James.
It sounds so simple
It’s not so simple.
It’s never that simple. Rephrased, it’s more like: James loves Carlos but Carlos doesn’t know, and Carlos loves James but James doesn’t know.
This Hollywood thing is new to them, but Carlos already doesn’t like it. He likes the singing and the dancing, but it’s different with James. He’s living his dream-but it seems like the dream is all that matters to him now.
Carlos wants his James back.
He stares up at the dark ceiling, sleepless for the third night in a row. He really needed some sleep-a lot of it-but he could already tell it wasn’t going to happen.
“James,” he suddenly says, his voice barely above a whisper. “Are you awake?”
“I am now,” James jokes sleepily. He doesn’t seem upset about it though. “Everything okay?”
Carlos bites his lip. “I can’t sleep again. I hate it here and I want to go back home!”
“D-Do you want to come lay in my bed with me? Maybe you’ll fall asleep-” His voice suddenly cuts.
Carlos’s eyes light up. “Okay.” He picks himself up, walks across the room, and climbs into the other bed, where a bare-chested James hugs him close. Being in his arms feels somewhat familiar to Carlos; it’s comforting and it has always been.
It’s like home.
“Why do you want to go home?” James suddenly asks. “Carlitos, I don’t want you to leave.”
Carlos bites his lip again. “I don’t like it here! I miss Mami and Papi, and my little sisters! It just isn’t the same here.”
“You’re having fun though, right?”
“Yes, but this is your dream, James! I just-I just want to play hockey!”
“But I can’t do this without you here-”
“Don’t you get it, James?!” Carlos explodes. “I feel like I’m losing my best friend!”
A silence falls over the room, and Carlos realizes he had hurt James. He had hurt James.
It’s not supposed to be like this.
It’s never supposed to be like this.
Carlos doesn’t even realize he’s crying until he feels a thumb wipe away a tear from his eye.
“Best friend being me, right?” comes James’s voice, quiet. “What did I do?”
Then Carlos regrets it. He feels terrible, worse than a minute ago when he had initially said it. Nonetheless, he snuggles a little closer. How does James not hate him for that? Why is James still holding him like nothing’s wrong?! He doesn’t even seem mad.
Carlos takes in a small breath.
“James, I-It’s this place. It’s your dream-everything-it’s taking over your life. I miss you and I miss hanging out with you, and playing video games, and being-being best friends.”
“You’re still my best friend,” James whispers. There’s a hint of sadness in his voice.
“You’re still my best friend too. I just miss you a lot.”
“I never went anywhere, Carlos. I’m still right here.” James is quiet for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”
Carlos giggles, wiping a stray tear from underneath his other eye. “You just did, but yeah, go ahead.”
“Be honest with me, okay? Why-Why did you feel like you were losing me?”
He feels a knot begin to build up in his chest again. “I felt like you were so wrapped up in working, and the band, and getting it perfect, that you just forgot about me. And those first few days we were here-especially when we fought that first day and when we didn’t talk for whole days because of work-hurt like hell, James.”
“It was really that bad?” James sighs and Carlos nods into his chest. “Okay, listen, Carlos, I’m-I’m sorry for everything I did and-” His voice cuts out again, and he stiffens considerably.
“Can you-Can you sit up for a second? I need to tell you something, and it’s really important to me.”
“Sure.” Carlos shifts from his arms and sits across from him. “What is it?”
James seems to grow a little pale. “I, um-okay. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I’ve figured out what to say and everything, but I lost it all because I’m telling you.” He reaches toward Carlos’s wrist and he’s shaking, so Carlos takes his hand and gives it a light squeeze. “I think-no, I know. I love you.”
Carlos’s breath catches as James scans his face for a moment before he continues on. “It’s not like this new thing-I’ve always felt this way about you. I’m not even expecting you to say you love me back, because I know that’s just a crazy thought. When I was holding you before, a-and when you told me you felt like you were losing me, I knew I had to tell you.” His voice lowers to barely a whisper. “Everything’s going to be okay, Carlos.”
He looks terrified. Relieved, too. But Carlos can hardly contain himself, and it takes all his strength not to bust out cheering. Instead, he squeezes James’s hand again.
“J-James, I believe in love at first sight. Do you know how I know that it’s real?” James shakes his head. “It’s because of you. It’s because the first time I saw you, I knew that you were going to mean something to me. I knew I loved you. I still love you. So much. I believe that we can be something-I believe in you and me.”
“You’re not just saying that because I told you?”
“If I was just saying that, then I wouldn’t do this.” Carlos lets go of James and puts his hands onto his chest, pushing him down into his pillow. He presses his lips to his and quickly pulls away before James can react.
But he has. He’s smiling. “So, are we together?” He reaches up and pulls Carlos back down next to him, tangling his legs within his and wrapping his arms tightly around him.
Carlos grins. “We’re together. Can this be an every night kind of thing?”
James raises an amused eyebrow. “Can what be?”
“Lying in your arms. I like this.”
He presses a kiss to Carlos’s forehead and closes his own eyes. And Carlos doesn’t know it, but he wakes up a few minutes later again and looks to the boy curled up in his side, sleeping. “I love you,” he whispers and drifts back to sleep.