Sep 16, 2019 07:45
Way back in the dark ages there was a doll called Chatty Cathy. You pulled a ring on her back which was attached to a cord. The cord flipped the voice box deep within her torso. She had a small repertoire of stock phrases like "I'm hungry" or "Change me". Her bought separately accessories included a changing table, a high chair, plastic food, a bottle, and small squares masquerading as diapers.
Everybody I knew who had her eventually wore out her voice box.
I had a Chatty Cathy, too. Her voice annoyed me. She didn't bawl ear-splitting screams like our neighbors' babies. I had no desire to put her in the high chair or to bug my parents for a stroller so I could take her around the block. I never had any desire to take her on a picnic nor rock her to sleep.
My Chatty Cathy moved from my bedroom to the attic. She's still up there somewhere.
IRL I'm a fairly quiet, private sort unless I'm stoked up on caffeine and/or nicotine (I know, I know, no lectures please). Writing has always been my Chatty Cathy outlet where I tell stories I otherwise would never tell. Feelings I would never dream of expressing publicly. I'm grounded in reality because it's what I know. Inventing fantastical worlds has never been my strong suit although it's never dampened my love for Doctor Who.
My voice annoys me sometimes in the "same story twisted another way" type of thing. It's one of the reasons why I haven't played Idol the last few seasons. The other, of course, is life shifting. I'm no longer online much anymore. The internet, LJ, and Idol aren't the same beasts as they were back when anonymity was the thing.
I LOVED anonymity that because I could spill my guts without fear of reprisal. Back then my life was turmoil. I recounted it in earlier Idol seasons and within my own LJ. I've never reread any of it because if I did, everything would bring me back to that place where I was a screaming, bawling Chatty Cathy because everything, everybody, kept pulling my cord.
It's interesting once that final pull silences you. Like many other LJers, I too fled to Dreamwidth amid the new ownership but I never closed my account here. I started posting more on other social media, being mindful of the anonymity thing. I wrote about real people here (albeit under nicknames), some of whom are on my feeds elsewhere. I never linked to LJ but people like Current Nosy Coworker are good at picking apart friend patterns and, yes, she found out I'm here. And she wonders why I've never friended her.
I was going to play under an alt because of Current Nosy Coworker but you know what? I'm feeling quite chatty with enough bravado to send up the universal "Up Yours" sign. Why should I let anyone silence me unless I choose myself to be silent? I mean, if my Chatty Cathy is indeed in the attic there's nothing stopping me from fetching her and letting her speak again, is there?
lj idol 11-0