ill tell you what happened now.

[xo_relient_k]

he made it clear he wanted to see me. so i canceled my plans to go down to the cape and work to make some extra cash. so we went to Weymouth at like 8, and he had said he was on his way, but didnt show up until past 9:00. so it was me, mollie, chrissy, crombie, mike, bt, and then dennis. and 3 other random ppl that came for like an hour. when the other kids were there, dennis sat in the other room with them. and then when they left, he went in the computer room and sat there by himself playing pinball and listening to country music. so finally i went in to say hi and started talking to him and then he got up and walked out in the kitchen. so i was like ok whatever so i sat there and talked to mollie mike and chrissy for a while. then we all went in alex's room and i handcuffed chrissy to a weight on the floor cuz im a mean best friend<3. and everyone went to the store except me, dennis, and obviously chrissy who was stuck on the floor and we watched aqua teen hunger force dvd's. i was on the couch near where chrissy was and dennis was by himself on the bed with the handcuff key, so after like a half hour of us teasing the shit out of her, he came over and sat next to me on the couch, unlocked chrissy, and didnt even stay near me, he got back up and went and sat on the bed by himself. and when we were leaving i said bye and he didnt even look at me. so i was like well have fun at college, i guess i'll see ya when i see ya. so on the way home me mollie and chrissy were thinking about how shady he was being. and me and mollie came back here, and thought of every reason he could possibly have to not talk to me. and then i looked at his aim profile. and everything came clear. "I love Lauren". And that answered everything. I dont understand why he would say he wanted to see me if he was with another girl. I didnt have to cancel my plans to see him. I didnt have to get entirely excited. I didnt have to set myself up for such dissapointment. i shouldnt have gone to weymouth. i just wish he would have said something about it, or at least not have told me that he wanted to see me.

I'm sick of getting fucked over. The same thing happens every single time. Honestly, do i have some kind of germ that like sends people away? It makes me sick to my stomache to think about how pretty much every guy is the same.

so i was in such a drag mood all day. and Chunk called. he made me smile. and i finally got some motivation and went to sophies house. and we talked and went out with some people, and i fell asleep at her house, and then came home early.

im sick now. i have a head cold. i cant breath, im all stuffed up, and i have a headache like no bodys business. on top of the fact that im completely emotionally drained.

and Mike B. not calling me back on Friday when he was supposed to made me really mad cuz he pulls shit like that all the time. and i hadnt talked to him since friday in school and so i was like oh ok.. another shady one, but then he called me tonight, and it made me happy to know he was thinking about me. he never calls people, he always waits for people to call him. he wanted me to come hang out with him at his friends house with some people but i felt like shit. so he said to call him in the morning. i love that kid. it just makes me upset when he makes bad choices. and i try to get him not to, and he just tells me to relax. but i just dont wanna see one of my good friends throw his life away.

i dont know why im awake at 3:30 in the morning. this sucks.

i dont feel good. i just want everything to be better.