Amy's 16th birthday!
Today was so much fun. At 5:45, I picked up Kim and we went over to Amy's. Tim took her out for dinner and a movie, and a whole shitload of us came over to surprise her. We had 10 cans of silly string, and we used it ALL on her as soon as she opened the door, lol. It was awesome, man. Basically, we all just chilled. Mark was there. For those of you who don't know who Mark is, he's my ex-boyfriend of over a year, my first love, and Amy's best friend. He moved, so I barely ever see him anymore. :[ I knew that if I saw him, It'd bring back feelings, and man, I was right. I piss myself off sometimes. So, he was flirting majorly with me. Like, he's got this thing about him, where he ALWAYS leads me on. It pisses me off. But he'll like, flirt with me, then Amy will be like "Yeah, wtf are you doing? Do you like her?" and he'll deny liking me. It's so damn confusing. I dunno. So, we all ate cake, and I was going around putting a little frosting on everyones faces. It was fun. So I put some on Mark's, and he comes up from behind me, and puts a big shitload of cake on my face. I was so pissed, lol. So he said I could get a free shot, so I NAILED him with a huge peice. I was rubbing it all over his face, it was up his nose, God it was so funny. So Im sitting here laughing, and he comes up from behind me, and nails me in the face with cake. I'm not just talking about my face only, he got it on my shirt, in my hair, in my ears, up my nose... It was so gross. So he started hugging me [Flirting, yes?], and I wiped my face all over his shirt, lol. I kinda got upset, cuz just seeing him made me think of all my feelings. He asked me if I didn't have a date to Homecoming, would I go with him. I went with him last year, and it was so much fun. Last year, he asked me to go with him "Just as friends", and at the Homecoming Football game, he asked me out. And so we're sitting on Amy's couch, and he's like, "Are we still up for the Homecoming thing?" and I'm like "Sure", and he's like, "Ok, just as friends though". That pissed me off for 2 reasons. He shouldn't act like he likes me, then say just as friends, and another.. He said the same thing last year, and the day before, asked me out. He confuses the hell out of me. But I love him. I'll always fucking love him, no matter if I try and hate his guts. I can't do that. I just can't. Mark is part of me. He'll always be. He was the first guy I ever loved. I was with him for almost a year and a half. He never hurt me, except for when we broke up.. He was everything to me. And now he doesn't understand how he makes me feel when he flirts with me, sends me mixed feelings, and then denies liking me. I saw the way he was looking into my eyes tonight. Him and I have this sort of.. connection, I guess. Like, ok. I went into the bathroom to get the cake out of my hair, and he just came in the bathroom and hugged me and said sorry, and he was just smiling at me and looking into my eyes. I was smiling back, just staring at him. I miss him. I miss everything we used to have. Yeah, so.. I have a boyfriend. I'm "unfaithful" or whatever. I don't care. I care about Mark. I want him to be mine again. I want to be able to be his girlfriend. I want to spend every minute with him, that I can. I feel safe when I'm with him, like nothing bad can ever happen to me. He was my strength to start a new day, as time progressed. I don't give a rats ass how corny this sounds, either. I love Mark. Plain and simple. Nothing can change that, either. I don't know if I'll ever stop having feelings for Mark. It's hard with first loves, yanno? Blah, I'm getting all teary-eyed. He was sitting on the couch next to me WITH HIS ARM AROUND ME, trying to ask me what was wrong. Anyway, back to the party. It was so much fun. Everyone that was there, was Amy, me, Lauren, Jamie, Drew, Charlie, Jeff, Ashley, Mark, Kyle, Kim, Megan, and Tom. Amy and I kissed :x LoL, all the guys were sitting by us on the couch, and we were like,laying next to each other, and they told us to kiss, so we were like "Eh, wtf not" lol, so we kissed. Just a little peck though. They got it on video, flamers. Sooo, that's all, really. I'm kinda pissed off now, though. We all went outside, and this was after Mark had to leave. Amy asked me what was wrong, and I told her I just miss Mark and everything. Yeah, so guess who just called. Mark. He sounded all depressed and he's like "Hey... I heard what's wrong.. I'm really sorry." And I'm like "Who told you?" and he's like "I talked to Amy". And I'm like "You don't have to be sorry..." and he's like, "I know, I just wanted to say sorry though". So now, he probably will never show any more emotion to me. I'm kinda pissed that Amy told him. I feel all embarrassed now. Bkjkadhsjkdas. I'm going to go before I punch something.<3 Laters