A little something I wrote.
Goodbye. Forever and always.
The devilish grin upon your otherwise wholesome face is what worried me first. Your quizzical brow did not match up with the rest of you, which was standing erect with cause, but slumped with sorrow at the same time. I knew something had happened to you, for the love that I had showed you in the years past had meant to be as a building block that you shoved down.
I knew that this was the last of our times together. Yet, I see that as a blessing, my love, because we are better off alone, you and me. What is it that I saw in you in the first place? Was it your stare, which drew me in even before our first embrace? Our first kiss? Or was it the way you told me you had never seen anyone as beautiful as me? Your eyes, as well as your mouth, smiled at that. Was it when we lay in each others arms that restless, zealous, night?
I don’t, nor will I ever truly know, what you could have done for me, my love. I never told you how I felt for I feared being rejected by you. Your stature does not compare to my weak one, and I knew you deserved better than me. I know what you want. I gave you all I could, and you gave me what I had been looking for my whole life.
Though I am not sad, my love, for the tears I shed on your behalf were those of compassion and hope that you would find whatever it was that you were looking for. They were shed on my behalf, too, as you made my heart grow and you showed me what could be out there for my feeble heart. I loved you, passionately, for the years we spent together, though you knew nothing of how I felt. I was too ashamed to name my feelings for you, for I knew you did not feel the same. I protected myself from men, hoping that you would love me. But, my dear, dear, man, I have found the peace. I have found what I have been looking for, and, finally, I know what I lost when we drifted off.
I did not lose you, for I know I could have you at just the putting together of my words. I did not lose the passion we felt together because no other has made me melt the way you did. I lost, instead, the possibility of maybe, just maybe, making myself feel better. And although you do make me happy in many, many ways, I have to accept that others will, and will try impressively hard, to make me just as happy as you made me. It was effortless for you, because in the hours - the mere hours - that we spent together in your home were there for just us and for no one else. You knew how to treat me, and you did everything you could to pleasure both of us at the same time. You did that very, very well.
My love, I know what you have to say to me. I know what I have to do to let you go. I am just afraid, my love. These years have been marvelous to me, though they were nothing to you. Only those hours mattered to you, no other time, and I have learned to accept that.
So, I am letting you go. My love for you will still be there, but rather than give you my whole heart, I have moved you to the back. You do not know how much this pains me to do, nor will you ever fully know what you will miss with me. I was just getting started, my love.
Goodbye. Forever and always.
The devilish grin upon your otherwise wholesome face is what worried me first. Your quizzical brow did not match up with the rest of you, which was standing erect with cause, but slumped with sorrow at the same time. I knew something had happened to you, for the love that I had showed you in the years past had meant to be as a building block that you shoved down.
I knew that this was the last of our times together. Yet, I see that as a blessing, my love, because we are better off alone, you and me. What is it that I saw in you in the first place? Was it your stare, which drew me in even before our first embrace? Our first kiss? Or was it the way you told me you had never seen anyone as beautiful as me? Your eyes, as well as your mouth, smiled at that. Was it when we lay in each others arms that restless, zealous, night?
I don’t, nor will I ever truly know, what you could have done for me, my love. I never told you how I felt for I feared being rejected by you. Your stature does not compare to my weak one, and I knew you deserved better than me. I know what you want. I gave you all I could, and you gave me what I had been looking for my whole life.
Though I am not sad, my love, for the tears I shed on your behalf were those of compassion and hope that you would find whatever it was that you were looking for. They were shed on my behalf, too, as you made my heart grow and you showed me what could be out there for my feeble heart. I loved you, passionately, for the years we spent together, though you knew nothing of how I felt. I was too ashamed to name my feelings for you, for I knew you did not feel the same. I protected myself from men, hoping that you would love me. But, my dear, dear, man, I have found the peace. I have found what I have been looking for, and, finally, I know what I lost when we drifted off.
I did not lose you, for I know I could have you at just the putting together of my words. I did not lose the passion we felt together because no other has made me melt the way you did. I lost, instead, the possibility of maybe, just maybe, making myself feel better. And although you do make me happy in many, many ways, I have to accept that others will, and will try impressively hard, to make me just as happy as you made me. It was effortless for you, because in the hours - the mere hours - that we spent together in your home were there for just us and for no one else. You knew how to treat me, and you did everything you could to pleasure both of us at the same time. You did that very, very well.
My love, I know what you have to say to me. I know what I have to do to let you go. I am just afraid, my love. These years have been marvelous to me, though they were nothing to you. Only those hours mattered to you, no other time, and I have learned to accept that.
So, I am letting you go. My love for you will still be there, but rather than give you my whole heart, I have moved you to the back. You do not know how much this pains me to do, nor will you ever fully know what you will miss with me. I was just getting started, my love.
Goodbye. Forever and always.