(no subject)
this is what ellen has learned thus far this year:
being replaced is the most painful feeling in the world.
especially when youre still lost in the mess of everything else that has happened, because it all comes at you so quick.
what do you do when you feel like you've had your entire life taken away from you? when you find out that you were completely wrong about the one thing in your life you thought that you were so sure of? when you find out how much people have been keeping from you, how much you've been lied to, how much you've been kept in the dark? when it feels like youve just had the rug pulled out from underneath you, and you feel so completely lost, so completely broken and empty and alone, so worthless and disposable and replaced, that you dont even know how to push yourself back up again? what do you do?
i keep telling myself that he's happy. and that is what i've wanted from day one.
i knew from the moment i first saw him, that he was special, he was different, he deserved the world. he should have everything, because he deserved it. i tried so hard to give him that, but i still couldnt make him happy. and now, she does. and it sucks. and it hurts more and more every day. but hes happy. why can't i be okay with that?
why does it have to be this painful?
i've never been good at starting over, and now thats what i have to do.
i thought he was the beginning of the rest of my life, and i was wrong.
why cant i just accept that? why cant i just move on with my life?
every day it gets harder to push myself out of bed, knowing hes not part of my life anymore
every day it gets lonelier, every day i feel more broken.
why does it seem like there's no one else in the world for me?
why does it seem like i dont even get noticed, looked at, acknowledged?
why am i so convinced that since i ruined everything with him, the love of my life, that i shouldnt even bother trying because ill just ruin it with everyone else, too?
why am i so convinced that if i wasnt good enough for him, ill never be good enough for anyone?
it's scary to think that youre going to spend your life alone.
but it looks like thats where it's headed.
someone help, please.
being replaced is the most painful feeling in the world.
especially when youre still lost in the mess of everything else that has happened, because it all comes at you so quick.
what do you do when you feel like you've had your entire life taken away from you? when you find out that you were completely wrong about the one thing in your life you thought that you were so sure of? when you find out how much people have been keeping from you, how much you've been lied to, how much you've been kept in the dark? when it feels like youve just had the rug pulled out from underneath you, and you feel so completely lost, so completely broken and empty and alone, so worthless and disposable and replaced, that you dont even know how to push yourself back up again? what do you do?
i keep telling myself that he's happy. and that is what i've wanted from day one.
i knew from the moment i first saw him, that he was special, he was different, he deserved the world. he should have everything, because he deserved it. i tried so hard to give him that, but i still couldnt make him happy. and now, she does. and it sucks. and it hurts more and more every day. but hes happy. why can't i be okay with that?
why does it have to be this painful?
i've never been good at starting over, and now thats what i have to do.
i thought he was the beginning of the rest of my life, and i was wrong.
why cant i just accept that? why cant i just move on with my life?
every day it gets harder to push myself out of bed, knowing hes not part of my life anymore
every day it gets lonelier, every day i feel more broken.
why does it seem like there's no one else in the world for me?
why does it seem like i dont even get noticed, looked at, acknowledged?
why am i so convinced that since i ruined everything with him, the love of my life, that i shouldnt even bother trying because ill just ruin it with everyone else, too?
why am i so convinced that if i wasnt good enough for him, ill never be good enough for anyone?
it's scary to think that youre going to spend your life alone.
but it looks like thats where it's headed.
someone help, please.