(no subject)
I really don't know why I still feel like this.
Every time I think it goes away, it comes right back and slaps me in the face.
It pushes me back down, even more forcefully than the time before it.
It's like a roller coaster, but it never has an end.
I have every reason in the world to hate you, every single reason. I listed 2 pages of reasons. You ruined me, you ruined my life, you ruined my outlook. You lied, cheated, manipulated, and tricked me in so many ways. You left me for a 17 year old, someone who works for you. Someone not even out of high school yet. Someone you promised, you swore was only your friend.
And I still feel like this.
I still dream about you, nearly every night.
I'm still holding on to everything that you've since forgotten.
I'm so broken.
I'm so scared of forgetting how your voice sounds. I'm scared of forgetting how you smell. I'm scared of forgetting how soft your skin is, the way it felt when you held me, and the way I felt when I looked at you. I'm scared of forgetting how it felt to lose my breath when you walked in, because i was so overcome with emotion that I actually couldn't handle it. I'm scared of forgetting the color your eyes turned in the sun, the way you would squeeze my hand when we said goodbye. I'm scared of forgetting you, forgetting us.
I'm so terrified of losing you, even though I've already lost everything.
I don't know why I do this to myself.
Every time I think it goes away, it comes right back and slaps me in the face.
It pushes me back down, even more forcefully than the time before it.
It's like a roller coaster, but it never has an end.
I have every reason in the world to hate you, every single reason. I listed 2 pages of reasons. You ruined me, you ruined my life, you ruined my outlook. You lied, cheated, manipulated, and tricked me in so many ways. You left me for a 17 year old, someone who works for you. Someone not even out of high school yet. Someone you promised, you swore was only your friend.
And I still feel like this.
I still dream about you, nearly every night.
I'm still holding on to everything that you've since forgotten.
I'm so broken.
I'm so scared of forgetting how your voice sounds. I'm scared of forgetting how you smell. I'm scared of forgetting how soft your skin is, the way it felt when you held me, and the way I felt when I looked at you. I'm scared of forgetting how it felt to lose my breath when you walked in, because i was so overcome with emotion that I actually couldn't handle it. I'm scared of forgetting the color your eyes turned in the sun, the way you would squeeze my hand when we said goodbye. I'm scared of forgetting you, forgetting us.
I'm so terrified of losing you, even though I've already lost everything.
I don't know why I do this to myself.