"Could I just fall apart at your feet..?"
Really sucky night. Roads are ass. Fishtailed everywhere driving home from work. Having one of those nights, where you just worry about everything and have really deep thoughts about your life and really questioning things and I'm just freaking myself out. I just wish things with Mike were not confusing. Because they are so confusing right now. I don't know where we stand with eachother and I just want us to be good. I care about him so much, he has become so close to me. I just wish I could see him more often, and maybe things would be better, but I guess I'll never know.
God it sucks.
I've been thinking about how bad I am at cheering lately and what I need to imporve on this month before comp. I'm so scared for that. I don't wanna fuck it up. I wanna do my absolute best. If I screw up something, I don't know. I don't know. I feel like shit.
I look like shit. I wish I could look like all the pretty girls I see around me. It makes me so mad. I mean Amie and I were talking about it, how we like envy people, and I just hate it. I wish I could be happy with who I am, but I'm not.
All of this is getting to me right now and I just fucking hate it. I hate it. Maybe Mike is right maybe it's better I break my own heart than let him. Maybe I'm wrong about things. I'll just work harder at cheering. I'll work harder at everything until I'm stretched so thin I can't breathe but I'll be better. I'll be my best. I just feel so much pain again, I hate the pain.
God it sucks.
I've been thinking about how bad I am at cheering lately and what I need to imporve on this month before comp. I'm so scared for that. I don't wanna fuck it up. I wanna do my absolute best. If I screw up something, I don't know. I don't know. I feel like shit.
I look like shit. I wish I could look like all the pretty girls I see around me. It makes me so mad. I mean Amie and I were talking about it, how we like envy people, and I just hate it. I wish I could be happy with who I am, but I'm not.
All of this is getting to me right now and I just fucking hate it. I hate it. Maybe Mike is right maybe it's better I break my own heart than let him. Maybe I'm wrong about things. I'll just work harder at cheering. I'll work harder at everything until I'm stretched so thin I can't breathe but I'll be better. I'll be my best. I just feel so much pain again, I hate the pain.