Hello, my name is Josh. I am an English undergrad at Cornell University. I write you today in order to inform you that I believe you may suffer from a horrible disease. Millions of Americans suffer from this disorder, and strangely enough, only young women are inflicted. There have been a few radical cases of sexually challenged or confused young boys, but those were very isolated.
In any case, I wish to let you know that this disease is not only deadly, but can be even moreso if you carry it with you into old age. Thankfully, most of the inflicted outgrow it as they reach maturity in the early '20s.
You may be wondering the name of the killer laying dormant inside your body. Well, while there is no official name to it, as it is still being researched, and its effects studied. My colleagues and I, however, like to call it 'Extreme Laziness' which ties directly in with the killer 'Extreme Stupidity'.
As to the cure, well there is only one that we know of. You must stop being stupid and lazy, and you must learn the difference between run-on and complete sentences. This includes proper usage of the period (.), comma (,), capitalization (a --> A), and, most importantly of all, correct spelling.
I know these tasks may seem difficult and tough to complete, but I promise they're not hard. However, if you deem it too dire a task, I must advise you to uninstall the internet from your, and every one you knows, computers. Furethermore, you must never handle another electronic device as long as you live.
In any case, I wish to let you know that this disease is not only deadly, but can be even moreso if you carry it with you into old age. Thankfully, most of the inflicted outgrow it as they reach maturity in the early '20s.
You may be wondering the name of the killer laying dormant inside your body. Well, while there is no official name to it, as it is still being researched, and its effects studied. My colleagues and I, however, like to call it 'Extreme Laziness' which ties directly in with the killer 'Extreme Stupidity'.
As to the cure, well there is only one that we know of. You must stop being stupid and lazy, and you must learn the difference between run-on and complete sentences. This includes proper usage of the period (.), comma (,), capitalization (a --> A), and, most importantly of all, correct spelling.
I know these tasks may seem difficult and tough to complete, but I promise they're not hard. However, if you deem it too dire a task, I must advise you to uninstall the internet from your, and every one you knows, computers. Furethermore, you must never handle another electronic device as long as you live.
Only these drastic steps can save you now.
Godspeed,
Josh.
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